Chapter 9
It was a Friday night and Jasina was getting ready to head to bed, exhausted from her job with the newspaper. She was writing her columns somewhere nobody knew her, refusing to give that part of her life up, even if she wasn't working for Trish anymore. She'd just finished doing the dishes when a knock sounded at her door, causing her eyebrow to raise. Probably her landlord to get the rent from her. Sighing, Jasina got the check out and walked over, unlocking her door and opened it, her jaw dropping at who was in front of her.
Arielle was standing there looking tired and in need of a bath, having rode a bus all the way here, with a few stops. "Why didn't you tell me you were my mom?" She demanded, tears streaking her face before tossing herself at Jasina.
Jasina blinked as Arielle launched herself in her arms, immediately enveloping her as the tears stung her eyes. Had Mark told her? Jasina didn't care at the moment and dropped to her knees, holding her little girl to her while she cried her heart out, whispering soothing words in her ear as she finally broke away long enough to close the door. She sighed when Arielle immediately hugged her again and ran her fingers through her hair, trying to calm her down.
"God I'm sorry Arielle..." She whispered, pulling back to stare back in those emerald green eyes.
Arielle used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe at her eyes and nose, sniffling. "Why didn't you tell me?" She asked in a hushed whisper, impatiently wiping away the next batch of tears that gathered in her eyes. "You knew who I was, didn't you?" She had rehearsed a speech the entire way here, questions she was going to ask, but the moment Jade, no Jasina, had opened the door, that all flew out the window.
"Sweetheart, you don't belong to me..." How the hell was she supposed to explain this to a twelve year old girl? Jasina was trying to get over the initial shock that Arielle was in front of her and stood up, guiding her over to sit on the couch. "Your father doesn't know you're here does he?" She closed her eyes when Arielle shook her head, biting her bottom lip and raked a hand through her hair. "I wanted to tell you, Arielle, I really did. I was scared." She admitted and lowered her head, knowing Mark was probably going to kill her for this. "How did you find out I was your mother?"
"Dad and Steve were talking about it." Arielle admitted, plucking at the couch nervously, unable to tear her eyes away from Jasina, studying her intently. She had looked at her before, but now she was seeing Jasina as her mother. "They didn't know I was listening. You're not going to call him are you? Not right away, I want to talk to you, please?"
"Shhh relax sweetheart, he doesn't know where I am..." Jasina suddenly raised an eyebrow at her daughter. "How did you find out where I was anyway?" She asked, the curiosity getting the better of her as she stood up to walk into the kitchen, getting Arielle a glass of water. She wasn't going to call Mark until Arielle was asleep, knowing the little girl had the right to know why she had left, no matter how hard the conversation was going to be.
Arielle couldn't keep the smug grin off her face, green eyes lighting up mischievously. "I went to the newspaper office where you worked and asked around." She said cheekily, sounding proud of how clever she had been, which she was. "Told them you ordered from me before and I wanted to send you a new catalog. Worked like a charm."
"God you look like your father with that expression on your face." She said, causing Arielle to smile widely and handed her the glass of water before sitting down beside her, giving them a little space. Jasina still couldn't believe she was here and had actually tracked her down after finding out she was her mother. "Your father is going to be VERY angry, you know that right?" Jasina didn't even want to THINK about the temper Mark had and closed her eyes momentarily, deciding to pick her burial plot out right now and save the trouble of doing it later.
"Yeah...but it's not me I'm worried about, he's gonna blame you." Arielle said seriously, her eyebrows drawing together in concern. "I'll sweet talk him out of it." She was twelve and confident in her abilities to wrap her dad around her little finger. "Don't worry about it. Jasina," She wasn't quite comfortable calling her mom. Not yet, that depended on how this conversation went. "Why did you leave us?"
Jasina had to stand up and began walking around the living room, chewing on her thumbnail, not quite sure how to say this to her daughter. "Do you know what drugs are, Arielle?" She finally asked, deciding to take it to a teaching approach. She already knew Mark was going to blame her, which was why Jasina was prepared for virtually anything. When Arielle nodded, Jasina continued, "Before you were born, I did them. I did crack and cocaine. Do you know what that is?" When she nodded again, Jasina took a deep breath. "I left you and your father because of them." It was the god honest truth. "I didn't do them while I was pregnant with you, just so you know. I would never put you in harm's way. But I couldn't stop doing them and they were controlling my life. I had to get away in order to get better..."
Arielle considered that for a few minutes, frowning again. "Did dad know about the drugs?" She finally asked, well aware of addiction and drugs because she had just gone through the D.A.R.E. program at school. "Why couldn't you get better with us?" She fired off before Jasina could answer the first question. "Why did it take you so long to get better? Were you never coming back? Didn't you want me after you got better?"
Tears fell down her cheeks as Jasina turned away from her daughter, sniffling and wrapped her arms around herself. "Arielle, when I left, I didn't stop the drugs right away, sweetheart. It took me a LONG time to get off of them..." This was hard as Jasina took a deep, shaky breath before walking over and sat down on the couch, facing her daughter. "It took me seven years to finally seek help after I left you and your father. Something...happened and it changed my whole outlook on life and I finally went to someone for help. I went to a rehabilitation center and I've been clean for over three years now." She sniffled a little, closing her eyes. "I wanted you so much, not a day went by I didn't think about you or your father. I love you both with all of my heart." She opened her eyes and locked with emerald green. "I love you and your father, Arielle. I never stopped. That's why I came back after all this time, but I...I panicked, and I seen how happy you are with your father. I didn't want to...ruin your life." She whispered that last part, more tears falling. "I'm so sorry Arielle..."
A big part of Arielle wanted to scream and rage at this woman, her mother, for being so weak, especially right now and when she needed answers, love and reassurance the most, but a little piece of her felt bad and that piece won out. "Don't cry, please." She whispered, scooting on the couch to wrap her arms around Jasina. "Don't cry, it's okay..." She awkwardly patted Jasina's back. "It's gonna be okay."
"I don't have the right to cry, Arielle. I don't have the right to sit here with you and tell you what happened. I don't have any rights to you." Jasina sucked it up, drying her tears and stared down into her daughter's emerald green eyes. "I love you. I love you so much and I promise, if I do get a second chance, I won't run again. I just want what's best for you Arielle, and I know your father feels the same way. I made a lot of mistakes in my life and I'm going to own up to them." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, being strong for her daughter's sake. She could break down later on, her little girl needed her right now. "I'm so sorry for what I did, for walking out on you and your father, Arielle. You will never know how truly sorry I am, sweetheart."
Arielle nodded, relief filling her now that Jasina had stopped crying. Adults crying bothered her a little bit. "Okay, so you can tell daddy that and everything will be fine again, right?" She knew her dad would be angry at first, just like she had been, but when Jasina explained everything, it all would be okay. It had to be.
"Unfortunately sweetheart, I don't think it's going to be that easy." Jasina replied softly, not wanting her daughter to get her hopes up. "You're father has a temper..." Arielle didn't need to hear her talking bad about her father and flashed a smile. "Everything is going to work out for the best, I promise." She tapped her nose and kissed her forehead. "Now come on, you must be starving and you need a bath or a shower. I will cook you something while you clean up, alright?"
"Alright." Arielle agreed amicably, standing up and stretching, hiding a yawn behind her mouth. She looked around the apartment, studying it intently before glancing back at Jasina. "Can you cook?" She asked suspiciously, arching an eyebrow when Jasina just looked at her. "It's just a thing I ask everyone." She was interested in cooking.
"I'll warm you up some spaghetti I made earlier and you can be the judge." Jasina winked and smiled as she guided Arielle to the bathroom.
She got her a towel, telling her to use whatever she needed, and shut the door to give her some privacy. She was twelve after all, a pre-teen. Jasina blinked tears away as she went to the kitchen to warm up some spaghetti for her daughter. Mark was going to be so angry, Jasina could only hope he didn't send her to jail. He would have no reason too considering Arielle showed up on her front door step and managed to find out where she lived from the Houston Journal. Sighing worriedly, Jasina slid some garlic bread in her toaster oven, not believing the night she had.
Arielle took longer in the shower then she normally would have, longer because she was examining everything. She knew exactly what her dad's favorite shampoo was, Herbal Essence. Though he told her if she ever told anyone he'd string her up by her ankles. She must have been weird because she liked knowing things about her dad, but then again, he had been the constant factor in her life. Until now. She didn't even know what kind of soap Jasina used. Well...now she did. Scented.
"Wow... that is a big bottle of shampoo..."
When Arielle walked out an hour later, her food was just finishing. Jasina smiled, seeing her pale blue nightgown, and walked over when she was having trouble with her hair. "Come here." She quietly said, taking her hand and sat on the couch, putting her between her legs. Slowly and gently, Jasina began brushing her daughter's hair, not believing she was actually getting to experience a slice of what motherhood had to offer. It was her hair, the same feel and everything, completely mind boggling. "Do you have any questions for me, Arielle?" She asked softly while she did this. "I'll answer anything you want to know sweetheart."
Arie started shaking her head no then hesitated. "Yes." She whispered, one question that she wanted an answer to now. All the rest could wait. They had time. "You said you left because of your addiction...Since daddy and I weren't enough for you to get past it, what happened that made you realize you needed help?" She asked, remembering Jasina telling her something had happened though she hadn't said what.
Jasina took a deep breath, biting her bottom lip, wondering if she should tell a twelve year old this. She had to and closed her eyes, getting her emotions under control. "Do you know what an overdose is?" She asked quietly, continuing to brush her hair out, and felt her nod, the memory overtaking her. "I overdosed on cocaine and..." Jasina had to take in a shaky breath, closing her eyes. "I was pronounced dead for ten minutes, Arielle." She felt her daughter tense and lifted her chin, turning her face around until their eyes met. "I survived though and that's what opened my eyes and made me realize that I didn't want to die. That's what it took to get me to seek help. Do you understand?"
"Yes." Arielle murmured, frowning and tilted her head back to look up Jasina's nose. "You didn't put a hole in your nose from snorting cocaine?" She asked curiously, then frowned again. "Don't people get brain damage when they die and are gone that long?" At the look she got, she shrugged. "I watch House." Arielle tossed her arms around Jasina's neck. "I'm glad you didn't die, God musta known I wanted to meet you."
"I'm glad I didn't either, sweetheart." She whispered, holding Arielle tightly against her, and kissed her forehead. She pulled back and stared into those tear filled emerald green eyes. "Don't cry honey, everything is going to be fine. You have to trust me on this, alright? Now come on, you need to eat." Jasina wiped her tears away and kissed her forehead and nose before leading her over to the kitchen table, sitting down right next to her and ran her fingers through her hair. Jasina was truly a lucky and blessed woman.
"So..." Arielle stopped after that, beginning to inhale the spaghetti. It was good and she just now realized how hungry she was, easily packing away two plates and a few pieces of the garlic bread. "That was good." She said afterwards, licking her fingers clean. "You can cook, awesome." She leaned back, stretching contentedly. She had a shower and food in her, she was a happy kid.
"I'm glad you enjoyed and approved it." Jasina laughed softly as she stood up, clearing the table, and rinsed the dishes in the sink before walking over and extending her hand to Arielle. "You look tired, we'll talk more tomorrow." She promised, leading her daughter her bedroom. That and she wanted to wait until Arielle was asleep before calling Mark, knowing he was probably worried out of his mind. "Good night sweetheart. I love you." She whispered, kissing her forehead, and tucked her in before turning the lamp off. Feeling Arielle pull her down for a hug, Jasina felt the tears sting her eyes as she hugged her daughter back tightly, not believing how understanding she was. "Get some sleep sweetheart." She whispered and kissed her cheek before walking out, leaving the door cracked.
More tired than she would admit, Arielle snuggled under the blanket, burying her head in the pillow and inhaled, smiling. Tonight she had finally met the mother she had wondered about for so long. It didn't take more then two winks before she was sound asleep, completely tuckered out from her long bus ride and emotionally exhausting night.
