Lies You tell Yourself
by: Jazzy2may2
Pairing: Naruto/Sasuke
Warnings: angst, yaoi, wip, not beta'd
A/N: I want to say thank you. I am truly grateful to you all for your voices. You all have been really helpful in making my decision as to in what direction I should go in. Please continue to lend me you opinions and thoughts they are greatly appreciated and are extremely helpful. For further author notes were I blather on a lot you can find them at the end of the chapter.
End A/N
Naruto and his fellow friends are around 23-24 years old.
On With the story, Yahoo yippee!
CHAPTER TWO
Naruto found himself in the civilian part of town looking up at the vacancy sign at the inn. He briefly wondered if he should just go over to Iruka's home and crash on his Sensei's couch. But then rejected the idea; he just wanted to be alone right now. He didn't want to deal with friends or senseis with good intentions. Not right now with his emotions and mind still in turmoil over what he had done to Sasuke, and what Sasuke and Sakura had done to him. Right now he needed to get his mind on getting his life put back together.
He pushed the door in and walked up to the desk in the small hall where a young man was sitting looking a little bored with waiting for travelers or guests of some kind.
The man stood up and smiled welcomingly to him, "I bid you welcome this late night, sir how may I help you?"
"I'd like to rent a room please."
"How long will sir being staying?" he asked as he ruffled through the registry book on the desk. Looking at what few rooms his guest might use for his stay.
"A few days maybe, depends if you serve ramen?" Naruto perked up a little when he asked this flashing the man a giant grin.
"Ramen?" the man looked a little disgruntled as he thought it over as he went on to say, "Of course we serve a variety of foods… I will have to ask the cook in the morning as it is, it is very late at night and our cook is at home."
Naruto looked even more depressed for a moment before shrugging his shoulders, "I'll just go to Ichiraku's if I want ramen, I guess. Just put me in your book as day to day."
"Yes sir, we can do that. Alright, now would sir like a room with a bathroom in it, or would it be alright for sir to share the commons?"
"My own bathroom please." Naruto waited patiently watching the man as he flipped once more through the giant book.
"Very good sir. We happen to have one room left with facilities," the man dipped his quill in ink and wrote a mark down on the registry and then looked up at him and said the price of the room.
Naruto just fished out his froggy purse and handed the man the coins for the room.
"Thank you very much." the man took the coins and deposited it in a drawer with a lock box in it. "I'll need to put down your name on the registry, for our records, if you would please be so kind as to print your name and then sign on the line across from it?"
"Uzumaki Naruto." Muttered Naruto, as he wrote his name into the registry.
Surprisingly the man didn't seem to be offended by having him in his establishment. Then the man walked out from around the desk, key in hand he then asked, "Would sir please fallow me to his room."
Naruto followed the host to the staircase behind the desk then together they climbed the stairs after a few tries at chatter the man realized Naruto wasn't interested in talking. Which was fine with the host; he was used to these sorts of silences. Many of his customers were travelers but the establishment had boarded broken hearted men from divorce or men cheating on their wives. It wasn't entirely unexpected that Naruto Uzumaki with that strain in his eyes and the tight lines by his sealed lips would be the non talking unhappy kind.
Naruto thanked the man politely and handed the man a coin as he was turning to leave. The host smiled a quick thank you then closed the door behind him and walked back to his desk down stairs.
Naruto sighed deeply and let his heavy duffle bag hit the floor. He no longer had a home and he wasn't sure how to go about a break up, or the after mass of one. He really hadn't dated anyone before Sakura, and when she had finally said yes to him, that had been such a happy day for him. From that point on they had pretty much fallen into a married couple status.
He had just never really been interested in dating anyone but Sakura because he had known inside her was a good person, a deeply loving person, and though he was angry he still couldn't or wouldn't see her as anything other than that.
She has her faults but then who doesn't?
He himself had a monster locked up inside of him and many saw that as a major fault, making him less than acceptable. Naruto wasn't exactly dateable or marriage type material in the mind of many of the villagers and in the minds of many of his fellow shinobi, at least those shinobi not within his generation.
Naruto sighed again as he laid out on the double bed and put his hands behind his head thinking about what he was going to do tomorrow. He would have to inform the Hokage. He really wasn't sure if he really wanted to let Tsunade know that his heart had been broken, who knew what the woman would do? She had become to him like an older sister or a mother might be like and she could really be unkind at times.
Sleep sent him into restless dreams of dark intense eyes telling him again, words uttered darkly harshly they echoed into his ears "with me"
"Belong with me"
"With me"
"Hearts with me"
Naruto's breath came out in gasps and he felt so hot. His body shuddered and he felt tight, all his muscles clenching and rigid, he woke with a start to the morning rays.
A shudder of pain made its way along his spine and throughout his body at the remembrance of the Uchiha's words under torture.
Uchiha had to be crazy. No guy can feel that way towards another guy!
Naruto muttered, "Man and woman are meant to feel that way towards each other right?"
"Right."
He sat up feeling uncomfortable in a strange an empty bed. Naruto felt just as tired as he had when he had gone to sleep.
He felt miserable.
He felt restless in a way he hadn't felt before. It was all very strange. These feelings of sinking under an invisible weight of rioting emotions between rage and depressing sadness, like his world was over and he had to go on and he just didn't know how he was going to do that.
He just didn't have enough strength to carry on as usual within this adversity. He best friend had stolen his wife and his wife had really not loved him in all this time.
What was he going to do now?!
He gathered up some chakra and sent out a summons, a moment later a poof of smoke appeared in its dissipation a frog could be clearly seen. "Gama-kichi I need a favor."
"For you bro name it." the colorful black and green and orange frog came to attention grinning at his brother.
"I need you to keep a watch on the Uchiha, a close watch, he's not to harm Sakura and if he does report it to me immediately. I want a report once a day until I decide what I'm going to do about that bastard." he growled.
"I thought Sakura was yours?" Gama-kichi's grin had left his face and he looked at Naruto in confusion.
"No, I guess she never was." He uttered, large blue eyes staring distantly, dimly at nothing; feeling the burn of tears in his eyes he clenched his mouth tighter fighting them. He would not cry, he had promised he would not be weak anymore! His lips were set in a prim line between a frown and some unknown expression never before seen on his face. His hair seemed more of a mess and less spiky in his depressed state.
Gama-kichi bowed and then hopped a way some what upset that Naruto was in pain, but this kind of pain wasn't something Gama-kichi could help with. Later he would ask his Pa what he could do for Naruto, but for now he gladly took the assignment, content to help his brother out in his time of need.
Sasuke took a look around his home but mostly he returned to the bathroom where his shower wall had been obliterated by an angry dead last idiot.
He wasn't sure what he was going to do come tomorrow and how to go about replacing his wall. Maybe he should get in contact with a mason or a plumber maybe? And he wasn't sure what to do about Sakura either and his promise to Naruto about not hurting her.
He really couldn't see how he was going to accomplish such a task.
"Sentimental fool, Naruto," he thought and then he began thinking about what happened all over again.
Thinking about what he had done made him feel ill at ease and sick with disgust. He knew he had done wrong. He had done wrong by Naruto and done wrong to himself and even to Sakura.
But she had been willing, for gods sake!
And yet that wasn't completely true. If she had known that it had never been her that had really aroused him, or even gotten him off she would feel totally humiliated and shamed.
He knew this and at the same time he really hadn't cared. He had used her for reasons at the time he couldn't even name to himself.
The one thing he knew for certain was that he didn't love her. That he could never return her feelings. He could never love her. And yet, at the same time he really didn't want her to know the truth and feel that kind of pain and disappointment and heartbreak.
She was his friend, even if she was very annoying in that simpering fan girl way. But he had to admit that with distance and time she had changed somewhat. She had become a more confident kunoichi. She had even changed some of her behavior towards him, which he couldn't help but love.
She had toned it down. She hadn't tried grabbing onto him as much, and she hadn't pursued him as desperately as she had before she had decided to let Naruto into her heart, during the years he had been gone.
Despite this change in her heart and her marriage to Naruto it was still evident in the way she would look at him, her lust just radiated, and though she claims its love for him. Sasuke couldn't ever believe it as anything but lust, because in truth what did she know of him?
None of the girls in this village had ever deigned to get to know the real Sasuke Uchiha. None of them had ever bothered to try to understand him. They had fallen in "love" with his looks and his bloodline. They had pitied him and tried to make him return their affections, affections he never desired in the first place.
True he had never shared himself with her or with any of the girls so how could they ever have the chance of getting to know him? He had never informed her as a friend or love interest of what he liked or disliked. He had never shared his time with her the way he had shared it with Naruto.
With Naruto there had been a connection. They had both been lonely. They both had known what it meant to prove themselves to the people around them. They'd had drive and ambition, whereas Sakura's only ambition had been to have Sasuke Uchiha for a husband.
It was absurd for her to think it love, but she did and he had abused her for it.
He felt shame when thinking about what he had done with her and how he had gone about getting what he had wanted. He felt his cheeks heat with shame. It felt too much like what Orochimaru might have done.
He hadn't truly been honest with her. Yes, her skills, her intelligence, her healing powers would lend itself well to his blood line and they were all very admirable qualities in her. And now that he knew Naruto wasn't going to fall into his arms so easily it was all he wanted from her, those traits for his children to inherit.
He had known all along that catching Naruto, and making him his, would not be an easy task.
Loving Naruto had become easy for him. How that was possible, he couldn't actually explain it, he couldn't even say as to how or when he had recognized his feelings for Naruto to be love. Maybe if he tried to explain it in his mind or in writing it down, lending a voice and logic to something that was totally illogical, maybe then he would be able to figure it out and talk of it to others even and get Naruto to understand that he really does love him.
What was it about Naruto that was so easy to love? Maybe if he'd had the talent to write or make prose maybe then it would become clear and simple to understand. Not that he was going to waste his time doing such a silly thing as writing poems or diary entries and leaving proof for any and all to find evidence of his madness and of his true feelings for that blonde idiot.
He couldn't chance Sakura coming across the evidence and being hurt by his written confessions not if she was going to come live with him for the duration of the rest of their lives together.
He knew even if he wrote down those confessions Naruto still wouldn't be ready to forgive him for his transgressions. Nor would Naruto forgive his own reckless transgressions against Sakura.
Sasuke couldn't get over what Naruto had done to him, kicking his ass and making his head feel confused, and his body…. It made him shiver remembering the way Naruto had played with him. But also at the same time it really pissed him off!
Naruto the dead last, the loser, the one that was just too strong proved again how much stronger he was than himself.
"Crap." he spoke out loud thinking about how he was going to tell Sakura that she would be welcome in his home, and that he wanted to be there for her when the baby was born.
All this was the conditions that Naruto had set up for him, as a friend and as an honorable Shinobi he would do what he had promised, especially if, if someday it might bring Naruto's friendship back to him.
He didn't believe for one moment that Naruto could really hate him, not forever he couldn't. They had gone through too much for it to end like this.
Naruto had pretty much moved heaven and earth to bring his sorry ass back home. There was no way they were over. It just wasn't going to happen, no matter how angry Naruto is now; he would eventually forgive him. He just knew he would, he had to.
Gama-Kichi observed the Uchiha from a distance from what he could see the Uchiha wasn't having a good day so far. He couldn't help but smile to himself about that.
The Honorable Hokage Tsunade looked down at the letter she had received. She took a sip of her desired drink and re-read the letter one more time to be certain it said what she thought it said.
"So the Sharingan brat's taken up with Sakura formally. About damn time he made it formal, and not that lowly despicable way he's been going about it. But as for the breaking of my little brother's heart. There's going to be some hell to pay."
Her eyes narrowed thinking of torturous things for one stupid Uchiha brat who had no respect for such sacred bonds as marriage or friendship, to do for the next several months if not years.
"Now what assignment would best suit such a lowly worm as Sasuke Uchiha? There's always helping collect grub worms for that strange worm guy that's been bugging me for a good ninja. Data on worms could be a suitable punishment for an Uchiha. The incredible tedium of collecting data on the grub worms habits and such would definitely give that arrogant prick some hard needed thinking time. Hmm…"
Soon After Gama-kichis' departure, Naruto gathered up his towel and stepped into his private bathroom, the tub was rather small for someone of his rather broad and tall stature; it would be a tight fit. He turned the knobs and adjusted the temperature until it was just right.
He began thinking again of what had happened he told himself to try and let it go but it just kept running around in his head.
Sasuke was such an asshole how could Sakura have cheated on him with that prick!? He fumed.
He slammed his fist on the porcelain ledge of the tub and it hurt. It didn't subtract from his pain in his heart though, and it didn't even really clear his head of his angry brooding thoughts but he tried it again anyways. With the second punch to the tub the sweet memory of how he had totally busted up Sasuke's bathroom wall filled his thoughts. That made him smile, just a little, thinking of the mighty Uchiha's inconvenience; the man would have to go to the public bath now. But then Sakura alone at home flitted through his mind and he realized the bastard would probably just use what had once been his own bath tub.
Bastard!
Naruto scrubbed himself briskly no longer wanting to relax in his hot bath he wanted to go kick some ass! Maybe dog breath Kiba might want to spar or bug boy?
Shino definitely had skills.
Then again, there was the training ground for the elite jounin; maybe he could spar with Kakashi? He hadn't seen his old team leader in a while. It might be nice to fight someone as powerful, or more powerful, than that ass, Sasuke.
Energy renewed with his thoughts all fired up for sparing he threw on his clothes and ran down the stairs of the inn as if he were twelve again a big grin on his face.
"Oh! Mr. Uzumaki!"
Naruto stopped for a moment his foot frozen in motion, head turned he looked over his shoulder at the man
"Mr. Uzumaki, the cook says she would be honored to make you ramen!" the steward from last night called out to him and Naruto grinned brightly at the man.
"That's Great! I'll be back for lunch then!" He waved heartily good bye and headed out to explore this part of town feeling his spirits brightening at the prospect of having ramen for lunch.
But soon Naruto was starting to think about his predicament and what he was allowing to happen. Naruto's great capacity for love and kindness that seemed so limitless had met the line.
He couldn't help but stew over his foolishness. How could he not have seen what had been before his very nose?
Sakura was now just a name with no more meaning than any other word like friendship. What had he done wrong? He asked himself angrily. Though he had told himself not to dwell on her and that backstabbing bastard, he couldn't stop thinking about them.
Why did he ever believe that Sasuke was his friend? maybe, because the alternative was too hard to comprehend?
"Maybe I really am an idiot." He muttered to himself as he wandered around the civilian side of town aimlessly.
Gamakichi watched the Uchiha and it was very boring. He was due to report to Naruto but there really wasn't anything to report.
Ribbit ribbit!
Oh! Look a fly!
His tongue leaped out from his mouth and snatched the buzzing fly in mid air. Gama-kichi grinned and rubbed his belly it had been a big fat juicy one, his favorite, yummy!
Oh look! Gamakichi thought, as the Uchiha finally made a move.
The Uchiha took off in the direction of town with a basket in hand. Sasuke walked leisurely though there was nothing leisurely in the way he was feeling as he headed towards town. He was going to go see Sakura.
He had made a promise and he was going to keep it. No matter how frustrating it was going to be. On the one hand there were going to be missions to go on so he wouldn't be around when it became too much.
Sakura, he sighed to himself. What am I going to do? She was going to be ecstatic to move in to the Uchiha compound. Or maybe, just maybe he should move into Sakura's home.
No, that would be even worse due to the neighbors. And that Naruto had lived there; it wouldn't be right to live in a home that had belonged to Naruto and Sakura.
Sasuke put his analytical mind to work. A new home in town somewhere close to people seemed like a good idea that way no more Uchihas had to grow up in an empty home. He thought to himself with a triumphant smirk. Which quickly evaporated as his mind pictured what the council would have to say to that.
Most likely he wouldn't be allowed to move into town. The compound was huge, why give it up to live in town? Maybe he should just turn the compound over to the village and let them split it up into new homes for the less fortunate.
Yet Sasuke knew that many were uncomfortable even looking beyond the gates into the compound where a massacre occurred. Many were superstitious and many believed in the power of distressed unhappy ghosts haunting the compound.
Also living quarters were tight now, what with the war that had destroyed many buildings and many peoples' lives.
Once he is done with inviting Sakura to live with him he would have to go before the Hokage and inform her of his duty to Sakura and their child.
He felt truly apprehensive. The Hokage was very fond of Naruto, and yet he couldn't help but think all the same that what was going on between Sakura and himself wasn't really any of her business.
Sakura stared at herself in the mirror, she looked at her reflection and couldn't help feeling depressed. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying hard last night. And she so desperately wanted to see Sasuke.
She wanted to be in his arms again. She wanted his kisses. She couldn't help but feel very special when she was with him. She was the only woman in the village to have him and though Naruto had made her feel precious she felt she had not done right by herself.
Naruto was a good man and she knew without a doubt he was going to become Hokage. She had her chance to be truly powerful, a wife to the Hokage was treated like royalty, but she wasn't exactly attracted to power she just had always loved Sasuke. She wanted to be with him and when he came for her. Her vows to Naruto had crumbled within weeks of him pursuing her to be his lover and future wife.
Sasuke stood before Ichiraku Ramen Stand and felt a glare coming from there. He could see the old faithful ramen stand man giving him a not so kind look. Sasuke refused to skulk away. He wondered where Naruto was. Since the man always seemed to drown all sorts of emotions in eating ramen.
He finally continued on his way dreading that moment when he would meet up with Sakura.
He looked over some fruit stands choosing some ripe plumbs and bananas before going toward a vegetable vender. Choosing some greens and beets he paid for his goods and put them into his basket. He still had to go to the butchers and have some beef sent to his home.
Gama-kichi was following at a distance trying to not be observed by the enemy he hid under a green covered table watching Sasuke closely as he went through the vegetables.
Gama-kichi was making his way out from under the table when a child suddenly swooped down with her hands reaching for him. Gama-kichi hopped to the side avoiding the hands but the girl was persistent and she dove for him, she missed by a hair's width.
Gama-kichi made a hasty escape, gasping. "Crap! Abort! Abort! We've been discovered!"
As she dove yet again this time the little girl had him briefly in her hands before he made a hand sign and disappeared with a poof of smoke. All Gama-kichi could think was to thank the gods and Gama-Bunta that he was a ninja frog otherwise he would have probably been captured by the human munchkin and tortured in the way that little girls tortured cute creatures such as himself, with hair ribbons and frilly dresses.
She frowned deeply disappointed she had wanted to show her mom what a great frog she had caught and it could talk too which in her opinion made it the most marvelous creature in the world.
Now that his shopping was finished he finally went over to Sakura's home. He grimaced before he resumed his usual facial expression. He raised his hand his fingers clenched into a fist he knocked firmly against the door.
Sakura froze she knew it had to be Sasuke. It just had to be. She felt excitement flutter in her stomach as she rushed to the door a huge grin across her features as she opened the solid wood door.
Sasuke was standing there tall beautiful and carrying a grocery basket. "Sasuke." She said brightly, before asking. "What are you doing here? I thought we agreed once I broke up with Naruto we would have to control ourselves for a month or so before we could continue with our relationship." She searched his face for a moment before really taking in his features.
She raised her hand and reached out to touch his face which he slightly flinched under her hand. "Oh my god!" she exclaimed. "What happened to you?"
His face was bruised and his lower lip was swollen and cut.
"Don't worry about it." He looked away from her, forcing her hand off of his face. He took a moment to glare at the wall before turning back to her with his placid usual look. "I've decided we should look for a place for us."
"What do you mean? The Uchiha compound will be fine for us." Said Sakura.
"I want a different place for our children to grow up in."
She didn't quite look like she understood. He was sure Naruto would have gotten it. Naruto would have understood. A place with such terrible memories was no place to raise ones children.
"I don't want our children to be raised in a place of slaughter."
She nodded a slight frown marring her pretty face. "Okay Sasuke, if that's what you want."
He nodded. She reached up wrapped her arms around his neck. She lifted her face to kiss him. He allowed the kiss for a moment after all he had promised Naruto he would try to stay kind to her. Letting her for now think he was hers. She smiled so happily at him, he couldn't help but feel sick for his trickery.
It was almost maybe more worse than anything he had done while working and learning from Orochimaru. It was going to take a lot to keep up the charade he had promised to Naruto to continue. So he would do as he had always done. Put his all into it until he could figure a way to tell her he didn't love her and that he cared for her as a, well as a friend. Though a friend wouldn't have done to her what he had done.
A couple of years back he had come to terms with the fact that he had always been in love with Naruto; he couldn't stand only having half of Naruto's attention. He hated always having to let him go. Go home every night to Sakura.
Sasuke had been so consumed by his frustration at not having Naruto that he could, would become surly and jealous.
He had been tempted to force Naruto to be his with Mangekyo Sharingan but he knew that would be wrong and yet he hated letting Naruto go instead of keeping him for himself and forcing him to be his.
But in the end he had done what Naruto would have done in his place and it had been very hard, he had let Naruto be happy for a while with Sakura, and that sadly he couldn't let him go forever he had devised a fucked up plan one drunken night when he was taking Naruto home to Sakura.
She had greeted them at the door like a good dutiful wife but it hadn't taken her long to center her gaze on him instead of her husband and that had been the moment he realized he could tear them a part from each other. He could have his chance with Naruto.
Okay he had been really drunk when he had come up with it but in the end his mind hadn't let it go, it had become as much of an obsession as getting stronger. Getting rid of her would give him Naruto. A simple thought only he hadn't taken it to the full logical conclusion that Naruto would hate him for taking her away from him.
Naruto was in the middle of exploring a traveling salesman's cart the man had painted in large boasting print of having strange and wondrous scrolls and knickknacks from foreign lands. Naruto was curious as to what he could get off the man, when Gama-kichi puffed into being in front of him.
"Yo bro! that was a close one I was nearly captured by the enemy!"
"Sasuke just about toasted you!?" He looked alarmed and about ready to go to town on that asshole again.
"Na, that loser, no it was a little girl I was about to become something I don't want to think about." He shudders hugging himself and grimacing.
Naruto grinned he couldn't help it the way Gama-kichi whined and looked totally scared over such a little thing as a little girl.
"Okay tell me what you've got on Sasuke?"
"I'm afraid I had to leave the assignment early bro, so all I got is the Uchiha grocery shopping."
"That's it, grocery shopping!"
"Afraid so."
TBC
A/N
I agree that friendship and trust were broken and therefore not an easy thing to regain. Sasuke will have a hard time of it wining Naruto back. I won't slap them together and call it good. That is no way to build a foundation for a long lasting life partnership, or a house.
Sakura I feel truly tried to love Naruto but she went with what's in her heart and Naruto can't exactly fault her for that…. can he?
For those who wish her death and a great deal of pain, I'm sorry, maybe I'm a little too forgiving of a person. I just can't bring myself to kill her off.
I am not saying she won't suffer, I promise you she will. There will be those who aren't exactly going to forgive her so quickly for what she's done to Naruto. (Iruka, possibly? hehe) ;D
Now for some hard decisions. Is she or isn't she? Pregnant – that is! If I make her pregnant I'm not going to give her a miscarriage. But I might possibly make it a false positive, maybe, that's an answer I can love? It can be a way out.
If I should lose anyone of you due to my decisions on how to further this story I apologize. I don't want to alienate anyone but I know I can't please everybody.
I really want to thank you for your voices in my time of need. Arigato friends.
