Why hello my loverlies, I'm back! And I'm sorry that I'm back no such a depressing note, but you'll love it anyway. I've been literally itching to write this, but the doctor was like "Not until your cast is off!" And guess what, IT'S OFF! So here is chapter 4, I think its chapter 4, yes it is! Ok so here we go!

..•.¸¸•´¯`•.¸¸Shades of Grey..•.¸¸•´¯`•.¸¸

Ash

Merlin dripped the entire way back to Camelot, his entirety mixing into the dirt on the road. It wasn't just the water that ran of from him in small droplets, but his emotions. They seemed to seep into everything, Arthur, the ground, the trees, even the very air around him was filled with Merlins distraught.

The young man hadn't spoken a coherent word since he'd collapsed into an emotional mess in Arthur's arms. Everyone had thought he was coping up until that point and that he was starting to come out of the darkness, but it was far worse than anyone had imagined. He was no longer the bright boy he used to be, his usual sunny eyes were finally overcast with deepest misery Arthur had ever known. He'd seen depression and grief in his life, but none that could compare to what he saw inside Merlin. He knew now that he'd have to help his friend if he was to come out of this dark time, but Arthur really wasn't the caring type, he just didn't know what to do.

*(Break)

"Morning, Arthur," Merlin said as he walked in the door. He'd insisted on coming back to work as soon as he'd gotten back from the lake with Arthur. At first Arthur wasn't certain about his friends' stability, but sure enough, Merlin was back to his cheery nature.

"Not now, Merlin," Arthur groaned as he pulled the vast supply of pillows over his head to block out the streams of light coming from the open window.

Merlin was still Merlin though. So, of course, he ignored his kings' silly protests and pulled back the covers.

Arthur's brain kicked in to gear. What the hell? Why is Merlin even here? He's not a servant!

"Merlin, what on earth are you doing here?"

"Umm well, I heard that your new manservant was sick, so…"

"You wanted to check up on me?"

"What? No! Don't be ridiculous!"

"Merlin, it isn't me that needs checking up on," Merlin cringed, he didn't need anyone to know of his pain, it just hurt them more. It was better to put up a brave front, make them all happy that the sunny boy had once again returned. It had been three weeks, he was supposed to be better by now, but still the pain felt as fresh as the day that his heart had shattered into infinitesimal pieces.

"Merlin, are you alright?" Arthur asked concerned. Merlin immediately snapped out of his thoughts, his sunny grin once again gracing his pale face.

"Huh? Yes of course!"

"Really, cause I thought I saw you crying?"

"Me, crying, Arthur, I think it's you that we should be worrying about. Are you feeling alright?" Merlin joked as he walked over to the table, pouring himself a glass of juice.

"Hey, that's mine!" Merlin smiled wickedly as he downed the expensive juice.

"Mmmm, it's good too. A little too sweet though!" He said chuckling as he walked from the room. Arthur pelted the goblet that sat behind him at his friends head only to see it stop inches from his face. Merlin just smiled and turned around, letting the goblet drop to the floor.

As soon as his back was to hiss king, his smile dropped, dowsing him in the misery that no one else knew. It had to be his secret; this depression was only hurting everyone. He wanted this pain to stop, he wanted to tell someone, but no one could understand, he was all alone in this dark pitiful world.

* (Break)

Merlin wandered up to his chambers, his feet dragging along the ground, a dark cloud encircling his mind. It was always dark, there wasn't allowed to be any light, there were no colours, no pictures, no nothing, just shades of grey. It matched how he felt, grey.

He was so alone.

He picked up the one thing that stood out from the rest, the one thing that could help him. He knew how to do it, he'd done it before. It was simple, oh so simple.

Merlin knew now that grey wasn't his favourite colour anymore, he liked colours more along the lines of crimson.

* (Break)

Arthur had been expecting to see Merlin at the meeting that they'd held that afternoon, ha had been excused from everything, but he had refused any exemptions. He was starting to get anxious.

He would go and get everyone and then he would check to see if Merlin was there when he got back. Perfect.

He wandered through the corridors looking the servants up and down, checking for his knights at every corner. None of them where there, of course! That would be stupid! Why would they be there when you needed them?

He approached his door, gently pushing it open to see his wife seated on the bed in her lavender gown gently humming as she nursed their son to sleep. She glanced up at him and placed a finger to her lips, silencing his actions with a heart warming smile.

He walked over to her, glancing down at Cai. His lovely pale skin contrasted gorgeously with his brown curls and Arthur knew that beneath those tiny eyelids lay the most amazing chocolate eyes. He was amazing.

"Come on Guinevere. We've got a meeting to attend," He said in a hushed voice, so not to wake his sleeping son.

"Yes dear. Just a minute."

Arthur turned away and walked over to his desk, hoping to finish some of his work before heading off to his meeting.

On top of his pile of documentations was a letter that he sware wasn't there before. His curiosity got the better of him as he tore pack the seal, it was one he'd never received a letter from, because there really was no need. It was Merlins.

Why would his friend write a letter when he could just tell him in person? Arthur thought as he peeled back the flaps of the letter. His eyes grazed over the words.

Arthur,

I've been running for a long time, but now everything's catching up and I don't know what to do.

I thought I used to know what pain was, but that's nothing to what's happening now.

By the time you read this letter you won't be seeing me again, but don't worry, every ones lives will be better off without stupid, clumsy, old me. I've seen you're side long glances, and I know that it hurts you all that I'm like this, so I'll save you the pain, because I know that pain feels horrible.

Arthur, always know that I tried so hard. But something I've realised is the harder you try, the harder you fall. So, please, don't try to hard, cause falling never ends, the hole I'm in doesn't have a bottom.

Just do one last thing for me, you stupid prat, remember me as the boy who always smiled, the one that could always brighten your day, even if he couldn't brighten his own.

Your friend till the day I die.

Merlin

How was that? Angst-y and depressing? I hope so, because if it wasn't, I failed as a writer.

Tell me what you thought, even if you thought it was horrible.

Anyways

Thanks for reading!

Byebye

Jossicle :)