A/N: thank you so much to the great response to this little outtake story. I am so glad you all are enjoying it.
Charlaine Harris owns all the characters, but they are fun to play with.
Eric Northman: Awesome Fucking Party Planner
"Pam what the fuck is a streamer?" I demanded as I entered my office with this ridiculous list.
"Have you been married that long that you have forgotten the sound off woman screaming 'oh god Eric faster harder'? No that can't be it, Sookie is quite loud" my child smirked.
"Not a screamer you twit. A streamer." I needed her help not her fucking wit right now.
"Sorry master, your on your own with this one. Mommy dearest has made it clear I am not to assist you with the birthday party." she said with a huge fucking grin on her face.
"But what could she do if you did, it can't be that bad" I knew I was trying to conspire behind my wife's back, but I didn't know what most of this stuff was on the list she gave me and what the hell are the Teletubbies.
"Oh you should have thought of that before you put her name on all your credit card accounts and gave her the power to cancel the ones I have copies of. And before you try, she told me to tell you if you command me you will be in the dog house. Are you getting the midget a dog?" she asked in her normal bored tone.
I growled in response.
"I guess you don't need one." she laughed "Oh for heaven's sake Eric, there is a fucking toy store right next door." she stated then zipped out of my office.
As I entered the giraffe store the young greeter just stared. "Teletubby now"
"aaa...aisle 5" he stuttered and pointed. Gods I love being a vampire sometimes.
That thought left my head as soon as I entered the aisle. Purple, Red, Yellow, and Green. They all had shapes and whatever language the spoke, when you did as the box instructed and squeezed their belly, I didn't know. Hard ones, soft ones, Big, small. How the fuck was I supposed to know what to get. I sighed and got to the task laid before me.
I have never been so happy not to have my wife by my side. Why do they include instructions if they make no damn sense. To top everything of the fucking fairy rolling on the ground laughing at me did not help. He has been reading the guide, which by the way came only in French, for the last four hours. We were no closer to getting it put together now then when we started. Isn't that the point of having money, power, and minions to put fucking swing sets together for you.
I finally got it together with no help from Mr. Giggles. I even had a few parts left over. Huh who knew there was extra?
Now, all I have left is the inside of the house.
So I Google party rooms and began to copy every room I could find. Purple, red, yellow, and green streamers twirled together and strung all over the ceiling, check. Caramel apples in the piƱata,check. Paper table cloth, paper plates, cups, and pointy hats, that I will not be wearing, check. 600 balloons blown up and in the living room, check. Did you know that of you blow to hard those fuckers pop in your face and there has to be an easier way to tie them.
Last thing on the list... wrap presents. Now I see why parents do not buy their kids every Tele-tubby toy in the store. Wrapping them is fucking hard, but 15 rolls of duct tape later and my sons birthday party was ready for him when Sookie and he return from Jason's tomorrow.
"Where did you put the birthday candles?" the non helping fairy asked.
Oops. " I got it all taken care of" I tell him. With only 15 minutes till dawn there is no time for the store. Oh wait, I have signal flares in my trunk. Yup, that will work, right?
Like Lafayette says " I am the shit" this will be the best birthday party ever. I think as death takes me.
A/N: Let me know if you still like them...please review
