The next night, though he vowed it would not, sleep comes again. And with it, comes his same visitor from beyond the realms. Loki stands before him as before, naked, helpless, unable even to see his tormentor in the darkness.
"Why do you do this?" he asks.
"Why?" Where does the voice come from? And whence the soft touch that curls against his naked hips? – It's going to turn painful in a moment, he thinks, his heart thudding in his chest, but it does not, and then it is gone. "Loki of Asgard, surely you know. Surely you remember our deal."
"Midgard? The invasion?" It takes all his strength just to stand there, just to answer with his normal pride. "It was your army that failed. I owe you nothing."
A laugh. It comes from everywhere and nowhere. "What does a mouse owe a cat?" Another touch, and this time there is pain. Skin being flayed, falling away in wet strips, and the blood running down his legs to pool around his feet. It will all be gone when he wakes up, Loki tells himself that, but how does that bring comfort? Does it not just mean that Thanos can do this to him over and over and over?
"You strayed into my realm, my sweet little failed Prince." A gentle stroke along his chest. How long until the painful, cutting starts there too? "You're mine now."
His to do what he wants with. His until Loki pays out the debt he owes with his own agony, or until... "For how long?" Dry-lipped, Loki forces out the words.
A pleased laugh. "You already know. You aren't stupid. Until I tire of you, of course, and then..."
A huge shove hits the middle of his chest and Loki flies backward. He falls, and falls. – There is time to picture the landing, the horrible bleeding mess Thanos has made of his back, and how that will feel hitting whatever sharp, jagged surface lies below. ...There's time to think that he will never land, that this will be the dream he never wakes from.
– And it is pure surprise when the falling stops with a huge jolt, and he is in his own bed, instead of lying mangled at the bottom of Thanos' pit. And at first there is nothing but the fear, and the ugly, solid awareness that this is just one of many nights that will be spent like this. It is only afterward that the anger starts.
Night comes again, and this time, Loki vows, there will be no sleep. He gathers the candles Odin has given him for light. They are a small, their light but short-lived, when lit normally, but an incantation makes them glow with the brilliant, powerful light of a dozen lanterns. He finds the stack of books that was put in here with him: All of them, he has read before, – A book is a book to the Aesir apparently. – but they will do. He will make them do. He forgoes the ale that is sent up with his evening meal, and makes do with pure, cold water, that has no soporific effect. And darkness finds him, not in his warm, restful bed, but sitting up on a hard chair in the bright light, determinedly reading a book of adventure tales that he first read in boyhood.
And it is this night of course, that he has a visitor. In truth, he is surprised when he hears the sound of footsteps stopping outside his door. A hand pushes the door open and at first he thinks it a dream. He looks into the face of the Storm God and wonders only how soon it will be that Thanos reveals himself again.
"Loki?" Thor's voice is the same rough, friendly voice he's heard since childhood.
"B-brother?" It is his own voice that breaks the spell. This is no dream. But why is the Thunderer here, when he could not be bothered to visit before now?
"Brother, you are pale." Thor drops down on Loki's bed and stares at him. "Your hands..." He takes one in both his big ones. "They're like ice."
Loki steels himself. He would be all ice. How dare Odin send one of his minions now, when he is most vulnerable? What game is he playing? "Much you care," he murmurs.
"You mean because I did not come before? I was on Midgard, brother." Thor frowns. "I was repairing the damage you caused."
The damage the army caused. The failed army, who's loss Thanos punishes him for every single night... For a moment, the memory of it swallows him. He is back in the cold, stinking darkness, waiting for whatever new pain is to be his tonight. He hears Thor's voice only dimly. "...You are a representative of Asgard. It was a point of honor for Father that I..."
"Honor?" Loki wills himself back into reality. He gives a snort of sarcastic laughter, throws it into the face of his so-called "brother". "You amuse me mightily. Odin has no honor."
"Because he lied to you?" Thor's look is that of concern, but his voice is tired. Of course, this is an old subject for both of them. "Brother, you are a member of our family whatever your parentage."
It is a very old subject. With half his mind, Loki wants to dismiss it with the scorn it deserves. He is not a member of the family. He is the cuckoo in the nest, the serpent the All-Father has nurtured in his bosom, but he is past that, he's got an identity of his own now. Only once he dismisses it, Thor will leave. And once he leaves, how long before Thanos is back?
"You know that is not true, Thunderer." His voice holds condescension. Almost… it is the voice of someone for whom all this is still new. "I was never more than a hostage to Odin, a bargaining chip for use in negotiations with Laufey."
"But all that is over. Brother, why must you stay rooted in the past?"
It's only now that Loki realizes his hand is still between both Thor's warm ones. The comforting feel of the touch... Even if it is but an illusion... Gritting his teeth, he pulls his hand free.
"Brother, don't be like that."
"Stop calling me that! I'm not your brother!"
The predictable response: "You are ever my brother."
"Then why did you not visit before?"
And so the roundabout has come full-circle: "Because I was on Midgard," Thor says, "fixing what you had destroyed." He rises, looks toward the door, and Loki realizes he will be alone again in a moment.
"Brother, don't leave me!" The words escape without him willing them, but, faced with the thought of another night of dreams, he cannot find it in himself to will them back. His fingers feel like ice again. He has to clench them to keep from reaching out for Thor's warm ones. He bites his lip. All his assurances that he can make his way by himself, and now he is reduced to this?
"Do you want me to stay, brother?" Thor sounds happy. He thinks Loki wants him to stay out of love. He has no idea that his presence is a tool, a way to ward off the sleep, and the inevitable, terrifying visitation that will bring. Let him think that, Loki tells himself. At least the oaf will be useful for once in his life.
"You're so cold, brother. Let me bring you some more blankets."
"Yes." – Loki thinks: The blankets are in the linen presses near his mother's bedroom. Pathetic weakling that he is, it makes his heart drop to think of being alone even long enough for Thor to get them. – "No." But the Thunderer was ever protective of his younger, weaker "brother". He will not be stopped so easily. "Here." Loki pats the bed next to him. "Lie with me," he says. "You can get me warm that way."
Thor kicks off his great boots. – Uncharacteristic; he has learned manners on Midgard. – He lies, not just next to Loki, but right under the bearskins with him. "I'm truly sorry that I couldn't visit you sooner," he says.
In truth, the warm, solid body of his would-be "brother" feels good. He could sleep like this, Loki thinks, and for once perhaps, his dreams would be peaceful ones. But danger lies this way: What would Odin say if he found his precious firstborn, cuddled with the black sheep of Asgard? "I know." He makes his voice brusque. "Of course you are. You are ever honest, Thunderer."
"As opposed to yourself, brother." There is no sting to the teasing, and Thor's hand is gentle, as he strokes Loki's hair away from his face. "You were ever the clever one, Loki. – Do you want me to sleep here? It would not be the first night we've spent together, and this time at least, I am confident you will not wet the bed while we sleep."
Family teasing, memories that go back to both their early childhoods: With an effort, Loki wills away the promise of comfort they offer. "No," he says. But he cannot force himself to drive the Storm God from his room just yet. "Tell me something about Midgard," he says.
"A story to help you sleep, brother?" Let him think that, Loki thinks. There will be no sleeping for the Trickster tonight, not if he can will it away.
"Tell me about that desert place you fell to," Loki says, "the place where you met your woman."
"New Mexico?" Thor speaks of endless miles of dry sand, of tiny mortal communities, and the people that live there. His words do not interest Loki, but the rise and fall of his voice is comforting. Loki listens to it and, listening, his eyes close.
When they open again, it is to a room lit by full daylight. Loki realizes he's slept the night through, and with no visit from Thanos. Why was that? A moment's thought: He remembers a heavy weight in the bed next to him. He remembers warm arms around him, and the soft rumbling voice of... Oh yes of course, Thor was here. He talked about scrambled eggs and coffee, and a Midgardian pastry called Pop Tarts. Typical, that it should be food. Unbidden, a smile comes to Loki's lips. He'll have to tease his brother about his obsession when he wakes.
...When he sees him again, rather, for the other side of the bed is empty. Thor must have slipped out while he was asleep. It was not a bad choice on his part, Loki thinks. He is a prisoner, and surely the All-Father does not want his favored son spending time with him. Loki knows Thor though. He is nothing if not loyal. Perhaps the loneliness of his imprisonment will be lightened, now that he is back from Midgard.
