A/N: As I mentioned in the note at the bottom of the chapter today, one of my readers suggested a Charlie POV chapter as I had done in ABC, and then I couldn't get this out of my head. Guess that means I may love Charlie just a little more than I should, huh? :P Hope you all enjoy.
Charlie outtake for "I Loved Her First"
Watching my little girl get married was the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life, by far. It really started the night before when I made my way upstairs and passed by her empty room for the first time, where only her bed remained. Never again would I see her sitting at her computer doing her school work, or her curled up on the bed reading a book, or hear her say "Goodnight, Dad," as I passed by that door on my way to turn in for the night.
The last nearly eighteen years had passed by so fast, and in the blink of an eye, my baby had grown up into a beautiful woman and vowed herself to the young man I'd given her hand to that morning.
I'd tried so hard to keep my emotions in check all day long, but it was difficult. So many years, I'd stayed at an arm's length from Bella, never able to come to terms with losing Renee, and just as it seemed that we were finally coming back together again, I couldn't reach her. She was gone.
Sue felt my distance all night as she lay beside me, resting her head on my shoulder, but she allowed me my space in every other way. I stayed awake for hours, running through my mind every memory I had of my little Isabella through the years.
The first steps I watched her take, I never thought I'd ever been more terrified in my life. She hobbled on those chubby little legs and I nearly joined her in her tears when she fell forward and hit her tiny nose on the floor. Renee only shook her head and chuckled as she went to bed alone that night, as I remained in the couch with my sleeping baby girl in my arms.
The baseball games I used to take her to, with my little girl on my shoulders. She cheered when I cheered, booed when I booed, though she was still too young to understand why. She just simply knew when Daddy was excited or mad at the game.
The first day of kindergarten, bringing her to school was particularly hard. I'd just had to bury my wife, and then I had to let Bella go, too. She hadn't wanted to let me go to join her classmates and had more tears streaming down her little face than I'd seen in all the weeks since her mother passed away as her arms clung around my leg. I thought that would be the hardest moment I'd ever have to face—pulling back from her and continuing to walk away as she sobbed "Daddy" down the hall.
Back then, I was living day to day, never thinking too far into the future. So I didn't think about the day she started high school, or when she'd bring home one special young man, and definitely not her wedding day. And even in the months leading up to that moment—from the minute Edward asked for my blessing—I still hadn't. But standing in that doorway, staring into that empty room, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
My baby had really grown up and was leaving my home forever.
The first sight I had of Bella in her wedding gown, when she stepped out of the car with her hand in mine, I swore I'd never seen a more beautiful vision in my life, nor anything so heartbreaking at the same time. I attempted to joke as I always did when I actually wanted to break down, but when I took her hand and wrapped it through my arm, I knew she'd seen right through me when she gave it a gentle squeeze.
As we walked down the aisle, I listened to her nervous, unsteady breaths and felt her grip tighten more on my arm. I nearly turned around and followed through on my threat to take her back home and lock her away. Yet, the moment we reached the end of that long running carpet, I glanced over to her and watched her features relax, and a devastatingly beautiful smile stretch across her lips. Her eyes gained a glimmer within them as she gazed upon the young man in uniform waiting for her at the altar. Edward's expression mirrored hers, and there was no mistaking the love written clearly on both of their faces as he watched her walk toward him on my arm. There was no doubt in my mind that I had made the right decision. They were both very young, but I knew he would take good care of her and never make me regret giving him my blessing—but it didn't make it hurt any less.
Sitting at my table during the reception and watching them dance, their smiling faces a breath away from touching and gazing into each other's eyes, I found myself remembering again. How could it be possible that the beautiful woman in his arms was the same little girl with pigtails and freckles that went to those ball games with me? The one that would beg me to read her the same story at least twice each night before she went to sleep. I knew deep down that she would always be my baby, in her heart and mine, but now, she was also his wife. Someday, maybe would even be the mother of his children. She would be living under his roof, sharing every day with him.
I wanted to hold onto the moment with her in my arms when it was our turn to dance, and the sight of her tears broke my heart. I nearly crumbled on the spot when she told me that she'd always be my little girl and it took everything in my to hold back my own tears as I spoke to her from my heart—how I'd always loved her from the moment she was born and how much it scared me the first time I ever saw her with Edward. It was so clear how much he loved her already back then, and even the fear of the "Dad talk" in the kitchen that day after I'd caught them coming back from spending the night together, hadn't scared him away. It was terrifying to sit face to face with the young man I knew that someday would take my little girl away. Though, not nearly as much as holding her for those last few moments, unable to restrain my tears anymore, even in a room full of people, and once again, having to let her go into the arms of her husband.
Edward's grandmother, bless her heart, did everything in her power to make me smile and laugh as we danced. She was such a vibrant and energetic woman, I could hardly believe she was old enough to be Edward and Emmett's grandmother. Yet, despite that momentary distraction, the time still came to say the final goodbye to my daughter for an entire week, while she was gone on her honeymoon.
I have no idea how effective it was, but at the look in Edward's eyes when she walked back into the room, I felt the overprotective father in me rear up in warning with him. I cleared my throat as I stood beside him and he turned his gaze to me, almost like a deer in headlights. It gave me a brief moment of satisfaction to see that I still made him nervous, though I knew he was a good man. I knew what was on his mind when he looked at her in that knee length dress she'd changed into, and what it was like to be young and in love on your wedding night—I'd been there once.
"She may be your wife, but she'd still my daughter, son," I tried to say with conviction, but even I could hear the lack of it in my tone. I also attempted to advise him to be careful with her—they still had plenty of time.
Bella stepped in and eased my worries, as well as Edward's, and it was amazing to see the effect she had on him. A simple statement and touch of her hand calmed him, as much as I'd seen from him with her periodically through the day. I could see in everything they did that they would not take each other for granted, as I had done with Renee.
Bella could obviously see and hear the sadness in my voice as I gave them my final words of advice and stepped toward me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.
"I wish your mother could have been here to see you today," I whispered softly only to her as I hugged her and she pressed my cheek to her shoulder.
"Me, too, Dad. But she's watching," she replied just as softly. "And she'd want you to be just as happy as I am."
"I am, baby. It's just hard today," I replied, kissing her forehead before she pulled back from me, wiping the tears from her eyes.
I glanced over to Edward, finding his arm wrapped around Sue and I sighed. I could see through the smile she wore as she hugged Bella and spoke to both of them softly—she was hurting and hiding it from the world. I'd pushed her away all day, unable to cope with my own emotions, and I'd done the one thing I swore I would never do again. Just like with Renee and Bella, I had caused pain in a woman I loved.
Sue had tried so hard to allow me my own time to deal with my daughter getting married in my own way and time, while still attempting to comfort me whenever she could. And when she took my arm one last time as we were saying goodbye to Bella and Edward—and I gave him one last dad glare—I could literally feel her heart breaking when I straightened my arm, obviously thinking that I was pulling away from her once more. Her head lowered in defeat as her hold loosened on my arm, but rose again to meet my eyes when I took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
I never thought I would feel that way again—so in love with a woman that I couldn't imagine my life without her. I tried to not let it scare me as much as it did, and Sue did everything she could to make that process easier. And having her beside me in that difficult moment meant more to me than I could every tell her.
When we returned home after a deafeningly silent car ride, she kissed my cheek and told me she was going to take a shower. I nodded and watched her ascend the stairs, but remained at the bottom and gazed up. I had to walk past my daughter's old room again to head up to bed, and I felt my heart tighten even more in my chest. I slowly made my way to her door, leaning my arm against the frame and was stuck by the haunting stillness in the air. Crossing the threshold, I walked over to her bed and sat down, tenting my hands in front of my mouth and leaning my elbows on my knees. My baby was really gone. I would always be "Dad", but now, I had to learn how to be Charlie again, and I didn't know how. I thought I'd been prepared and had already worked toward that, but as I felt tears streaming down my face, I realized that I wasn't even close.
"Are you coming to bed, honey?" Sue asked from the doorway and I looked up. Her long black hair hung loose and damp from her shower, leaving small wet spots on the satin nightgown she wore, and her eyes gazed at me in concern.
I nodded and rubbed my hands over my face, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, I'll be there in a bit. I just need another minute or so."
Sue walked across the room and pressed a kiss to the top of my head, running her fingers over my hair as she pulled away. "Okay, take your time." She paused as the backs of her fingers traced along my cheek and I closed my eyes at the comforting feel of it. "I love you, Charlie."
I looked up at her again, watching her gaze flicker over my face and I took her hand in mine, kissing her knuckles. "I love you, too. I'll only be a few more minutes."
Sue nodded silently and left the room, and my eyes surveyed my surroundings again. The smell of Bella's shampoo still lingered in the air and on the mattress I sat upon, and I inhaled deeply, allowing myself one last moment of loss before I snapped myself out of it. It wasn't as if I would never see or talk to her again—she was just married and starting her own life. And I wasn't alone. I had a wonderful woman who loved me and took care of me as completely as I did her. In just under a year, I had regained that element of happiness in my life, more than I'd ever known. And I had my own to start living.
Standing from the bed, I walked to the door, glancing back into the room one last time before closing it behind me.
Time to take a step forward.
When I entered my own bedroom, I quietly removed the remainder of my tuxedo, not wishing to wake Sue if she was already asleep. Her back was turned to me, so I couldn't tell. Once I was undressed and in a pair of night pants, I climbed into bed behind her and slid my arms around her gently.
Her hand rose to take mine on her shoulder, grasping it securely and it was then that I noticed that not only was she awake, but she was also crying. She held my arm securely around her and turned her face further into the pillow, and I felt worse than I had all day combined when it came to her.
"I'm sorry I've been so distant today, honey. I never meant to hurt you," I whispered gently, kissing her hair.
"I understand. You miss her," Sue replied and I could hear the continuing tears in her voice.
"It'll be fine. I'll see her in a week and there's always phone calls and emails for after that," I said, attempting to reassure myself as much as her.
"Not Bella, Charlie," she answered softly, finally turning to face me and I saw the full effect of her tears glistening in the soft light of the moon from the window. "Renee."
I sighed slowly and pulled her closer until her face was pressed to my chest, and her arm wrapped tightly around my waist. What could I say to her? I wouldn't lie to her and tell her that she was wrong—she didn't deserve that insult of dishonesty. And "I'm sorry" seemed wrong, too, but I was. For hurting her. So I said it anyway.
"Don't, it's okay. I still have my days where I miss Harry and I don't have children's milestones to remind me as you do," Sue said soothingly, running her hand over my back. "I shouldn't let it get to me this way. I'm just scared."
"Of what?" I asked, looking down at her but her head remained lowered and I couldn't see her face. "Sue, please talk to me."
"I'm afraid you'll realize that you're not ready for this and I'll lose you," Sue replied sadly and rested her forehead against my chest, her arms tightening around me. "I don't know what I would do if that ever happened. I never thought I would fall this much in love with you so quickly, or at all, for that matter. After Harry died, I gave up. And now that I have, I don't think I've ever been this afraid before."
I gently kissed her hair and ran my fingers through it, feeling her body pressing more firmly against me. "That's the furthest thing from my mind, sweetheart. I haven't been as happy as you've made me in the last several months, in years. It was just a difficult day with Bella getting married and all. I really do love you, Sue."
"I love you, too," Sue replied with a breath of relief escaping her and she finally looked up at me again. "And I'm sorry I got so emotional today. I guess it's just the hormones getting to me."
I froze, even ceasing to breathe as her eyes met mine nervously. "Hormones?"
Sue's lips pressed together and her tears began to well again as she nodded. "I haven't had to think about it in so long, and I didn't give any thought to the antibiotics I was on a couple months ago. And I didn't want to say anything before this and take any focus away from Bella's day. But I'm pregnant, Charlie."
My eyes widened and I finally gasped a breath in. At my age, nearly pushing forty with a grown daughter who'd just gotten married, those were the last words I ever expected to hear, even though Sue was several years younger than I was—not even thirty yet. I was going to be a father again, and at that moment, I didn't exactly know how to react to that. I'd always thought that Bella would be my only child, and now, I needed to wrap my mind around the idea that it wasn't the case.
"I know we've never talked about anything like this, and the last thing I would ever want to do is spring this on you like that," Sue continued and a tear finally slipped over the bridge of her nose. "I don't even know if you had ever thought about having more after Bella. All I do know is that I really want this baby. Is this going to change things with us?"
The tremble in her voice caused an ache in my chest. Did she really think that a baby would change the way I felt about her? Or that I would want to be with her any less because of an unexpected pregnancy? I didn't know if I was ready to start all over again, but whether I was or not, a baby was coming. And to be honest, even though it scared me as much as it did when I was a teenager and found out that Renee and I were having Bella, I couldn't say that I was unhappy about it, either. "Only in the fact that we're going to be parents. Nothing else."
"But you didn't want this," Sue replied sadly in more of a statement than a question.
"Honey, I just haven't thought about it in probably fifteen years, and it hasn't even been a consideration since Renee passed away," I answered, brushing her cheek lightly with my thumb. "But I've always thought that Bella was the best thing I've ever done in my entire life. And this one will be no different. I'm just an old man this time around."
Sue finally laughed and pressed closer to me. "You're far from old, Charlie."
"Old enough to be a grandfather," I murmured and shuddered slightly at that thought. "To think my youngest child could end up being only a few years older than my oldest grandchild. That's scarier than the idea of becoming a father again."
"The bright side would be that they would always have playmates if and when Bella and Edward decide to come back," Sue said with a smile and I kissed her again. "It's funny, but I miss them already. How do you think Bella will feel about this?"
"I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure she'll be happy. She always did want a little brother or sister when she was younger," I replied, wrapping my arms securely around her. "She loves you, Su. And I believe that as long as I'm happy, she will be, too."
"And you are?" she asked and I felt her fingers tracing small patterns on my chest.
"And I am," I answered, covering her hand with mine. "Very happy."
