Chapter 6: The boy who waited, the man who lied, and the brilliant Amy Pond
A pink . . . thing, swam blurrily into focus. What was it the Doctor called it? A nose, no the Nose, Rory the Nose, Nose the Rory. Teeheehee, that was funny! Amy made a noise halfway between a laugh and a hiccup. Another figure came slowly into focus. Another hiccupy laugh, "It's Mrs. Robinson!" At least that's what she meant to say. What came out was "mmm, Rob, son."
"Amy," Rory whispered. "Amy, can you hear me? You had a stroke."
What a funny word, stroke, rhymes with poke and bloke. The Doctor was a bloke. This was a joke. Her brain was smoke.
Rory was still talking. She tries to shush him with a finger to his lips and ends up poking him in the eye. He's talking again. It's so hard to concentrate. She drifts into dreams. When she next comes to Rory is talking to a doctor. She catches occasional words "memory loss, coordination issues" and then "problems with language." It should be scary but it feels like it's happening to someone else. Plus her bed is warm and squishy. Squishy, that's another funny word. What rhymes with squishy? Pishy, not a word, mishy, nope, dishy that might work. She drifts off thinking about squishy words.
The next time she wakes up Rory is asleep in a chair next to her bed. She tries to say hi, but there seems to be a barrier between her brain and her mouth. She settles for watching him and thinking. Poor Rory, he must be so scared. It was probably her fault. Ever since she'd passed out in the garden he'd been trying to get her to go to the hospital for a full check up. She'd refused. He'd begged, bribed, and finally broke down and yelled, but she wouldn't be moved. She insisted hospitals were where you went to die, and the only way he'd get her in one is if he carried her. He'd been tempted, but she got her way in the end. Rory had never been able to say no to her. And as much as that was flattering, it was also one of the reasons she was attracted to the Doctor. He said no to her. Rory felt like an extension of herself. The Doctor was gloriously, maddeningly always his own person.
Why did her thoughts always turn back to the Doctor? She tried to focus on Rory she really did, and it should have been easy because Rory was completely entwined with her life. Since the Doctor left them they hadn't been apart for even twenty-four hours. When she opened her eyes in the morning Rory was quick to pop upstairs and bring her coffee. He seemed to know she was awake before she did. He was there at breakfast, he ran home from the hospital for lunch, and he never failed to be on time for dinner. He was continually trying to make her happy. He even went shopping with her trailing behind laden with packages with a hangdog expression on his stupid, wonderful face.
Why couldn't she be happy? What perverse part of her psyche was determined to drive her away from the one person in the universe who would sacrifice everything for her? He had already sacrificed so much. All he'd ever wanted was a normal life with her and a couple of children, and instead he became the Last Centurion. He'd watched over her for two thousand years, he'd died more than once, and he'd been dragged all over the universe. He'd gone from a nice, small town bloke to a warrior with the pain of lifetimes in his eyes. He'd lost his innocence, his belief in the basic goodness of people, and far worse he'd lost his daughter. She was not going to make him lose her too.
Amy sank into a dream of Rory pulling the Pandorica out of a fire. She woke up to people waiting to prod her and ask her questions. She told them to "go boil a toaster" and then burst into tears. Once she'd calmed down she went right back to sleep. Over the next few days the only things she managed to retain from her waking hours were that River had gone as soon as it was clear her mother wasn't dying, Rory was aging far faster than he should be, and her emotional reactions weren't at all matching up to her feelings.
The first day she didn't burst into tears when asked a simple question Rory brought up the night she had her stroke. He wanted to know if she could remember what it was she had been trying to say. She couldn't, and she got so agitated she had a panic attack. He didn't bring it up again. A few more days and Amy had recovered enough to be moved home. Her waking hours were becoming clearer and so were her dreams.
She dreamt of the Doctor and their many adventures together, but the only thing he ever said was, "My life in your hands, Amelia Pond." She also dreamed of Rory guarding the Pandorica facing threat after threat never resting and never giving up. During the day between physical therapy and speech therapy appointments she thought about her dreams. She knew her subconscious was trying to make her choose. Her husband guarded her for two thousand years. He dragged the Pandorica out of a fire and risked life and sanity to protect her. She owed him a debt she couldn't see a way to pay. Amy winced internally, calling his actions a debt made them seem onerous. She should think of it as a gift, as the most wondrous thing anyone could ever do for her, yet when she thinks wondrous she sees the Doctor. When she thinks of the best day of her life she wonders if it was the best day because she got married or because the Doctor came back. She did invite him to kiss the bride.
I stole your childhood and now I've led you by the hand to your death. But the worst thing is, I knew. I knew this would happen. This is what always happens. Forget your faith in me. I took you with me because I was vain, because I wanted to be adored. Look at you, glorious Pond, the girl who waited for me. I'm not a hero. I really am just a mad man in a box. And it's time we saw each other as we really are. Amy Williams. It's time to stop waiting." – The Doctor
Damn the man. He dropped into her life, left her, came back, left her, came back, showed her the stars, and then left her again. He hadn't left them after that rubbish hotel to save them. He wanted to leave them, and he manufactured an excuse that he thought would be the least hurtful. She never would have let him get away with it if he hadn't killed Amy Pond; she had been too distraught that he was telling her to grow up to think things through. He had so many companions and this certainly wasn't the first time one of them had been in danger. She wouldn't even rank it in her personal top five.
"This isn't real, is it? This is some kind of big wind-up." – Amy
"Why would I wind you up" – The Doctor
"You told me you had a time machine. – Amy
"And you believed me. – The Doctor
"Then I grew up. – Amy
"Oh, you never want to do that. – The Doctor
The man who didn't think anyone should grow up told her to grow up. No matter how much her heart had been breaking she should have seen through him. She wouldn't abandon Rory and she couldn't abandon the Doctor. The choice was driving her crazy until one morning she had an epiphany. She needn't choose. She was Amy Pond. She was brilliant and she was going to save both of her boys. The Doctor wanted her to stay with Rory. He'd called her Amy Williams and left, but when had she ever done what she was told? She would save the Doctor's life and she would bring Rory with her.