When I opened the door to my room, I expected to see my black-as-night owl in her cage. I didn't. I saw feathers all over the floor, coupled with blood. I rampaged into the western-most room; Hidan's room. What I saw was not pleasant.
"Hidan! Kakuzu! What are you doing to Ajhes (pronounced 'Ashes')?!" I screamed.
"Well, I sacrificed the damn bird, and Kakuzu is selling her to this man," Hidan said simply.
"No!" I yelled, running to grab my dead bird before she could be sold. "You guys are ridiculous! Do you know what this means?!" I yell, tears in my eyes.
"Oh no! We're sorry! Don't make us do that!" they both yelled, now frightened for their lives.
"Ultimate Truth or Dare!" I said, sobbing. They were gonna get it, and they will be an inch from death. Maybe a bit less than that. "Meet me in Hidan's room at 5. If you're not there, well, you better be there!" I said before stomping off, mourning the loss of my bird.
After mourning my dead bird, I went to Tobi for comfort. "It's alright Megress-chan. Ajhes is in a better place. Tobi knows. Can Tobi help punish the two people who killed her? Tobi is very good at punishing," he said, going from his normal voice to his low one.
"Yes, you can come with me." I said, still crying. "It's almost 5. Come with me, and we will make them pay." Tobi followed me to Hidan's room. Both of them were there, so now their version of hell can begin.
"Can Tobi go first since Ajhes was Tobi's favorite pet?" Tobi asked anxiously.
"Yes, you can." I said smiling.
"Ok! Hidan, truth or dare."
"Dare," Hidan said, thinking that Tobi won't get him to do anything stupid.
"Tobi dares Hidan to convert to Christianity!" Tobi said proudly.
"What?! No!" Hidan screamed. I rolled my eyes and snapped my fingers. "What did you do in my pants?! What the hell did I just say in my pants?!" he asked confused.
"I put a curse on you. Now you will say that for the rest of the game. New rule that I just made up. If you don't do a dare, you get cursed." I said smiling.
"Son of a bitch in my pants!" he screamed.
"Tobi didn't know Hidan swang that way." Tobi said giggling.
"Fine in my pants! Kakuzu, truth or dare in my pants?" he asked annoyed.
"Truth." Kakuzu said laughing at Hidan.
"Shut up in my pants! On a scale of one to ten, how good looking would you rate yourself in my pants?"
"Well, I would rather stay away from your… peanut, but I'd rate myself a ten because," Kakuzu started, but got up and posed, finishing with, "I'm sexy and I know it!" He started dancing with dance moves I've never seen before. Music came out of nowhere and the lights dimmed to where only a light on him shown. After dancing and singing to the song, he sat down. "I'm glad I got that off my chest!" he said, pretending to smooth his hair out. "Megress-chan, truth or dare?"
"Truth," I said.
"Why does Tobi always play truth or dare with you?" he asked.
"Well, he is my best friend and he helps me with everything. Right now, he is helping me punish you two. Now, Tobi, truth or dare?" I said smiling.
"Tobi chooses dare!" Tobi said happily.
"Tobi, I dare you to spell Hidan's personality with his name" Tobi looked at me funny, so I went over to him and explained it.
"Ok!" he said. "H- homosexual. I-Intolerable. D-Dick head. A-annoying. And N- narcissistic." He said, smiling under his mask. I looked over at Hidan and Kakuzu, and both of them had their mouths wide open.
"I would be super pissed, but how the hell does he know those words in my pants?" Hidan asked, truly surprised.
"I'm not as dumb as you think!" Tobi said in his low voice. "Kakuzu, truth or dare?" he said, back to normal.
"D-dare." Kakuzu said, still in shock.
"I dare you to go up to Konan and give her a hug!" Tobi said.
Kakuzu slowly went out of the room. We heard screaming and footsteps coming towards us. Kakuzu ran into the room, followed by Konan. Kakuzu had paper cuts all over himself, his clothes all torn up. I had to hold Konan back and calm her down before she killed him. "Konan, you can help me kill them later." I said. Once she finally calmed down, she walked away.
"Hidan, truth or dare," Kakuzu said, still shaken up and bleeding.
"Dare in my pants!" Hidan said, confident that his partner wouldn't make him do anything too bad.
"I dare you to go into the living room, scratch your crotch and say 'Damn, Deidara! These crabs itch! Where did you get them?'"
"Fine in my pants. But the Deidara will kill me in my pants."
"Yes, they are in your pants, but probably not for long. They may get pushed up in a minute." I said smiling.
"Shut up in my pants!" he said as he slowly walked out of the room. We heard the Jashinist say what he was supposed to say, but then we heard a boom! We all ran outside to find Hidan's head in a tree and his body in a hole.
"That's what you get, you ass!" Deidara and I shouted. We looked at each other. "What did he do to you?" Deidara asked.
"He sacrificed my bird." I said, still sad.
"Oh. I'm sorry for your loss. I suggest a heavy metal box for his head and a lake that has sharks and dangerous surroundings." He said smirking.
"Thanks. In fact, do you know of any place?" I asked, a metal box in my hand.
"Yes. There is a poisonous lake near Konoha. I'll take him there for you." Deidara said. "And I'm sorry about last time when I didn't help with the groceries, un. I learned my lesson. I hope this will pay for it."
"Yep! Thanks, Dei-kun!" I said happily. Deidara grabbed Hidan's unconscious head and placed it in the box. He then made a clay bird and hopped on.
"I'll see you guys in a little bit!" he said, flying off into the night.
"Well that takes care of Hidan. Now," I said evilly to Kakuzu. "What should we do with you?"
"Let him live happily ever after?" Kakuzu said, scared like a puppy in a thunderstorm.
"Hmm, close, but no. You are taking me and Tobi on a shopping spree!" I said. He groaned, but didn't want to go where Hidan was, so he said whatever.
"Yay! Tobi has never gone shopping before! Where are we going?" Tobi said joyfully.
"We are going to Diagon Alley!" I said. "Severus wanted to see me again. I was his favorite student at Hogwarts. So this is a great opportunity!" I said. When we got to Diagon Alley, I saw Severus immediately and hugged him. "Sev, it's been so long!"
"I know. It's good to see you!" He said hugging back (weird, right?). "It seems like you got yourself in the wrong crowd though. What happened?"
"Well, Tobi was my best friend in Hogwarts, and he dragged me to the Akatsuki. I've been trying to straighten them out ever since." I said.
"Oh, I remember Tobi. He was the Hufflepuff that always blew up the classroom." He said, his face turning from happiness to anger. "But nevertheless, it's good to see you."
"Good to see you too! The reason I'm here is because this guy and his partner killed my bird and tried to sell her."
"Not Ajhes! She was my graduating gift to you! This man is lucky I don't punch him right now!" Severus said. I held him back as Kakuzu backed up.
"By the way, this is Kakuzu. He's taking me on a shopping spree with Tobi." I said after I calmed him down.
"Ok, let me show you where all of the expensive things are," Severus said evilly.
"Ok!" Tobi and I said. Kakuzu groaned. After the immense shopping spree, we ended up spending about $7,000 with the help of Severus. I got a new bird, a broom stick, and a bunch of potions and ingredients since it was my specialty. Tobi got a new wand, a toad, and a multi-dimension bag to carry things in. Kakuzu almost died at how much we spent. After saying our goodbyes, Severus and I parted, promising to send mail. "Now I hope you learned your lesson!" I said.
"Yes! I did!" Kakuzu screamed, still mental about the money.
"Now, Gypsy and I are going outside for a bit of flying." I said, exiting the hideout.
No one ever knew where Hidan went except Tobi, Deidara and I. My new bird and I got along very well, and she even picked on Kakuzu! She now carries mail between Severus and me. Now, hopefully the boys learned their lesson – never make a girl angry!
I know Severus is very out of character, but I wrote this a long time ago so don't spam me please!