I yawned, sleep heavy in my eyes. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to get up, start my day and pretend that I was okay. The blackouts were getting worse. This morning I was scheduled to have another session with Ms. Morell but I really didn't feel like enduring that. I didn't want to accidentally snap and unravel this beautiful facade. I knew it was ruining me, I knew that I was slowly losing my mind and that sooner or later I was going to have to come to terms with it, but for right now, I was content with remaining ignorant. I was fine with putting on a smile and venturing off into the world of high school.

But not right now. Not today.

I rubbed at my eyes and blinked. My room was too dark for the state I was in, and it was feeding into my need to just go back to sleep, pretend I didn't have school, obligations, a flimsy social life.

I blinked and it burned, but what was worse, was that I wasn't in my room. This wasn't my soft bed and bright walls. This was that place. That dark, burnt, cold, distant place where my mind liked to bring me. Then it all came flooding back, as it often did. The blue eyed boy so intense and mysterious, the beautiful house, the kiss. Darkness, burning decrepit darkness that smothered me. Blue eyes, not at all innocent, eyes with a purpose, with evil intent. I gasped, the pain and confusion and fear, the exceptional amount of fear I had. I could feel my heartbeat through my chest, rage mixed with my utter weakness coursing through my blood. It was sickening. Fresh air, that would help.

I stood on shaky legs, thanking god that I wore sweats to bed. My mind was racing to find an appropriate, logical answer for being miles from my nice warm bed in my nice big house on Park Drive. I tugged at my hair, I had straightened it the night before out of boredom, something I wasn't used to feeling. The thick, long pieces getting into my face from the draft, though I couldn't seem to find it's location. I took a breath, calming myself best I could. These were getting more and more annoying. They were inconveniencing me and I didn't know what to do.

Well, for starters, I needed to get the hell out of here. I trudged to the front door. The place emptied out into the forest. The same forest I ran naked through. I groaned and hopped down the steps, trying to remember all the boring details of that nature survival guide I had read in girl scouts. As I spun in a circle attempting to distinguish north from south I heard the crunching of leaves and my heartbeat sped up. It was still early, the sun was still on the rise and I saw an opening that I believed would lead me back to the highway. I heard more leaves rustling and I ran to hide behind the decrepit house. I didn't need another mountain lion attacking me. I peeked through the worn wood bars that would have held the front porch up to see not a mountain lion but a person, a very familiar person walking nonchalantly through the woods way too early in the morning. I wanted to leave my spot and run to her, relief of seeing a human face, even if it was one I didn't care much for, all too evident with feeling as if I could finally breathe. But I didn't move, my body wouldn't let me, like it was protecting me. I watched as her long blonde hair swayed behind her, the leather jacket clothing her, I shivered as I felt her eyes through me. But that was impossible, Erica couldn't see me here, I knew that, but her eyes penetrated through the old and damp wood looking at me. She walked away a moment later, I heard the leaves crunching as she swiftly made her exit. What the hell was she doing out here? Why would she be walking around the woods alone? I left my spot then, believing it was safe now and as quickly as possible got my ass out of there. At the edge of the clearing I caught sight of something shinny, it dazzled in the sun and sent fear through me. My car sat just off the side of the road, keys in the front seat, nothing out of place. I stared at the stretch of blacktop to the side of me with a distant and confused look. I drove here? I freaking drove to the woods? Oh my god. What is going on with me?

Maybe a trip to the guidance councilor's office wasn't that bad of an idea.

And maybe Erica's new friend Stiles would know why she spend her mornings in the woods.

Once back at school, after a hot shower, half a crazy pill my mom still kept in the medicine cabinet and normal clothing, I felt just conventional enough to march myself to the library, which was still under construction and spent my free period with the intent to learn everything I could about my brain and what the hell was wrong with it. The whole fiction section was taped off and I passed by it without even a glance, towards the psychology section. I needed to understand what was happening to me. This whole situation was so screwed up and out of character. As I tugged some books from their shelves, I realized it wasn't just me, it was everyone who was out of their usual character lately. I found a secluded table in the corner, and after dusting off some grime that had left a film on the cover of one text, got to reading. It was everyone I knew who had a complete personality makeover these last few months. Was eleventh grade supposed to be so backwards?

First it was Scott who went from zero to hero practically over night, then Jackson went insane. He was a jumpy, Jekyll and Hyde sort, who freaked out at me in the halls for no apparent reason and ditched me after having a human moment. Allison had changed too, from being the sympathetic and passive girl that just wanted to be happy with her boyfriend to this serious, agitated control freak that kept secrets and never had time for me. They all think I don't get it, they all think I can't see that they are lying and dodging me and ignoring the fact that I may actually be crazy. I skimmed some pages, trying my best not to let my eyes cross. So much information was packed in the book, words as small as ants dotting the page. I wasn't in the mood to decipher all this, especially not after what I had just endured this morning. This morning. Then there is Erica, she wasn't all that bad to begin with. Sure she had her seizures and the juvenile cretins that make up our grade laughed at her, but she was always kind. Then she comes into school looking like a freaking goddess and stole the attention of every boy in here, including Stiles. I blinked and slammed the book closed. He didn't matter. I groaned and went for a different one. This one entitled Control The Mind.

This ought to be good.

Stiles was always the hardest one to figure out, probably because he was so transparent that you had to think there was something up his hooded sleeve. There was no way a guy could be that good. But he is, at least, he was, until he started lying to me too. Stiles had always been the one I could count on, I was usually selfish with how I depended on him, knowing he had feelings for me. But, just like everyone else he got this look in his eye and started to slowly detach himself, until I had no one left.

I was empty and alone and all I needed was a friend.

Not a French Canadian guidance councilor who thought she knew everything.

She could not begin to fathom what I was going through.

And I'd be damned if I was called crazy passed my own accord.

Erica strutted into the library after I skimmed over the last book. I scowled as she spotted me. She was wearing the same thing she had been this morning in the woods, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to bring attention to it, I just knew it was all I was going to be able to think about.

"Hey" She grinned, cat like.

"Erica." I nodded curtly, gathering up the books.

"Doing some light reading?" She asked.

"Project, actually."

"Oh," Erica eyed the texts in my hand. "What class?"

"Psychology." I spit quickly.

She laughed quietly. "Is there a class you don't already take?"

"It's a college course, I'm taking it online. Not like it's your business." I lied.

"Right." Erica nodded, her eyes amused. Not at all what I was going for.

"Two questions." She grinned through her teeth, holding up two long fingers.

"One, Harris said we can use the lab after school for our project."

I nodded. "Fine."

"Second-" Her face tightened a bit and her eyes darkened.

I blinked and they were back to light brown.

"Have you talked to Stiles? He isn't answering my texts."

Immediately I could see she was indeed worried. Surprisingly so was I.

"No." I shook my head, "Don't really keep tabs on him."

"Okay." Erica nodded, her smile back in place. "See you in class."

Then she strutted away.

I sighed, like I had been holding in a breath. Is there not a dress code in this school? I rolled my eyes, dropped the books on a rack and headed out the door. I wanted to find Stiles, even if Erica is a little witch, she did seem too concerned for it to be nothing. After a quick stop at my locker I went to look for Scott. He had to know where his best friend would be.

He grinned when I spotted him. Typical Scott McCall.

"What's up, Lydia?" He asked kindly. Too kindly.

"Just wondering if you knew where your best friend was?"

"Stiles?" He asked blankly. No. Your other best friend.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Stiles."

"Oh." He scratched the back of his neck. "Haven't seen him."

I frowned.

"You could always try asking Erica. They spend a lot of time together. He might be with her."

I felt a growl ripple through my throat. I smiled curtly.

"Thanks Scott." I went to leave but he grabbed my arm.

"Could you maybe give this to Allison for me?"

He held out a folded up piece of loose leaf in his free hand.

I shrugged him off and snatched the note. "Sure."

"Thank you!" He yelled down the hall.

Dumb ass.