Author's Note: Oh, gosh. I can't even begin to express how sorry I am for leaving you all hanging on only the second chapter. My life got crazy busy and left me with no motivation to focus on continuing this story. However, thanks to an amazing review from Clarry and the encouragement from my good friend and amazing beta, Danielle, we're back in business. I thank you for your patience.
Believe me, you'll get all the details and history before the end of the story. If there's ever a specific question you have or something you'd like to see be addressed, leave it in a review. I'll consider it and try to cover everything by this story's end.
Thank you so much for all of the reviews, follows, favorites and general encouragement. This wouldn't be continuing if it weren't for all of you :)
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters.
After a near repeat of the first night of his return, James scampered back down the steps, practically giggling to himself after avoiding Kendall's fist. Kendall could only groan in frustration, rubbing his face, trying to shake every feeling building up inside of him. While taking a few deep breaths, his eyes shifted down, meeting Katie's stare. Kendall gave her a 'What was I supposed to do!' look, throwing his hands in the air before she went back to tending to her kids.
Doing the only thing he thought could help him calm down, Kendall returned to his office, lounging back in his chair as he dialed Logan. After a few rings, he picked up.
"Hello?"
"We're going to lunch tomorrow."
"We are? But what if I'm busy, why didn't you ask me first!" Logan giggled.
"Shut up, you know what I meant," Kendall groaned. "I'm giving him one hour of my time, and if he can't give me a reason to finally forgive him, then I'm done!"
There was a sigh on the other end, followed by a lengthy pause.
"Kendall, look… I know you took the band breaking up the hardest, but maybe it's time you let it go. The label was debating dropping us because our last album tanked, you know, the whole boy band return was kind of played out. I got into that med program I applied to, Carlos got accepted to school…" Logan paused again before continuing. "I may never know why you couldn't bounce back as well as we did. Hell, you were the unofficial leader of our group. You didn't have to settle for the rink."
"I didn't settle!" Kendall retorted. "The rink needed me. I couldn't let them down, that place was our childhood, Logan. My favorite part of home."
"I know, I'm just saying that it seemed like you…" he trailed off, sighing once again. "It felt like you gave up on yourself."
Kendall let the statement sink in, letting the words process as he did every time he heard a similar answer. Katie had told him, his mother had told him – even Carlos had mentioned in passing how Kendall had changed over the past few years. It wasn't as if Kendall was totally oblivious to the cold hard facts – he knew his life wasn't exactly what he originally planned it to be, but he was rolling with the punches, taking the few opportunities he was granted and using them to his full advantage. Whether or not everyone else saw it that way was really none of Kendall's concern; he had been dealing with what life dished him since the break-up. It was James' return that was really screwing things up.
"I appreciate the concern, but I promise you I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't love it," Kendall stated. "Being in the group with you guys made me miss a lot of opportunities, and yeah, I was bummed out when I realized I couldn't go back and make up for lost time, but I moved on. I've accepted it, okay?"
"Fine," Logan sighed. "I may be a genius, but you're a piece of work."
"Wow, thanks," Kendall finally managed to chuckle.
"Anytime. Hey, so, I'm assuming you didn't just call to tell me about this lunch with James. Feeling like you might need backup?"
"Totally, you dudes up for it?"
"You know we're always there for you, Kendall. You got the time and place?"
"Yeah, I'll text you. Thanks, Logan."
"Hey, anytime. It's nice to finally not be the one panicking under pressure."
Logan and Kendall shared a quick laugh before ending their call, Kendall feeling slightly better about the whole situation. It may not be the end of the bitterness, but it was at least a start.
Kendall finished up his day at the rink, filing away the day's paperwork before returning to the rink to remind the remaining skaters that he also had a home to return to. As he looked through the Plexiglas, he noticed a familiar woman around his age, chestnut brown hair tucked in a wool beanie, holding a hand of a tiny child in a bright pink sweater. He rounded the edge of the rink, opening the gate before carefully stepping onto the ice.
"Charlotte!" Kendall smiled a bit. "Tell little Maddie it's time to go home!"
The woman spun slowly around, smiling back at him, one hand on her hip.
"Come on, Kendall! Just five more minutes!"
"Not tonight, it's been a long day. Katie's got control over the rink tomorrow, just tell her to let you skate for free."
"Alright, come on Maddie!" Charlotte bent down, letting the little girl slide into her arms before picking her up and walking off the ice before Kendall followed, shutting and locking the gate. Charlotte sat Maddie on the bench, unlacing her skates before Charlotte removed her own. The two were soon in their sneakers, Charlotte packing the skates in a worn tote bag.
"Got a hot date or something?" Charlotte looked up at Kendall, giggling and scrunching her nose a bit. Kendall managed to laugh a bit.
"Come on, Char," he smiled. "You know the only hot dates I attend are the ones with you…"
"I hardly think that calling me up when you're ten beers deep and need a ride home from the bar could be considered a hot date," she laughed. "But, maybe the part that inevitably comes after that every once in a while could translate into something more…"
Kendall chuckled a little, sighing as he replayed the night Charlotte and him had been intimate. He was at his favorite local bar after work, just getting his favorite burger and beer. Soon, the program on the television attached to the wall in front of him flashed photos of none other than James himself, strutting around LA with a tall, drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman, practically eating her face off as he leaned her against whatever sturdy surface he could find. Kendall snapped, blowing most of whatever cash he had in his wallet on the strongest drinks he could afford. Last call rolled around and so did Charlotte to pick Kendall up after a ten minute drunken conversation on his phone.
Kendall shook his head, snapping back to the current moment. "Very funny, Char…"
"You know I'm just kidding," she giggled. "Loosen up, Kendall."
"Yeah, Kenny! Loosen up!" Maddie added, giggling to herself, obviously not in tune with the true meaning of the conversation. Kendall could only laugh and shake his head.
"Maddie, go take your sister home," he smiled. "Katie will see you two tomorrow."
The child smiled big and jumped off the bench, practically tugging Charlotte along with her, waving to Kendall playfully as they exited the rink completely.
As he completed his evening duties, he felt the familiar ping of guilt he experienced any time Charlotte mentioned being more than just friends. No one knew the exact reason why they ended up in bed together except Kendall, and he didn't plan on telling another soul how his ex-best friend and band mate broke his heart.
Kendall texted Logan the time and location of where James and he would be meeting for lunch before jumping in the shower the next morning. Just like the night previous, he barely got a full night of sleep, finding himself tossing and turning in his sheets, playing every possible scenario over and over again in his mind. After getting out of the shower and drying off, Kendall got dressed and brushed his teeth, his nerves still messing with his every thought. He fixed his hair in a mirror before grabbing his keys, heading into his car to meet up with his friends.
The car ride was once again too slow, causing Kendall to jump to every conclusion possible. Was James back for good? Was he here to possibly get all the guys back together? Or maybe he was here to visit his family and thought, hey, wouldn't it be nice to apologize? Kendall couldn't help but laugh at the last thought and the familiar feeling of his stomach returned, reminding him of the night everything changed. The positivity of his thoughts vanished and was replaced by the overwhelming need to smack at least a single ounce of sense into James' head.
Pulling into the parking lot, he spotted Logan and Carlos waiting just outside the entrance to the café. Kendall parked and got out, heading over to his friends.
"I'm surprised you showed," Logan chuckled slightly, patting Kendall once on the back for support.
"That makes two of us," Kendall sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Come on, guys!" Carlos interjected, smiling wide. "It's James! We were all friends at one point, I'm sure we can all get back to that, this is a positive first step in the process!"
Logan shot him a quick glare as Kendall looked down, suddenly seeming guilty for holding a grudge this whole time. If Logan and Carlos were able to forgive him and move on, he should be able to also, right? Even if things were different between James and Kendall, surely there would be a point where it wouldn't hurt so much?
Once again, Kendall's thoughts were interrupted by the roar of an expensive sports car, practically speeding into the lot and parking surprisingly perfectly in a spot adjacent to Kendall's vehicle. James stepped out in his designer jeans and real leather jacket, shaking his hair once back into place as he joined the rest of the group. He shared a gentlemanly handshake with Logan, which escalated (surprisingly) into a hug before being tackled with one of Carlos' signature bear hug greetings.
After he was able to breathe once again, James turned to Kendall, offering a small nod. Kendall returned the gesture, nodding just slightly in his direction, their eyes barely meeting. The silence was awkward and stagnant, causing Logan to break the ice.
"Alright, who's hungry?" Logan chuckled awkwardly, ushering the group inside, asking the hostess for a table for four near the back. The men followed her, getting seated before glancing at their menus. A cheerful waitress took their drink orders, bringing back a glass of water for Logan, coffee for Carlos, tea for Kendall and some sparkling-fancy-must-be-a-California-thing for James. The boys carefully sipped their drinks as the silence grew once again.
Kendall watched James. He watched how his hair would move with just the slightest movement of his head. He watched how his eyes blinked slowly as they scanned the menu for his potential lunch. He watched how the hazel color of his eyes faded from green to blue, back to the neutral gray color. He watched James' fingertips as he turned the menu pages slowly, remembering how James used to study each song Gustavo handed to them. He watched James' lips as they curved around the straw of his drink, the pink color melting into the white of the straw…
"Dude, you're creeping me out," James' words snapped Kendall out of his daze, causing the blonde to blink rapidly, fumbling with his own menu.
"Yeah, like you're so… normal yourself," Kendall scoffed. "What are you drinking anyway? It's probably just water with food coloring in it, you're so gullible!"
"Kendall, it's called taste," James chuckled. "Not like you'd know what that is…"
Kendall rolled his eyes as he slammed the plastic menu down, nearly knocking Logan's water over in the process.
"Look, I said I'd give you an hour and you've already wasted a good ten minutes of it insulting me for no apparent reason! Either get to the story or I walk away. For good."
James relaxed in his seat, sighing as he composed himself to speak, only to get interrupted by Karen the waitress. The boys quickly ordered, practically throwing their menus at the petite older woman before she walked away. Their eyes were all glued to James as he began to speak.
"Well, I guess the main reason I came back was…" He paused, sighing a bit, reassuring himself. "I missed you guys…"
"Oh, that's rich!" Kendall let a laugh slip, rolling his eyes. "You really want us to believe that? How many times have you visited in the past two years since you fucking left us? Oh yeah, that's right, you HAVEN'T!"
"Kendall, please!" Carlos begged. "Just... just let him talk."
With a heavy sigh, Kendall waved his arm for James to continue, sinking back into the chair.
"Like I said before I was so rudely interrupted…" James shot a look at Kendall before looking back in Logan and Carlos' direction. "I missed you guys. I missed home, I missed my family. Things have been really busy and crazy and Minnesota just has that special way of bringing you back down to Earth, y'know? Making you see what's really important."
Kendall sighed to himself, thinking of how he felt every time he got the chance to relax at the rink. The chill from the ice was always a nice reminder to Kendall where he came from and made him understand why it was so easy to come back after living the Hollywood dream.
"Look, I know I left and things got crazy and everything took off so fast," James looked down, fiddling with his napkin. "But I was made for this. This is my dream. This is my destiny. You guys all came with me because you wanted this for me. I miss the support of my brothers. All of them."
James looked up and his eyes met Kendall's softer gaze, his eyes pleading for the blonde to believe him, just this once. Kendall studied James in that moment, taking in every feature, noticing how his nose still had that slight slope at the tip and how long his eyelashes were. He let out a heavy sigh, closing his eyes slightly.
"We all know what it's like to miss home," Carlos replied calmly, wanting to stay civil. "A phone call or a text wouldn't hurt, y'know?"
Logan nodded, taking a drink of his water.
"We all supported your dream, James," he stated. "Even though it fizzled out, it would've been nice to get some recognition of our help. Sometimes we can't help but feel…"
"Used." Kendall interjected, cutting off Logan's thought, his eyes slowly opening to focus on James once more. This time, the hazel eyes were darker, sadder. The rosy color in his cheeks had all but vanished and there wasn't a signature Diamond smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. Neither took their eyes off of one another, each trying to study the other's expression and peer into a soul they once knew and explored when they were younger.
As soon as James opened his mouth to speak again, their food arrived and Kendall's gaze shifted down to whatever was on his plate, seizing the opportunity to avoid whatever line of questioning was sure to be bubbling inside Logan's head. James politely ate his salad, sneaking peeks at his former band mates, but paying close attention to Kendall. He sighed quietly, focusing on his food but feeling rather distracted himself.
James finished eating first and excused himself, claiming to have previous plans with his mother and that he squeezed this lunch in, making one of them (Carlos) promise that they would all get together at least once more before he had to go back to California. After leaving enough cash for the bill and tip, James left without a second glance back to the table. As James' car flew out of the parking lot, Kendall dropped his fork down on his plate, letting out a deep sigh and slumping down in his seat.
"You know, for some reason, I get the feeling this isn't just about James leaving the band…" Carlos stated, as if he had solved the mystery perplexing all of their minds for the past two years. Logan nodded slightly, glancing at Kendall who only shrugged.
"The world may never know."
