Kya was convinced that the Vigil was alive, and it hated her. Hated her even more than Nathaniel seemed to and that was certainly a shock. Of course, it was hard to gauge how he felt about anything. Since his Joining he'd been quiet and withdrawn. Then again, she wasn't sure if that was just how he was; some men were known for that. She knew that better than anyone.
Oghren and Anders prodded at him mercilessly, trying to get some reaction out of him. Oghren tried to be indecent; Anders attempted humor. Neither had much of a reaction except muted sarcasm. Nathaniel's demeanor seemed so familiar it made Kya feel strange. So much of his personality mirrored Loghain's. Perhaps not as he was when they met, nor as he was when they parted, but somewhere in-between where derision and bitterness lived in equal measures. The only honest emotion she'd seen from him was when they'd had to slay the ghoul that was once his nursemaid and he crouched down over her body. Nathaniel hadn't shed a tear or said a word, but his grief was plain.
It was all really too much. The similarities made it hard not to think about Loghain all the time. If it hadn't been for Anders' constant cajoling and innuendo, Kya was fairly sure she would have gone mad.
Because although she hadn't wanted it, Anders had worked his way into the place in her heart she had reserved only for Jowan. He'd managed it so efficiently that she didn't even realize it had happened until it was too late to do a damn thing about it. Unlike Jowan, Anders had taken the role of an older brother, instead of younger. Although he still was fond of begging Kya's protection, and was far more prone to trouble than she would have liked, there was something oddly protective about the way he handled her.
However, they hadn't even yet been to Amaranthine proper and already Kya had to soothe an angry husband and one very violent father. Anders was a menace. Especially when the women would stand behind the raving man in question and still be giving Anders longing looks.
But nonetheless, it was comforting to know that there was someone she needed to look after. Despite having been named the protector of all Ferelden, having Anders to babysit was exactly what she needed. It was a wonderful distraction from all the other nonesence running through her mind. With this strange darkspawn threat and Anders, she managed to go entire days without thinking about Loghain. And that was a huge step in the right direction.
But she assumed that it would have been all right to do so. Once Loghain arrived and saw the mess that Amaranthine was in, and felt the darkspawn threat, all this Montsimmard business was going to be forgotten and surely he'd stay with her to help her defeat this threat. Wasn't that the job of a Grey Warden after all, to battle the darkspawn no matter where they appeared? Politics were not supposed to enter the picture. It was the only sensible decision.
For now, it was time to head into the city whether she liked it or not. There were leads to follow up on, and one quickly made promise to keep.
Kya was going to take Nathaniel to see his sister.
He'd been quiet about the whole thing, naturally. Or as natural as she assumed his behavior was. But he was clearly on edge as they neared the city walls.
"They used to display the heads of traitors over that gate. I suppose my father is lucky his didn't end up there," he muttered as they passed into the city. It was the first words he'd spoken to her in days.
Kya looked back at him and frowned. "You know Nathaniel," she replied softly. "He really didn't give me much of a choice in the matter."
"That," he said with sincerity, "I believe." He sighed. "Look, I . . . want to know what really happened, but I need to speak with my sister first."
Kya nodded but kept silent. It wasn't easy either. Before she'd met him, she'd never really felt the need to try to explain her motivations to anyone. Not even Alistair or Loghain, for that matter. But something about the way Nathaniel looked at her made her want to tell him every detail, every scrap of evidence that explained that she did not murder Rendon Howe, but only killed him because she had to.
It was crazy. The man had been a treacherous, conniving and thoroughly evil snake. Of course, there were those that said the same about Loghain. How could she have seen past that and not seen anything more in Rendon Howe? Was there anything else to see? He had been Nathaniel's father after all; despite his quiet and his stubbornness and his anger, Kya saw something behind his facade. It had to have come from somewhere.
Or maybe she was seeing things that weren't there. She did have a history of that after all.
It was just before sunset when they finally returned to the Vigil, with new information and new troubles to deal with; A gash in the earth that was belching up darkspawn, something attacking merchants in the Wending Wood, and rumors of a tear in the veil in the Black Marshes. And, an even more silent, but oddly less sullen Nathaniel Howe.
He had been happy to see his sister and had retreated into her house with her as the rest of her motley little party wandered about Amarantine, learning what they could. He'd been smiling uncharacteristically when they returned, and told Kya quite happily about becoming an uncle. It lit up his eyes in a way she hadn't seen before. But when she tried to question him further, he only said that he had to think about it and lapsed into another silence. Even Oghren's incessant pestering failed, and Nathaniel wouldn't even dignify him with a response beyond a glare. Eventually the dwarf gave up and settled on picking at Anders instead, which oddly, was a better deal for them all.
"You don't actually think your jokes are funny, do you?" Anders said with mock annoyance.
Oghren snorted. "Could have sworn that fly was buzzing again."
"Ha!" Anders laughed. He lowered his voice into a ridiculous impersonation of Oghren, "Let me tell you about my life in one word!" He then belched on command, although it was decidedly less robust than what Oghren usually accomplished.
Not to be outdone, Oghren raised his voice into a breathy falsetto. "Oh no! Don't take me back to the tower! I'm far, far too delicate!"
"I'm not only a dwarf, I'm a moron! Listen to me fart!" Anders giggled, his gruff imitation failing in his laughter.
"Oh no, big Templar man!" Oghren said, his eyes wide and holding his meaty hands out in front of him. "What are you going to do with that sword?"
Anders looked repulsed. "Eww," he muttered, grimacing.
Oghren laughed uproariously. "Don't play with fire unless you want to get burned, son."
It made Kya laugh anyway.
Once they'd made it through the gates, Varel ambushed them, dragging Kya off to deal with yet another issue. She appreciated that he wanted her input, but after an hour she'd had enough. The last light of the sun was fading when she finally escaped from him. She considered heading into her office, but she knew she wouldn't be able to resist the mounds of paperwork waiting for her. Instead, she quickly changed out of her armor and slipped on her oldest robes. They still smelled a bit like Kinloch, despite how long it had been. She wondered if that smell would ever fade.
She wandered up onto the battlements, hoping for some quiet and instead she found Nathaniel. He was still in his leather armor, sitting on the curtain wall with his legs dangling over the edge. She cleared her throat, trying not to startle him from his perch down onto the ground.
He looked back at her over his shoulder. "If you're hoping I'm going to jump, you are going to be sadly disappointed."
Kya couldn't help but smile. "If I wanted you dead," she said, trying to temper her sarcasm with the tone of her voice. "There are easier ways than driving you to suicide."
"Hm, I suppose that's true," he said. "So what are you doing up here then?"
"The same thing you were, I'd guess," she said. She leaned her back against the wall. "But you got here first."
Nathaniel effortlessly swung his legs around and hopped down off the wall in one fluid move. "I'll let you have at it then," he said as he turned and started away.
"Don't leave on my account," she said, stopping him. "Unless you think you'd like to yell at me again. I'm really not up for it."
"No," he admitted, turning back around slowly. "Not today."
"Good to know," she replied. She frowned at him a little. "What were you thinking about?"
He gave her a weary smile. "I'll give you three guesses, and the second two don't count."
"So what did she tell you?" Kya asked, not sure he'd be willing to tell her. But she asked anyway.
"The same thing everyone else did," he said. "With one difference. I know Delilah wouldn't lie to me."
"I won't either Nathaniel," Kya replied. "It's not my way."
"Apparently," he sighed. "And please stop calling me Nathaniel."
Kya raised an eyebrow at him. "Would prefer 'hey you'?" she smirked.
"Very funny, I'm sure," he said. "But I actually prefer Nate. Otherwise, you sound like you're scolding me. I can't remember that last time anyone regularly used my full name in any other way."
"I'll have to keep that in mind . . . Nate," she replied.
"Better," he said, with almost a smile. But it crumpled quickly. "I need to ask you something."
"Whatever you want," she said.
"When you . . . killed my father," he started. Kya realized it was the first time he had not used the word murder in reference to that act. "I want to know . . . whatever people say about him, he was still my father. And I just want to know if he . . . if he suffered."
Kya swallowed hard. Taking a deep breath, she replied, "Not any more than he had to," she said honestly. "Although he did manage to speak before he died, so I know it wasn't quite the merciful end I'm sure you were hoping for."
"What did he say?" Nate asked hesitantly.
"He cursed at me," she admitted. "And said that he deserved more. He resisted until the end." She sighed. "Because if he had yielded, he might still be alive."
"You would have let him live? After what he did?" Nate looked incredulous.
"I let Loghain live, didn't I?" she said. "I don't kill unnecessarily. I only kill when I have to."
He looked some combination of puzzled and shocked. "It's not really the same though, is it?" he asked. "The few soldiers that survived from when you were last here. . . ." His voice trailed off and he couldn't seem to look at her. "They talk, even to me."
"I . . . ," Kya hesitated. "Ah, well, yes. But it's not as if I knew such a thing was going to happen when I spared his life at the Landsmeet. The man had been trying to kill me for a year. I wasn't expecting an entanglement."
He tucked a lock of hair behind his ear. "Entanglement is it?" He sounded droll. "That's a cold word to describe what I was told about."
"Well, I'm hardly the romantic type, if you hadn't noticed," she said, her tone equally dry.
Nate hmphed. "Isn't he a bit old for you?" he asked. "I didn't think you were the 'daddy' type."
Kya's mouth dropped open. "What the sod is that supposed to mean?"
He laughed, but there was no mirth in it. "I have enough 'daddy' issues of my own to recognize one when I see one." He crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall, still facing her. "I guess I'll see for myself, won't I? I hear he's expected here in a few days."
"Indeed," she said. She wasn't nearly as annoyed as she expected from such a comment. He did have a bit of a point. Kya had once wished Loghain was her father; though it was a strange thought now.
"I have some questions for him as well," he said.
"Good luck," Kya snorted. "He's not exactly the talkative type."
"I know that," Nate replied. At Kya's questioning look, he continued. "What, you didn't think I wouldn't have met him before, did you? I think I was ten. But he is rather hard to forget. I suppose you know that." He looked smug.
"Well, that will be interesting," she said. "But be sure you are willing to hear the answers to your questions before you ask them."
He nodded. "It really couldn't be much worse than what I already know."
"You might be surprised," she said before they both lapsed into silence again. They looked at each other for a while, before Kya finally turned away, looking out toward the west and the last glimmer of orange light in the distance.
"Do you think he'll stay?" Nate asked, breaking the silence and coming to stand next to her.
"I don't know," Kya said. "I never have any idea what Loghain is going to do."
He didn't reply. The quiet felt awkward and she glanced over at him, catching him staring at her intently. He studied her for a moment longer and then shook his head.
"I've never understood it," he said. "Women interested in men twice their age, or three times more likely in this case."
"Well, I don't have an explanation for you," she admitted. "I just did what felt right."
"Is that how you normally do things?" he asked.
"Usually," Kya replied. She looked back out at the sky. "It's worked so far."