The Tower is almost always quiet in the morning.
Tony is either passed out or intently working. Pepper sleeps, and for once her mind isn't buzzing with things she has to do. Bruce reads silently. Thor snores. Natasha and Clint cuddle, though they'd most certainly put a swift ending to anyone who teased them about it.
Steve waits.
Usually, he sits on the floor by the huge window in his too-big room and watches the sun come up. It's one of the few things that haven't changed with time. Steve likes how he can appreciate it without painful memories crowding in. Sunrises have always been his time and his time alone. They are one of the few things he never shared, not even with Bucky.
He makes up ways to pass the time.
He reads, 'classics' that he missed while frozen. He reads new, exciting novels and poetry that touches his heart. He does a lot of research on how to use technology. "The Internet for Dummies" was a huge help, not that he'd tell Tony he read anything for 'dummies'.
Sometimes he sketches the skyline while the day is just beginning. That's different than it was before, but he doesn't mind so much because it's still his city. The hushed quiet in his room is broken only by the soft scratching of a colored pencil on a sketchpad. It seems louder than it should; echoing in the empty space and making it seem even lonelier.
Steve waits.
He waits for his team to get up and start making noise. He waits for the choking silence to stop. He waits for the all-encompassing, nightmare-inducing, buried-alive dark to end.
He frantically tries to control his breathing, he does push-ups, he hits punching bags as hard as he can, he draws, he sits, he stands. Steve tries not to cry. He tries to hold himself together. "Just until morning, just until morning," he tells himself. He hides in his blankets and thinks of his mother and father and Bucky and Peggy and the people he used to know. He sits curled up in the bathtub and thinks of his team, how Bruce is so patient and kind to him, how Tony works constantly to modernize him, how Natasha's razor-sharp wit keeps him laughing, how Thor isn't afraid to spar with him, and how Clint is always there to listen and understand. Steve tells himself he is loved; that he matters. He tries to convince himself that he does have a place in this century; that people need him. He's never been good at persuasion though, and he isn't convinced. He hyperventilates. Steve shakes.
Finally, Pepper gets up and gets ready for work. Natasha and Clint slink to the living room, catlike and silent. Bruce stumbles down and begins making breakfast. Tony rolls out of bed and fumbles for coffee. Thor crashes into the kitchen, loudly announcing his hunger.
The moment Steve hears the sounds of his friends, he goes to the kitchen as fast as he can without making it look like he's running. He helps Bruce make pancakes and refills the coffee cup that Tony is nursing. He asks Thor if he slept well, even though he knows the answer is 'yes'. He tells Clint to stop calling Tony 'zombie-man' in the morning because it's not very nice. He laughs when Natasha makes faces at the amount Thor is eating.
Steve watches and listens as the room fills with light and sound. He thinks of his nightmares. He thinks of the forty-eight minutes of sleep he was able to steal. He thinks of his almost panic-attack. He thinks of the icy fear that comes with the ever-oppressing darkness and silence which accompany night. Steve remembers the thoughts of sadness and death and loss that occupied his early hours.
For Steve, it's been a good night. He knows he's had worse.
He just can't remember anything better.
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