Well thank you to the one reviewer... I am going to continue even if there aren't a lot of reviews but it would help A TON if i knew people enjoyed reading this. Thanks. REVIEW!
"I don't live here. I would if my mom would let me. Oh and I don't need a life. Having a life is for saps that don't have jobs." Josh hears the bitterness seep into his voice. He feels the heartbreak influence how he treats others but its too hard not to put up barriers.
"Kyle has a life but he's had a lot of jobs… I guess if you look at it that way." Amanda tries to help him, Josh can see that but he also sees her losing hope too. Good, maybe if everyone got that hint too. His sardonic thought is immediately shoved aside when he blurts the next thing that comes to mind that he is used to doing.
"Well Kyle has Jessi. If I had Jessi as a girlfriend, it would be like a job too." Josh's eyes go wide open as Amanda pales and turns away from him, obviously hurt. It had only been a couple days since the big showdown between Jessi and Amanda for Kyle. The showdown consisted of both girls standing on opposite sides of Kyle and a poor Kyle stuck with the choice. The past weeks had been filled with Kyle going on tons of dates with each of the girls. And finally the jealousy both had been feeling got enough and they made him choose. He saw the whole thing, it was on their front lawn, so how could he not watch? He had no idea how or why Kyle choose Jessi but Kyle had gone to Amanda, the hope lost for Jessi, and he gently kissed her on the forehead and said sorry. The rest didn't need to be recapped, the whole night was filled with loving glances from both Jessi and Kyle as the whole family adjusted to it.
So now, Josh just made the most asshole move and rubbed it in Amanda's face. He couldn't help it if the remark just slipped out. He wanted to keep it in his head and keep moping for a while but clearly that wasn't an option now.
"I- I am so sorry Amanda. I didn't mean to say it." Josh feels his legs moving him towards his friend, but he can't recall wanting to move. And suddenly he is there. He is behind her and gathering 20 seconds of courage like that cheesy Disney movie said to do, he turned Amanda around. The tears were brimming in her eyes and he hates seeing girls cry so he blurted another thing without thinking.
"Would you want to play G-force with me tonight after work?" The look on Josh's face when he said that surprised her more. Amanda realized he was as shocked by the invitation as she was. She could tell he just said that because she was almost crying. It hurt what he said; she didn't think he could be that cruel.
"You hadn't meant to say that either so it's okay." She quietly said to him. Glancing down at the drink she was making, she realized she screwed up the drink. "Damn it." Amanda murmurs under her breath. She can't get distracted by Josh. Just as she was about to start all over again, she felt hands grab her waist. She would be lying it she said it didn't feel good, even for that moment. The hands gently moved her to the side and she looked up to see Josh take his hands off her and start making the drink she screwed up on. Her face probably was like Kyle's confused yet curious look. The thought of Kyle looking at Jessi like that made her insides cringe and turn her head away from Josh.
"I may not have meant to say it but I think we both need it. You are on the path that I started a couple weeks ago. I don't want to see you hurt." He says that in such a low voice that Amanda's ears strain to hear it and even though she did, it still feels like he didn't say it. When he said that, she couldn't help but glance back at him. She found herself staring into Josh's hazel eyes. She swears she saw him glimpse at her lips but that could be her imagination. So she shakes off the moment, afraid of what any of it could mean, by smiling at him and telling him that she would be at his house at 7.
"I can set up my stuff at your house… if you want." He goes back to staring at the drink, which has long been done. She can tell there is something he is not saying.
"Why does it matter?" Amanda tries to keep the tone light but she can't help the concern becoming laced into it. Josh's eyes look back at hers, trying to determine whether or not she could handle what he had to say. Sighing, he tells her the truth.
"Well, ummmm, Kyle and Jessi have gotten into this ritual of causing random spurts of a power outage after dinner. You know, when they- ummm." His message couldn't be clearer. The information that Jessi and Kyle make out, and they cause the power to overload almost overpowers her. She feels her breathing start to grow shallow, a sign of her crying not being in control like she wanted. Closing her eyes, Amanda tries to focus on other things but it doesn't work. Suddenly she feels those hands again turn her and pull her into a warm chest. It feels like her brain doesn't know what to make of it. Josh does not seem in the mood for hugs.
Josh hesitantly pulls Amanda into an embrace. He really was not in the mood to hug anyone but she needed it. He can feel a lump in his throat when the memory of Andy's amazing hugs starts to arise but the feeling of Amanda wrapping her arms around her and relaxing into his arms stops it. Huh, apparently I needed this too. With that thought, Josh lowers his head and rests it on Amanda's head. Hugging someone feels amazing: he hasn't had any physical contact with anyone in a while. And as soon as that thought comes up, something else happens that he did not want to happen. Josh freaks out and as gently but as quickly as he can, shoves Amanda off him. He hurries to grab the drink and bring it to the waiting customer. He politely smiles at the guy and speed walks to the patio where Declan is. He immediately closes the door and sits with his back to the window, where he knows Amanda is giving him a look she learned from Kyle.
"Hey dude, what's up?" Declan casually says, unaware of Josh's current problem. Josh roughly smacks the magazine out of Declan's hands. "Hey! Not cool."
"You know what is not cool? This." Josh glances nervously around at the one other customer in the patio and decides it's safe. He quickly points to his pants but stops when Declan doesn't get the hint. "I have an- ummmm." That got the message across. Josh sees recognition and pity slip its way onto Declan's face.
"That hasn't happened to you in a while man, not since Andy left. What happened?" The mention of Andy's name hurts and causes whatever was going on in his pants to reverse its state. He lets out a sigh of relief.
"I don't know. I- I was giving Amanda a hug and then little Josh decided to make an appearance." Josh ignores the obvious look Declan gives him that asks what are you doing with Kyle's ex. "It wasn't like that, man. She was about to cry because I was an idiot and brought up Jessi and Kyle making out so I gave her a hug. I didn't know what else to do!"
"Whoa, calm down there. It's okay. Amanda is just your friend right? Your body was just confused…" Declan peeks over Josh's shoulder to see Amanda conversing with Hillary. Both of them were sending glances their way, specifically at Josh.
"I can't help it! It been a while since I've had physical contact with anyone outside my family and Jessi when she accidently kicked me. But that's not the point. I shouldn't get… that… especially when being with Amanda." Josh rests his head in his hands and lets out a loud groan of annoyance. Just as he might forget about the whole thing and fall asleep, his arms get shoved and his head lands heavily on the table. "What did you do that for?" He snarls at Declan.
"Amanda and Hillary are looking over here. They might think you regret hugging or whatever you did to help Amanda. Hillary assumes those things and puts them into peoples head like poison. So go over there and don't be an asshole." Declan starts to pull the chair out from beneath Josh but he stops it by standing up abruptly. He growls something about sleep that Declan can't hear.
"Hey! At least you aren't being all sad and moping." Declan calls out to him as he is leaving the patio.
"In the midst of a crisis!" Josh calls back and starts walking slowly over to Amanda and Hillary. He is trying to think of things to say because blurting really isn't working for him but nothing comes up. All he can think about is how Amanda must think he is some bipolar jerk who plays with her emotions. Taking a deep breath, Josh finally reaches the two girls. He is about to say something but he realizes that Hillary is still there. He sends a rude glare Hillary's way and that gets the girl to leave in a huff.
She talked it over with Hillary and they both agreed it was a weird move.
"I mean, he did this really sweet thing and it felt nice but then he pushed me. Why would he do that?" She says to Hillary, clearly hurt. Amanda glances over at Josh, who is talking to Declan, and knows Hillary's eyes follow her gaze.
"Don't worry about it, sweetie. I'm sure he's just worried about what people will think. He seems like the kind of guy to be worried about it." Hillary says absent mindedly but the paleness of Amanda's face brings her attention back to consoling the girl and not instilling fear.
"Why would he worry about that? He was just giving me a hug." She says with little confidence. Her heart sinks when she watches as Josh lowers his head into his hands. "He is probably regretting asking me to hang out."
"Or, most likely he is regretting telling you about Kyle. You said it yourself, he isn't a bad guy and he gave you a hug because he was sorry about hurting you. Personally, I think it is sweet. There is a new couple forming! Ooohhh, Jamanda? Too Jamaican… Amosh? That might work-"
Hillary talking on and on about how her and Josh are a new couple to have drama with is too much. She can't handle thinking about anything like that. "Stop it Hillary! Josh and I are not going to be the next couple. We are just friends and coworkers. I just don't know why he shoved me away."
"Why don't you ask him?" Hillary has a smile on her face that screams trouble. Amanda follows her eyes to watch as Josh makes his way over to them. "Oh, he looks nervous so definitely exploit that. He was a jerk to you so make him work for it."
Amanda shakes her head to Hillary's idea but the thought is already planted in her mind. She waits for Josh to talk but he just sends a glare Hillary's way. Hillary finally gets the hint and leaves, probably to eaves drop or tell Lori about it.
"I am so sorry about my behavior. I don't know what came over me." Josh shuffles his feet and stares at the counter. She wants to forgive him just because he said sorry and the pathetic look he has but the past year and a half has made her less forgiving and rougher.
"What happened? Does it really matter that much to you if we are seen hugging?" She can't help but bring up Hillary's argument. She watches as Josh lifts up his head and looks at her like she is crazy.
"No it wasn't that. I don't care about that. I – I can't tell you now but I will maybe tonight…" He stumbles over his words but has a hopeful look in his eyes towards the end. She knows he is lying but she allows him this one.
"You still want to?" She asks him hesitantly. She honestly thought that he was going to back out of it. She can feel herself fearing that he will. A night of doing nothing besides playing mind numbing video games did sound nice.
"Do you still want to?" He asks her back. She shifts on her feet and sets her hand on her waist, a clear sign for him to not answer a question of hers with another. She had enough of that with Kyle. "I'm sorry. Ummmm, if you still wanted to despite me being a jerk, I would like to." He gives her a hopeful little smile that makes any thought of making it more rough on him leave.
"Sure. We can do it at my house too." Amanda grimaces a little bit about the reason why her house is the place but she immediately removes it. And she is glad she did because as soon as she said yes, Josh's face lit up and he actually smiled. She is tempted to hug him again but that might result in more hurt feels maybe and she wants to be in the happy moment. She made him smile.
"Great. I can bust out my snack supplies and bring over the consol around 7. That okay?" She lets out a small giggle when Josh remains so timid like if he said anything with an absolute she might cancel it. She beams back at him as she answers.
"That would be great."
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