Sorry for the long wait, my muse has run out on me again. She's a tough one to tie down, going wherever the wind takes her -_- I finally cooked up another chapter and hopefully it meets most of your expectations. Let's see if we can squeeze some ShizNat action out of this, shall we?
After the courthouse I went straight home to ponder what had happened. If I had any sense in me I would have just turned right around and informed Officer Armitage of Nao's illegal activity, but I knew better. Nao had some of the best lawyers in town and no matter how many complaints were filed against her; she always seemed to get off with nothing more than a slap on the wrist – if that!
And I knew what would happen if I did try to squeal. Nao didn't take kindly to rats and often had them taken care of the next day. There had been many news reports of people, mangled and broken in the most horrific ways, found in dumpsters and abandoned parking lots. Even though there was no concrete evidence that committed the murders, there was no denying it was Nao's handiwork. For the right price, Nao could make anyone disappear.
Many people talked about doing something about the violent activity, but it was just that: talk. People have tried all they could to corner Nao like a rat in a cage, but no matter what she always found a way out.
"Sooner or later Nao's going to make a mistake," I muttered beneath my breath, eyes focused ahead of me. "No one can remain immune to the law for this long."
It was a far-fetched fantasy, a pipe dream, but I hoped to whatever God was in heaven that Nao would be caught and this nightmare would end.
It was the first prayer I had in years.
From the avenues of the city, I wound my way onto another bus, using the money Shizuru had let me keep. I paused as her name crossed my mind, taking a seat at one of the windows and staring out as the bus pulled away from the curb. I hadn't thought about her much after our encounter, but now she was all I could think about. Her timing had been perfect - almost too perfect - and she took care of things a lot faster than what I could have done on my own. It was as if she exactly what to say for my particular case, like she had some insight into the situation. Then there was the departing handshake and the way her the pad of her finger brushed against my palm sent shivers up my spine. I had looked up what that meant once and I think it meant something of a sexual nature.
My cheeks instantly grew red and my nostrils flared.
No, I shook my head. I just met her and in any case she was my lawyer. Something like that happening would only get us both in trouble, but no matter how much I tried to banish thoughts of her away, she only seemed to invade my mind until she was the only thing I could think about. Memories of her winsome smile had my heart racing and how her long tawny hair danced behind her as she walked, and then of course those deep crimson eyes like molten rubies. Those eyes were what drew me in and I couldn't help but think what deep, dark secrets lay behind them.
"Shizuru . . ."
Even her name sounded beautiful and flowed off my tongue like a sweet song.
The bus took me straight home and I stepped off rather lethargically, my stomach growling more often than not. I couldn't remember when I had last eaten and I was looking forward to Mai's warm cooking. I sometimes teased Mai about her food, saying that she should try out to be a contestant on one of those cooking shows we sometimes saw on TV., but each time she would wave me off.
"I'm not that good, Natsuki!" she claimed with a bashful smile, going back to stir whatever she had brewing on the stove.
"Yeah right!" I would call back. "I couldn't find any better food even if I walked into a five-star restaurant. You give yourself too little credit, Mai."
A smile tugged at my lips as I shook the memory away. I had no doubt that if Mai wanted to try out for such shows, she would always come out on top.
Strolling down the street, I came up the driveway and pulled the house key from my pocket, sliding it into the door and unlocking it. I expected the delicious aromas of food to greet me at full force, but blinked when there were none. Strange, I thought, closing the door and locking behind me, Mai's usually cooking right about now. Removing my shoes, I crept down the hall towards the kitchen.
"I'm home," I called, hoping to hear someone reply back. The sound of a chair scraping against the floor and feet sprinting towards me eased my nerves and I smiled as Alyssa came to greet me. "Hey." I stooped down the give her a hug.
Alyssa nestled herself in my arms, smiling. "Hi! Glad you're home."
I nodded. "Yeah, me too. Where's Mai and Takumi? Shouldn't they be here?"
"Takumi's here," Alyssa said, pointing in the direction of the kitchen. "He's helping me with math. Mai went out to get Annie."
I blinked, brow knitting together. "Where's Anberlin?" That girl knew she had to come straight home after school, no exceptions.
"She went back to school after dropping me off," she explained with a casual shrug as if it were no big deal. "Said she had to ask her teacher for help."
Once more I paused. Something seemed fishy. Anberlin never asked for help and usually scraped through school by the skin of her teeth. And then there was her leaving Alyssa all alone in the house without anyone to watch her. I frowned. I had to give her a talking to when she got home. "Do you know when they'll be back?"
Alyssa suddenly paused, brow furrowing in concentration as she then counted on her fingers, one at a time. "Mmm . . . this many?" she guessed, holding up seven fingers.
My expression softened. Alyssa always knew how to make me feel better without her knowing it. "Okay," I nodded, giving her shoulder a comforting squeeze just like my dad used to when I was little. "Go back and finish your homework and I'll come check it later." Rising to my full height, I watched her bounce back towards the kitchen and I couldn't help but sigh. It was so hard to think something so innocent and sweet could from something as vile as my mother and her husband . . . but then again I was of her to . . .
So what does that make me?
I shook my head. I knew who I was and it wasn't a monster like her. I had stepped up where she had failed to and for that I was much more of a woman than she was. I was nothing like her, even though her face matched mine.
From the time I got home to the time Mai and Anberlin arrived I busied myself with seeking out another job and like most people, I went to the newspaper. In the years since my mother left, I had just about poured through every clipping I could find, trying out for such an array of jobs that would make any worker proud. From waitressing to trash collecting, I had done it all, but somehow none of them ever stuck. The company either went out of business, the workers were laid off, or I was fired for being late one times too many. this time, as I scoured through page, after page, after page, I only found a handful of job openings - none of which I was qualified for. They were all manager positions for big name companies that required a lot of experience and at least two years of college.
I sighed, casting the paper aside. The job market had become so competitive that no one would even look at you if you didn't have a college diploma or weren't an active college student. Since I had to support Annie and Alyssa, I didn't have the means nor the time to go to college. It just became another school that I didn't have to go to, but now that everyone was demanding students, I wished I had made an effort to juggle school.
The pads of my fingers massaged my temples as a troubled sigh released from my lungs. What am I going to do?
The lock to the front door clicked and my head shot up, zeroing in on Anberlin as she and Mai walked through the door. Her blue gaze met mine and visibly she blanched, but quickly recovered. I frowned further. Who was she to think she could be hard around me, after everything I had seen at her age? There was nothing that scared me anymore, especially my irresponsible sister.
"Back," I mouthed. "Now."
Anberlin hesitated a minute, as if debating wether she should fight, run, or do as she was told. She took a step back and I stood up from my seat to chase after her, but she sighed deeply and moved towards the hallway to go to her room. Smart girl.
"Oh, Natsuki how did -?" Mai began.
"Can't talk now, Mai," I replied as I brushed past her. Her eyes were on me the whole time I walked down the hall and disappeared into Anberlin's room.
Anberlin lay on her bed with one leg crossed over the other, an arm behind her head, and headphones in her ears. Her fingers clicked through the songs on her mp3 player and looked for all the world like she had done nothing wrong. Shutting the door rather roughly, I ripped the headphones out of her ears and cast them (along with the mp3 player) onto the floor.
"What the junk?!" Anberlin cried as she sat up, looking down at her mp3 player then back at me. "Why'd you do that?"
"I could ask you the same question," I growled. Moving to stand in front of the bed, I towered over, glaring. "How could you leave your little sister alone for all those hours?! She's just a little kid, she could get into trouble or hurt herself."
I had things I needed to do, would you just chill?" she huffed, waving me off like anyone would wave a fly.
"That doesn't excuse the fact that you neglected her!"
Annie huffed, raising a brow incredulously. "Neglect? You make it sound like I abandoned her - when I didn't! I only left her alone for like ten minutes. I wasn't gone long and besides, I called up Takumi and asked him to babysit."
"That doesn't excuse the fact that you left her alone without anyone! You were lucky Takumi got here before anything happened to her." I crossed my arms. "And what's this about you going to school for help? You never went for help."
Anberlin didn't miss a beat. "I didn't get the math homework so I dropped Alyssa off at home then went back." A sly glint passed in her blue eyes and didn't like how she grinned so cunningly at me. "Check my backpack if you don't believe me. You'll see every one of my answers are right."
My first instinct was to indeed go and check, but then my judgement got the better of me. Anberlin wouldn't openly dare me to accuse her if she had something to hide and even though I should have looked into her backpack that day, I remained where I was and sighed deeply, letting out from frustrations on the wings of my breath. "I believe you, but still you are grounded for the rest of the night for leaving Alyssa alone. You are to stay in your room, do your homework, and no dinner." I stooped down to snatch up her mp3 player before she could reach for it.
"That's not fair!" she cried as I left.
"Don't do the crime if you can't afford the time," I rhymed, knowing the meaning all too well.
She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the wall, mumbling a growl so low that I could barely hear it, but I could still understand the words. "Child abuser."
I stopped in my tracks, frozen. The harsh accusations of my mother from earlier that day rang out in my head and I felt sick to my stomach. I knew for a fact that I was anything but a child abuser and shouldn't have taken it to heart, but all of my fear and doubt fed into it until I could no longer deny wether it was true or not. Glancing over my shoulder, I turned back to Anberlin and quickly shuffled towards her, coiling my arms around her in a tight embrace. She stiffened in my hold, trying to push away, but I only clutched her tighter. I wanted her to see how much that statement wasn't true, that I wasn't the monster everyone thought me to be.
"You don't know how lucky you are that I'm here," I whispered in her ear. My voice was heavy and I had to swallow to keep it from cracking.
Pulling away, I left her alone and made B-line to the bathroom, locking myself inside and starting the shower. Quickly the steam rose up from the scalding water and drenched me in humidity. It was hard to breathe but I didn't care - every day, it was hard to breathe. Tossing off my clothes, I stepped into the water and my skin burned beneath the boiling rush. I reached to turn down the temperature until it was at a comfortable warmth, relaxing once the subtle throb in my flesh had subsided. Beneath the fall of the shower, Anberlin's and my mother's words joined in my mind to form the most vile of insults. They leeched off my sanity and drained me of whatever self-confidence I had left, sinking me deeper and deeper into a spiral of self-loathing. I couldn't handle all of this misfortune anymore. All of it had become too much and I desperately wanted a way out - I needed a way out. My fist pounded the wall of the shower and I grit my teeth, trying with all my will not to reach for the razor next to me.
"Take care of yourself."
I blinked my eyes open. I hadn't even been thinking of Shizuru and suddenly her words cut through all of the pain like a blinding shaft of light. That simple phrase repeated in my mind over and over again and the razor slipped from my hand, clattering to the floor. I had to take care of myself to be there for Anberlin and Alyssa, otherwise there would be no one for them - just like there was no one there for me. I couldn't be selfish.
Shaking my head, I resumed my shower, washing my hair and skin until it was nice and clean. Shutting off the shower, I dried and paused at the mirror, wiping away the steam that had condensed upon its silvery surface. My reflection stared back at me, refreshed from a long day of disappointments to start anew. Slicking my hair back, I walked into my room for a fresh pair of clothes.
"So, Natsuki," Mai said pointedly, "how was your day today?"
Looking up from my bowl of homemade ramen, I chewed the soft noodles before answering. "Sweet and sour," I replied nonchalantly. I didn't want to think about the man being shot or Nao. I didn't need them to burden my mind tonight.
Conversation didn't go into too much depth from then. We only touched on the odd thing with Alyssa and Takumi's schoolwork and of course Anberlin stayed in her room. I felt bad seeing Annie's spot at the table empty. I knew it was for a good reason, but it didn't feel the same without my whole family. Sighing, I slurped up the last of the ramen broth and went in search of more in the kitchen.
Ma followed me, collecting Alyssa's and Takumi's dishes as she did so and put them in the sink. We stood abreast as I refilled my bowl and she cleaned the others.
"You said your day was sweet and sour," she said, instantly picking up where we had left off. "What does that mean? Didn't Shizuru come?"
I paused for a moment at the mention of Shizuru's name before dishing out the last of the food. "She did," I nodded, "and just in the nick of time. She really saved me." Resting my back against the counter, I sipped at the ramen idly, not really tasting it.
Shutting off the water, Mai turned to me, leaning her elbows on the sink. "Really? What happened?"
I related the story: my mother and her husband, Shizuru showing up, the divorcees, the shooting, Officer Armitage, and then Nao. I shook my head and released a sigh, polishing off the last of the ramen. "It was hectic day."
Mai nodded. "I can tell. I'm surprised you survived it all." She, too, then sighed and opted for staring at the wall, deep in thought. "Hearing about Nao, I don't know what to think anymore. She used to live on my block before she went bad." She hung her head, the jagged bangs of her orange hair covering her eyes. "I don't know how to see her: as the rebellious girl across the street or the devious drug lord."
"You're not making me feel any better about this," I replied, voice just as solemn. "It's hard enough knowing Nao can run around doing whatever the hell she wants, but to recruit young kids!"
"Natsuki!" Mai pointed towards Alyssa and Takumi. "Keep it down, will you? I don't want them picking up that kind of language."
"Sorry. It's just that . . ." I groaned, running a hand through my hair. "All of this makes me so mad . . . I just hope things get better."
Mai placed her hand on my shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. "Don't worry, Natsuki. You'll be fine. After all, what goes down must come up right?"
I couldn't help but half smile and nod. Mai always had a knack of knowing what to say. "Right."
That's all folks! For now at least. Next time we get to see what happens in Shizuru's office~
