A/N : I am literally THE master procrastinator. Also, I've been really busy with school stuff. Apologies.!
"Okay, this one is a little tricky. When you have a constant raised to the x like that, the derivative can't be found the same way as x raised to a constant. So let 'a' represent the constant; the derivative of 'a' raised to the x is the original 'a' to the x times the natural logarithm of 'a'."
I scribble down the formula as Sasuke tells me. He makes it sound easy enough, but I know I won't remember it if I don't write it down.
Even though I've recently admitted to myself that I have fallen for him, my feelings for Sasuke seem to be on a sort of dimmer switch. As if someone were standing inside my head in a dark room, slowly inching the lights closer and closer to full brightness, until my subconscious bats their hand away and edges the lights down again.
What I mean by that is that I am not head over heels for Sasuke every single minute of every single day. Some days I am happy to see him simply because he is my best friend. On those days, I find it silly that I wanted to be with him as anything more than what we are now. I tell myself that he isn't really that much more attractive than any of my other friends, that he isn't particularly more interesting than any of us. He's just Sasuke. So I convince myself that it was just a weird phase. Seriously, in love with Sasuke, what was I thinking? No way.
Other days, his gaze alone can make me feel lightheaded, the tiniest, most pathetic amount of contact makes the touched spot tingle, and if I happen to catch his scent when we're jammed together in line for lunch, I have to force myself not to bury my face into his shoulder and inhale as deeply as I can. I don't just want him. I hunger for him.
I remember the first time I noticed anything weird happening to me. We were in seventh grade, and our class was on a field trip to this recreated colonial-style village, where a tour guide dressed in traditional colonial clothing was showing us how people lived back when that village had been real. Sasuke and I had slunk to the back of the group, having had little interest in the topic. The village was nice enough, but neither of us are history buffs. Didn't stop us from getting good grades anyway, though.
The tour guide had taken us to many different rooms and exhibits, one of which had been the recreated mill. Here, she had explained, was where corn was ground into meal before it was sold for other purposes. She had shown us the grinder, a big stone bowl with lots of corn in it, a thick slab of stone in the middle of the bowl, and a handle on the outer edge of the slab. She had explained that it took two people to turn it, because it was so heavy, and asked if anyone wanted to try.
After watching a few others take a turn at it, Sasuke had nudged me.
"You want to?" he had said. I turned to look at him.
I will never understand why my subconscious thought that was the best moment to start having feelings for Sasuke. Seriously? In an old recreated colonial village, with all our classmates milling about, and Sasuke asking me if I wanted to help him grind corn into meal?
But for some reason, even though all the other details of that day were a vague memory, I remember Sasuke vividly. That day, his eyes weren't black, they were obsidian; inky, but flecked with varying shades of gray. One side of his mouth was quirked upwards in a half-interested smirk, and he was looking at me expectantly and leaning towards me slightly, waiting for an answer.
At the time, I didn't understand why my stomach flipped when I looked at him. We were only twelve, I didn't understand anything. I thought I had just been hungry.
"You know, I'm willing to help you, but if you aren't going to tell me what you don't understand, I'm going to do my own homework."
I blink back to the present, and eighteen year old Sasuke is looking at me impatiently.
"Sorry, what?"
Sasuke gives an irritated huff and brushes his bangs away from his face.
"Constants raised to the x, Naruto. Do you understand how to derive them?"
"Oh. Yeah, I think so. Thanks."
"Show me. The derivative of six to the x is...?"
I think for a moment before answering. "Six to the x times the natural logarithm of six."
Satisfied, Sasuke smirks and jabs me in the side. I let out an indignant sound and flinch away.
"I'm sure the voices in your head are interesting, but if you think too long you'll hurt yourself. Usuratonkachi."
I aim a light punch at his shoulder.
"Whatever, dick. You're just mad because I'd rather talk to the voices in my head than to you."
"Hn. Well, now that you're done, teach me computer science. Why do I need to pass this variable by reference?"
As I explain the answer to him, I glance at him through my bangs. His brow is furrowed and his jaw is set in determination to understand. He bites the corner of his bottom lip, and peers at the page I'm scribbling on. The black bangs he pushed away earlier have returned to brush against his face.
Today, I love him. Today, the light switch is on.
"Fuck yeah! Take that!"
"Usuratonkachi. I'm still winning. By two lives!"
"Shut up! I will make you my bitch yet!"
"I know you're only saying that because you can't get a girl in real life, but don't take it out on me."
"Fuck you."
"Sakura did just reject you after all…"
He's trying to distract me from the game so I don't catch up and beat him. Ass.
"I would be more upset except that she rejected me by punching me across campus. It made me realize that she would likely kill me even if we were dating. Bitch is strong."
"That may very well have been the funniest day of my life."
"I hate you. I bet Hinata would go out with me!"
"That's only because she would say "no" too quietly for you to hear her."
"Hey, I'm amazing. She's missing out."
"Come on, seriously? You can see yourself with Hinata?"
"Nah, I guess not. I would hug her once and she would break in half! Plus, Kiba has had the biggest crush on her for fuck knows how long. He would maul me."
"And then Akamaru would take a shit on your dead, bleeding body."
One hilarious moment of silence later, we are both snorting to ourselves, and a moment after that, we were laughing outright, video game be damned. Whatever, I was losing anyway.
Sasuke regains his composure faster than I do, but I can still see a smile threatening to happen.
"I'm going to tell Kiba you asked her out."
"Fine. I'm sure Karin will be excited to find out that you like redheads."
Sasuke visibly shudders. Karin is a bat shit crazy Sasuke stalker, to put it mildly. She has been following him around since tenth grade when she moved here, and has since learned Sasuke's schedule, his extracurricular activities, his home address, his cell number, his e-mail, and even his preferred foods. She asks him out at least once a week, and spends the rest of the week hoarding whatever information about him she can get her hands on.
"I will kill you."
"Karin will go crazy. She'll probably try twice as hard to get her to go out with you."
"Stop."
"Heck, maybe once you're dating, she'll dye your hair red!"
"I fucking hate you."
"Well, I suppose you could just get out of it by explaining to her that by "redheads" you meant Gaa-"
I am cut short by a very angry pillow whacking me across the head. I fall down laughing, and Sasuke punches me in the gut, which causes my laughter to falter only slightly.
"Idiot. It's late and we have school tomorrow. Let's get to bed before I kill you."
I clean up our food while Sasuke turns off the electronics. We brush our teeth, change into pajamas, and get into my bed. Our friends would probably think it was weird if they saw us, two eighteen year old boys, sharing a bed, even if it is spacey. But Sasuke never seems to mind, and I certainly don't.
