AN: I'm (sorta) back! I do plan on pushing on with this story into ME3. Which means, as of this point forward, there will be references if not flat out spoilers for ME3. So if you haven't played, go play. I'll wait. Promise.

Also, huge thank you to any and all of you who nominated/voted this story on the kink meme for the People's Choice Awards. I know I'm having fun with this story, but it's nice to know other people enjoy it too. With that said, thanks again and enjoy.

Infinite Regress

That kiss had been a mistake.

Because now they both knew how far they were willing to go if given the chance. If either of them tried to test the other's willpower... well, now they knew how it would turn out. And from the looks Garrus had been giving her lately, that was a dangerous thing for him to know.

Ashley gave her the cold shoulder for a while. It made things difficult. It was hard enough forcing her way through the timeline when everyone was willing to go along (whether they knew it or not), but with Ashley resisting it was that much worse.

They needed to have a talk. But how to you start a conversation that's going to turn into an argument with a woman you're days away from sending to her death? Days passed and she couldn't find a way to brooch the subject. She just wanted it to desperately disappear within the cracks of this new/old path. One more thing she just couldn't deal with. But Shepard couldn't let her die on Virmire with this still hanging between them.

As luck would have it, Ashley took it upon herself to bring it up.

"I don't think the LT would appreciate you canoodling with Garrus." The indignity in her voice somehow filled the empty cargo bay.

Shepard froze midway through reassembling her rifle. It was just the two of them. No reason for this not to turn into a shouting match if they let it. Slowly, very slowly, she allowed a clipped, "No, he would not." But it wasn't the Alenko a floor up she was thinking about. No, it was an Alenko at a hospital looking heartbroken and pathetic with a Shepard not sure what to say to make it better. No, she thinks, he did not.

She turned to face the younger woman. They weren't children. This wasn't some middle school drama session. She wasn't going to let this taint what little time they had left. "Look, Ash, if this is going to be a problem-"

But Ashley put up a hand to stop her. She took a deep breath and let it out before starting. "Look, I get it. We all have our vices. I'm no different, and I guess I shouldn't be surprised you have them too." Some of the venom was gone, but she couldn't quite keep the waver out of her voice. "It was just, you know... a shock."

"I understand that. It was... unprofessional of me to allow that to happen and to allow you to be put in such a position. It won't happen again." She offered her hand, holding her breath as Ashley stared at it.

"Thanks, Skipper."

They shook and smiled slightly. That awkward sort of smile that seems to pass in situations like this. They both had more to say. Ashley no doubt wanting to make it clear she needed to choose between them. Shepard wanting the chance to explain she had chosen, over a year ago. But the timing wasn't right. They were two women, friends, sisters in arms, looking at each other across a distance that was too many years and experiences apart.

As Shepard walked to the elevator, she wondered if she'd get the chance to explain herself there in the midst of the Normandy's death above Alchera...

Garrus wasn't one to do nothing. He'd raised such a fuss about Saren at C-Sec, done the same about the Mercs on Omega and the Reapers on Palaven. This whole "wait and see" approach Shepard was using went against his better judgment. But hell, this was Shepard's party. He'd always just been along for the ride. Didn't make him feel much better about it.

They could be doing something. Something besides playing the same games they'd played before. Obviously they'd had the wrong strategy the first time around if this is where it got them. This was a second chance. They didn't need to be wasting their time pretending not to know Saren's plan. They should be at Ilos. Shepard didn't need to die above Alchera. He didn't need to lose her again. They didn't need to do that song and dance with Cerberus. They could just go after the Collectors themselves-

But no, they couldn't. Half of what Shepard was able to do was because of the reputation she'd built. Because of how she'd beaten Saren - in an attack on the Citadel when she'd saved the Council. Doing anything less spectacular meant her name had less weight. And it might be great to say, yeah, let's do this without Cerberus, but could they really? This ship wasn't up to the Omega 4 Relay. Hell, the Alliance hadn't seen fit to get involved the last time. Why would they this time? And how many times had he seen Shepard almost die in front of him? The bullets, the blows, the falls... Humans were fragile things. Without whatever they did to her, she'd be broken a dozen times over before she could get close to the end.

They'd barely made it the last time. She'd barely made it. That jump...

And Earth. There was always Earth. He'd marveled at her escape the last time. If it was all the same, she could do it again. If it was too different, maybe she wouldn't make it off the planet... Hell, maybe she'd never come back from Aratoht...

But that was selfish, wasn't it? To make galaxy-shaping decisions based on whether or not one human would survive?

Then he remembers the first time she told him she loved him. The look in her eyes, the stupid thought that he might actually get to keep her growing into something real. A hope he's never quite been able to shake since then. His heart flutters, and he doesn't care if it's selfish.

Back and forth, pacing behind the Mako. Back and forth, arguing with himself. Yes, they were doing the right thing. No, they could be doing more. Yes, they had the right goals. No, they were being selfish. Yes, they could do it this way. No, they needed help. Yes. No. He felt every wasted second tick past with each thought, each footstep, each heartbeat.

Eventually he just sighed and gave up his pacing. It was pointless. Shepard had made the call, he'd decided to go with it. All he could really do is try to figure out where it went wrong.

He went back to his terminal and started sifting through the notes he'd taken so far. Garrus wasn't so careless as to leave notes of things-to-be, whether on the ship's systems or even his own omni-tool. No. These notes were things that had already happened. Proof of what Saren was really doing. Proof that the Reapers were more than just something Shepard had imagined.

Maybe this time he'd have enough evidence to at least convince his own father to believe him.

Garrus stood at his console, mindlessly going through a diagnostic of the Mako. A diagnostic he'd run (and re-run) too many times for him to actually care anymore. But it gave him something to do, kept him rooted to the spot he was supposed to be in. Repeating things he'd already done. While he still might not be sure how it was that he found himself on the SR-1 again, he'd accepted the fact that he was, for better or worse, stuck here re-living this nightmare.

For the first time in a long time, though, something just didn't sit right with him.

High stress missions weren't anything new. Hell, his whole life had been a high stress mission since the moment he'd first met Shepard. And frankly, he didn't mind. Sure, it'd be nice if the stakes weren't so high, but after nearly four years this really was just the way things were. He was half certain his heart would just give out once they finally did destroy the Reapers and the adrenaline rush he'd been riding finally wore off.

But this was different. It wasn't stress or apprehension or uncertainty that made him shift uncomfortably in front of his console. It wasn't even the eerily familiarity of it all as he watched his life unfold through two sets of eyes, one knowing and one genuinely curious to see if it was all true. It was just... unease. Something was off. Not so much in the timeline - they were "on schedule," whatever good that was doing them - but there was definitely this nagging suspicion in the back of his mind that they were neglecting something.

The elevator opened with its gentle whoosh, completely dispelling the feeling before he could get it pinned down. With a frustrated sigh, he turned absentmindedly to see who'd come down to the bowels of the ship.

Just Ashley Williams, giving a quick nod to Wrex as he made his way to crew quarters before she head over to her station. He sighed slightly as he turned away. He'd known better than to think it was Shepard. No, it just happened to be the poor crewman who'd walked in on-

Wait.

He did a double take, neck snapping as he laid eyes on the gunnery chief, gears turning in his head as the realization hit him.

Shepard wouldn't like it. She'd made her opinion on changing things abundantly clear, and despite earlier... allowances to the contrary, she was determined to keep them on track until... well, at least until Omega. After that, all bets were off. Whatever they might have agreed on thus far, he didn't think it'd be possible to see her walk that bridge again and not take her into his arms at the end of it.

For the most part they'd been true to their word. But they hadn't planned on Ashley walking in on them. Hadn't planned on a lot of things, really. No, Shepard hadn't thought about how to deal with this. Maybe hadn't even realized the implications. Hadn't connected the dots all the way to Virmire...

Before he could overthink it, before his good sense could override the impulse, he found himself striding over to Ashley's nook of the cargo hold. As he approached, he like he walked through a barrier. Almost as though there was a palpable threshold of the original timeline he was moving outside of.

"Williams."

She tensed slightly, back rigid and fingers briefly pausing in their work as they calibrated a new gun. Looking just over her shoulder, she gave him a once over and a stiff, "Vakarian."

It was then that Garrus realized he didn't know quite what he was doing. He'd never known Ashley that well. Yes, they'd gone on missions together. Talked. Played poker once or twice. Shared that comradery all of Shepard's crew had. But... that was all back in a time when he hadn't been as familiar with humans. Didn't understand their expressions, found it harder to catch onto their behavior clues. Which meant, simply put, he didn't know this woman very well. Not nearly well enough to be having this conversation with her. Shepard should really be doing it.

Shepard's got enough to worry about.

Garrus' mouth was uncomfortably dry. "Can I... can we talk?"

"Can it wait a minute? I'm in the middle of some-"

"Seriously?" he all but shouted. If one more person said a damn thing about calibrations, he was going to-

She looked downright shocked and he felt the shock echoed in the younger part of himself. Garrus took a deep breath as he realized that no, Ashley was not making fun of him. She in fact had no idea what he was talking about. "Sorry," he managed, though his voice did sound a bit strangled. He shifted uncomfortably. "I just think we need to talk about... you know, the other day..."

Ashley sighed dramatically - something he'd seen Shepard and other humans do a number of times before doing something they really didn't want to do - and put as she turned to face him. "Look, Shepard's a big girl. I'm sure she knows what she's getting herself into. You don't have to say anything to me about it. It's not my business. And you don't have to worry about me blabbing to anyone else about it, even though I'm sure the LT... even though I'm sure there are some interested parties who would like to know." She seemed to think about it a moment before lowering her voice and adding, "Just don't break the Commander's heart or I swear I'll tear your turian ass a new one."

He couldn't help it. He chuckled slightly at the idea that he would in any way shape or form do something to actually hurt Shepard. Hell, the last time he'd been threatened along these lines was by Wrex, and although he was sure the threat was real, it had been meant as a joke.

Williams cheeks flushed a bright red, probably annoyed that he found the idea of either breaking Shepard's heart or Ashley beating him up amusing. Her eyes narrowed dangerously and he was reminded of how... intimidating certain human females could be. And dangerous. Did he mention dangerous? "And what exactly is so funny?"

"You don't have to worry about that," he said, putting his hands up in surrender. "I promise."

"Didn't really answer my question."

Great. Less than a minute into what was undoubtedly going to be long conversation (or from the looks of it, a very very short one) and he'd already made her angry. "I uh, think we need to talk. About... more than just Shepard and me. I mean, that's a part of it, but there's a lot more that... you should know." Spirits, he sounded like a moron.

She leaned against the work station and crossed her hands in front of her chest. "I'm listening."

So he told her. Everything. Started from that day and just kept going forward. The words poured out of him and just wouldn't stop. Some parts were harder to tell. He skipped over most of his time on Omega. Did Kaidan a favor and skipped over parts of Horizon. Went past the Collectors, past Earth, past Rannoch and Thessia until he had come back full circle to that moment right there, Version 2.0.

They were silent for a while after that. Ashley's expression was unreadable as she appraised him, considered the story he'd told her. The damn near impossible story that Garrus couldn't believe half the time except that he'd been there and seen it.

All in all, she took it rather well.

"Shit." Actually, she said something much worse, but the translator glitzed and he just supplied an appropriate expletive.

"You believe me?" His voice was somewhere between relief and shock. Honestly, he wondered at the sanity of anyone

"You can't make this shit up," she said simply.

"I... I need to think about this."

Garrus just nodded. "Take your time."

She snorted, a thoroughly human gesture of indignation. "Yeah right. It looks like time's something I don't got a lot of."

Everyone seemed to avoid each other after that. Shepard was still avoiding Garrus, though she would unlikely ever admit to doing so. Garrus was forcing his way through the old conversations (or as many of them as he could stand). And now on top of that Ashley was avoiding... pretty much everyone. She would just quietly go about her work, occasionally making her way to an observation port to stare at the stars.

It'd gotten to the point where Garrus was so used to spending time alone that he nearly jumped out of his plates when he heard her.

"Why'd you tell me?"

Garrus ducked out from under the Mako to see Ashley Williams standing awkwardly on the other side. He'd been waiting for that question. Still didn't have a half decent answer, but this was as good a time as any to come up with one. He looked her square in the eye, trying to say as much through that look as he could, and simply said, "Because you deserve to know."

"Why just me, though? You don't think there's stuff in there that maybe Wrex or Liara or Tali might want to know?" Neither acknowledged that she had skipped over Kaidan. "What makes me special enough to include?"

He was pretty sure she already knew why. Why she wanted to hear it from him, he couldn't understand. "Exclusive club. Only those who die trying to complete this mission allowed. Just you, me, and Shepard."

She jumped on top of the hood and scouted over to him, though careful to avoid the spot where she'd caught Garrus and Shepard - what was the human term? - making out. "That the best you got, Vakarian?"

He sighed when his attempt at lightening the mood failed. "I'm not sure how else to say it. You deserve to know what you're dying for, big picture." He really was terrible at this sort of thing. These sorts of one-to-one's were Shepard's forte, not his. But this was a responsibility he took on when he'd decided to tell her. "I wanted you to know, when the call was made, that it was hopefully going to be worth it in the end. That it wasn't like... wasn't like Shepard was trying to get rid of you because of what you saw, or that she valued you less as a soldier than Alenko."

Garrus braced himself against the Mako with both hands. It was easier to face the metal door than her while he got this out. "That even though Shepard might be about to do it again, it's not as though she's made the decision lightly. Spirits, it tore her apart the first time." Memories of her devastation after Virmire flashed before him, only to be followed by more recent wounds. Grunt. Mordin. Thane. Legion. Anderson. Earth... "She always takes this stuff pretty hard. But in the end, she always makes those sacrifices count."

When he finally looked back at her, she was staring at the bulkhead expressionlessly. She had an almost serene look. Her eyes were big and glossy, and if Garrus didn't know better, he'd think she was about to cry. "This Reaper thing is pretty big, isn't it?" He didn't have to answer. "Lots of people are going to die either way. Guess it'd be okay to go out a hero." She blinked a couple times before turning to meet his gaze. "You just damn well better make it worth it."

He didn't even hesitate. "I promise."

"Why didn't Shep tell me?"

"She... doesn't know you know."

"You mean you didn't talk to her first?" Ashley asked incredulously. Apparently even this far back it was clear he usually followed Shepard's lead.

"She's got a lot on her plate right now."

A small laugh and a punch to his shoulder. "Who knew you'd grow enough of a quad to go behind her back with something like this."

His chest rumbled slightly as a half laugh, half growl. "Yeah, all it took was the end of the world. If it ends a second time, maybe we'll come back and I'll get to be the hero."

"Fat chance, Vakarian."

"Well, maybe the third or fourth time around then," he drawled out before becoming serious again. "Don't tell her I told you."

"Aaand there it is. Knew she'd have you whipped."

"I'm... not even sure what that means."

"Don't worry about it." She jumped off the Mako. "I won't tell her. Shepard doesn't need to add me freaking out to her list of things that could go wrong."

Shepard did notice that something was different between Ashley and Garrus. As she found her younger self drifting more and more to Kaidan, she found her gunner officer and favorite turian spending more time together. At first she ignored it. Maybe she just hadn't noticed the two were chummy the first time around. Her interest had been... focused elsewhere.

It was odd the first time she heard him shout "Ash!" on the battlefield. He was just trying to tell her to duck, and it shouldn't have meant anything. Except that Garrus had never used the nickname, at least not that Shepard could remember.

Two nights later at dinner, Ashley specifically sought him out. They sat together, speaking low over their food in the corner of the mess. That was just downright strange.

And then she'd gotten a report from Hackett about what would turn about to be a Cerberus lab. When the call came in, she'd unconsciously turned to give Garrus a knowing look, only to see him and Ashley looking at each other apprehensively. He turned to look at her a moment later, but that same guarded look he'd been giving her the last few weeks was back.

What was worse though was when she went down to talk to Ashley about her sisters a little after clearing out that base. Again, there were the two of them spending time together like they were the best of friends. Wrex didn't even seem to give a shit, meaning by now this was routine. She'd gone up, did a fine job of keeping her nerves from shaking her steps, but they noticed her and immediately shut up. Garrus had made an excuse to go back to his station, giving Ashley what must have been a warning look before leaving.

What. The. Fuck.