A/N Hello again! I was going to post this yesterday, but it was my birthday and I got distracted... No matter, it's here now. Let me know if you find this formatting annoying and I'll change it, but other than that, I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer I don't own Harry Potter.
Harry and his friends slowly made their way down through the numerous long corridors, with each step becoming less confident. The portraits that hung on the old stone walls stared at the party inquisitively, and some dared to question their reasons and destination, but Harry ignored them. He stared straight ahead, working hard to keep his breathing under control as the main doors became larger and larger. Despite his growing apprehension, he refused to show his fear in front of Ron and Hermione, not because of trust but lest they worry about him more during the night. Harry was well aware of the fact that Hermione would not get a wink of sleep in the coming night due to stress fuelled by him, and he doubted that Ron would sleep much either. The last thing he wanted to do was add to that with an unnecessary show of emotion.
Harry was startled out of his thoughts by Ron's strong hand clapping him on the shoulder. Trying not to show the large red-head that the strength behind the gesture nearly knocked him over, he sent a grateful smirk to him before turning to greet those they had stopped in front of.
"Hey Snuffles," he greeted the black ball of scruff quietly, before kneeling down to pat him. Sirius took full advantage of the position, jumping up to lick Harry's face even as he exclaimed in disgust. Harry abruptly stood up, giving Sirius a mock glare before allowing the straining smile to break free. Hermione, who stood close by, laughed at their antics and was thoroughly relieved to see her friend somewhat happy after the gloom she had found herself in recently.
"Hello Harry. I trust you've been well?" Lupin said, critically analysing the lean teen before him. Harry nodded in affirmation before turning to his friends.
"It's getting late, so I guess you guys should…well, go back to the common room," he said in a strained voice.
"Harry, mate, you'll be fine alright?" Ron walked over and clasped him on the shoulder once again, trying to flood into him some confidence. Unfortunately, the act was pointless considering Ron didn't have enough of his own. Harry nodded as Hermione came forward, her eyes beginning to show the signs of brimming tears.
"Oh Harry!" She cried, flinging herself at him and blurry his vision with her uncontained hair. Harry awkwardly raised his hand to pet her in comfort, but stopped when it just made her sob.
"Umm, Hermione, I think Harry needs to… you know…breathe?" sounded the tentative warning, Ron smiling lightly at the emotional girl.
"Oh, right. Well, good luck Harry. You'll be fine, and we will see you in the morning, okay?" She said softly with as much fake confidence as she could muster, as she backed away into Ron's startled embrace. Harry gave his friends a reassuring smile, and uttered his thanks. Their support really meant the world to him, and he was shattered that he was about to turn his back on it.
An urgent whine reminded Harry of the time limit that was imposed, and before he could decide against it, he began walking out of the double doors along with Remus and 'Snuffles'.
"Good luck Harry," Ron whispered before turning to guide his sobbing friend back to the common rooms.
The next morning, Harry didn't remember how he had arrived where he was. He presently lay in the Hospital Wing, aching and unable to move. Memories of the previous night flooded his mind, and there was little he could do to prevent the scattered thoughts.
Harry remembered that there had been an awkward ten minutes in the Shrieking Shack when Sirius, Remus and he had sat in silence with none having the words to say in such a circumstance. None of them had ever expected this to happen, and all would do almost anything to reverse the path Harry's future had been thrown onto. Their silence and avoidance of the imminent night had been lengthy, only broken when Remus' eyes flashed up to meet Harry's, conveying such emotion that it was hard to believe. The young raven haired boy had stared back in confusion, his eyes asking a silent question as Sirius turned back into his animagus form and Remus leaned against the wall.
Then it had hit him.
At first, it was an uncomfortable tingling that ran through his spine causing hot flashes and dragging shocked gasps from his body. It had centred in odd places, such as the crook of his neck and behind his right knee. Overall, it hadn't been unbearable, just uncomfortable to the point of shaking restraint. Harry had rolled his head around his neck in discomfort hoping to relieve it somehow, and at his failure to do so Snuffles had curled up beside him, laying his heavy head on Harry's foot.
"Sirius, I'm scared," the whispered voice had sounded in the silence, and it broke Sirius' heart.
But there was nothing to be done.
The gasp of the grown man on the other side of the shack was the only warning before a pain so illogically excruciating had overcome Harry's shaking body, and the form of a boy had begun to morph into that of a wolf. Harry's spine had stretched, pulling on the tendons holding the vertebrae and twisting them around until they had forcibly extended. His arms had felt like they were being pulled in every direction possible, ripping at the muscles and bones in the frenzy to change. His skin had been on fire, but at the same time his organs had felt so cold he thought they were frozen. From head to toe, every centimetre of skin had scraped against his bones and Harry cursed himself for screaming as loudly as he did. Nothing had frightened him more however, than when those screams of a terrified teenage boy had turned into a wolf's howl of agony.
The five minute change felt like an hour to Harry, and once finally complete, his new legs gave out beneath him in exhaustion. Collapsing to the floor, Harry hadn't even had the strength to raise his head and discover what he looked like in this form for the exhaustion was too fulfilling and restraining. His entire body had shaken violently, and small whining noises echoed the silence.
He had been able feel the work of the Wolfsbane potion inside his body and mind as the thoughts and impulses of the wolf had nudged at the corners of his subconscious, unable to break through. And in that moment, Harry had understood why Remus was so grateful for the potion; the pain of the physical transformation was hard enough, the pain of losing oneself completely would be too much to bear.
A small whine brought Harry out of his scattered musings, and he shifted his lethargic eyes to look at Snuffles as he lay back down beside him in the Hospital Wing. Harry had been unable to remember when he had left, but his presence was appreciated. Trying to convey his thanks without words, Harry had finally given up on trying to control his frenzied thoughts and allowed himself to succumb to sub consciousness.
The next thing he remembered was waking up in the hospital wing, with Snuffles curled up in a ball at the end of his bed, fast asleep. By the sound of snores, Harry guessed Remus had been brought in too, but his head was too heavy to be able to check. Quietly, he self-assessed his injures.
To be blatant, Harry ached. Every muscle hurt to move, and he felt as though he had been forced into heavy labour for the past six weeks. His fingers gave sharper aches as he stretched them tentatively, and with closer inspection, the slight yellow colour suggested some magical healing of bones. His right wrist was much the same, although moving it was a task Harry preferred not to undertake again after the first analysis. His arms, while looking suspiciously similar to a child's artwork with only purple paint available, where largely unharmed. And despite the pattern of bruises continuing across his sore shoulders, Harry decided that this part of his body had escaped what he'd expected for a first transformation.
His torso was a different story. Large amounts of an orange paste littered his pale skin, covering what the injured boy knew to be deep gouges.
After some of his energy had returned, Harry had raised himself to his feet in a slight bewilderment. Balancing on four feet was awkward, and as he had looked down to ensure that his legs were not made of jelly, Harry had seen for the first time the black fur that coated his form. Fear had bubbled in his stomach no matter how much Harry tried to push it down, and as he had begun to shake, Harry had looked into Sirius' cautious eyes.
"I don't like this, Sirius."
Or at least, that is what he had tried to say when a strangled whine had instead come out of his mouth.
And that had been the last straw for the stressed and overwhelmed teenager.
In a sudden fit, Harry had dropped back to the ground, growling and whining loudly. His paws had risen to his body, scratching and gouging at his skin in self-hate. Rolling on the ground, desperately trying to rid himself of the fur, Harry had been shocked when a dog and larger werewolf pinned him by the arms. Staring into their eyes, his hateful emotions had slowly drained away and overtaken by distraught sobs.
Sirius had cleaned his wounds as he lay on the stone ground.
"Harry?"
"Sirius," Harry whispered, suddenly aware of his weak voice. He watched as the human figure that had previously been a dog seated himself beside Harry and reached for his hand with a fond grin.
"How are you, Prongslet?"
"Prongslet?" Harry questioned with a small grin.
"Umm, yeah," Sirius said, embarrassed. "Just a little nickname I thought of… I suppose it is kind of stupid. Sorry, just forget that I said it." Harry only laughed in response, the sound making him feel better.
"It is fine, Sirius," he reassured. He was eager to say more, but at that point Madam Pomfrey came bustling over to the pair.
"Sirius! I told you the boy was not meant to be talking!" She scolded, pointing her finger at him as though he were a child too.
"I apologise, my dear woman. I was just explaining to Harry that he wasn't to talk if he could help it. Isn't that right, Harry?" Sirius said innocently, as he shot a meaningful look to his godson.
"Yes, Sirius. That's right," Harry replied, easily catching on. "Madam Pomfrey, I promise that-"
"Enough talking!"
The two men both bowed their heads in shameful agreement. Madam Pomfrey ushered Sirius out of the way (despite the fact that the other side of the bed was completely free) to perform a diagnostic spell on Harry to determine his progress.
"Well, Mr Potter, it seems you once again find yourself in the Hospital Wing severely injured. I hope you know, Mr Potter, that if it weren't for me you would be without one of your arms, a foot and your mind would be completely addled! Not to mention all the other minor injuries that are truly too numerous to keep track of… You certainly keep me on my toes, young man," she said as she read through the results with a scowl. Eventually, after what seemed to Harry like hours, she looked back at him with a piercing gaze.
"Madam Pomfrey?" He tentatively whispered.
"No talking!" She snapped. "You have a severely raw throat, a wrist that is mending after a certain mutt applied a little too much pressure, internal injuries that are still tender, and all the scrapes and gashes that I am yet to apply lotion to. If that isn't enough incentive to stay put, I don't know what is!"
Harry stared at the witch as she worked herself into quite the frenzy, her voice becoming louder and louder as she rattled on. His extensive time in the nurse's company let him know that she very rarely became so distraught. It also let him know that to speak and attempt to calm her would not end well. So he simply resolved to wait for the rant to come to an end, nodding his head in appropriate places.
"Ok Mr Potter, you must get some rest. No distractions!" She snapped, glaring at Sirius who nodded innocently. As she turned to bustle off she looked back over her shoulder.
"And Mr Potter? That green potion on your table is for your throat."
"She could have told me that before! Then all her scolding wouldn't have been necessary," the teen muttered as he replaced the empty vial back on the bedside table. Sirius chuckled slightly, although the fun and happiness did not reach his eyes. Harry stared at him questionably.
"Sorry Prongslet, I never asked you how you were feeling."
Harry laughed without humour. "Yes you did, but I changed the topic." He chanced a look at Sirius, sighing when he realised that he wasn't getting out of this one any time soon. "Fine, I feel terrible - like I've been trampled on by a Hippogriff. But the potions are working; I'll be back to normal in no time. Where's Professor Lupin?"
"Sleeping. But the potions are wearing off; he'll be awake any moment." Sirius stared at his godson critically. He definitely looked bad, with bruises and cuts littering his skin, along with the faint glow of healing spells and lack of natural colour in his cheeks. But despite the physical injuries, Sirius was also painfully aware that the mental damage was going to get worse without talking.
Padfoot had whined loudly as he watched his distraught godson become more and more afraid. He had looked over to Moony, who had also been watching apprehensively, for any advice. He'd only given a cautioning look.
But as Harry had begun to attack himself, both Padfoot and Moony launched towards him without a second thought.
Padfoot, increasingly annoyed with his lack of hands and fingers, had trapped Harry's legs beneath his paws as best he could. Moony had done the same, adding a small amount of his body weight on the smaller wolf in the hope of sedating him faster. Harry struggled against them for only a short while, eventually relaxing into painful sobs.
Each tear that fell pierced Sirius' heart like a newly sharpened knife. Ignoring Moony's protesting whines, he had layed down beside his godson, licking his wounds gently.
It wasn't long before the young wolf fell asleep. But Padfoot and Moony had stayed awake the entire night, watching over their charge protectively.
"Harry, I think we need to talk about what happened last night," Sirius began, unsure with how to proceed.
"Nothing needs to be talked about, Sirius," Harry protested. "I turned into a wolf, got a little scared, and then fell asleep."
"Got a little scared?" A gravelly voice said. "Harry, you attacked yourself."
"Professor Lupin!" Remus smiled from his bed with the newly pushed back curtains. He certainly looked weary, as though recovering from a bout of the flu, but there were no major injuries visible. This fact made Harry relax.
"How are you, Harry? I must say, for your first transformation, I would have expected you to still be sleeping." Harry merely shrugged. "Well, no matter. The sooner we get out of here, the better, no?"
"Oh Moony, you always did hate the Hospital Wing. I can't see why though, I mean this colour scheme? Beautiful." Sirius was of course referring to the white walls, white beds, white window frames, white curtains, and white everything else.
"Shut it, you," he scolded before turning his attention back on Harry. "Sorry Harry, but we really do need to talk about last night; your self-harm, to be specific."
The boy in question simply sighed, acknowledging the fact that it would be better to say everything in one go. "Fine, I knew it was always going to come up. To be honest, I don't even know why I did it. I thought I was prepared, and I was – to an extent. I had come to terms with the possibility of hurting people, the fact that everyone was going to look at me as a dark creature and I was even prepared for the pain. But when it actually happened; I hated myself. I hated having four legs that I could barely stand on, I hated that my mind felt different, and I especially hated that I couldn't talk. I didn't feel like myself, and I snapped," he said, getting quieter and quieter. "I don't know what I hoped to achieve, but I felt as though if I could just get rid of the wolf's body, I'd be me again." He chuckled. "Guess that plan didn't work, eh?"
His pitiful attempts at humour were not met how he expected. Instead, Sirius caught him in a hug.
"Harry, it's going to take some getting used to," Lupin said. "But you will, and you'll do it in such a Gryffindor manner; with bravery and courage."
"After all," he chuckled. "A crying wolf is a real danger."
He was met with blank stares.
"You people… it's a David Attenborough quote. He's a muggle?" Sirius lifted his eyebrows at the talking man. "Never mind…"
I hope it was ok, I have been planning the possible story lines for a while now. Please leave a review with your feedback, I appreciate it!
