I Dream of Harley Quinzel: The return
It was truly boring in there. Harley, having been stuck in there, needed some excitation. Something had to happen or she would die all alone stuck in a lantern thanks to some kind of imp with a purple round hat. Curse that Batman who had used her current weakness to imprison her like this!
She had no idea what would happen to her or if she could even escape, as every time the idea popped in her mind, it was quickly shoved away as if the mere possibility of escaping her predicament could not stay in her mind for long. It seemed like her destiny was to stay in that rotten lantern forever...
However, a sudden urge to be released came to her as the area inside the lantern shook with some kind of mighty force. It was her greatest need and her duty to get out of there right now!
Doing so, she puffed out of the lantern still dressed in her genie getup as her first thought was not to look around where she was or to do anything like this. Someone had released her from the lantern and he would be her master, which made it her duty to obey him and grant his wishes, whatever they may be.
Her surprise was great when she saw a little imp floating in front of her, dressed in what seemed to be a small and satirical version of Batman's costume. However, she had no time or opportunity to react accordingly to such a sight as the Bat cave as her mouth opened to throw the usual genie stuff.
-Greeting, weirdly-dressed master. I am the genie of the lantern and I...
Interrupting her right in her servitude speech, the weird imp was seemingly relieved to see her.
-There you are Harley! It was kind of boring to not see you on the field to trouble Batman, really. What have you been up to?
His carefree and friendly manner made her confused, but like any proper genie, she tried to act nonchalant about the whole thing.
-I have become a genie, strange and small master, thanks to...
-Wait, I know just who could have done this to you...it's Mxyzptlk isn't it?
A bit surprised that he knew instantly what she was going to say, Harley had no time to properly reply to him before he continued talking.
-It's just like him to go where he's uninvited. No ''hey Bat-Mite, would it bother you if I go in your corner to play with those who grant you such joy?'' That guy is the worst... He even broke you a little bit with that genie stuff uh? Here, let me fix you.
Snapping his fingers, it had the direct result of making Harley able to think much more freely now, resulting in her being a bit relieved that her predicament would soon be over. However, she still was dressed in that harem-girl costume and her connection to the old Sumerian lantern was still there, which just grated her nerves.
-Hey what gives bat-imp? I'm still a genie and I'm still connected to that ugly old lamp!
Bat-Mite, laughing at the result of what he had done, wiped a small tear for having laughed so hard , trying to gather himself together during his hilarity.
-I've fixed you, don't worry Harley. It would be a crime to make it so you can't tell jokes or those sassy comments of yours. It's what I love about you. The genie idea that Mxyzptlk had was pretty good, though, but all that was needed was for you to be much more aware of your situation for it to be truly funny to watch.
Stupefied that what the little imp had done to her, Harley tried to attack him with a spell, as she knew how to do so; however, nothing came of it, much to the continuous amusement of the small creature.
-You still are a genie Harley. You still have to grant my wishes and you just can't hurt me directly. Get used to it girl, you're gonna cause some chaos in Gotham and it'll be my pleasure to watch. Now to make it so you create some fun situation for me...
The snapping of his fingers was the last sound she heard from outside her lantern as she was sucked back in, much to her annoyance and anger. As soon as she was granted more freedom in her mannerism and speech, she was sent back to that place she hated. What would that ''Bat-Mite'' do with her now?
The card game was getting fierce now, as several of Gotham most preeminent villains and rogues had settled themselves in an abandoned bar in a truly dirty and slummy part of the city to create a plan to thwart Batman once and for all.
They were playing poker, as there could be no true plan if all the players in Batman final fate were not present. So far, Clayface, Scarecrow and Poison Ivy were there, hoping that others would come to this shady meeting. They had sent out invitations to some of the most notorious, yet there was no way to know who would come and who would not.
Caught in their game, their concentration was broken as some kind of dusty old lantern popped out of nowhere straight in the middle of their table. Aghast from such a spontaneous appearance of this ancient relic from thin air, the trio looked at each other, puzzled about the whereabouts of this strange object.
Breaking the silence installed in the place from so bizarre an event, Clayface starred at it with incredulity.
-What's that thing that just appeared here? Anyone knows?
Poison Ivy, starring as well at the object, could find no possible answer so far as it was Scarecrow that replied to his query.
-Whatever it is, it has spooked me a little bit, which is frankly close to impossible now. I don't know what it is, but I like and want it!
Quickly grabbing the lantern on the table, the villain tried to inspect its every corner to try and decipher the puzzle in front of him. If only Riddler had accepted the invitation, he'd have gotten a nice answer much more rapidly. Unfortunately, Jonathan Crane had no idea just what he was holding in his hand. Perhaps if he was to remove the large collection of dust on it, he could see some sort of clue...
Doing just so, he removing it with a rubbing motion of his hand, which prompted the lantern to shake out of its hand onto the floor, causing a big *THUD* sound that resonated in the largely empty room. Looking at the other two, Scarecrow hoped that he hadn't broken it by accident. The lantern continuing to shake in a crescendo, it soon pushed the chairs on the ground as it almost rushed toward them in its vibrations.
Finally settling down, the lantern stopped moving as a huge column of red, white and black smoke erupted from it, causing the trio of villains to cough at the scent. It was a smell that reminded them of cheap cotton candy and other carnival food, which was fitting considered the form that had formed in front of them: Harley Quinzel.
She was much different now, as she was sporting something that could pass her like a clown mixed with the Arabian Nights, like a jester in a harem dressed funnily and sexily all at the same time. Surprised at such a sight, the trio knew they had sent an invitation to her, but they had no idea she would appear in such a fashion. Wondering just how she managed such an apparition, Clayface was the one to speak first.
-Damn, this was some kind of amazing entrance Harley! If you're here, does it mean that Joker has accepted our invitation and will be coming soon to plan for Batman downfall?
Harley, wondering just where she was, saw just how unlucky she turned out to be as she had landed in the hands of those weirdoes. The only person here that she actually liked was Poison Ivy, but she was as dumbstruck about her current appearance and entrance like those two goofballs. Still having some of her genie obligations, she had to tell them just what she was now; however, she no longer had to be nice or submissive about it.
-Look, mudface, this is not a trick at all. I've been changed to a genie by some sort of imp from a magical place and I have to grant the wishes of bird-chaser here since he has rubbed the lantern I'm in. It's true, I swear it.
The look on their face was truly indicative of their collective disbelief, as they each looked at each other before returning their gaze at her, much to Harley's annoyance. They were not getting it at all, which grated her nerves. Still, they were morons, so perhaps there was a way out of this lantern if she played her cards right.
-Yes, it was just a small joke, folks. I won't grant your wishes or anything, it's not like by saying ''I wish for Harley to be free'' I would have to grant that wish, right?
Scarecrow, not getting the joke at all if there was one, looked at her with the lantern firmly in hand as he replied to her vague trick.
-That would be a bad wish. I'd rather say ''I wish to be afraid all the time'', since it has been so long since I haven't had a nice scare...
Oblivious to what he had unleashed, Harley still had to grant his wish as bolts of magic unleashed from her hand toward Scarecrow, resulting in him screaming madly for two seconds before getting to the ground in a foetal position. Shaking with fear, he could not control himself as horrific visions of Batman and a world without any kind of fear and insecurities flashed before his eyes, causing him to panic uncontrollably and drop the lantern on the ground once more.
Clayface and Poison Ivy looked at the scene with eyes as wide as saucers, seeing the truth of their situation for the very first time: they could get anything they wanted out of Harley now. She was an honest-to-god genie now and this was the very thing that proved it. Quick on her feet, Poison Ivy grabbed the lantern from the floor and began to rub it, which made Harley feel that she would have to grant her wishes now.
Clayface, angered that Poison Ivy had picked it up before him, looked at her with fury in his eyes as he prepared to violently attack her to get the lantern. Prepared for such an eventuality, Poison Ivy dodged out of the way and looked at him seductively before unleashing some pheromones in his direction. This caused him to become calmer by the second as the pheromones caused his attacks to be slower and easier to dodge before he would stop altogether. Harley, frustrated that they were acting like a bunch of doofus, could do nothing to stop them as they were doing their stupid battle.
Thankfully, it all ended quickly with Poison Ivy blowing a kiss in Clayface direction and while talking to him smoothly and seductively.
-Ladies first, don't you think so, you handsome puddle?
Under the subtle effect of her pheromones, Clyaface stopped thrashing about as he accepted what was to happen. He'd get his turn eventually, that much he thought.
Returning all her attention to Harley, Poison Ivy began to ponder what to wish for. Harley, still unsure about what would happen, tried to reason with her friend; as if there was one who would try to help her, it would be poison Ivy.
-Come on, Ivy. Help me out here. I don't want to be stuck in this form and have to grant wishes all my life. Make me free, please.
Ivy, looking at Harley once more, looked with sympathy at Harley Quinn, yet saw too much opportunity in her situation.
-Sorry, Harley, but I can't let this opportunity go to waste. After all, it's not like I can get my wishes granted any day, you know? I have some plans and I wish for my plants to have a much bigger garden where me and the poor saps will have no trouble whatsoever from anyone.
Saddened by such a betrayal from one of her greatest friend and her greed, Harley saw an opportunity to have some revenge, as she granted the wish of her friend in an unexpected way. Throwing bolts of magic at her, Harley made Ivy disappear from this place in a matter of seconds. Smiling at what she had done, she turned her sight toward the only remaining person with the ability to speak and act clearly in the room: Clayface.
Puzzled about what just had happened to Ivy, Clayface scratched his head in confusion as his muddy fingers drooped on the floor like always. Picking the lantern and rubbing it, he figured that it was his turn to get his wishes granted. Harley, seeing the dumb expression on his face, smiled a bit at the thought she had gotten some revenge for the betrayal of Poison Ivy.
-So, uh, what did you do to Ivy?
-She wanted a large garden where she could be at peace with her plants, so I transformed her to a planet a million light-years away. That way, she will be at peace and have a garden as large as she could ever get, only she is the garden now.
Not seeing the cruel twist in what Harley had done, Clayface looked at Scarecrow and pondered about what had happened to Ivy, seeing that their wish did get granted in some kind of good way. They had gotten what they asked for, which made him remember something that he desired even more so than to get rid of Batman: normalcy. The perfect opportunity was standing in front of him for him to get back to how he was before turning into this mud pile that he was now.
-I wish for me to stop being clay!
Such a poor choice of words made Harley laugh as she unleashed some bolts of energy at the dolt Clayface, granting his wish in a fashion that was much too sweet for Harley. Not noticing the change so far, Clayface tried to move toward Harley for an explanation, until he saw that he could not move his legs at all, as they were turning into solid gold. Panicking at this recent change, he could do naught as every inch of his body turned into shining gold, making him unable to move at all from his position.
Now having rid herself from those three greedy fools, Harley wondered just what could happen now that there was no one else to grant wishes to. She had to admit that punishing the meddling Scarecrow and Clayface had been satisfying in some way, although she'd rather be back to normal now.
At that thought, Harley was startled at the loud opening of a door nearby. Curious to see who it was, she was pleasantly surprised to see her dearest Joker enter the place. He would surely help her with her situation, she thought, as she waved to him.
Joker, recognizing Harley in her genie form just like last time, rushed to her, rubbing the lantern in a quick process. Harley, full of hope that her lovely clown prince of crime would make it all right, was ready and hopeful that he would do the wish to set her free from her predicament.
-Well, a second chance for a wish is all right by me! I wish for...
He never had the chance to voice his desire to the genie Harley, as he received two blunt batarangs to the side of his head, knocking him unconscious once more before her even got a chance to get his wish granted.
Furious at the sight of her rotten luck and her beloved Joker on the ground, Harley turned to see Batgirl and Robin on the scene, ready to pick Joker up and get him back to Arkham once more. Batgirl, looking at Harley, was confused about just what she was looking at. Meanwhile, Robin went toward the lantern and picked it up, knowing full well what the lantern was and why Harley was in this state. Stephanie Brown, the current batgirl, looked at Robin with a puzzling look on her face.
-Just why is Harley like that exactly?
Tim Drake, the current Robin, looked at her with his game face on, being utterly serious despite the ridiculousness of what he was about to say.
-Batman had told me that Harley had been transformed into a genie by a being from the fifth dimension and that she had been taken away from the Bat cave a few hours ago. He had charged me with the task of retrieving it when you came with me during your patrol to help me out.
A bit incredulous at what she was hearing, Stephanie looked at the lantern and the genir Harley, wondering if this was some kind of trick from Jonathan Crane on the ground or any other of the more bizarre rogues that Batman regularly fought. Heck, she wouldn't even be surprised if this was some kind of weird mind game from the Mad Hatter at that point. If this was true, however, there had to be something that could be done with Harley now that she was in their grasp.
-So, what do we do with her now? Do we free her or something?
Robin, rubbing the lamp as he prepared to deal with Harley in the same way Batman had told him to, looked at Batgirl with an honest look of pondering on his face. Should he just make her disappear only for her to reappear and cause trouble, or should he just let her be this way forever, trapped in this lamp so that she could cause no more trouble?
Batgirl, troubled at his lack of answers, looked at him with an angered look on her face.
-Don't tell me you are actually thinking about letting her stay this way forever! The original Robin would never have done it and you know it!
Not seeing where this comparison about Dick Grayson was coming from, it angered Tim as he replied in an equally angered tone to Stephanie Brown.
-I'm not like him, I'm a different Robin. Just like you are not truly like the first Batgirl.
This remark hitting her like a ton of brick, Batgirl began acting in an irrational way as the two of them argued, much to the amusement of Harley Quinn who watched the spectacle in front of her, smiling all the while. What she did not know was that both Tim Drake and Stephanie Brown were once in love, which made it kind of a touchy thing as they were both working for Batman. Matters of the heart were touchy and it made both of them a bit irrational in front of each other.
Not wanting to interrupt such a big source of fun, Harley dared not speak up as the remarks they threw at each other, with most of Batgirl one being about comparing Robin to the older ones. Flustered about all this comparison to Dick Grayson, Tim Drake finally replied loudly to Batgirl.
-Stop comparing me to him! I wish you'd see me as a true Robin and not some lower form of Dick Grayson, dammit!
Seeing a treasure of an opportunity right there, Harley unleashed her bolts of energy right at Robin, who began to transform into a small bird in front of the disturbed Batgirl. Chirping instead of arguing with Stephanie, Robin had no way to properly think of a way out of his situation, since he now possessed the intellect of an American Robin.
Thinking rapidly about what to do, Batgirl swiftly took the lantern from the floor and rubbed it to make sure no one else would be in control of Harley the genie. Smiling at the effect she was having on Batgirl, Harley began to actually like a little bit being a genie, even thought she would have preferred to be normal.
Stephanie, thinking before making any mistake in her choice of words, looked at Harley, seeing the mischief on her face. She was not a benevolent genie, that was for sure and any poor wording could have terrible repercussions.
Perhaps saying that everything should return to normal would be the key, but then there were so many opportunities for Harley to mess things up, it was uncanny. Unsure about what to do or say right now, the best thing she could think of was to make sure she could harm no one until she and the rest of the bat-family could think of something proper and infallible to wish for.
-I wish you would return in your lantern.
Disappointed by the simplicity of the wish, Harley had no choice but to obey it as she was returned in the lantern she hated. Seeing the genie returned in the Sumerian lantern, Batgirl picked Robin up and went to the Bat Cave, anxious to see a way to return things to their normal state of being on her way there.
Harley, back inside the lamp, began to pout a bit, as she had close to no true opportunity to make her way out of this mess she was in, no thanks to her greedy friend or those do-gooders. At least, she had been able to get some revenge on those who would have used her, which was a small pleasure that did not diminish how she yearned to return to her freedom.
Suddenly, the bat-imp appeared inside her lantern, laughing uncontrollably as he floated in front of her.
-Oh, you are the best, Harley Quinn! Turning clay into gold, Ivy into a planet and Robin into his namesake while paralysing Scarecrow with fear! That was amazing, sincerely!
Not amused by the appearance of Bat-Mite, she gave him an angry look that could have turned anyone scared. Not him, apparently, since he kept giggling all the while as he looked at her.
-Oh sure, I helped you a little bit, like when Robin and Batgirl were there. They could have destroyed all the fun that I had built. After all, they are no heroes like Batman. He would have been the one to truly save the day.
-Can you turn me back to normal now? I don't want to be like Barbara Eden anymore and I want out of these stinking clothes, you bat-reject.
Bat-Mite, still smiling at the sight of her, looked confident as he replied to her.
-Come on now, I'm sure you have enjoyed a little bit what you did with your genie magic. Besides, I have so much more fun planned for your genie self, it's impossible to get tired of how you react to those kinds of things. You're a natural, Harley!
Sighing at the hearing of such words, it seemed like Harley troubles and adventures as a genie were not quite done yet. Still, as she had no control over this, she'd at least get some fun messing with people wishes if they messed up. Those who would try to use her for their greedy needs would learn to fear Harley the genie.
