And here is chapter two. I love the comments and support as always they make my day. Until next time...:)
He stood in front of me almost lifeless. The blood drained from his face, his grey eyes turning dull staring at me blankly.
"Cancer? Your joking right, I mean there's has to be something I can do, how much?" I smile, at how he thinks money can fix anything. He's now standing in front of me tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Why are you smiling Ana? You just fucking told me you have cancer, what am I supposed to do, baby I can't lose you, please tell me I can fix this, tell me we will be okay." I get up and take his face in my hands. I concentrate on staring gin his eyes trying to assure him that everything will be fine.
"Baby I can't tell you everything will be okay because I'm not sure. Luckily I'm in stage one so there is a chance that I will get better but we can't rely on that Christian. We have to face the fact that I might be leaving earlier than expected," He turns away as I say this but I quickly turn his face back to me and wipe the tears coming down his face with my thumbs, "Hey, look at me. You're not losing me just think of it like we are taking a vacation. I'll always be yours no matter what and you know that. I know we might not have enough time, but we will get through this, and you are goanna be strong, for me."
He pushes his weight of his face on my hands and sobs. "I can't deal with that Ana, I can't live without you, I'll just end up following you, there is no reason for me to live." I pick up his head so he can look into my eyes.
"Hey don't talk like that. You have many things to live for you have a family, and people who love you Christian that's what you live for. Don't talk like that to me it's my time to go unfortunately but not yours. You are goanna live a strong healthy life, eventually you are goanna find someone else, maybe even have some kids, and you are goanna be a wonderful husband and father some day. Don't tell me you are going to follow me, or I'll just have to haunt you." I try to lighten up the mood but he just starts pasting.
"Anastasia you know I can't fucking live without you! Why do you see this as a joke. I love you, ONLY you there is no one after you Anastasia NOONE! It's just not fair, why you? Why not me, you did nothing wrong!" He picks up a vase and throws it at a wall causing a million of pieces to shatter to the ground.
"Christian baby please look at me. This is not your fault, life is like that sometimes, I know it hurts it's killing me, I don't want to leave not now not ever, I want to be with your forever. I'm scared as hell Christian I'm 22 and I might have only a year left. But I can't do anything only make the best out of it, please accept it." He stops and glares at me like I've just slapped him in the face. I can see the hurt and anger in his eyes.
"ACCEPT IT? You fucking expect me to except the fact that you are dying and I can't do shit but just watch? That's fucking impossible we both know without you I'm dead. I can't live without you, do you get it Ana? You are the reason for my happiness, before you I had nothing, I was meant nothing you showed me I was and changed e and now I'm supposed to let you die? What if the roles were reversed how would you act?"
I don't even want to imagine how I would feel if the roles were reversed. I would maybe die; kill myself before I'd have to endure the pain of him being gone.
"I understand Christian. God dammit I understand. But you can't say stuff like that because it makes me feel more fucking guilty that I have to go. Take in account how bad I'm feeling. I dreaded telling you because of the fact that I knew how you would react, I knew you would tell me this. I don't want you to die, Christian you are healthy and strong and when I leave I would expect you to stay that way, no matter how hurt you are. Do it for me. I know the situation is fucked up but we can't do shit about it, neither of us. All we can do is hope I get better, and spend as much time together as we can. I don't want to fight not at all, I want you to take me in that room Christian Grey and make love to me while we still can."
As if my words were magic he ran to me and picked me up while laying his lips on mine. His kiss made all the hurt vanish, made all my pain disappear, it was just me and him. Time was running out and we were savoring the moments we had with each other. As he kissed me I can taste the saltines of his tears and mine. As my legs wrapped tightly around him and I hugged him with dear life I whispered in his ear,
"I love you Christian, never forget it. Never forget that I love every part of you, your past, the need for control, and your scars. It's why I fell in love with you, I will love you till the day I die and forever more."
As we made love all night and fell asleep silently crying in each other's arms I suddenly woke up from an overwhelming hotness. I open my eyes to find as always my fifty sprawled out on top of me. I smile silently thinking how much I will miss this. I need to do something, something to give him some condolence when I'm gone, something to keep him going. As I get up from the bed careful not to wake up my beautiful man, my attention quickly goes to my camera laying on the bedside and I take it and head to the foyer.
Setting up the camera I quickly press play and sit on the couch in front of it.
"Hey baby it's me. If you're seeing this video which I hope you never have to, it means cancer has taken its full affect on me. Today's the day I told you I have cancer, if you can remember it. We made love all night. I woke up to you attached to me again with your ever so big boner. I just thought I'd do a little something for you. I know right now you feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest. You feel like you can't go on, a lump is probably forming in your throat right now, you want to touch me again feel me. Baby I know, but I need you to stay healthy and strong. I don't know much about what happens when you die but be sure if I see you not taking care of yourself I'll come and kick your beautiful ass into shape." I smile softly at the little joke.
"I'm dreading tomorrow and the days to come knowing you are probably going to be searching like hell a cure for cancer," I roll my eyes and smile, "Well on the Brightside I'll be getting away with a spanking from you. You can stow that twitchy palm down grey. Listen baby, I know it's hard on you, you're probably in bed, letting the empire you worked so hard fall falling to the grown, you're probably not eating not bathed, you haven't shaved either. Although I find you sexy any way, and the thought of you with stubble is making me horny as hell, you need to get your ass up a get your stuff together. That is an order grey; you know how you feel about food, and hygiene. Think of me while you're in the shower, while you're in bed, when you are working, I'll always watch over your baby." I smile as I get an idea that will probably make him smile. Quickly I flash him my boobs in the camera.
"You're probably missing the twins babe might as well see them when they are healthy. Now that should be more than enough motivation for you grey. I love you and hope you have a great day baby." I smile quickly and turn off the camera. I hope he will never have to see these but I need to prepare. One a day can be good enough for him. It's the only way I can ensure some comfort for him. I don't know what will happen to me and as much as I hate dying the biggest problem at hand is how Christian will handle my death.
