Chapter Five – Running away from pain.

Hi there :) Sorry I've been so awful about updating, although I think this is better than last time! Always glad to read your feedback, so leave me a review, and if it's signed, I promise I will reply!
Also, just to confuse you...this chapter is set THREE MONTHS before the last one...so it's about six months since Rhia left. Kay? Good, let's get on with it then.
Loveeeeee...Saskia xx
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~Damon POV~
I stared at the glass of liquor in my hand, contemplating the...familiarity of it, of the hot, spicy burn as it trickles down my throat. Bourbon, whiskey, brandy...they were all practically family to me. They could always be relied on, the one this that was constant in my life. They'd always give the same, numbing, carefree sensation, and the more I drank, the better I felt. Alcohol never judges me, and it never fails to please. Without it, I think...I know...I'd be a total wreck. Who needs friends when you have alcohol? I know that I for one depend upon it. I've always had a taste for the fire it brings, but ever since I lost her...I've needed it more than ever before. Needed it as much as blood, if not more. I suppose...
I snorted. I was getting sentimental and broody over a glass of bourbon. Man, I am going soft, I thought to myself as I downed the liquid. I poured myself another, frowning as the bottle failed to produce anything. The seventh bottle in as many days. Even by my standards, this was getting expensive. I groaned as I pushed myself up, swaying as I walked over to my drinks cabinet. I crouched, nearly falling over as I opened the door.

"Stefan!" I bellowed, standing up furiously.

"First sign of any emotion I've heard in your voice for months, brother." He commented as he sauntered through the door. Before he could blink, I was in front of him, crushing his larynx as I pinned him against the wall.

"My drinks, Stefan. What have you done with my drinks?" I whispered menacingly.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Stefan groaned as I pushed him harder against the wall.

"Don't lie, Stefan. Tell me where my alcohol is, or I swear I will not be held responsible for my actions." I hissed as I applied more pressure to his neck.

"Honestly, Damon, I haven't touched them." I growled in anger, and Stefan cried out as I threw him across the room. Instantly my hand was at his throat again, not giving him any opportunity to fight back, holding him against the floor.

"Last chance, Stefan. Tell me now, before I get really mad." I felt the veins around my eyes harden and raise, my pupils turning red. Stefan struggled, so I plunged my fist into his gut, hearing his groan of agony with sick pleasure, enjoying his pain. I raised my arm to punch him again…

"Damon, no! Stop it! Stefan didn't hide your drinks, it was me! Let him go!" Elena cried out, rushing forward into the room. I turned to look at her, and I could see the betrayal on her face. I stepped back from Stefan, leaving him coughing on the floor as I faced her fully. Her eyes were full of tears, and as I watched, one spilled over down her cheek. She held my gaze for a few seconds before walking around me and helped Stefan sit up. I stared at her as she ran her hand across his face, nothing but love in her eyes. She looked back at me.

"Why?" I asked quietly. She stood up and walked over to me.

"Walk with me?" She held out her hand, waiting for me to take it. I sighed, and touched her fingers, clenching my teeth as they curled around mine. She lead me out of the door, and out to the large yard round the back of the boarding house. Her hand in mine felt strange, almost alien in fact. I abruptly stopped, letting her hand go. She smiled at me sadly, and motioned for us to sit on the bench. I sat cautiously, wondering where this was going.

"I hate seeing you like this, Damon. You don't do anything apart from stare into the fire and drink. I know that you're lonely, and I know that you don't know why she left you, and I know that you feel lost without her, but she told you to live your life, Damon. This isn't any sort of life, this is…self-destructive. I almost prefer the egotistical Damon you were when I first met you. Ree promised that she would come back. Don't just sit around wasting away until she does!" Elena sobbed, and I looked at her, horrified. What do I do? Crying lady who's boyfriend I just beat up…WHAT DO I DO? I awkwardly put an arm around her, and she turned into my shoulder, her tears soaking my shirt. I rested my head on top of hers, realising how selfish I'd been. I'd left Rhia, and I'm pretty sure she didn't pass her days in an alcohol-tinged daze. True, she'd thrown herself of a cliff, but… Elena wiped her eyes, and looked at me. "Please come back, Damon. The Damon who was one of my best friends, the Damon who really pissed me off, the Damon who I loved…come back." I stared at her again.

"How do you expect me to be…normal…while I can still feel? When I can still feel that raw loss that is with me every day? While I can still remember what ran through my head when I heard Rhia's voicemail to me, when she said that she had to leave? The alcohol numbs the pain…it allows me to live. Without it, I would have probably annihilated the whole of Mystic Falls three months ago! I may need blood to survive, but I need the alcohol to live. Don't you see, Elena?" I looked at her, observing her shocked expression.

"Damon, please…just give it a try? For me?" She looked at me with those big, brown eyes that used to have me crumbling like a Farley's Rusk in milk.

"Why should I? The only times you've ever seemed like you cared about me were when you wanted something, or Stefan wasn't there to be your shoulder to cry on. Elena, I know that she's coming back. I just don't know whether I want to be here for her when she does." Elena gasped…I suppose I was surprised at what I just said too. "I mean, we should never have worked. I always end up hurting her somehow, and God knows that I was so…out of character…when I first got with her. You said yourself, you preferred the egotistical maniac that I used to be. Maybe I did too. Maybe Rhia changed me too much, and very little of it was for good. No good deed goes unpunished, Elena, and this is my punishment. For changing who I was, to try and protect Rhia…I've ended up like this. Dependant on alcohol to pass my days until she returns, and I hate it, Elena. Honestly. I hate her for what she's done to me. But at the same time…I love her so much I can hardly breathe now she isn't with me." My breath caught in my throat, as if to illustrate my point. Elena looked lost for words.

"Oh, Damon, I…" She didn't finish. Instead, she wrapped her arms around me and rested her forehead on my shoulder. I automatically encircled her waist with my arms as she hugged me; every second I was in her arms, I felt like I was betraying Rhia. Nevertheless, no matter how guilty Elena was making me feel, I still found comfort and solace in her embrace. Eventually I pulled back, my mind made up.

"Screw you all, then." I stood up and ran up to my room, going at a superhuman speed. I grabbed my phone, wallet and car keys, and emptied the contents of my closet and drawers into a suitcase. I was gone before neither Stefan or Elena had time to react.

As soon as I left, my phone started ringing. I ignored it. I pulled into a motel 50 miles away from Mystic Falls, and compelled the receptionist to give me a room. I checked my messages when I was sat on the bed…Three missed calls. One was from Stefan, one was from Elena, and one was from a withheld number. As I held my phone, it started ringing again, another unknown caller. I cautiously answered it, and brought the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I asked in a monotone.

"Damon?" A strangely familiar female voice was on the other end of the line. I sat up straighter.

"Speaking?" I asked urgently.

"Don't do anything stupid, Damon. I lo…" The dialling tone sounded, and I flung my phone across the room in frustration. I knew exactly who it was. How dare she add insult to injury by calling me? I had prepared myself not to hear her voice for…however long it will be, and she calls me?

I smiled fleetingly. However mad I may be at her, I still loved that I heard Rhia's voice.

I don't feel any shame, I won't apologise, when there aint nowhere we can go, running away from pain like you've been victimised, tales from another broken home…
You're leaving home.

Another shortie, I know, but review anyway?
Song credits - Jesus of Surburbia by Green Day, taken from the album American Idiot
Next chapter should be up soon :)