Zombies are For Realz

Chapter 5: Come Again, Canadia?


Canadia took his time before reacting to the whole situation. His mouth was in a shape of an O. But he didn't say anything. Which isn't all that surprising when you think about it.

Okay, I'll admit it, I guess it was pretty bad that Zombie Iggy just sorta collapsed after the whole choking thing. But hey, at least I saved him. Well sort of, it's not like he was actually gonna die since he is a country, but it still counts!

"I can't believe you just did that," he whispered. Well what did the dude expect? If I was going to save him, I had to make sure he didn't have any more of my Hot Balls stuck down his windpipe.

"Dude, it's not like you were going to do anything about it." Really guys, he just stood there and yelled at me, saying that I should be the one saving the damsel in distress and stuff. A matter effect, he owes me one.

Canadia took a moment before responding. "I'm not good with pressure okay? And you didn't have to hit him so hard to the point that you knocked him out all over again. I mean really America," he complained. And I could tell he was getting all pissed off again, cause he added, "The most rational thing to do was to call another country that knows how to handle these types of situations. Like China."

"Eww, but China's a commie bastard, and he's going ask me to pay him back for all of those little panda accessories that he bribed me into buying. They were really cute though... I still have like ten thousand of their bobbley little heads in my bathroom as decorations. Haha, I ran out of space in my actual house. How else do you think I keep it so clean and old looking? I throw all the modern stuff that I actually use in this apartment. Anyway, the panda bobble heads really keep you company. Did I ever mention how much I hate being alone? Ever since I bought them, it's like their beady little eyes are always watching you, caring for you—wait... What the fuck was I talking about? Oh yeah... I already told, England's a ZOMBIE Canadia. Don't you get it by now? Or do I have to repeat myself AGAINNN." How many times did I have to explain this to him guys? Seriously.

"...Who in the right mind would even put children's toys in bathrooms? You really need to clean up your lifestyle. *Insert a big ol' SIGH here* But that's besides the point. For whatever reason you REALLY have England tied up to a chair in your living room, I know that it can't be a good one. Maybe that's the reason you don't want any other nations involved?" He said all quiet but accusingly.

"I told you before I wouldn't do anything to Zombie Iggy!"

"Oh... I see how it is." He smirked a little. "You are so stubborn. Just admit it, the real reason you have England here is because you like him. Like that." Canadia said. Now he had this knowing smile plastered on his face. Even that bear of his was smiling! Guys, I didn't even know bears could smile, and it was creepy shit.

But putting all that aside, I really thought for a moment. England was always there for me. I mean, the earliest memories of my life all involve him in some way or another. He really was more of a father figure than a brother to me.

Like how I remember when I used to wet my bed, England would let me sleep in his while he went to go wash my sheets. Then I would wet his bed too. *Sniff* The memories! Oh and guys, don't tell Zombie Iggy I still remember that. Maybe he doesn't have a brain, but he might still remember.

For example, in this other creepy zombie movie I watched this lady still remembered where her house was even though she was a zombie. It's like zombies get attached to what they used to do when they were alive! Anyway, she knew that her family was still alive so she would just stand there on the porch every morning! Man, that's so scary I mean, think of seeing your dead zombie mom every morning, and knowing she just wants to eat you. It's just like that thing I was saying before about etiquette skills and how Zombie Iggy just does it unconsciously.

After absorbing everything Canadia had blabbered, I told him, "England was always cool!" Then I added, because it's totally true, "But he always did act like a dickhead."

Canadia frowned at that. "So you picked him up."

"Yeah!" Finally, Canadia was actually putting two and two together.

"—And brought him to your house."

"Yeah!" I said excitedly, he was finally getting why I brought Zombie Iggy here!

"—And tied him to a chair."

"Yeah!" I mean, it only makes sense to tie a zombie up so it doesn't bite you later.

"—And decided to take advantage of his feelings for you then."

"Yeah!" I exclaimed before thinking for a moment. Wait a sec, what? No really, WHAT?

But before I was even able to open my mouth, Canadia started again. "You just admitted it America! I always knew you were a conniving jerk that would play with someone's feelings to achieve what you want. You always knew England had strong feelings for you. Don't play dumb, because I know the truth. I thought the real reason he's here was because you truly cared about him, but no!" Canadia looked at me all accusingly, tightening his grip on his creepy ass bear. It was still smiling.

"—WHATTT?" I was in shock. First off, Canadia's like a dictionary or something, I mean, what does conniving even mean? All I knew was that couldn't be a good word because after that he called me a jerk.

Secondly, what the hell? A few minutes he was saying how I really care for England, and the next minute he's all angry and saying that I'm just using him. And strong feelings? Pfft, please. I always knew I could get anything I wanted because deep down inside England's a big softie. And okay, I'll admit it. I do use him sometimes. But everyone uses their good friends/family at times, right guys?…Right?

Uh, anyway, if I didn't care about him then I wouldn't have saved him! In a way he's right, cause I do like England as another fellow nation, but that doesn't mean I use him all the time. Knowing Canadia, he's probably thinking I just use him and don't give a crap. Which isn't cool yo.

So I yelled, "You don't know anything Canadia. Ask anyone else, they'll tell you the truth!"

"Oh really? Then how about you call one of them, eh?" he sneered. I mean really, sneered to the United States of America! Not cool. Damn Canadians.


A/N: Sorry for the short chapter! I mean, it's shorter than the usual, but it's better than no update at all. So for the person America's going to call… That's a really hard one, because I have two countries in mind, but I'm having the worst time deciding which one I should pick.

Oh and I said this in my other fic too, but just letting all you guys know, when August starts it's going to be rough updating my fics. Band starts on the 30th, and August 9th-15th I'll be at band camp, so no fanfiction for a whole week!

Band=you can't have a life.

So yeah, hope y'all liked this chapter. Nothing really happened again, but to transition to what I wanted to get to I needed this chapter. Guess I left you guys on a bad cliffhanger this time huh? *evil laughter* Until next time!