"Lets just create a chemical bond diagram." I yawned.

"What?"

I rolled my eyes "It's elementary."

"Wanna quote Sherlock some more, or wanna not fail chemistry? I thought you were the smartest kid in school. I'm missing lunch for this?" Erica crossed her arms, pouting.

"I've been dealing with a lot of stuff Erica, okay? You want to think of something better? Go for it."

Erica looked down, I rubbed my temple. I didn't mean to snap. I was actually trying to be as calm as I possibly could be. You know, considering. I was also exhausted, completely drained. I had another nightmare last night, and it took longer than I expected to get out of it. I didn't understand. I thought Stiles was the way out, I had thought of us holding hands, our talk on the bleachers, almost kissing. Nothing helped, and I woke up on my front porch crying and freezing. I had no clue how I got out of my room, out of my bed, but my feet were filthy with dirt and I faintly smelt of perfume that I would never wear. I rubbed my eyes and looked back at Erica who was taking down a brown box labeled 'Bonds'. I smiled weakly at her and she just shrugged.

"Lydia, look-" She started, her voice was soft, the box fell on top the table with a thud.

I looked at her eagerly. She had never talked to me so, humanly.

"Hello ladies!" A voice called from the doorway.

I laughed, not because I was happy with who I saw, but because this was the pattern of my life as of late. Interruption after interruption. Usually, I would have been thrilled that someone was interrupting Erica and I, but not right now, not with who it is, or the tone of her voice. I wanted to hear what she had to say to me. But of course, god forbid Lydia gets an answer or thrown a freaking bone.

"Hey Stiles." Erica mumbled, stepping further away from me.

"Hi Lydia." He muttered, quietly.

I didn't even look at him.

"Allison asked me to bring you this." He slid a coffee and bagel towards me over the black counter.

Were they trying to win me over with food? It wasn't going to work.

But my stomach growled, giving me away.

I saw the corner of his full lips twitch, he wanted to smile.

His lips. Full, pink, and so soft looking. I thought about kissing him. Wanted to, even.

"Here Erica, I got you this." He handed her a sandwich.

She smiled and took it. I don't know why, but him getting her a sandwich from the cafeteria hurt. It's not like I wanted him to get me one, it's not like I even eat cafeteria food. It just sort of bothered me that he got her something and Allison got me Starbucks. I was grateful, no matter how pissed I was at her. But still, seeing Stiles and Erica smiling at each other drove me crazy, like I was forcing this to happen. Like I was bringing them together. I snapped out of it and took a sip from the cup.

"Well, I have to get going, but good luck on the project."

He left a moment later, turning slightly at the door, to say something? He thought differently and left and I felt cold. I took another swig. The warmth of the coffee really did wonders on my still frozen body. I turned back to Erica, but her eyes were averted to her sandwich. Stiles' sandwich. I knew it was his. He always ate cold chicken cutlet. I groaned, inwardly and opened the box, taking out the electrons, and atoms and the sticks.

I don't know why chemical bonds popped into my head, it was so spur of the moment last night while I was falling asleep. I thought of bonds, how they affected everything, people even. I thought of how I blew up on my friends, and I do use that term loosely right now. I thought of the bond I had with Stiles, how thoughts of him saved my life when I was losing myself. Why was that so diluted right now? Why did it take me so long to come back last night? Why wasn't this theory working?

"So have you thought of who you want to ask to the Sadie Hawkins dance?" Erica made conversation.

"Sadie Hawkins dance?" I mocked. They still had those.

"Oh, right." She smiled brightly. "They are making the announcement eighth period."

I looked at her. "Care to explain?"

"I'm on the Student Activity Committee." She offered, twisting the sticks into the blue balls.

"Oh."

"Anyway, is there a boy you want to ask?" She was baiting me.

I laughed. "Is there a boy you want to ask?" I questioned.

"You could say that." She answered coyly.

Stiles. It was Stiles and I knew it.

But I didn't care. Why should I? He was a liar after all. They deserved each other.

"Well I say go for it." She gave me a look of skepticism

"You're a knock out now," I shrugged. "Any boy would say yes."

"Really?" She smiled, genuinely.

"In a heartbeat." I whispered, believing it wholeheartedly.

Like clockwork, eighth period rolled around and so did that announcement. I felt Stiles' eyes on me. Did he want me to ask him? Please. Puppy eyes weren't going to work. Answers, they might. But not those big brown eyes. They meant nothing to me. I was at my locker after the bell, I practically rushed out of that room. I stared at my reflection, I looked the same. I could barley tell that I was a wreck, how were my friends supposed to know? They just were. I told myself. They just were. I couldn't tell you why I looked at the moment I did, I couldn't tell you if it was a noise I heard, or maybe my name was called, or maybe it was the bond I kept thinking of, but I looked and it was the worst mistake I could have made, worse than talking to Derek Hale yesterday, worse than anything.

Stiles and Erica.

Stiles and Erica talking.

Stiles looking at me.

Me looking away.

Stiles and Erica talking and smiling.

Me looking back.

Stiles nodding and Erica smiling.

Stiles and Erica holding hands.

Great. Just, -just great.

I was going to that dance.

Who do you ask to a Sadie Hawkins dance when every guy thinks you're crazy?

Simple, you ask a gay guy.

Danny was heading towards the locker room for practice. I caught him just in time, he smiled at me brightly, just like Danny would. He was probably the most decent guy I know, probably the only decent guy in school and of course he had the unfortunate problem of liking the same sex as I did.

"Danny!" I called.

"Hey Lydia, how are you?" He grinned.

"Good. So I have a question for you-"
"No, I don't know what's going on with Jackson." He frowned a bit.

"No, that's not-" I started. "Wait is he okay?"

Danny shrugged. He cared so much about Jackson, everyone knew that.

I sighed, "My question actually, was will you go to that stupid dance with me?"

"Wait, really?" He furrowed his brows.
I nodded.

"Oh, I thought you were-"

"Were what?"

"Nothing." He shook his head.

"What?" I demanded.

"I thought you would have asked Stilinski."

"God no." I acted shocked. But I sort of was. "Why?"

"I saw you two at Roll on Friday. You seemed pretty into him." Danny smirked.

Oh god. He was there. He saw us, he saw us almost-

"Well I am not asking Stiles, I'm asking you. So, are you in?"

"What happened?" He asked. Typical Danny.

"Nothing." I snapped, crossing my arms.

"Someone else ask him?"

"Are you in or not?" I rolled my eyes, my movements faltered.

"Totally." Danny grinned. We high five-d like we often did.

It was Friday afternoon before the dance. Erica begged me to meet her in the chemistry lab, we needed to finish the project when it was still a week away. I could do covalent bonds in my sleep. I didn't really want to see her, I had managed to ignore everyone for the better half of the week. I was black out free and I was feeling good, I knew it was going to be short lived, but hey, I could dream.

"Thank you for meeting me." Erica breathed.

"You made it sound life or death so-" I mumbled, dropping my bag.

"I was thinking, this isn't going to work."

"What's not?" Your date with Stiles? I was hopeful.

"The covalent bonds. I think we should do something different. I think we should relate it to every day life. Like write up a report or something. You know, just to make it better."

I blinked. She read my mind.

I moved closer, we went over all the information we had.
"What are you thinking?"
"Humans?"

"Maybe even natural elements."

"What do you mean?" I asked, not following, Atoms were in everything anyway.

"The moon." She whispered.

I never thought of that. I pretty much forgot there was a moon, or a sky for that matter.

"So like oceans and tides and stuff."

"Sure." Her voice was strained, like something was better in her head.

I really didn't care.

"Can we just do it next week? I need to get home."

"Yeah." Erica nodded. "I need to get ready for the dance anyway."

I wanted to growl or scream or do something. But all I did was nod.

"Are you sure you're okay that I'm going with Stiles?"

"Why would you ask me that?"

Erica shrugged, licking her lips.

"Because he's been in love with you since before he knew what love was."

I looked away.

"And because I know you have to feel something for him too."

I narrowed my eyes, "Then why would you ask him?"

"Because I feel something for him too, Lydia. Because I saw him when you didn't." Erica said.

"It's not fair that it took you forever to notice that he is an amazing guy. It took you so long, and I've known. I've known how great he is, and he couldn't notice me, because you were in the way."

"He's noticed you now." I retorted.
"Yeah, but look what had to happen." She looked herself up and down.

But part of me didn't believe she was talking about her looks.

"You only notice him now because your weak and vulnerable."

Having someone else say what your thinking sucks.

"No I'm not."

"Why did you ask Derek about his uncle?"

I knew she was friends with him, but I didn't think they'd talk.

"Answer me?" She snapped.

"Why were you walking in the woods at five in the morning last week?" I battled.

She looked at me.

"Yeah, I can ask questions too, doesn't mean either of us are going to get an answer."

I went to leave but she pulled me back. She was stronger than I could have expected.

"I was following you." She answered.

First truth I got all year.

"I was making sure you were okay."

"What?"

"I know about your nightmares, I know that you sleepwalk to the woods and you hang out in the old Hale place. I know that you can't control this."

"How?"
Her eyes dodged me. She started to pull away.
"No. Now you have to tell me."

"Stiles." She whispered. "Stiles told me."

Stiles knew? Stiles knew that these things were happening to me and didn't do anything to help?

This was a whole knew version of betrayal.

"Wow." I whispered. Shaking her off.
"No, you don't understand."

"I don't care." I yelled.

"Yes you do." She countered.

"Stiles knew there was something wrong with you, and he asked me to keep an eye on you."
"Why would you do that?"
"Because I owe him." She answered honestly.

"I saw you go into the woods, I drove your car there. I found you last night too, I brought you home."

The perfume, it was Erica's. My car, I didn't drive it to the forests opening. It was all her.

I looked up, tears had to be in my eyes, she was blurring rapidly.

"I'm sorry your friends are lying to you Lydia. But it's to protect you, it's because you don't understand what's going on, or what's happening. You are in so much danger it's crazy and I'm trying to help you."

I looked away.

"I see him." I cleared my throat. "I see him in my nightmares."

"Who?" She whispered.

"Peter Hale."

All dances are the same, I concluded while Danny and I walked into the gym. Decorations, punch bowl, everything. I didn't even want to come here, since my last lovely run in that left me hospitalized for weeks. I just wanted to go home, but I didn't want to disappoint Danny who actually looked like he was enjoying himself, and I wanted to see Stiles and Erica, to see if he was really happy coming to this with her, of course it had to be better than the dance he went to with me. I was such a crappy date.

I spotted Allison with camera boy. I was surprised, I didn't think she'd come with Scott, but him? Can't she see him drooling all over her? Its disgusting. Was Scott even here? Danny ditched me, meeting up with some Lacrosse players, and then I spotted him. Scott too. They were standing off to the side, Stiles was going on and on about something and Scott was watching Allison dance with camera kid. Typical.

Erica wasn't near them, and I felt sort of hopeful. But I ignored that. I was pissed at him, beyond pissed. He knew that I was scared and vulnerable and a complete mess and he sent Erica to do the dirty work?Why? It wasn't like we were even remotely friends, it wasn't like she gave a damn about me. But she gave a damn about him. I took a deep breath, and went to sit at a table before I did anything drastic.

It was there that I remembered Stiles' speech about crushing on me since the third grade. Knowing who I really was, in every single way telling me he was better than Jackson, that he would always be better than Jackson. Was he even here? Danny would have told me. I saw Danny talking to camera guy, wait- does he? I smiled to myself. Typical Danny. I felt someone sit next to me.

"Hey."

"Hi." I looked up quickly.

"Lydia, I miss you."

I sighed, tapping my nails on the table.

"I am so sorry about the other day, I am sorry I couldn't tell you."

"It doesn't matter anymore Allison."

"Yes it does!"

She looked so sad, so vulnerable right now. But I couldn't find it in me to forgive her.

That was a lie, I concluded while looking away from her.

She was already forgiven and I seriously couldn't figure out why.

"You have every right to be mad at me, I know that. But I need my friend back."

I bit my inner cheek. She needed me. Well what about me needing her? Did she forget that?

"Whatever, thanks for the bagel by the way."

"What bagel?"

"The one you had Stiles give me Tuesday. I would have thanked you sooner but-"

"I never got you a bagel. Good idea though, we all know how much you like them."

I blinked. Crap.

It was about a half hour later when I finally saw them together. She had her arms wrapped tight around his neck and he held her by the waist. It sort of looked like the other day, but she wasn't crying now, and this meant so much more. A song was playing, and I realized it was one of those slow indie songs from that station I listened to, that I still had programed in my car because it reminded me of him.

Erica looked flawless and I was a little more than jealous. The gold shimmery dress she wore came right above the knee, it hugged her just right and I had a feeling it wasn't a dress you could just buy anywhere, my retail skills were a bit rusty but it wasn't in Macy's online catalog.

He looked content. And maybe I was just trying not to use full on happy because somehow the two meant different things, but he did, he looked calm, and handsome, and wanted. And that's what he needed, and that's what he deserved. To be wanted, not just needed, not just tolerated, wanted.

And Erica was giving him that.

Erica was also kissing him.

I have always read about those moments, the ones that everything begins to change, where everything just suddenly makes sense, like the blindfold finally uncovers your eyes and everything is clear. I never actually thought I'd have one of those moments because for the longest time I was under the impression that I had it all figured out, I knew everything, no surprises. Until now. Now I couldn't even tell you right from left, I couldn't' tell you what I had for breakfast or what designer I was wearing.

Seeing Erica kiss Stiles was something I would never have expected if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. It was unpredictable and Stiles was everything but unpredictable. Seeing that, seeing her arms around his neck, his firmly on her middle, embracing each other like it was the most natural thing in the damn world really stirred something inside me. Really made me think about things.

I was jealous, I could say that now.

I could see it now.

It sucked.

Danny found me then, at the most perfect time. He stood next to me, the soft material of his button down on my bare arm. He stood silently, like we were in a movie theater, watching the plot climax.

"Wanna get out of here?" He whispered to me, I barley caught it over the music.

I nodded eagerly.

I missed my chance.

Danny dropped me off, he gave me a hug, telling me it's going to be okay. His eyes were sincere, and honest, and something he couldn't possibly have known how much I needed. This was a scene that we have been through before. A situation that I have relived countless times, Danny comforting me after one of Jackson's mood swings, after Jackson left me at the movies, after Jackson screwed up. Danny was always there to tell me it would get better, that Jackson was just an ass and things would change. Danny was now telling me that Stiles was an ass, that everyone knew how much he liked me, that this was insane. Trust me, I know, I knew that this was insane, that I was insane, but it was even more crazy because I was upset over Stiles freaking Stilinski.

After Danny left I showered, changed and laid in bed ready to fall asleep, wake up and realize this was all a dream. That it wasn't happening and I'd wake up and go back to a time where I had everything figured out.

To say that wasn't what happened was an understatement.