1124 Words

Chapter Six

The weeks passed, slowly. It was hard seeing Becker at work. They made chit chat, but it was awkward. Going home at the end of the day was hard too. She went home without him.

She tried to keep busy, but it wasn't helping.

Becker was rigid around her. She didn't think it was from anger. They didn't know how to act around each other now.

She had to break the news of the breakup to her family. They loved Becker, so they took it hard. Her mum tried to gently remind her of his good points. She didn't need reminding. Love wasn't the problem.

Then there was the ARC. It seemed that everyone employed by the ARC wanted them together.

Chef Bernie had gotten devious, calling them to the canteen on separate pretexts, only to bombard them with chocolate, strawberries, and a private intimate lunch. He even had romantic music, thanks to a member of the kitchen staff who played the violin.

Becker's soldiers looked at her sadly. Bilson kept trying to have 'girl talk' with her, offering advice on putting up with the male ego. Carlson offered to taze Becker and tie him up until he apologized for whatever he did to make her break up with him.

Lester gave her the names of several relationship experts, not that he needed help with his wife, of course. Epstein, a control room tech, emailed her several sites on dealing with 'difficult boyfriends.'

Funny how everyone assumed it was Becker's fault.

It had now been about three months since the break up. Jess was driving home, in a particularly depressed mood. She saw a sign advertising double chocolate brownies at a café she'd never been to. That was just the thing she needed in a mood like this.

A cute young bloke named Curtis waited on her. He was easy to chat with. He made jokes, and made her laugh—also what she needed in this mood. The next thing she knew, he asked her out.

It caught her by surprise. She hadn't been deliberately flirting with him. She hesitated. By the time she was ready to leave, she said yes.

All night long she worried. She felt like she was cheating on Becker. How would she act when she saw him in the morning?

"Hey, Jess. How are you?" he greeted her, quick and uneasy, like always these days.

"Fine."

He stared. "No you aren't. You're biting your lip. What's wrong?"

She sighed. "You know me too well." She looked away. "Fine. I met this guy, and I had no intentions of talking him up or anything but he was very friendly and well….I ended up agreeing to a date."

Becker looked steadily at her as she continued to avoid his gaze. "OK."

"Ok? That's it?" she asked in surprise.

"What do you want me to say, Jess? You broke up with me."

She said nothing, but glanced back down.

Becker sighed. "What is it you want Jess? Are we really broken up, I mean for good?"

She still said nothing.

"You know how I feel Jess. I love you and I want to make a life with you."

Now she looked at him.

"Do you want that? Do you want to someday change your name to Becker and have it all: a house and kids?"

"I…I don't know. I mean, yes, I do, but no, I don't."

Becker sighed with frustration.

"Becker, I do love you. I do want you. I just don't want a life of constant fear and worry. I can't spend my whole life in the infirmary and end our life together in the morgue."

Becker chuckled darkly. "Everyone ends up in the morgue, Jess."

"Not like that. I don't want to be dreading it my whole life."

"Everyone faces death, Jess. Every one worries about people they love. You aren't indestructible, you know. I've had reason to fear for your life."

"I know."

He moved closer and took her hand. "Everyone has to face mortality."

"I know, but…" and she looked into his eyes, and felt the tears well. "I just don't know if I can face it that much."

He nodded. 'I understand. I really do, but I can't be kept in limbo. If it's really over, I need to know."

She nodded.

"So?"

She looked at him. "I guess it's over."

"You need to decide."

"I know. I guess I have. I mean, I have. I can't be a military wife."

"OK," he said. He sighed, and looked at her. It was the saddest, most pathetic look Jess had seen. "I better get back to the job." He walked across the hub. "Have a good time on the date."

Jess felt slapped. She suspected that he didn't mean it as a jab, but that's how it came across. He was mad. Obviously. He had the right, of course. He'd done everything right as a boyfriend. He was perfect, even now. It wasn't his fault.

It was the damn job, the damn ARC.

Jess sat at lunch with Emily and Abby. "You are very quiet," said the Victorian.

Jess shrugged.

Abby said, "More quiet than you've been lately."

Jess sighed.

"You aren't even eating your chocolate pudding."

Jess nodded, stirring the stuff. "I'm just…." She sighed. "I can't even explain how I feel."

"Depressed?"

"Yes, and sad. Becker…" She sighed again. "He said he wants me to become a Becker and have children and a house with him."

Abby and Emily exchanged surprised glances. "Really?" asked Abby. "Wow. Action Man grew up well."

Emily laughed. "What did you say?"

"I said… (sigh)….that I want that too but I don't think it will happen."

Abby looked puzzled. "Why? Loosening Becker up was the whole challenge."

"No, Abby. The challenge is the job. He always gets hurt. For one horrible moment, I thought he was gone. That's when I realized what my life would be with Becker. Every day he confronts horrible man-eating beasts. One of these days he's going to lose. I don't want to live like that: constantly worrying and waiting for him to die."

"You can't think that way," said Abby.

"How else can I think, Abby?" asked Jess loudly. She was getting upset. "I know Becker is wonderful! He's selfless and heroic and I'm a pathetic, selfish brat! I just cannot do it! I cannot live with him, waiting to be left alone. I can't do it!"

She was yelling now, making the entire canteen look at her. She saw grief on the faces looking back. Also pity and understanding. Chef Bernie looked like he could cry. Jess, didn't hold the tears back, and she left the canteen, running.

End of Chapter Six