They'd fallen into a comfortable sort of half silence, occasionally pointing out something interesting in their path, making small comments about the finally decent weather, and all sorts of other banal pleasantries. It was a relaxing and slow walk from the Wending Wood back to the Vigil. With the fine weather and the warm breeze Kya couldn't help but be in a good mood. Specifically a far better mood than she'd been in for some time. They were nearly home, although it seemed odd to call it that still. The walls of the Vigil loomed up ahead in a distinctively not home-like way.
Oghren and Anders led the way, bickering and swapping stories about their collective prowess with the fairer sex, most of which Kya assumed was hyperbole. She shot Nate a look, rolling her eyes at a particularly graphic comment of Oghren's. Nate grinned at her and she bumped into him with her shoulder. They'd been doing that a lot; walking far too close together and touching by accident of course, because surely she wasn't doing this. Whatever Loghain had suggested before she left Denerim, it was all madness and it didn't matter now. Once he arrived, surely he'd stay now. But then again, he'd given his word that he would return with the Wardens to Montsimmard, and Loghain wasn't one to go back on his word.
"And if - when this old man barges in and kisses you, if there's an irritated young man looking on; then all the better."
Loghain's words played back through Kya's head. Kya looked back over at Nate, catching him looking again. She felt a sudden welling of guilt and looked away. She wasn't entirely sure where the guilt was best placed either, which somehow made it worse. Was it guilt over her wandering eyes, the eyes that should have been content to wait for Loghain? Or was it instead for reveling in and encouraging Nate, just to blunt the pain of her loneliness? Was that even what this was?
Not to mention the fact that the hard packed dirt of the road had turned to the cobblestone of the entrance to the keep. Kya's skin crawled. Since the darkspawn attack, the Vigil had seemed like a foreign place. It was dark and foreboding and she wanted nothing more than for this madness to be over with. Once it was, she intended to resign as Commander and make the long trek to Weisshaupt.Or Montsimmard.
"Hey," Nate said, putting his hand on her shoulder. "You look like a rain cloud is about to open up over your head." He dropped his hand quickly, but the warmth remained. Kya looked up at him, blinking.
"What? I . . . oh," she managed. "I was just thinking." Which hardly began to cover it.
Nate frowned. "Well, don't do that then," he replied.
"I'll do my best," she snickered. He had a knack for making her laugh, even when he didn't intend to. "If only to make you happy, of course."
"Isn't that why you do everything?" he said, giving her a crooked grin.
"What other reason could I possibly have?" she laughed, veering into him again as they walked, intentionally hard. He stumbled a bit.
"No need for violence," he said snidely.
"Of course there is," she said. "You like it."
Nate laughed, his arm almost coming up around her when Anders turned around and gave them an unreadable look. He slowed his pace and inserted himself between them, slinging his own arm around Kya's waist.
"My dear," Anders said, shooting a glance of mock annoyance at Nate. "Is this brute bothering you?" Kya looked amused, shaking her head.
"No Anders," she sighed. "He's not."
Anders pursed his lips and then grinned. "Well, why not?"
"Excuse me?" Nate asked. He looked confused.
"Well, I remember a girl from the Tower," Anders said, putting his other arm around Nate's shoulders. "Who always had her nose in a book and didn't make enough time for hiding in broom closets. We should try to correct that."
"Anders!" Kya said, pulling away from him. "Shut up."
He just laughed and slapped Nate's arm. "See what I mean?"
Kya shook her head in frustration. "I'm not talking to either of you." She was blushing and trying very hard not to make a complete ass of herself. There had been perks to traveling with people who didn't know who she was as a girl. The year before she'd been able to put on a brave, strong face and ignore her past. But Anders brought that all crashing down. They hadn't known each other well, even he'd admit to that, but nonetheless, he knew Kya Amell. He knew her as the little spitfire with the big mouth, the one who knew more about books than people and the one who had a perpetual shadow named Jowan.
Sneering at Anders one last time, she trotted up alongside Oghren. He gave her a leering, knowing look, but said nothing. He clearly knew she wanted to listen to what Anders would say now. And considering Anders had a knack for failing to be quiet, they both knew they'd hear whatever he said.
"I have decided something, Ser Howe," Anders said in his delusional whisper.
"What's that, Ser Mage?" Nate replied acerbically.
"I think I can trust that you aren't going to try to kill our Commander," Anders said. His tone was dry.
"How nice that I have your approval," Nate said. His voice was irritated, but only mildly so.
"Yes, it is," Anders continued. "This way I don't have to set your smallclothes on fire."
Nate snorted. "That's a relief."
"It should be," Anders replied. "I think I might have been wrong about you. You might even have a sense of humor and you clearly have excellent taste in women."
Kya could almost hear Nate blushing. Anders laughed and it was punctuated by the distinct sound of a hand slapping against leather.
"Ouch," Anders whimpered.
Nate chuckled. "Next time you want to do something appropriately friendly and masculine," he said. "Watch out for the armor. They don't call it studded leather for nothing."
Kya looked at the two of them over her shoulder. Anders was cradling his hand and Nate looked amused but still faintly flushed.
"Boys," she sighed, turning back to Oghren.
"What, you're not used to it by now?" he grunted. "You want me to fart or something to complete the mood?"
"Maker's breath, no!" Kya laughed. "I'd like to make it back to the Vigil alive, and your gas is more deadly than darkspawn."
Oghren laughed uproariously. "Like I told your little magey brother or boyfriend or whatever that squirrely mess is; don't play with fire, you get burned."
His laughter echoed off the walls of the keep as they passed through the gate. There was a strange twitter of nervous energy among the soldiers and the guards. But not the worried tension that had been so prevalent lately. It was something altogether different. Kya slowed her pace and Oghren followed suit until the four of them were walking nearly shoulder to the shoulder. Kya slipped in between Anders and Nate; Anders took her hand and squeezed it quickly before letting it go. Nate gave her a strange look.
They felt it too, whatever it was.
Kya swallowed hard and squared her shoulders. She wasn't going to let some unusual feeling get to her. She'd had enough of weirdness to make her immune to it and . . . .
"There you are," a voice like a familiar ghost tore every thought from Kya's head.
Her eyes darted to the source of the sound. Leaning against the portcullis gate to the main of the keep, a tall figure stood in gleaming Chevalier armor modified to fit a Ferelden's taste. Thick dark hair framing an angular face; Ankles crossed, arms folded across his chest and that wary, sardonic, infamous smirk on his face.
Loghain.
Kya blinked. But he was still there. It wasn't her sleep addled brain finally getting the best of her; Loghain was actually standing there, looking faintly amused in the way that only he could.
Kya dredged up her voice. "Loghain?"
He smiled. "You were expecting someone else?" He uncrossed his arms and turned his palms towards her. An unassuming gesture to someone who didn't know him as she did, but for Loghain, it was as forward as running towards her with his arms spread. As mad as it was, and although she knew he'd be mortified, Kya sprinted forward and practically tackled him. His armor clinked against the stone, but unexpectedly his arms came up around her. She felt his breath against her cheek.
"Kya," he whispered, low enough so she almost couldn't hear him. "Love."
"I thought you'd never get here," she murmured with her lips against the rough stubble on his jaw and to the Black City with propriety.
"I promised," he replied. He pulled away just enough to meet her eyes. "And here I am." He smirked again and in full view of . . . everyone, he kissed her.
Kya had once made a joke about kissing her in public. She never thought it would actually happen. But now that it had, she knew she had been fooling herself. She wanted so much to have him at her side that she had let herself ignore reality. Loghain had promised her; and he'd promised to report to Montsimmard. There was a part of her that knew too, that despite how he felt about her and how he felt about Orlais, he wanted to go. He'd finally be free of the shackles Ferelden had placed upon him. If he stayed, every tree, every sunset would be an unmerciful reminder of his past. He'd moved beyond it, for now. But it was with him in every breath, just as much as her past was with her.
Kya would always be, in some part, the little girl reading tales of the Hero of River Dane with Jowan in the corner of the library at Kinloch. Just so, Loghain would always be the Hero of River Dane. There was no escaping it.
His lips tasted of brutal finality. She pulled away and met his eyes, seeing all her fears reflected there. He wasn't staying. She didn't even need to ask, though she knew she would once there was no one else around to hear. He broke the silence first. Loghain's eyes flicked up over her shoulder and the glimmer of a smile passed across his face.
"Nathaniel Howe," he said quietly, releasing his arms from Kya's shoulders. "There was talk that you'd become a Warden, but I wasn't entirely sure I believed it."
Nate frowned hard. "Believe it . . . Your Grace."
"Just Loghain," he corrected. "I am no longer a Teyrn; you do know how this Grey Warden thing works, I presume?"
"I do," Nate snapped in reply. "But old habits die hard."
Another half smile danced across Loghain's face. "Yes, they do at that." He made a show of looking Nate up and down, crossing his arms across his chest again. "You know, I never understood why your father favored Thomas over you. You always seemed the better man, even as a child."
Nate raised an eyebrow in reply. "I'm surprised you remember me at all."
"Are you?" Loghain said, laced with derision. "I am not so old as that yet." He grinned. "Yet."
"Still, I was just a boy. I would like to think I am not the same as I was then," Nate said, still half scowling. "Because you certainly aren't as I remembered you."
"No? I suppose I'm not," Loghain said simply. "I . . . no, I'm not. Although it matters little at this point. You can remove your glare ser; I won't be staying."
"Oh? I thought . . . ," Nate began but Kya cut him off.
"We can talk about that later," she said, swallowing the lump in her throat that felt suspiciously like her heart. "But this isn't the time or the place for any of this."
Loghain and Nate frowned in unison and a rush of dizziness washed over Kya. There was a similarity about the two of them that she just couldn't shake. It was more than just their dark hair and pale skin. It was even more than their stubborn taciturn natures. A part of her had a sudden imagining that Loghain was much like Nate as a young man, and perhaps if time hadn't made him so bitter as he once was . . . she pushed the thought away. As she said, this was hardly the time, or the place for any of this.
"Let's go," Kya said sharply in her best Warden-Commander voice. Without waiting for their reactions, she spun on her heel and matched into the keep. She hoped to the Maker that they couldn't see her heart pounding through her armor and her faked bravado.
Behind her, over the sounds of her blood rushing through her ears and the clanking of her armor, she could hear Loghain and Nate talking. Short, terse sentences laced with tension. Kya swallowed, listening but trying not to. Somehow, she wished they would instantly hate one another. That would be easier. Of course, why that would be easier, she had no idea. Frankly, she was having a very hard time thinking clearly at all.
"I have questions for you," Nate said tersely.
"I may have answers," Loghain replied. "Though you may dislike them."
Nate snorted. "All I want is the truth."
"The truth is slippery," Loghain sighed. "I can only tell you my version of it."
"I guess that will have to do," Nate said.
Kya stopped and closed her eyes, leaning her hand against the stone wall. She wished they would just be quiet. The intermingling of their two voices was making her crazy. She tried to catch her breath, but it was harder than she expected. Her lungs felt like fire.
"Kya?" she heard Loghain say from a long way off. Hadn't he just been right behind her? She felt his hands on her waist, but she felt oddly disconnected from her body. Slowly, she turned around, panting.
"I . . . ," she managed to squeak out.
"Maker's breath," Loghain sighed. "Are you going to faint?"
Kya closed her eyes again. "I . . . killed an archdemon," she muttered. "I'm not . . . going to faint . . . over you."
He chuckled humorlessly. "I should hope not."
She opened her eyes and caught Nate's gaze over his shoulder. He looked as pale as she assumed she was. He also looked terrified.
Kya forced a laugh. "Don't worry," she said quietly. "I won't faint over you either."