Welcome to your life, there's no turning back

Even while we sleep

We will find you acting on your best behavior

Turn your back on Mother Nature

Everybody wants to rule the world

Chapter 4

Wendy groaned when she looked at her clock and saw that it had only been twenty minutes since she had last looked. Why couldn't she focus on her reading? Then again, chemistry wasn't exactly the most enthralling read… She sighed and closed her textbook, resolving to find the motivation to finish it later.

She headed downstairs, deciding to have a snack and get started on a draft of the football article.

"Wendy, look who showed up to surprise you!"

"Stan?" Wendy felt her jaw open slightly when she saw Stan standing in the living room with a small bouquet of flowers.

"Um, hey Wendy…" Stan said, shifting uncomfortably as Mrs. Testaburger beamed at the young couple.

Mrs. Testaburger loved Stan and couldn't be more thrilled that her daughter had managed to snag one of the best South Park had to offer. That he was quarterback and captain of the football team only heightened his status in her mind and she assumed—like everyone else in South Park—that he would one day be her son-in-law.

"I'll just be in the kitchen." She said cheerily, flashing Wendy a wide grin as she walked past.

"Sorry about that." Wendy said, shaking her head.

"You don't have to apologize for your mom, she's sweet." Stan handed her the flowers. "These are for you."

"They're beautiful!" Wendy said, sniffing them. "You really didn't have to do this. I already forgave you." Stan hugged her and kissed her forehead.

"Yeah, but now I have to make it up to you. What are you doing right now?"

"Ugh, trying to do my homework, but I'm having a hard time focusing. I was gonna get a snack, would you like something?"

"No actually, I thought we could go out." Stan said, reaching for her hand.

"Now? But it's getting late—" Stan laughed.

"Wendy it's only five-thirty."

"Well yeah but I have all this homework to do…"

"So do it when you get back." He leaned in and kissed her ear softly. "Come on, I just want to spend some time with you…" He took her face in his hands and kissed her lips. "I'll have you back by eleven, I promise."

"Ten." Wendy bartered, kissing him again. Stan chuckled.

"Overachiever." He teased.

"Jock." She shoved him away slightly. "Let me just go grab my purse and I'll be right back."

*~*~*O*~*~*

"I told you Kenny, waste of money." Cartman told his friend as they exited the movie theater.

"Oh how would you know? You spent the whole movie on your phone." Kenny argued.

"Dude, wouldn't you?" Cartman said, pulling his phone out. "Look at the shit this bitch has been texting me!" He thrust the phone into his friend's face. Kenny's jaw opened slightly as he processed what he was reading.

"Wait…what?" He asked when Cartman pulled the phone away. "What the hell did you say to her to elicit that response?" Cartman chuckled.

"I'm just good like that."

"Dude, you are so lucky. This shit never happens to me." Kenny's slightly bitter tone wasn't lost on Cartman.

"I don't know though. It should always be a warning sign when a bitch is this bold." Kenny laughed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Cartman shrugged.

"Bitches be crazy and you never know what to expect with them. And I like to be in control. Besides, who better to recognize sociopathic qualities?" Kenny laughed.

"Sometimes dude, you really surprise me."

"Whatever, man. Let's get some food, I'm fucking starving."

The boys started off towards Mel's, the popular diner that served as the common food and hang out spot for South Park's high school students. It was conveniently located in the center of town and was only a five to ten minute walk from anywhere. As it was only two blocks from the movie theatre, it was one of Cartman's favorite places.

"So you gonna tell me what that camera's about?" Kenny asked, once they were seated.

"What?"

"The camera in your car. When did you get it? Cuz I thought we agreed that trying to get a picture of Bebe—"

"No that's Wendy's stupid camera." Cartman interrupted him. Kenny raised an eyebrow.

"Wendy's camera?"

"Yeah, this…thing I'm doing for the school paper…" Cartman mumbled, picking up his menu and studying it intently.

"Cartman." Kenny shook his head. "I thought we were through this." Cartman slammed the menu down on the table.

"What dude? I'm just doing it to prove it's not that hard to get something published in the shitty school newspaper. She's been whining over that for two years and I'm tired of her bitching."

"Do you even know how stupid that sounds?"

"Whatever, man. Fuck you." Cartman said, picking the menu back up.

"Hey guys, I thought I saw you walking in." Stan said sliding into the booth next to Kenny. "I'd recognize this tacky orange shit anywhere."

"Fuck you, Stan." Kenny said, punching his friend on the shoulder.

"What are you guys up to?"

"Just got out of a movie and fatass needed a snack."

"Shut the fuck up Kenny." Cartman said, not looking up from the menu.

"What about you?" Kenny asked. "Where's Kyle?"

"Oh, actually—"

"Hey Kenny…Cartman." Wendy said pointedly as she leaned against the booth by Stan.

"Hey Wendy." Kenny said with a genuine smile. "Out on a school night?" He teased.

"I was abducted."

"That's right." Stan stood up and pulled his girlfriend in for a hug. "We're trying out spontaneous and romantic tonight, aren't we?" He kissed her cheek.

"You are so corny." Wendy said with a laugh.

'Got that right.' Cartman thought, his eyes glued to the menu.

"Well I'm gonna go pay the check, I'll be back in a sec." Stan said, leaving the three of them.

"Damn, this is awkward timing." Kenny said as he slid out of the booth. Cartman finally looked up from his menu to give his friend a murderous glare. "No dude, really, I have to piss. If the waitress comes, get me a coke?"

"Asshole." Kenny just laughed and headed towards the bathroom, leaving Cartman and Wendy awkwardly avoiding looking at one another.

"Did you break my camera yet?" Cartman smiled.

"Not yet." Wendy rolled her eyes. The awkward silence returned and Cartman mentally cursed himself for having nothing, not even a simple insult, to keep the conversation going.

"I'm gonna go wait for Stan in the car." Wendy said after another minute. "Bye."

"Bye…" Cartman muttered, shaking his head. "You are such an asshole." He told Kenny when he came back a few minutes later.

"What? What happened?...What did you do?" Kenny asked in a warning tone.

"Nothing!" Cartman protested.

"Seriously dude, stop fucking around with me. Do you like Wendy again?"

"What? No, absolutely not."

"Eric, I'm serious." Kenny said, eyeing his friend.

"Kenny, I'm seriously." Cartman replied, staring the boy in the eyes. "I do not have feelings for Wendy." Kenny cracked a smile at his reference to his childhood vernacular.

"Okay, just making sure. We both know how you get when you don't get what you want…"

*~*~*O*~*~*

For whatever reason, the next morning saw Cartman in a foul mood. He sat through first period with an unmotivated frown and didn't say a word to anyone, not even to piss off Wendy. For her part, Wendy ignored him, fully expecting the comments to start at any moment. When the bell rang she was one of the first students out of the door.

"Cartman." He turned his head and frowned as he made his way to Rowe's desk.

"Where were you yesterday, Mr. Cartman?" He asked.

What?" Cartman blurted out, confused. Mr. Rowe's eyes narrowed at the boy's tone.

"I expect all of my staff members to be at every meeting—it's not a suggestion. Being as you're not technically a member of the staff, that's not a very good impression to make, is it?

"But I had football practice til—"

"Is it?" Rowe asked again.

"No."

"I expect it won't happen again." Cartman shoved his hands into his pockets and glanced toward the door. "Here." Rowe handed Cartman a small stack of papers.

"What's this?"

"A rough draft of Miss Testaburger's football article. I find it…lacking."

"Yeah? It doesn't surprise me that hippie feminist doesn't know shit about football." If Rowe had any objections to what Cartman had just said, it didn't show.

"I want you to work with her on it. It could use the perspective of a football player." Cartman smiled.

"Mr. Rowe, if you please, sir." Rowe crossed his arms over his chest, mentally preparing himself for whatever bullshit was about to come out of this kid's mouth. "You may have noticed that the relationship between Wendy and myself is not so good. She's the loud-mouthed super annoying girlfriend of your friend that you have to put up with until he comes out of the closet." The corners of Mr. Rowe's mouth twitched slightly.

"Let me put it another way Mr. Cartman, if you do not help Miss Testaburger with the article, I can promise you it won't be run. Now get out of my classroom."

Cartman took the papers from Rowe and headed for his next class, glancing over the first paragraph. 'This promise of this Friday's upcoming game has the school in an uproar…' The article began. He skimmed the rest, smirking. It was very clear that Wendy knew very little about football and cared even less. She had even added an uninspired quote from Stan about teamwork.

"Pathetic." He said, sitting down at his desk. 'It's like she doesn't even know how to tell a story…'

"Hey Eric, what d'ya have there?" Butters said, sliding into his desk next to Cartman. He gasped. "Did you finish the paper already? Geeze, I haven't even started. You're such a go-getter, Eric—"

"Butters, shut up." Cartman said, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to avoid the headache he would surely get.

"Leo."

"What's that?"

"Leo." Butters repeated. "I asked you to call me Leo." Cartman laughed.

"Whatever. It's not our paper, I'm working on this thing with Wendy for the newspaper."

"Oh, the football article?" Butters asked as he started unpacking his supplies for class. "Didn't she already finish it?"

"I certainly hope not." Cartman said, flipping to the next page in the small stack in his hands.

"Well wait a minute, why would you be helping Wendy with the newspaper article?"

"I'm…doing some...consultant work for the newspaper. And she needs my help."

"Consultant work? I didn't know you could do that…" Butters was thankfully cut off the by the bell signaling the beginning of second period.

*~*~*O*~*~*

Wendy hummed absent mindedly as she shuffled through her papers. "History notes…chemistry homework…" She mumbled, mentally checking each item off of a checklist. Wendy would never admit it to anyone, but she secretly loved the lunches she took by herself in the library to do homework. She would put in her headphones and completely zone out. In fact she didn't even notice when Cartman came up behind her with a sinister smile.

He placed his large hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump and fall out of her seat.

"Son of a—Cartman! What are you doing here?" She yelled angrily, pulling her headphones out of her ears. She felt her temperature rise further when Cartman's only response as he took one of the earbuds in his other hand, was to put a finger to his lips and sush her. He put the earbud into his ear for a moment and smiled.

"Gaga? Really, Wendy?" Wendy frowned.

"Lady Gaga happens to stand for something. Excuse me for respecting that." Cartman laughed.

"How on earth can you listen to that transvestite hippie weirdo? Every song sounds exactly like I would hear it at an anime convention. Have you ever been to one of those raves, Wendy? It changes you." Wendy rolled her eyes.

"So what was this I hear about you telling Butters that we're working on a story together?"

"Oh yes, that." Cartman cleared his throat. "I'm a really good friend of Stan's, Wendy. And what matters to him, matters to me." Wendy crossed her arms over her chest.

"Oh really?"

"Why, yes of course. So, I am giving you this unique opportunity Wendy. I am giving you the chance to get an 'inside scoop'."

"And what does that mean exactly?"

"Wendy, I'll be frank. Your article lacks a certain…well, no, it just sucks. And Rowe has asked me to offer you my help." Wendy stared at Cartman for a moment, her mouth slightly agape with shock.

"No thanks."

"Let me put it another way. We both have to write this article, or I win." Cartman said, looking her straight in the eye. "You have to teach me about this fucking camera anyway, so two for one." Wendy stared back, looking for any sign that would give away his trick. He seemed sincere enough, and though everything she had ever experienced with Cartman gave her no reason to trust or even like him, something Butters had said nagged at a smaller part of her conscience.

Wendy and Butters had forged a friendship after the Marjorine incident and remained close throughout middle school. She never understood how her mild-mannered friend would continuously choose to hang out with Eric Cartman, but he would always shrug and say "Eric's not as bad as everyone thinks, and besides, he needs me."

Wendy had puzzled over this one for a while. What could Butters possibly see in Eric Cartman that wasn't as bad as everyone saw. She'd seen firsthand what the foul mouthed teenager was capable of when at his absolute worst. But to this day, Butters defended his friend, even today when he had come to see her about joining the paper.

"Eric's not the same spiteful asshole he used to be Wendy," Butters had said. Wendy laughed.

"Oh please Leo, Cartman will always be an asshole."

"I'm not denying he's still an asshole." Butters agreed. "Some things never change, but I can promise you he's not just doing this to piss you off. He doesn't waste time messing around with things that he doesn't care about." Wendy raised an eyebrow. "Well…not much time. A minor inconvenience, sure, but a daily change in his schedule? No." Wendy sighed.

"Wendy?" She blinked, realizing that she was still staring at Cartman. She looked away quickly. "You okay? For a minute you were looking a little spacey there…"

"I'm fine." 'Work with Cartman…' It was impossible. This was past showing him how to press a few buttons, this was actual collaboration.

She looked back at her childhood enemy. Could she force herself to like him enough to make it work? No…not like. She didn't have to like Eric Cartman.

"Respect." She said.

"Excuse me?"

"If we're going to make this work, we need to set some ground rules and respect each other." Cartman frowned slightly.

"Meaning…?"

"You have to stop calling me bitch. And hoe. And anything else. You will respect my ideas and I will respect yours. We are working together." Cartman cracked a smile.

"Now you're just taking all the fun out of it." He said. "But fine. Meet me in front of the locker rooms at 6:30 tomorrow night."