With all my thoughts 'bout Nicole tumbling around and buzzing in my mind it's nice to just be in the ring. Alotta folks are always asking me what it's like fighting, what makes me so good.
Ain't nothing to it. It's as easy as breathing, been doing it my whole life.
When it's just me and some guy in there, the only thing I'm thinking about it laying him out.
The first kid goes down easy, like I knew he would. I almost feel bad, but they say he'll be ok. He's young enough to take the hit.
Next guy up is Rampage Jackson. I ain't worried 'bout him neither. I have some fun with him in the ring. He's good enough to make me haveta work for it. He's a tough sonuvabitch and it takes a coupla rounds to get him down for good. He managed to draw blood. I figure Nicole is probably freaking out about it, but there's something 'bout blood that makes me wanna fight harder. I wipe it off, barrel outta my corner and take him down. I don't feel tired or nothin' when it's done, even though I know I had to have been wailing on him hard in the end.
I glance through the cage and see my girl standing there, smiling real hard at me. She's good about not getting too girly on me when the cameras are out. She keeps her composure all through the interviews, but the minute it's just me and her, something snaps.
I let her baby me. It makes her feel better and it ain't like no one can see it besides her and me. Something about wiping me up after fights calms her down. It gives me alone time with her, so I ain't complaining.
While she cleans out my tiny cuts, she sits in my lap and asks questions. Guess it's a habit she picked up from being a journalist. She asks about the next fight, what I'm planning on doing.
I explain it to her without getting too technical. It's Rua up next. I know she's seen him swaggering through here like he owns the place, but I ain't worried. I've been watching him and I got his game down. Jiu-Jitsu might look pretty, but it ain't gonna do much against me.
She asks me what I wanna do when Sparta is over. I don't wanna give away too much, but I tell her I'm thinking 'bout moving out to Bristol near her. I already looked at some houses out there, tryna picture what she might like. I found one that I can see us in—an old colonial style house with a big yard. I could build a playground out there for our kids, maybe put in a pool.
We could play sports and have barbeques. The inside is pretty as them houses in magazines.
I bet Nicole could decorate it real nice. I don't say nothing 'bout it though. I want her to see it first before I go making serious plans.
She tries not to get too excited when I talk about moving, but I see it written all over her face.
I know she's thinking 'bout our future as much as I am. It'll be nice to get all this shit out in the open at the end of this weekend. But I gotta keep my eyes on the prize for now.
Rua goes down the way I thought he would. I don't give him a chance to get fancy on me, just explode outta my corner and start beating on him. He looks hella surprised when I get him around the waist and slam him down. I lay a hurting on him that's been more than enough to knock guys out in the past. When he makes it to the second round, I gotta admit he earns a bit of respect from me.
But it don't matter 'cause he's swaying and rocking like he's dizzy. It ain't nothing to swing out and kick him. He falls hard, like a giant tree, planking face first to the mat. Three down.
I spend the night looking at old tapes of Jon Jones, refreshing my memory. The kid is good, a rising star, but I ain't gonna let him beat me. Bones is like a snake, slithering his way around, spinning and kicking like he's tryna be Bruce Lee.
I ain't gonna beat him with my wrestling experience. We're pretty well-matched. And he's too fast for me to catch off guard like Rua or Jackson. So I gotta tire him out, wait for an opening.
It might mean taking a coupla hits.
I look down at Nicole. She's asleep in the bed a coupla feet away from me, looking real small and peaceful curled up in the blankets. I wonder if I should wake her up, maybe warn her that I might be taking a little bit of damage tomorrow.
I decide not to. She might as well get a good night's sleep before her worrying starts.
I watch her stretch out in her sleep. I hope she's having a good dream. I wanna crawl into bed next to her, but I ain't gonna sleep tonight. I never can before a big fight. It ain't that I'm nervous, more like excited. I can't relax until it's over.
I spend the rest of the night going over the fight, making sure Nicole's still sleeping.
After I win tomorrow, I'm gonna have to go out with her. We ain't never had a chance to do that.
I ain't never been a party type of person, but it won't hurt to have one night of it. It's been a while since I've had something to celebrate anyway.
I sneak over to my suitcase and pull out the ring, looking at it. I shouldn't be thinking about it right now, but in 24 hours, I'm gonna propose. It can't hurt to think about what I'm gonna say.
I better follow Brendan's advice, get on my right knee, tell her how much I love her and need her and wanna be with her.
If I ever gotta sound like one of them sappy poets, it's when I'm asking Nicole to be my wife.
The more I think about it, the more nervous I get. I put the box back in my suitcase. I don't think about it again 'til after my fight.
Jones is the first real challenge I've had in a while. It's fun, dancing around with him. It's nice to haveta try. I can hear the crowd in the background. It all sounds like white noise, like one long note. It's like music, like the Beethoven Brendan uses. Calms me down, keeps me focused.
We go down on the mat together so many times I lose count. He's hard to pin and he sure as fuck ain't gonna be able to hold me down. So I wait for my opening, play with him a little.
I can tell he thinks he's got me a coupla times, but he ain't even close.
I see my chance and I take it. A few hard hits and one knee to the chest and he falls to the mat.
The crowd starts screaming. I won.
It don't start sinking in 'til Brendan jumps over the cage and nearly lands right on top of me. He's grabbing me up in a hug, yelling and grinning. I'm smiling right along with him. I start glancing around, looking for the people that mean the most to me.
I see Pop first. He's walking real slow. Surprises the hell outta me when I see he's crying.
I glance over at Brendan and he nods at me. Together, we lift our dad into the ring and prop him up between us. I know flashes are going off like crazy and there are gonna be half a million pictures of this by tomorrow, but I don't care. I pull my family into a hug, right there in front of everyone. Guess I'm feeling emotional right now.
I get my belt and take all the pictures I know I'm supposed to. But the minute I step outta that cage, I start looking for my girl. I see her, standing nexta Tess, smiling and waving at me.
I know she's waiting, the way she always does, for the cameras to go away, but I ain't having that. I reach out and yank her to my side. She flies into me, laughing.
I sling my belt over one arm and her under my other and walk off down the tunnel with my family.
The rest of the night is like a blur of color and sounds. I'm signing autographs every five feet, answering the same questions a million times and I'm insanely happy 'bout it. Maybe it's 'cause Nicole's there holding my hand or maybe it's 'cause Pop looks happier than I've ever seen him or 'cause Tess and I are getting along or 'cause Brendan keeps making jokes, but life seems pretty much perfect.
And when Nicole starts throwing me those looks, licking her lips and staring with them dark bedroom eyes, my night gets even better.
Takes a lot of self-control to get back to the hotel room without jumping her bones. She keeps on kissing me, grabbing at me, running those hands of hers in places I know she wouldn't normally be touching in public.
I ain't complaining, but I ain't gonna be able to hold off much longer either.
We get back to the room and I make some excuse to go into the bathroom so I can grab the ring. I look at myself for a while in the mirror, tryna calm myself down. I wanna ask her right now while I'm the happiest I've ever been. I start thinking about just walking out and dropping on my right knee, but that don't seem right.
Instead, I peel my clothes off, hide the ring in them and walk back out to her. I slip the ring under my shirt near the bedside table so it's there when I need it.
She's sitting on our bed, looking so unbelievably sexy with my belt on her lap that I forget all about being nervous.
I don't waste time with foreplay. The last few hours have been foreplay anyway. Her clothes hit the ground, I lift her into my arms, push her against the wall and in a second I'm inside of her.
I can't help myself. I'm going too fast, faster than I wanted to take it tonight. But I can't stop. She's got all of herself wrapped around me tight, clutching at me. She's panting, moaning, whispering my name. I feel her fall apart against me and start backing up, carrying her to the bed.
She falls down on top of me and I'm happy to let her take the lead. She braces her hands on my chest, lifting that gorgeous body of hers up and letting it fall, over and over again 'til I think I might lose my mind. I flip her over and look at her. Her lips are parted, her hair's all wild and splayed out everywhere and she's got this flush to her cheeks. Her eyes look right up into mine and she smiles. She looks like everything I've ever wanted. I tell her so.
"Oh, Tommy," she runs her hands down my back. Her whole body shudders again as I give one last thrust and this time, I'm quick to follow her. I collapse on top of her, every muscle relaxed.
We lay quietly for a while. I'm ready for her again, but I give her a break. She's still panting, but she looks real happy. Might be a good time for that talk.
"I can buy a place in Bristol," I tell her. She rolls over and looks at me, her lips still pulled back in that big, bright smile of hers.
"You could buy the whole block," her laugh tinkles out, making me grin. I'm glad she's as happy as I am.
"What kinda house do you like?" It's the first time I ever mentioned I've been thinking about a house for the two of us. I feel my face start to heat up again. I ain't even asked the real question, and I'm already blushing. This ain't good.
"I get input?" she keeps on smiling, gently tickling me. "Well, you're gonna live there." It ain't really a question. I hope she ain't offended, like I'm tryna control her.
But she just giggles and teases me. "Are you gonna be there too?"
I like this side of her. She makes me laugh, makes me relax.
"I better be," I tease right back, "I don't wanna be your sugar daddy."
It sounds silly coming outta my mouth but it has the effect I wanted it to. She bursts out laughing, rolling closer to me until her mouth's right near my ear.
"Are you saying you're not sweet?" she whispers seductively.
"I can be plenty sweet." She's distracted me again. I reach out to stroke her and the response is instantaneous. She moans and arches into me.
"In that case," her voice is shaky, "I want an old-fashioned house. A colonial with a porch."
I feel my heart start thumping hard. Great minds must think alike. "Anythin' else?"
I start moving my fingers and her hands fly to my skin, pressing hard anywhere they can reach.
"And big windows," she gasps, "and a yard."
"How big?" I'm playing with her now, and she's playing along. Her hands drag down my chest. "Huge," she grasps me.
My mind goes fuzzy for a second but I pull it together. "Need kids for a big house."
I try to say it casual, just in case she don't like the idea. But her head snaps up and she looks at me really hard. "Kids are a lifetime commitment," she tells me seriously.
I move my hands up until they're at the side of her face and pin her with my most serious look. She holds my gaze, waiting for me to say something. I kiss her, as slow as I can, until she starts to relax against me.
"Sounds good to me," I tell her. I've never meant anything more in my life.
She screams as I plunge back inside of her again. We keep right on going like we ain't never gonna get tired, 'til I start losing track of time.
By the time we're done, she's completely worn out and limp in my arms. She starts falling asleep, but I'm wide awake, turning the words over in my head.
I love her. I need her. I wanna be with her forever. Marry me. Marry me. Marry me.
Before I can think too much about it, I reach down and pull the ring outta its tiny black box.
The band's so small I could only get it over my pinky, but it's perfect for her. I spin the cool metal in my hands, repeating the question in my head.
Nicole stirs against me and I look down at her. She's sleeping. I start thinking that maybe if I could just see the ring on her finger, I might be less nervous 'bout what I'm gonna do.
Slowly, I lower it over her left ring finger, just so I can have a peek, and then I'll pull it off and ask proper. I don't count on her rolling over, her big brown eyes wide with shock.
"Tommy, what is this?" she holds up her trembling hand.
I feel like my heart's in my throat. I can't remember anything I practiced. "You know what it is." It's a stupid answer and it earns her sharp response. She wants me to ask properly.
She deserves it. I take a deep breath and regrow a pair of balls. I can't fuck this up. I pull the covers back and start to stand up. Her eyes follow me.
"I had a whole speech. Practiced it with Brendan and everythin'," I lower myself to the ground, careful to kneel on my right knee like my brother told me.
"So tell me," she sits up too and faces me straight on. I notice she's breathing hard. She's as nervous as I am. It calms me down.
"It was somethin' about lovin' you and bein' really happy when I'm with you and wantin' to be with you forever."
I swallow. I gotta do this right. She's hanging on my every word.
"I was plannin' on wearin' clothes when I did it," I admit bashfully. She starts giggling, the tension broken.
"I like you better without clothes," she says, her eyes raking over me hungrily. My ego flares up a little bit.
"I don't think I was ever really happy 'til I met you. And now, I'm only really happy when you're around. And I like it," I break off and take another deep breath. "I know I'm a pain in the ass sometimes, and I'm grumpy and can be a jerk…"
I stop. I'm making too good an argument for her not to have me. I try again.
"For some reason, you've hung in there with me for a year now."
I think of us last year, the place I was in. I don't ever wanna be like that again.
"I was hopin' you might hang in there with me for the rest of our lives." I slip the ring off her finger and hold it up, "Nicole, will you marry me?"
She starts trembling all over, looking wildly from my face back to the ring and back again. She opens her mouth and I feel my stomach start to drop. This is the most nervous I've ever been, more than being in the ring, more than being at war. I can beat the shit outta giant men for a living, but something about the woman in fronta me has me scared shitless.
"Tommy, when did you get this?" I wasn't expecting her to ask me a question.
"Right after my birthday," I answer her, even though I'm confused as hell.
She starts crying outta the blue, just bursts into tears. It ain't the reaction I was expecting at all. I'm panicked all in a second, partly 'cause she ain't saying yes, and partly 'cause I got no idea why she's blubbering all the sudden. She looks like something hurt her. She's getting more hysterical by the second.
I'm thinking she might say no. Even though I wasn't ever sure she was gonna say yes, I didn't prepare for the chance of her saying no. Now all the options are flying through my head. Does she mean, "no, not right now" or is it the worst kinda no, the kind where she breaks it off? I can't let that happen. Even if she don't wanna marry me, there's no way I'm gonna be cool with her just walking away. I gotta convince her somehow to stay, to give me some more time. I lower the ring, thinking that I'll get up, pull her into me. I can apologize, calm her down, rub those tears away, get her to tell me what's wrong.
If it makes her stop crying, I'll put the ring away right now and won't bring it out again. I could get over that blow to my ego if it keeps her with me.
"Nicole," I say her name and try to rush to her, but she pushes me back with surprising strength. It catches me off guard, makes me feel powerless. She never pushes me away, never. But her hand lingers on my chest, cool against my burning skin. She looks at me, the tears flowing, taking me in from head to toe. I feel nervous under her glance, but I hold still, tryna figure out what's wrong. I need her to say something, anything. Just give me an answer.
"Yes," she blurts it out all the sudden. Surprises the hell outta me.
"Yes, you'll marry me?" I say real slow. I know Nicole better than I know any other woman on Earth, and she's still hard as fuck to read. Wonder if it's ever gonna be easy.
She starts nodding. "I want to marry you," she throws herself forward and into my arms. I catch her, my heart thumping in my chest. My ears are buzzing and I feel ready to pass out. I'm still tryna get a handle on what just happened.
"I want to marry you," she repeats, louder this time. Her voice has stopped wobbling around.
"Then why're you cryin'?"
She starts smiling. "I thought you were never going to ask."
It's like a weight falls off me. She's been thinking about it as much as I have.
I start laughing at the irony. "Had to get the balls to do it first." I kiss her and she melts into me.
"Do you want your ring?" I almost forgot it was still in my hand. It's hot now, but it slides right over her finger. We both stare at it.
She said yes. It keeps ringing 'round in my head. She's kissing me, pulling me on top of her. It feels fantastic, but I'm still dizzy.
She said yes. We're gonna get married. We're gonna move in together. We're gonna have kids, and a house and a life…
I get to spend the rest of my life with the best woman I've ever met. She's gonna be the first person I see when I wake up, gonna be there everyday smiling and laughing and picking me up when I feel low. I'm the only one who's gonna be touching her, holding her, making love to her at night. I'm not gonna have to spend my days wallowing around waiting to see her, 'cause she's gonna be there, in our house for the rest of our lives.
I think 'bout the simple shit we're always doing, like cooking and watching TV and going to football games. I think about the way that she's always so sure everything's gonna work out, even when I'm panicking, thinking it's all going to hell. I think about her hands in my hair, the way it feels when she's leaning up against me in the shower, how she just crawls into my lap whenever we're just lounging around, like she's meant to be there. I think 'bout her smooth dark skin, them round brown eyes, her thick black curls, that smile of hers. She's gorgeous, inside and out and now she's officially mine.
I could ride this high forever.
And since she said yes, it looks like I'll get the chance to.
I fall asleep on the best night of my life with every nerve tingling in pleasure and her whispers of "I love you" echoing in my ears.
So, quite a few of you have been asking for Tommy's perspective on the wedding and his son being born. Hang in there folks, I'm working on it right now. Thank you for all of your reviews and messages and encouragement. And a special thanks as always to my beta, Tallulah, who like to make sure that everything is perfect.
Please continue to let me know what you think.
