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This chapter won't have Edward in but I promise that the next one will or the one after that… he's coming up soon.
I lay in a pool of my own blood as he stares down at me, his eyes are cold and uncaring it is becoming clear that he does not care. I had thought once upon a time that he loved me, but the malice in his eyes shows how untrue those words are.
"You deserve this Isabella, you deserve everything I give you" he says as he spits on me, his saliva mixing with the blood on my shoulder. "Now you are bound to me as no one except me could love such a disgusting whore, your nothing." He states as I feel the tears escape my eyes and slowly run down my cheeks, he's right no one will love me, I'm fat and disgusting and so dirty.
"Now let's finish this" he says as he takes out his hunting knife and leans over my body, I struggle wildly against my restraints looking for a way out of this as I try to get free, but of course I can't. James made sure that I couldn't.
A sense of panic overtakes me as the glistening silver blade moves closer and closer to my skin, the knife digs deep causing me to scream loudly, the pain was excruciating.
Isabella awakes, her small frame hot and sticky as sweat pours down her forehead, her heart pounding wildly as she reminds herself it was only a dream, it was in the past, but still every single word of it was true and it had happened to her and much more. As soon as the panic is over Isabella feels the tight knot in her stomach twisting over and over again begging for food, but she quickly brushes it off, she was sure that she would be eating today, if only her greedy stomach would realise that too. Luckily she had learnt to control her hunger pangs and she knew if she ignored them they would go away.
She glances around the room, the dim lightly streaming in through the windows, it must be morning, she was sure it was close to it, something that she was both dreading and looking forward to.
Sighing lightly to herself she climbs out of her bed, looking down at the suitcase which is still unpacked on the ground. Isabella dresses quickly, still not bothering to unpack, she didn't see a reason too chances are she wouldn't be staying all that long, once they realised nothing was really wrong with her of course. She bundles herself up in a thick sweater, the once tight fitting skinny jeans hanging low on her hips, showing of the full extent of the damage she had inflicted on her body.
She scrapes her now limp hair into a ponytail, but doesn't bother with any make up, James didn't allow her to wear makeup, so the dark purple bruise under her eye is evident for all to see. As soon as she is done, she walks over to the door cautiously pulling on the handle and nothing.. it was clearly locked, luckily she was used to this and had almost expected it, they used to lock her in at the hospital, at least if she couldn't get out no one could get in, with slightly reluctance she walks back to the bed and waits.
Less than an hour later there is a knock on the door, before it creeks open and Doctor Cullen walks in again, he smiles cheerily as he sees the girl awake and ready "Ah good morning Isabella, how was your night" Isabella just shrugs so he quickly continues "breakfast is served, if you would like to follow me."
She stands and follows him out of the room, noticing some of the other girls gawking at her "we don't have a strict schedule but you are required to spend one hour a day with a counsellor on your own and another hour as a group session. " Great just what she needed, nosy people poking into her personal life and trying to make her speak "and considering you still have six months to complete of your high school education you will attend classes from ten am to twelve pm." That gave Bella some sense of relief, she was good at studying and work, it's something she will excel in, perhaps the only thing.
All too soon Carlisle leads her into the dreaded hall, the smell of bacon wafting through the air and making her stomach cry out for it, but she wouldn't be eating it, no she would find a way of hiding it. "We will start you with something small" Carlisle says as he leads her to the queue which thankfully was not very long. "Do you like oatmeal?" she didn't like oatmeal but it only had three hundred calories, so she nods quickly.
Carlisle smiles once again as he takes her tray getting her oatmeal and some orange juice as he leads her over to an empty table placing the tray down. "I will see you soon Bella" and with that he is gone, leaving the girl sat staring unhappily at the grey slop.
She knew she shouldn't eat it, every single thing that passed her lips would only add to her enormous weight, but as she glances around seeing many staff watching over she gulps, she would have to eat it.
With a trembling hand she reaches out grasping the spoon and digging it into the bowl, scooping up a small amount and bringing it to her lips, slowly she parts them licking at the oatmeal before swallowing the thick mixture, already feeling it sticking to her hips.
Half an hour later and she has eaten half of the food, her belly is full and she knows she cannot possibly eat any more. Standing up she walks slowly towards the bins scared someone will stop her, she notices the woman in the uniform peer closely at her bowl before nodding as Bella hands it to her. As she passes herself in a mirror she cannot help but notice that she already looks so much fatter. She wants to claw the fat off of her body.
Looking away in disgust she walks away into a room that is attached, she spends the rest of the day sat on her own, nobody talks to her, people stare but they never approach still she hears their conversations, especially a group of girls.
The day passes in a blur and Bella never moves from the chair except to eat, which was a big enough task as it was so she is thankful when it is time to go to bed, she hurries to her room, she knows she should shower, but she decides to put it off, she didn't want to risk anyone getting a glimpse at her body. She quickly changes into a pair of sweats and a baggy t-shirt and throws herself on the bed, opening her journal.
Today was strange, the people here seem fake at least the ones that I have met, I will not talk to them, why should I? Some girls sitting next to me were talking about the other girls calling them fat, especially a girl called Rose.. I saw her she is nowhere near fat, she is so beautiful and her bones stick out in just the right way, I wish I could be like her, but I never will be I will always be just plain old Bella. I strive to be beautiful, I strive to be thin, I want to be perfect, I want to win.
No one gets anywhere in lie unless they are beautiful it is a hard lesson but one that I have come to learn. They fed me so much food I must have ingested way over one thousand calories but it is fine I will do my exercises before I go to bed and once I am out of here I will cut back again.
However this place is not as bad as I thought it would be, it is warm and the staff seem friendly, there is a boy however who caught my interest, I do not like him of course, I am not going to be with a man for a very long time. But he intrigues me. He too did not speak to anyone he just sat in silence watching as everyone went on with their busy day. I wonder what is wrong with him, he doesn't immediately seem to be a problem, but there are many conditions here, from extreme anger management to alcoholics.
I will write again tomorrow.
-Bella
She smiles as she puts the journal under her mattress laying back on the bed, doing her leg lifts and sits up's before falling into a deep and restless sleep.
The next day they go through the same routine except this time she is forced to have fruit with her oatmeal.. not just any fruit grapes, something she knew was very fattening. But Isabella manages to once again get half of it down her followed by some classes, maths and science passes in a blur, but when it comes to English Bella is truly happy.
"Your task is to write a poem, it can be about anything you want, but make it deep and personal, show me the real you, you have the rest of the hour" the teacher says.
Bella looks down at the paper, poems always came so easy to her. So she quickly begins to write
Broken girl
By Bella Swan
Every day I wake up and I'm forced to see the reflection in the mirror, still I don't see me.
All I see now is the dark and broken shadow of the person I that I used to be.
My heart is an empty vessel full up on emptiness and despair.
I'm in pain, why can't anyone see that I need them to be there.
They don't see, because I don't want them to see; I'll smile through my pain.
Although I'm hurt and I feel alone, from their pity I have nothing to gain.
Maybe one day you'll see what you've done too me, you did me wrong.
They say that time is the greatest healer, but I'm not that strong.
Every day I have to get up and carry on, to pretend I'm okay,
The thoughts and feelings inside are things that I couldn't say,
As I know people would judge me, if they found out I'm close to giving in.
The darkness has overcome me, it's taking over, I cannot win.
If life was meant to be lived then why do I feel like I am dying?
I see no point in happiness when I get shot down for trying.
I'd like to think that one day I'll be fine, but I'm not so sure,
because honestly I no longer have anything to live for.
Are you honestly so blissfully unaware of what you've done to me?
I'm losing my grip on reality, there's not much fight left, can't you see?
Look a little closer, behind me lies, for I am not everything I seem.
I have no outlet, even when I sleep memories plague my dreams.
The stress and resentment you left in me has taken its toll.
I feel so weak, my life is spiralling downwards, I'm losing control.
They should not waste their time with me, just stop. Don't even care,
For I am nothing; just a girl that's broken, I am beyond repair.
She looks down at her poem it wasn't her best work, but it was personal and it was completely honest something that Bella always had. She hands it in to the teacher.
"Alright you can all go to Lunch remember you have your individual theory sessions afterwards and your group ones after that" Bella frowns it wasn't something she was looking forward too. She sighs as she walks into the canteen, grabbing a tray and queuing up, watching as the large stocky woman places fish fingers- 200 calories mash potatoes- 350 and cabbage, Bella sighs in relief as she sees some vegetables, still it didn't help when she would be eating so much. Bella walks slowly with reluctance to the table, sitting on her own at the very end staring down at the food, she stares for a while before slyly slipping the fish fingers up her sleeve, and eats her cabbage, happy knowing that she had barely eaten.
She takes the tray to the woman handing it over, once again gaining her approval only this time she is happy about it. She walks out of the room towards her counsellors office "I saw what you did" a male voice says" Isabella glances upwards seeing the golden haired boy staring down at her in disapproval. "I'll be watching you" is all he says before he walks a head of her. She stops dead in her tracks staring after him what the hell did that mean? She feels panic rise in her, she didn't need another person in her way here.
Besides he probably didn't mean it.