What…is this pain?

Why the hell do I feel such pain?

Fuck. It's not as if anybody stabbed me- it's not as if anyone could.

But damn it, my heart hurts. That stupid fake smile, it's like the bastard's way of stabbing a dagger into my heart.

But then, I knew he would hate me for this.

And I knew it would hurt.

I just didn't think it would hurt this fucking much.

And he's still smiling.

It's the first time he called me by my name and not some stupid nickname.

And I'm not happy at all.

"Don't move."

I clench the cloak in my hand, as the smiling idiot smiles wider and says, "I'm not going anywhere."

Now it feels like he's ripped my heart out and is poking it with those stupid pale fingers which broke their vow to not use magic to see how much pain he can deal me.

But then if my heart was ripped out I wouldn't be feeling this pain. So he didn't rip it out when I wasn't looking.

Which is one reason why I never let my guard down around him.

I throw the cloak at him, and as he looks at me in surprise and pulls it over his head, I gain the courage to look him in the eye he has left, "Don't move around yet."

And then I walk away to where the kid is.

Fuck no, I'm not running away. I'm not a coward like him.

I just need, time.

And he needs time as well.


He's talking to that witch, I know.

Who knows what the hell people who know everything but tell nothing talk about.

It's none of my business, and I'm no eavesdropper.

The kid- the new kid's over there, staring out into the rain waiting for the princess to come back.

The symbol of the one who killed my mother is still on his shirt and I throw the cloak over to him.

He gasps in surprise as if snapping out of his thoughts. He pulls it around him as he turns to me and I say, "Wear that."

"Thank you."

Considerate like the other kid. He lowers his eyes as he pulls the cloak to cover the symbol on his shirt and I look at him, pushing down the anger at the sight of that symbol as I see the guilt in his eyes.

"It's not like you were wearing that of your own volition."

The kid knows that as well, but it doesn't stop him from saying as he looks away, "But…I doubt it's something you want to see."

He really is like him. Not only in looks but attitude. Caring for others' feelings above his own.

Tch. Everyone around me is too fucking kind for their own good.

Even that damn mage.

I'm not kind. The mage wanted to die but I'm not kind enough to grant his wish.

I don't care what his reasons are, I want him to live.

I don't want to lose him.

I don't want to lose anyone important to me anymore.

Even if I have to offer up my own blood in exchange.

Because once he's dead, no matter what I do, even if I kill everyone around me (except those I care about), it won't bring him back. He'd be gone forever.

The dead can't ever be brought back.

That's the one thing I'll agree with the space time bitch with.

I've learnt that lesson well.

The kid's still looking away, a sombre expression on his face, and I look at him, "The witch said you were held captive the whole time by the one who bears that crest." And I still don't trust the witch, but I know she doesn't lie.

"Yes. But I can't tell you what world he's in." The guilt is still in his eyes, "Even if I did know, I don't have the power to cross dimensions, so I can't take you there."

He raises his gaze, looking genuinely apologetic despite his own worries, "I'm sorry."

"It isn't your fault, is it?"

I may kill people for things they did but I don't blame people for things they haven't done. I don't blame someone who's faultless.

I look at the kid as he looks at me. He looks exactly the same as the kid I knew, hair, facial expression, all identical. His attitude, serious but genuine disposition match the kid's as well.

But he isn't the kid we came to know and care about, and as he stares with sombre eyes with that identical face, wearing that cloak that almost reminds me startlingly of the kid who left, the realization strikes me.

"He's never coming back, huh? That kid."

The new kid lowers his gaze as well, and there's a silence in the air that reinforces the answer better than anything he said could have.

Shit. Things are really fucked up, aren't they? The kid gone, the new kid is someone we didn't even know the existence of before today, the princess broken, and the mage so damn fragile yet he still has the strength to hate me.

Not that I expected anything else.

Doesn't stop it from hurting though.

…Damn it.

"We have to decide by the time the princess comes back."

The kid doesn't nod, but there's a solemn agreement in his eyes. I don't expect him to do anything, he just got out from what was practically prison for him.

The mage is still back there talking to the witch, the princess hasn't come back, I don't need to be reminded what happened to the kid we knew.

It's all up to me, whether I like it or not. I have to decide.

"Decide what to do next."

The kid looks at me with a wisdom beyond his years, and though I don't want to be, I'm reminded of the kid who left. The solid determination in his eyes reflects that of the kid when we first saw him, holding his princess to him and willing to do anything to save her life-

…Wait.

"Your price will be your relationship."

"Even if she gets all her memories back, she will never remember Syaoran-kun. Syaoran-kun knew that, which is why he didn't tell her anything."

"Please take care of Fay-san."

"Even if he smiles from now on, it doesn't mean he has accepted the choice you made for him."

"…I know."

I know. I know now. I just did the same thing, didn't I? The same thing as the kid.

Because I was desperate. Yeah, I'll admit it. I was desperate. Fucking ironic since I've killed so many and I was so damn desperate for one person's life.

I just wanted him to live. I didn't care about anything else.

So the witch was warning me, huh? Well that's too late now.

Damn it. I knew something was fishy. I didn't know what she'd take since she already took Ginryuu, but after she said I'd no longer need to be the mage's game once he got his eye back (which we damn well will), I knew something was up.

Intangibles can be taken as well. I gave not only my blood and freedom as the price, but how much I've progressed with the stubborn idiot.

That was the real price.

Yeah it's too late to realize, isn't it?

Not that I didn't know before, but it's only now after he called me by my name for the first time with the fakest smile I've ever seen on him that I've understood.

Because it's changed.

Our relationship.

And now I'm back to square one.

I think of the kid. Not the one in front of me but the one we knew. Is this how he felt when the princess he's known for such a long time and who's always been by his side asked who he was?

It fucking hurts.

I know my heart's not gonna rip but it feels like it is.

That dagger's in again, even if someone were to stab me with a real knife, it wouldn't hurt as much. It wouldn't go as deep. I can take physical pain, it's emotional pain that I've got to cope with.

Yeah. Coincidentally, it's raining, just like that day in the first world when the kid realized the extent of his price.

And I'm now realizing mine.

He's important to me. I don't know how he got to be so important but he is. The witch knew that, didn't she.

"But sometimes, you have to have the strength to cry when you want to."

Crying isn't only for weaklings. But I've cried too much in the past. Cried and raged. And I got stronger, strong enough so I wouldn't need to cry anymore. I'm not gonna start again now.

If things have turned out this way there's nothing I can do. This was my choice. So I won't run, I'll accept the choice I made.

Fuck you, mage. Why the hell do I care so much for you when all you do is push me away? Who knew the guy who called me all those stupid girly nicknames and refused to fight like a man and did so many things which pissed me off yet I could never hit him- who knew you would become so important to me?

The kid was willing to pay the price for the princess to live. He barely hesitated. And now I've done the same. The princess is his most precious person. She is the one he loves with all his heart.

I don't know if you're that, I don't know shit about love, if this feeling is love or not-if you somehow came to be fucking precious to me- but you are important to me and don't you dare think your life is worthless. I've killed so many for the sake of my own selfish ambitions and yet I saved your life. Don't you think that's got to mean something?

…So maybe I'm a bit of a coward 'cause I can't say this to you. I can only say it inside my head.

But how many times have I told you? I don't care about your past. So why do you keep holding back? You think you're the only one who has suffered? I've got things I regret, we all have, but in life things always get screwed up but you've just got to move on. Hold your head high and walk forward. Like the princess did. She looks so fragile but her will is unbreakable. That's why I know she'll come back to the people waiting for her. No matter what. That's why I can believe in her. And I'm proud of her. She's strong. Maybe even stronger than you are right now.

"…Have you decided?"

I don't know how long I spent thinking, going over this new realization in my head, but it must have been some time because the kid looks like he's been waiting. So I waste no time in giving him my answer.

"Yes." I avert my gaze, "There are things that haven't changed and things that have."

Things like we're all still alive. No matter how screwed up things have become, we're all still alive, even the mage who was minutes away from death, and the kid who left. That remains the same. We've got to be grateful for that. Life is precious. Things like I know that no matter what, I have to look forward, like what I told the kid to do. And I'm still returning to Nihon. That hasn't changed.

As for the things that have changed…

"Why did you let Sakura-chan get the price on her own?"

…That's another thing that hasn't changed. The mage's protectiveness of the princess.

But that's also one thing that has changed.

The look in his eye.