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Chapter 2: The letter


"You should have tried and stop them" Lenalee said looking down at her feet with her eyes full of tears. "It's not my job to stop them. We all knew that this day would come" Komui said and tried to place his hand on his sister's shoulder to comfort her but she just shrugged it away. Lenalee finally raised her head up to face her brother and the tears she couldn't no longer contain run freely down her pale face. "You should have woken us up! We could have stopped them! You know how hurt will Allen be?! How am I suppose to tell him something like that?!" Lenalee screamed to her brother for the first time in her entirely life. She felt terrible. She really thought that Komui ought to have done something but what about them? They left. How could they leave without goodbye?! How could Lavi leave without saying anything to Allen?!

"Lenalee, they were Bookmen. They are not supposed to have feelings" Komui said trying to make his sister see the truth. Lenalee wiped some of her tears to make space on her face for the new ones that were running from her big black eyes. Were? "Why you said were?" Lenalee said and looked to her feet again. Komui paused and hesitated for a minute. "I said were because they are not in our lives anymore and they will never be again. They belong to the past" Komui decided to be blunt with his sister even though that was hurtful for both of them. She should understand that this is what they are and this is where it would end sometime, and that sometime is now. They have to move on with their lives.

Lenalee kneeled down on the floor hiding her face with her hands and cried like she never had done before. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe that she wouldn't see Lavi's face again. She couldn't believe that they were gone, they left them, they wouldn't see them again. Allen wouldn't see Lavi again. She was silently praying to herself that all this, was a horrible nightmare. That she would wake up and everything will be fine. Lavi would be with Allen making fun of them and they would all be together. But no matter how much she tried to wake up, she didn't, this was real. She had to face it. Komui kneeled down beside her and hugged her, placing her head on his chest and with his other hand was petting her hair. Lenalee let him comfort her and she cried in his arms.

After some minutes that she finally took a hold of herself and built up her courage, she pulled her head away from her brother's warm embrace and said "I should let Allen know right?" Komui nodded his head in a slow melancholic rhythm. Lenalee looked at the space in front of her and kept silent. Her big eyes seemed to have lost their light which was replaced with pain and hurt. She thought silently to herself How will I say that to Allen? He will be devastated...


Allen was sitting in the cafeteria of the Black Order waiting for his friends to come. Truth is that he barely contained himself not to eat but he waited for them to come and have breakfast together as usual. It's taking them a lot of time to come. I wonder where are they? Allen thought and couldn't explain the slight feeling of anxious building up inside him. Could they have overslept? All at the same time... Allen shook his head lightly to get rid of such thoughts. I am sure that everything is fine... Allen thought to himself again and went back in tapping his finger on the table nervously.

He kept staring at the door like it would open magically. Suddenly the door opened and for a minute he thought he succeeded but then he noticed the small form of a girl behind it. Lenalee was standing in the door and was trying to smile to him but it came out only as a bitter frown on her beautiful face. Something snapped inside Allen when he saw her, he now knew that something was wrong. He stood up from his place forgetting all about his hunger and with a quick pace he reached her. His eyes filled up with concern when he noticed that her eyes were red from crying. Why was she crying? What's wrong? Panic started rising in his body as he stared into Lenalee's eyes waiting for her to tell him what's wrong.

She didn't talk, she kept staring in his eyes like she was trying to find something. Allen put his hand on her shoulder and that seemed to snap her out of her thoughts because she flinched slightly at the action. "Lenalee what's wrong?" Lenalee looked away from his eyes and she was staring at the floor. She let out a deep sigh and motioned for Allen to follow her out of the cafeteria and into the silent corridor where they would be alone.

Allen followed her quietly feeling his heart beating faster by the passing seconds as worry was building up inside him. When they were alone in a still corner of the corridor, Lenalee finally stopped walking and turned around to face him. Her eyes now were returning to their normal state but that didn't calm Allen. "I need to tell you something" she said and swallowed hard, like there was something in her throat stopping her. Allen was waiting for her to continue with wide eyes, the concern easily noticeable. "I... I don't know how to tell you this" Lenalee said and another tear rolled down her face as she rubbed her hand nervously. "Just tell me what's wrong Lenalee. You are killing me" Allen said trying his best not to upset her. Lenalee let out another sigh and determinedly she raised her head, stared straight into Allen's eyes and with a steady voice laced with pain she said "Lavi and Bookman left".

Allen thought he didn't hear her right and kept staring into her eyes "Um what?" he asked and blinked a couple of times. He thought he blinked to understand better what he heard but the truth was that he blinked to suppress back a tear that appeared out of nowhere. Lenalee frowned and said again "Lavi and Bookman left last night. They let my brother know and they simply... left" Lenalee choked a cry in her throat to finish her sentence. Now Allen was sure that he heard right and that tear wasn't restrained anymore and it run down freely. Allen shook his head again lightly in silent argument and blinked a couple of times before turning around to head towards Lavi's room. Lenalee run behind him and tried to catch up with him calling out "Allen where are you going?!" "You are lying! He wouldn't leave without telling me!" Allen yelled and wiped away from his eyes some tears that were blurring his vision. "Allen I am sorry but he has!" Lenalee tried to talk some sense to her friend, hurting her to see him like this.

Allen increased his pacing and now he was practically running with Lenalee following him persistently. After a while they reached Lavi's room. Allen cleaned some more of his tears with the back of his sleeve as he stood outside the door trying to control his breathing from the running. Lenalee was breathing hard next to Allen, looking up to him waiting for his next movement. Allen stared at the door, swallowed audibly and with a trembling voice he said "Lavi? Lavi are you in? This is a horrible joke by the way!" Lenalee didn't say anything, she just fixed her gaze on the floor not able to look at her friend anymore. Allen raised his hand to knock on the door but something inside him that was coming in terms with reality urged him to just open it. So he turned the doorknob slowly and pushed the door lightly to open it.

His now blank face came opposite with an empty room. He hesitantly took a step inside the room and looked around. There was no sign of the owner. Allen took some more steps inside the room feeling cold even though there was no window opened. He looked around for some more seconds and then he bowed his head looking defeated at the floor. A tear escaped from his eye and fell on the floor. Lenalee put her hand on his shoulder again. "He has really left hasn't he?" Allen said bitterly with a low voice. "Yes Allen I am sorry but he's gone". Allen kneeled down on the floor and let Lenalee embrace him like her brother did to her. She softly petted his white hair with her right hand and with her left hand his back. Allen was staring blankly in front of him. He then raised his head softly from Lenalee's neck when he got a glimpse of white on the gray sheets of the bed.

He stood up and moved towards the bed noticing a folded piece of paper with his name written on it. Lenalee stood up as well and moved next to him with a quizzical look on her face "What is that?" Allen didn't say anything and he moved his hand slowly to pick up the paper. He unfolded it and said "It's a letter... for me". Lenalee smiled bitterly and placed her hand again on his shoulder. Then understanding her friend, she left and left Allen alone to read his letter.

Allen sat on the bed and with trembling hands and pain in his chest, he started reading the letter.

Allen,

I am sorry but I am leaving. When you will be reading this I will be far away. Please try and understand. I just couldn't face you, I couldn't say goodbye to you because I know that it would shatter both of us and it would make me change my mind. I cannot be an exorcist, I am destined to be a Bookman. I am sorry for everything, for the pain I caused and for the things I didn't do. Allen please don't hate me, I love you. I will always think of you and I hope that you will forgive me.

Lavi.

Allen felt tears building up again at the words and a tear fell on the paper creating a wet small circle. Allen folded it back again and saved it in his exorcist's uniform pocket. He sat there on the bed for a little while inhaling the withdrawing smell of what was left of Lavi. He run his hand on the sheets and he could almost feel like he was touching Lavi but it was not the same. His mind was vacant, he was just repeating the words of the letter in his mind again and again with an unspoken why? darting between them. He got on his feet and with heavy footsteps he reached the door. He threw a last glance in the room and felt his heart aching. Then he closed the door and left.


Again thank you all for the reviews! Sorry for the late update but university is about to begin so it will take much longer time than usual for me to update. So please review so that I know that there are actually people interested in this!