AN: Still moving forward, slowly but surely. Hopefully in two weeks I'll have more to write… Since June hit, I've had the pleasure of three huge projects at work back to back. Almost done the third, which means I may actually have time to do other shit (yay!).

Not sure if this section flows very well. Basically every piece was written at a different time, and I haven't really gone through it to make sure it works as a whole.

Glad people are finding Ashley sympathetic. I don't get to see a lot of her when I play or when I read other people's stuff. It's kinda nice getting to know her a little better, at least on my end.

Infinite Regress

It wasn't fair for him to tell her. He sees that now. Everyone's nerves are already frayed, and after the standoff with Wrex he can tell Ashley's are even more so. Both Shepard and the krogan walked away - just like the last time - but the doubt had been there.

Now all he can think about is the future. And changing it. Spirits, does he want to change it.

What the hell is the point if they're going to let the same people - good people - slip through their fingers again? People who they might need to tip the scales at the end...

He thinks about his father and sister, dying as they try to escape Palaven. What if someone had known it was going to happen, but decided to just stand by and watch? To not even try?

And like that, the decision's made.

"Garrus."

His heart nearly skips a beat. It's not that she's said his name. But she hasn't said his name like that since...

He dares himself to call her 'Jane,' but can't find the nerve. Not with their squadmates within earshot and not with Kirrahe around the corner. "Shepard." He answers with the same intensity, the long since developed familiarity that had underlay every conversation on the SR2.

"We should talk tactics." And with that she nodded to the left and took off with a steady step. As always, he didn't hesitate to follow.

She didn't stop until they were behind the makeshift structures housing the soldiers and equipment. With the camp behind them, the mountains and Virmire's natural beauty could almost drown out the pressure of the fight they were about to go through.

For a moment he's distracted by the idyllic backdrop, doesn't noticed she's come into his space until she throws her arms around his neck and is kissing him. And for a second - just for a second - he forgets where and when they are, too busy sighing against her lips and starting to pull her in. But that whole "when" issue pops up and, damn it all, he pulls away.

"Sh.. Shepard," he stutters. He can barely keep her at arm's length, that look in her eyes setting him on fire in ways he's missed lately. "I... I thought you wanted to talk-"

"Talk's cheap."

"Shepard-" he tries again, but her fingers fly up to gently still his mandibles.

"Please," she whispers. "I've missed you."

Maybe he should put up more of a fight, but her lips are on his again and her hands are stealthily removing pieces of armor...

He knows he should stop her. Even in their time, they weren't like this. They'd always been able to wait until they were behind closed doors. But if they'd been caught then by some wandering crewman or if their moans caught the attention of a curious engineer who didn't know any better, it would've been awkward but no surprise. It was hardly a secret the Commander was close to her favorite turian...

But this? Here and now? It made no sense to him and he'd at least had the future to prepare him for it. Even to poor Ashley Williams, who knew or thought she knew, this would be too much.

Even as he knew this was a stupid, terrible idea, his need for her was too great. As she leaned in, chest pressing against his side as her one hand massaged under his fringe and the other stroked him with the casual need she always had, it wasn't hope of stopping her that made his hand reach to her breastplate. No, it was a faint wish there was less armor between them and that he could touch her in turn.

Shepard walks back to her post with Kirrahe, her younger self scolding her the whole way for a lack of self-control. A voice uselessly throwing around words like "control" and "selfish" and "the future." Words that are sounding more and more meaningless as her second iteration plays out.

God help her if there's a third or fourth after this. She's not sure if she has the strength to see this one to the end.

She tries not to think about Garrus (or Ashley or Kaidan or Wrex or anything but putting one step in front of the other). Maybe this is why the Alliance frowns on fraternization. Because in the end, she loves the blue bastard but he's just another distraction. Something else clouding up her priorities and making an already impossible mission that much harder.

A deep sigh escapes her, the weight on her chest getting heavier as she wonders what to do. There's still time to save Ashley, to make a switch for Kaidan as sacrificial lamb here.

No, she thinks. Stay the course. This is the way it was supposed to be, as much as it sucks.

Stay the course. Hold the line.

Both great in theory, but both with a lot of casualties along the way.

They leave in five. His heart's pounding in his throat and he feels like he wants to vomit. He was never one to be so underhanded. Give him an order and he'll follow it.

But sometimes there are bad orders.

Garrus finds Ashley at the edge of the camp, looking particularly grim. Grim but resolved. He's reminded of the Collector Base, the tension running through the whole crew as they prepared to march to their deaths under Shepard's command. But she'd gotten them all out alive, in the end. Could Garrus perform a similar miracle?

His own rotten luck with his team on Omega makes him want to vomit all over again.

"Shepard's sending me with Aegohr Team." She looks at him, a question in her eyes. He tries not to flinch and answer it.

"You sure you're ready for this?"

Williams shrugged. "God's got a plan for all of us. It's not for us to understand or even like it, just to do our part in it." She checked the ammo in her rifle before holstering it. "Doesn't mean I'm not going to fight like hell to stay alive."

"We can still try to find a way to-"

"Shut it, Vakarian," she snaps. The ferocity in her eyes reminds him of Shepard, and he swallows what he wants to say. "You can't go messing around with shit like this. Sure, you might pull me through, but what about the rest of them? Sounds like everyone's got a pretty important part in what's to come. I'm the only puzzle piece that doesn't fit in there. Losing me's a sure bet, after all."

He sighs deeply. He can pull this off, really, he knows he can, but not if she's not willing. "You could though. Be important. We don't know enough-"

"Vakarian, seriously. Shut it. If Shepard needs things to go a certain way to beat Saren and get through all the other crap that's coming, then I gotta respect that and follow orders." She lowers her voice, suddenly sounding deflated. "I'm okay with that. Really."

Garrus hadn't realized until then that Ashley was probably just as stubborn as Shepard. Two women used to getting their way trying to stop him from getting his. "Stop trying to convince yourself that you need to die. This war will have enough martyrs before the end."

Ashley's shoulders slump slightly. "This isn't just fighting mercs here. Me staying alive, that's fighting against fate."

"You don't think you're worth it?"

Her eyes flash dangerously at him. "This isn't about whether one soldier is worth fighting to keep alive. This is whether one soldier's death is worth it in comparison to the whole fucking galaxy. So no, in the grand scheme of things, I don't think saving me is worth losing everyone else."

They're silent for a moment, her anger fizzing out as abruptly came.

Okay, he thinks. She won't save herself willingly. Guess it's time for Plan B.

Really wish I had thought of a Plan B...

"If things don't..." he coughed slightly and tried again. "If there's a place in the afterlife where humans and turians can meet up, I think I'll owe you a drink."

"For dying? Fuck, you'll owe me a whole damn bottle." The two laughed together and tried to focus on how nice that feeling was. To be among friends in the moments before that final battle. They'd both had talks like this with others before earlier battles. It was just harder to overlook the fact that this battle had already been written, the outcome more or less sealed.

"Do me a favor, though."

Change was in the air, but he knew he couldn't refuse. Even if it weren't her final request, it would make him feel like a bastard to deny her after all the crap he'd dumped on her recently. Choking slightly, he nods firmly.

Ashley opens up her omnitool and he sees her forwarding a message. "Give this to my sisters. It's... got some sensitive stuff in there, so you'll probably want to give it to them in person. You know, just in case."

He knows he won't read it. Curiosity being what it is, he'll probably spend a few sleepless nights in the weeks to come wondering what type of message a person about to die sends their loved ones. Even so, this is one mystery he knows will go unsolved. But he wonders, all the same, what she's playing at. "Sensitive stuff?"

The defiance in her eyes is palpable, only slightly undercut by her smile - genuine and warm even as she stood ready to walk into hell. "Just trust me, Vakarian."

Trust. That word was getting thrown around a lot. He wondered if it really meant anything anymore.

Shepard's voice echoed over the com. "Time to move out, people."

And just like that, the moment was sombre again. She put a hand on Garrus' shoulder and squeezed through the armor. "I'll look out for her after Alchera. Keep her company until she's ready to kick ass again. I don't want you to worry about it. She'll come back. She's Commander Fucking Shepard. She always comes back."

She's walking away. It's a now or never situation, and Garrus can't ignore the impulse. In this decision, this small attempt, he sees for once possibility. Omega and his squad and Palaven and so much more... He grabs her by the arm and pulls her in, leaning down to hiss into her ear. "I don't care what your orders are. When it comes to it, you follow Kirrahe. Understand?"

Ashley stares at him, shock and confusion etched into all of her features. He tightens his grip and shakes her when she doesn't answer. "You understand?"

The salarians are moving out. Some stare curiously at the pair, chattering flying over the comm as everyone tries to figure out where the hell they're supposed to be.

Her expression is unreadable as she answers him.

Garrus lets her go, watches her walk away and hopes he'll get to see her again. But it's in her hands now.

Shepard stands at the railing, gripping it firmly and grinding her teeth together. Even as she knew this would happen, she'd begged and pleaded that it wouldn't. Hoped at least somehow fate wouldn't demand that she make the final call.

Of course it went the same. She'd done her best not to change anything, hadn't she? She'd driven straight toward her goal, and was willing to sacrifice anything along the way to get it.

Especially things she'd already lost.

In the end, the choice was simple. She couldn't live knowing she'd killed both of them.

"We're coming back for you, Alenko. Ash… I'm sorry. I had to make a choice here-"

"It's alright Commander. I understand. No regrets."

Garrus' hand flew up to his comm. "Remember what I told you. And if all else fails... Take care of her when I can't, Williams."

There was a brief pause. "Will do, sir. You do the same."

The comm goes silent, Wrex is already heading back the way they came. Back to Kaidan, back to the bomb, back to the way things are supposed to be. But Shepard's just standing there, jaw dropped and silently gaping at Garrus.

What did he do? What the fuck did he tell her?

Surprisingly, he doesn't flinch under her gaze. He doesn't even have the decency to look ashamed or embarrassed, just defiant. Back straight, towering almost a foot over her, she wonders when the hell he got so damn confident. She wants to beat the look off his face and demand he tell her everything. Unfortunately, they just don't have the time for it.

"Later," she hisses and storms off.

It's easy to tell when Shepard's pissed.

She fights that much harder, is that much more brutal and unforgiving to her enemies, and sometimes can barely reign in her anger enough to keep her allies from feeling the fallout. It's all Garrus can do to keep her six clear. Wrex seems to be finding it just as difficult. Reckless, a force of nature tearing through anything in her path, he can't help but wonder how he didn't fall for her on the SR1.

In her blind fury, she nearly kills Saren a little early. But the bare-faced bastard manages to get away… again. Part of him wonders if that would've been so bad. Stop this mess early and focus on other, bigger things. But they know what Saren's planning. The geth think sideways in comparison to organics. Leaving the geth to fight Sovereign's fight would leave them at square one.

Not that Shepard's thinking about any of this as she shoots at the retreating Spectre until her pistol overheats. He thanks the Spirits that she's not a biotic yet – she'd have charged him and possibly gotten herself killed. How many times has he told her not to go where he can't follow?

It's no surprise that she won't look at him, barely acknowledges that any of them are there as they break orbit and flee the bomb.

"Joker, report." They all nearly jump as she breaks the silence. Whatever relief they felt at making it out alive immediately dies underneath her barked order and the tension she's radiating.

"The bomb went off as planned-"

"Ash."

Even in this time, Joker's been working with Shepard for a while. He knows that tone and Garrus can see him switch from sarcastic pilot to serious soldier. "I've got word of a salarian shuttle that made it off planet just before we did. Changing course to pick them up."

"Ash," she repeats.

Joker just shakes his head. "No idea, Commander. They must've taken a few hits ground-side. All I'm getting is an automated message asking for pick up." He swivels in his chair just enough to make eye contact. "You don't think it's a geth trap or something, do you?"

"Maybe the first time," she mutters under her breath. "Just pick them up."

"Aye, Commander."

She makes a point of hitting his shoulder as she storms past. "I'll be in the cargo bay."