Chapter 8
A few months passed and Jasina kept getting questions left and right from different people, asking her advice. She did the best she could and Trish was pleased with her. Jasina felt empty though, alone and knew this was what her life would be like. Never again would she feel love, never again would she have someone there for her and Jasina deserved every bit of it. Sighing, she shut down her laptop for the night and walked out of her office, sending Trish a goodbye before heading out. She just wanted to go home and soak in a hot bath. Jasina was tired, simple as that, she was tired of fighting.
~!~
"Dad, DAD! Wake up!" Arielle laughed, bouncing on his bed. She smiled as he groaned, lightly kicking his back. "UP! I'm eleven today!"
"No...yer just two, lemme sleep."
"Uh-uh, we got a BUSY DAY ahead of us! Get UP!"
Groaning, Mark sat up. The next second he had pulled her down and was tickling her.
~!~
Jasina had asked for the day off, already knowing what it signified. She told Trish it was Arielle's birthday and just wanted to be alone, to which the woman reluctantly agreed. Jasina locked herself inside and watched movies, letting the tears flow, and eventually called Andy. Andy calmed her down and by the time Jasina was done talking to her, she was mentally, physically and emotionally drained. Night came before she knew it, but Jasina didn't even notice. She just wanted to be alone and felt like dying, but she wouldn't end her own life. The thought had crossed her mind a few times and she was close to doing it, but Jasina couldn't bring herself to do it. Sighing, Jasina turned the TV and lights off before going to bed, glad this day of hell was finally over with.
~!~
Mark was glad it was over because Arielle, Toni and their new friend Gary had driven him up a wall. If he thought the girls were bad, throwing a boy into the mix made it even worse. Of course in a year's time, he'd have to warn Gary in a friendly way that if he even looked at his daughter with even just the idea of just kissing her cheek, he'd wind up being shot. Eleven years old...where had the time gone?
~!~
"I'm leaving." Jasina announced a week later, standing in Trish's office, wearing all black with shades over her eyes. "Here's my resignation." She'd made the decision to leave Houston, knowing she should've never came here to begin with. Jasina had tried and failed, miserably. She just wanted to get as far away from here as possible. "I'm sorry." She slid the shades from her eyes and showed Trish just the amount of physical and emotional pain she was in. "Thank you for the opportunity." She then walked out and ran to her car, getting in, and driving away. Her apartment had already been sold and she was leaving in the morning.
Trish stared down at the resignation, sighing and rubbed her temples. She had known this was coming. Groaning, she pulled out the new advertisement she had had made for the two new openings on her staff. She had toyed with the idea of going after Jasina, but...the woman wasn't willing to make a move towards living without someone pushing her.
The following morning, Jasina sent a letter, one final letter, before leaving Houston. She'd gotten an apartment in Austin, Texas, where her mother had lived. She was going to start over there, fresh, no strings attached to anyone. Mark would never have to see her again and neither would Arielle. The entire way all Jasina could do was cry. She cried and cried, wishing the pain would go away. She'd made so many mistakes in her life, but did she honestly deserve how she was feeling? No, she didn't. Everyone made mistakes damn it! Everyone made stupid choices in life and she'd done what she thought was best for her family at the time! If nobody could understand that then fuck them! She was done, finished and blared the music while putting the window down, letting the wind whip through her hair.
Mark whistled as he walked the driveway to the mailbox, yawning and tousled his hair. He arched an eyebrow when he seen the self addressed envelope, wondering who the hell...must be for Arielle, he didn't know anyone who couldn't pick up a phone or come over. Who the hell would be writing him? He flipped it over, looking a return address and frowned. The writing was way too familiar. He sighed, tempted to shred it, but opened it, walking slowly back towards the house.
Mark,
You can destroy this letter if you want too, but I felt I owed you an explanation on what happened ten years ago. I know you hate me, and you have every reason too, but you deserve to know the truth and I couldn't leave again without telling you.
From the moment we met, I was heavily into drugs. Cocaine and crack. It was a horrible secret, I know. I couldn't tell you though. I fell in love with you and I didn't want to lose you. I tried fighting it, I tried to stop and ended up going right back to it. It was a dangerous addiction and it was tearing my life apart.
So when I found out I was pregnant, I quit cold turkey, but at a price. Remember all those times I got sick? I was going through withdrawal and it got to the point where I convulsed that day in the kitchen, which sent me into premature labor with Arielle.
That night when we brought her home, I knew what I had to do. I couldn't put her or you through what was happening to me. I left because I felt it was the best thing I could do for both of you. I can't begin to tell you how hard it was for me to write that letter, Mark, or to leave you.
I know I'm a coward. That's why I'm writing you again. I can't keep hoping that something will happen down the road and I can finally have Arielle in my life again because I don't deserve it. She is YOUR daughter. She's beautiful, smart, and she reminds me so much of you. I'm very happy that I at least got to see her and seen how she's grown. That little piece I will carry with me wherever I go.
So in closing, there are no words to describe how deeply and truly sorry I am for hurting both you and Arielle. If I could change the past, if I could go back in time, I would change it. I made a mistake by walking out on my family, but I don't regret it. I did it for a reason and I don't regret that decision. I do regret not asking you for help, but at the time, I was terrified.
You will never see me again, Mark. As you are reading this, or destroying it, I'm on my way out of Houston. I'm sorry for all the pain and misery I've caused you both with my presence. I'm deeply sorry for everything that's happened, you will never understand how much I wish things could've been different.
There's one thing that will never change though and that is I love you. I love you with all of my heart and soul. You and Arielle will always be apart of me, no matter what, and I will never forget you. Maybe one day down the road we could sit down like adults and actually have a civil conversation. Right now though, that's not to be.
Goodbye Mark
Mark read and reread the letter, brushing away the tears that sprang to his eyes. So that's why she had walked out on him, on Arielle...She was right, he was going to shred this letter, not today...maybe not tomorrow, but he was going to have to shred it. As he stepped into the house, he could hear Arielle playing with her new puppy, a birthday present and sighed, going to put the letter away. No...he'd save it and when she was a little older, when she asked where her mother was, then he would show it to her.
~!~
A year passed since Jasina left Houston and she was at peace...for the most part. She went out in public and decided she wasn't going to hide from the world anymore. She had no reason too and started running. She was a little older, a little wiser, and called Andy every once in awhile just to let her know she was doing alright. Jasina wasn't going to think about her past anymore. She was three years sober of drugs and felt great, both physically and mentally. Emotionally, she was still a little rocky, but for the most part, she was getting better.
She often wondered how things would've been had she not ran out on her family, if she had told Mark the truth. He would've divorced her in a heartbeat and taken Arielle, so at least she did things on her own terms. She missed her little girl, but came to terms with the harsh reality that she would never be in her little girl's life. Jasina pounded pavement as she ran through the park, wearing a pair of dark cotton blue shorts with a matching tank top, a pair of headphones on her head.
~!~
"Steve...I'm really not in the mood." Mark sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he went over the bills.
"I was just talking is all."
"Not about Jasina."
"Trish wants to see her, I've been hunting for her all over the place, but..."
"Trish is pregnant and doesn't know any better."
Arielle's eyes narrowed as she stood outside her father's office, hearing the name Jasina, and wondered who that was. As far as she knew, her daddy hadn't been dating anyone. Arielle was twelve years old, blossoming into a beautiful girl with her honey chestnut locks and emerald green eyes. Deciding to listen in instead of interrupting her father and Steve, Arielle paid attention to what they were saying.
"You know, smartass," Steve growled. "One day Arie is going to wonder just who the hell her mother is and where she's at."
That was the day Mark was fearing. "Yeah and how do I tell her that Jade is her mom, who used a false name and, oh by the way Arielle, she left us when you were a baby because she was busy snorting coke?"
"A Hallmark card?"
A small gasp came from Arielle, her eyes widening to the size of saucers. Jade was her mother? Jade was really Jasina? She was highly intelligent for her age and Arielle felt the tears slide down her cheeks. Her daddy knew about Jade being her mother and didn't tell her? Sniffling, Arielle ran out of the shop, not wanting to see her father right now.
Mark glanced at the clock, frowning. "Arie should have been here by now..."
Steve got up and went outside, looking around and came back in, shaking his head.
"I'm callin' the school and Lashonna."
"I'll get the gun."
