Chapter 5

You're up, and you'll get down, you're never running from this town

And to think you said you'll never get anything better than this

Cause you're going round in circles, and everyone knows you're troubled.

This town is the oldest friend of mine…

"I'm NOT going through this with you again Gerald!" Kyle Broflovski winced as his mother's piercing voice floated through the crack in his door as his parents brought their fight upstairs. He got up from his desk and closed the door all the way, locking it for good measure.

"Then DON'T! I would love to have a moment of silence in my own damn house!" His father shouted back.

Kyle sat as his desk, staring at the wall in front of him and listening to his parents yell at each other. He sighed and pulled his headphones out of his pocket, stuffing them into his ears violently trying to block out the noise. Satisfied with his song choice, he flipped open his calculus book and started to read. It was only a few minutes before he tugged the headphones out of his ears and tossed them on his bed.

"God damn it!" He slammed his fist on his desk and threw his calculus book to the floor.

It was never ending these days. His mom had something new to bitch about every day that just led to the same argument about how distant his father was being. They would scream at each other for an hour or two before—

"Kyle!" The door slammed as his father attempted to force it open from the other side. "Why is your door locked? Open it right now!" Kyle groaned, knowing what was coming the moment he opened the door.

"Where is your college application?" Gerald demanded, looking around the room.

"I'm still working on it." Kyle said, sitting down on his bed and wrapping his headphones neatly around his iPod.

"Don't you walk away from me!" Sheila said, coming in behind her husband. "And now you're bothering Kyle again, when are you gonna learn to leave him alone? He'll finish it when he finishes it! He has to concentrate on his classes right now if he's ever going to get accepted to college!"

"Oh yeah, he looks like he's studying real hard." Gerald said, gesturing to the calculus book that lay disheveled across the room. Her argument proved invalid, Sheila frowned and turned to Kyle.

"Just what do you think you were doing young man?" She demanded.

"Oh my God, seriously?" Kyle shouted back, finally breaking. He jumped off of his bed and picked up the book, slamming it down on his desk. "Happy? Can you get out of my room so I can get back to work?" But his parents had barely noticed his outburst, having resumed their shouting match at each other. "Fuck this." He picked up the textbook and shrugged on his backpack, leaving his parents behind in his room.

Once outside he pulled his phone out of his pocket to find a text from Stan. 'Hey man, wanna do Mel's for dinner?' Kyle let out a deep breath of air. Thank God for Stan. His best friend was the only person that could make him forget about all of the bullshit that he had to put up with at home. Best of all, Stan didn't press him for details and Kyle never wanted to discuss it. Talking about it only made it worse, and the last thing he wanted was for Stan's pity to get in the way of their friendship, which it most certainly would.

Kyle started typing a response when Stan's car pulled into his driveway. He smiled and opened the door. "Dude, I was just responding to you."

"I sent that text like twenty minutes ago. But I was hungry now so…" Kyle laughed. "Why were you outside?"

"Oh, just my parents were going at it again so I needed some air. You couldn't have had better timing." Stan nodded and put the car in reverse.

"Could you turn that down?" Kenny yelled at Cartman over the radio. Cartman rolled his eyes and reached for the volume knob.

"Aww, I'm sorry Ken, is it too loud for you?" He asked, exhaling smoke in the direction of his friends face. Kenny shook his head and took a drag from his own cigarette.

"Such a dick. What happened to the mornings when we would talk, huh? Or are you too good for that now?" He joked. Cartman laughed.

"Don't be such a fag Kenny. You know girls don't respond to that."

"Ha! Well if Justin Bieber can do it…" Kenny laughed, shaking his head. "Seriously though, when were you going to tell me that you're actually writing an article for the paper?" Cartman frowned.

"Why is everyone making such a big deal about this?" He demanded. Kenny raised an eyebrow.

"Who is 'everyone'?"

Cartman glared at Kenny. "Alright man, whatever. What about it?"

"Red writes the horoscope, right?"

Cartman thought for a moment. Come to think of it Red had been at the staff meetings… "Honestly, I have no idea dude." Cartman flicked the cigarette out of the window as he pulled into the school parking lot.

"What?" Kenny laughed. "How do you not know?"

"Kenny, I do not care about the stupid school newspaper."

"So why exactly are you doing this again?" Cartman shut the engine off and stared at his steering wheel for a moment.

"Fuck off, Kenny." He said, getting out of the car and slamming his door shut.

"Dude…" Kenny groaned, running to catch up with his friend. "Cartman, come on man, don't be such a dick." Cartman pretended not to hear him and pulled his phone out of his pocket to find a text.

'Have any plans after the game? My parents are out of town.' Cartman smiled as he read Diana's text.

"Dude, I'm sorry. The only reason I ask is…well…about Red…" Kenny continued. Cartman barely heard a word he said as he quickly typed a response back. "I don't know, we had a class together last year and we talked a little."

"Are you coming to the game tonight?" Cartman turned to ask.

"Well…yeah I was hoping to. I was thinking I would talk to Red after the game and depending on what you were doing I thought we could—"

"I have plans, sorry Kenny." Cartman said, grinning again as he read the response.

"C'mon Cartman, do you know how long it's been since I've been laid?" Kenny whined, leaning against Cartman's locker.

"I understand, and I feel for you man, I do. But the fact is, it's a matter of me getting laid or you." He said, holding his phone up for Kenny to see the new picture text he had received. Kenny's jaw dropped.

"Dude…"

"I know." Cartman glanced at the photo Diana had sent one more time before putting his phone back in his pocket. "So I can give you a ride to the game if you like Ken, but you're gonna need to find your own way back." He pushed Kenny away from his locker and opened it.

"I guess I could ask Stan…" Kenny mumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Guess so." Cartman shoved a few things into his backpack and slammed his locker door shut. "See you later." He walked briskly towards his first period class and smiled upon seeing that Wendy was already in her seat, looking over her notes for another class. "Hey." He tossed his backpack on his desk causing her to jump slightly.

"Good morning, Cartman." She said.

"Listen, we need to have lunch together today." Wendy looked over at him.

"Why?"

"We're gonna take care of this camera bullshit during lunch. I have plans tonight and I can't hang out after school." Cartman said, scanning his phone for a new text message. Wendy sighed.

"Fine."

"Also, we need to have a serious discussion about why your boyfriend, who is the starting quarterback, has not taught you, his girlfriend of…what is it now Wendy, two years?"

"And two months."

"And two months, about the game of American Football." Cartman finished, shaking his head at her in a disapproving manner. "For shame, Wendy. Do you not care about your boyfriend's activities?"

"I…we just…never talked about it."

Cartman frowned. "Well that's about to change. You can't possibly write a decent article about football if you don't even know how to play the game." He reached into his backpack and pulled out a sheet of paper. "So obviously you have two teams. This side is defense…" He began, drawing several circles that made no sense to Wendy. "Hey! Pay attention. And this is the offense, and there's your pussy boyfriend Stan…"

Wendy rolled her eyes, but turned her attention to Cartman's drawing and he continued his lecture, even as the bell rang.

Satisfied with Wendy's ability to intelligibly discuss the basic rules of football after their crash course in first period, Cartman already felt the day a success. He even found himself looking forward to their lunch together. He managed to get in the lunch line early and was on his way to meet Wendy as everyone entered the cafeteria.

"Cartman." He stopped in his tracks when he turned the corner to the library entrance to see Diana Chang standing outside the door.

"Oh hey." He said, trying to conceal his surprise.

"I was just going to lunch. Did you want to join me?" She asked, lowering her voice as she stepped closer.

"Oh…you know, I actually can't. I have lunch plans with a friend…" He said, his determination wavering as she unceremoniously took her free hand and grabbed for his crotch. "Whoa…hey there…" He felt himself grow immediately hard under her touch though he could barely feel her hand through his jeans.

"You sure?" Diana asked, leaning in closer to whisper in his ear. "Don't make me wait too long." She said, causing him to shiver as her warm breath sent a chill down his spine. Giving his crotch a short squeeze, she released him and sauntered down the hall towards the cafeteria. He exhaled sharply and watched her until she was out of sight.

"God damn…" He said aloud, pacing a bit, trying to walk it off before heading into the library. The last thing he needed was for to be around Wendy when he had a raging semi. He took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself down.

After a few moments, he trudged into the library and set his food on the furthest table from the door. Wendy was nowhere in sight, so he sat down and started eating. He was nearly finished by the time she finally joined him, throwing her books down on the table in a huff.

"Well damn. What could have gotten you so worked up in the last few hours?" He asked through a large bite of pizza. "Started your period huh?"

Wendy frowned at him but just shook her head. "Just a long morning. Can we get this over with?" She picked up the camera, pressing the tiny 'on' button. "Oh, this is how you turn it on."

"I'm not retarded Wendy, I know how to turn it on." Cartman paused, then chuckled. "That's what she said."

"You are so stupid. Now look, this is the zoom—"

"Wendy, hold on, you're not seriously suggesting we do this here?" Cartman asked. Wendy looked around.

"Why? What's wrong with here?"

"Well it's boring for one. The only thing more boring than a book, is a picture of a book."

"No one's going to see these. They're just for practice." But Cartman was already pulling his backpack on.

"No need to waste the film. Come on." Cartman scooped up her discarded books in one arm and headed towards the door.

"It's digital, dumbass." Wendy called after him, earning her a stern look from the librarian. Cartman shushed her noisily from the door and motioned for her to follow him.

Wendy frowned. She was in no mood for one of his adventures today and was completely ready to blow him off completely when she realized that he had taken her books. No, that couldn't be right. Cartman never carried another girl's books. Sighing, she pulled her own backpack on again and followed him.

Kenny sat on the bleachers by the football field casually smoking a cigarette. His lunch sat open on the seat in front of him, completely abandoned. Kenny rarely ate lunch these days, not when there was so much to think about.

As the years passed, Kenny found himself maturing faster than his friends. He still loved Stan and Kyle, but his childhood innocence had been all but taken from him. The now classic saying "Great power comes with great responsibility" had the great misfortune of applying directly to him. Living in South Park with his…condition as he come to call it, had the effect of forcing him to grow up rather quickly.

He had long ago figured out that South Park, Colorado was a magnet for strange activity. Supernatural or otherwise, there was virtually nothing he hadn't experienced as the self-appointed vigilante protector that the small town still hadn't figured out that it needed. His 'Coon and Friends' days were a distant memory now—a childhood game that had proved to be only the beginning of what was to come.

At the time, nine year old Kenny had been terrified to discover the terrible truth about South Park. His deaths weren't the only things conveniently forgotten by its troubled citizens. Each strange incident—alien invasion, talking towels, the rise of ancient demons—had each in turn been forgotten by the citizens of South Park and the rest of the world without so much as even a newspaper article remaining. As he got older, the incidents continued ranging from fantastically dangerous to bordering on the inanely stupid, but he continued in his mission to keep his home town safe from whatever might be waiting to tear apart the world next.

In recent months however, he had been afforded a respite of sorts. It had been an unusually quiet summer and he hadn't donned his Mysterion persona since the previous Christmas when Cartman had accidentally temporarily turned supervillain (again) and had unleashed a killer Santa robot on the community. Kenny shook his head at the memory. Cartman had proved to be a handful over the years, but while he retained much of his snide obnoxious qualities (the occasional supervillain incidents included), something had changed in his friend and Kenny found that he actually relied quite a bit on his friendship. Not that he would ever say it out loud to anyone.

Not that anyone he told would remember anyway.

Kenny exhaled, sighing deeply as he considered the events of the past few weeks. He had the increasing suspicion that his "vacation" was about to come to an end. Something was different, and though he couldn't quite place it, it was enough to put him on edge.

His eyes wandered back to the football field where the cheerleaders were having a lunch time practice. He found watching their practice—watching her was the best distraction when he couldn't reconcile his nerves. Kenny sat up a little bit straighter, noticing her looking towards the bleachers. He felt an unfamiliar grip of terror possess him when she lifted her hand to wave. It was immediately followed by a wave of embarrassment. After everything that he'd witnessed in his short sixteen years, countless monsters, death, and destruction, he was frightened by a simple friendly gesture?

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Wendy heading onto the field. No wonder Red had been waving, he mused as he sunk back, feeling even more embarrassed. The feeling was short lived however when he saw that Cartman was following close behind Wendy.

"You gotta be kidding me…" He muttered as the pair made their way over to the cheerleading squad.

Cartman had long had a strained relationship with Wendy in spite of his enduring crush on her in elementary and middle school. Doubtless it was due to his inability to express his emotions any way other than negatively. Speaking of change…

Kenny watched them with raised eyebrows. He fully believed that Cartman had gotten over his crush on Wendy, having seen him at the worst of it, but something had changed there too. In fact, the whole dynamic of his group had changed in the last few weeks. Stan and Kyle were buddied up more than usual, though that was likely due to the extended separation the boys experienced every summer when Stan's family would go on a technology-free vacation.

Kenny had long worried about Wendy Testaburger's effect on Eric Cartman. There was something about her that challenged Cartman—more than just their verbal spats and Kenny was positive that was what drew Cartman to her. Even now Kenny could see through their body language that they were arguing about something.

Cartman had led Wendy away from the cheerleaders and was pointing towards the opposite end of the field. Wendy held a notebook and shifted her weight to her other hip, her irritation obvious from across the field.

"Cartman, I don't have time for your stupid sports metaphors!" Kenny said aloud, raising his voice to mimic Wendy when she started waving her free arm around.

"Shut up ho. Can't you see I'm just trying to tell you that I love you!" Kenny lowered his voice with Cartman's counter. "Now take off your pants and I'll show you what it really means to score a touch down!" Kenny laughed to himself, knowing that it was certainly a line that Cartman would use.

"Oh Cartman, you always know how to make a girl feel like a total prostitute." Kenny continued. He paused then, watching Cartman cross back to Wendy and stand looking over her should as she scribbled in her notebook. Kenny frowned slightly, noting their proximity was a lot closer than Wendy usually would allow. After a few moments, Wendy looked up and noticing their position instantly recoiled in the opposite direction and Kenny breathed a sigh of relief.

If there was one thing he knew, it was that Wendy Testaburger had no interest whatsoever in Eric Cartman.

Song: "The Look" by Metronomy

AN: Sorry it took so long again! Now that it's back to school I hope to writing and updating far more often! I hope you guys like the addition of Kenny's Mysterion—I really do plan on making this more than the usual fluff piece. I want to keep it in canon as far as outrageous and supernatural shenanigans. Hopefully I'll do it justice.

ACompanyofSwans-thanks for your "nitpicky" comments! Keep them coming, it will make this fic all the better!