Perfect Performance
Lena's POV
You know the moment when you first wake up, but you're still not really awake? You're caught somewhere between dreams and reality? Where nothing really matters, you're not quite sure who you are, and everything is just perfect. I live for those precious few seconds.
I opened my eyes slowly, letting my face soak up the sunshine drifting in through the dormitory window. Another day, I could do this, I could fake my way through one more day. I rubbed my eyes with my right hand, my left arm was still throbbing and I knew from past experiences it would be too stiff to move just yet.
'Lena Beana, honey, get up!" Only Rose could be polite and demanding at the same time.
"Rosie Posie," I mumbled sleepily. "Why?" One simple word could mean so many different things. I knew Rose, our brilliant Rose wouldn't understand the pain and the anguish behind my question. I knew she wouldn't because I hid it from my voice, I hid it with every word I spoke.
She just rolled her eyes, classic Rose. "Well breakfast started and hour ago, we have an hour left to eat, and classes start today." She gave a squeal of delight as I hastily turned a groan into a yawn. She caught on.
"Don't even, Lena. This is our O.W.L's year. Even J&J left already." Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. Jana and Jacinda Corner, otherwise know as J&J, were notorious for spending hours upon hours getting ready. Their work always paid off though, they'd had boys falling after them since 2nd year.
"Get out of bed and get dressed or I'm dragging you out of bed, and doing it for you." She threatened.
"Okay, Okay, I'm up!" I jumped out of my bed, grabbed a pair of robes off a pile from my trunk and ran to the loo. I never undressed in the dorm, my secret would be out then, my scars would have been visible, they would have been seen. I piled my hair on top of my head, and looked in the mirror. My blue eyes looked dull and lifeless, and the dark circles underneath nearly consumed my face. I must have been a great actress if no one ever asked. I sighed, as I left the bathroom, they didn't notice because they didn't care, and they didn't care because they never noticed.
I walked with Rose to the Great Hall, where we then went our separate ways. I almost always ate breakfast with Scorpius. I sat down at the Slytherin table to wait, and like always I was promptly ignored. After the Second War there were more friendships outside of the house you'd been sorted into, so it wasn't mandatory to sit with your house anymore. Take Albus Potter for example. He sat at the Gryffindor table with Rose and the rest of his family most of the time, and his brother. James.
I blushed as I thought about him. He'd knocked me flat on my arse yesterday, but I couldn't help my thoughts to be haunted by his crooked smile. I shook my head sadly, I wouldn't be another one of those girls, fawning on him, loving him for something his father had done. Besides, I told myself, you're not worthy of him, he was just being polite. He'd never want you, he'd be disgusted by the very thought of you. I could almost hear my fathers voice telling me all those things. I didn't notice the tears falling down my face as I chastised myself, and I didn't notice my best friend sliding onto the bench beside me.
"Lena, are you okay, did something happen?"
It took almost five minutes of silence for me to look up. Scorpius was staring at me intently, gently he took his thumb to whip away the last of my tears. I gave him a small smile and looked into his beautiful steel gray eyes, which held nothing but concern. I still remembered the first time I'd ever seen those eyes, I had been terrified. I looked away, remembering;
It was chilly, and I had kept my arms covered. Father hadn't seen me off at the station, not as if I had expected any different from him, but still I hoped. There was a difference between expecting and hoping, at least that's what I told myself. Professor Longbottom and fetched me, he'd also been the one to take me and get my things. He was my only friend. Unfortunately he wouldn't be able to keep me company on the train ride to Hogwarts.
He had however sunk down to one knee, to tell me he would see me at school, and that he was sure I'd make loads of friends on the train. His voice was so gentle, so kind, I had wanted to cry. I wasn't so sure about that, but I knew better than to talk back to an adult. Even if he was nothing like father. I simply nodded my head and let go of his hand.
I held back my tears as I looked for somewhere to sit. I searched and searched but I couldn't find an empty compartment, I finally settled on a barley deserted one with a little blonde boy.
"I'm sorry, but can I sit here?" My voice cracked, how I even managed to speak, I'll never know.
He nodded his head, his cold gray eyes looking me up and down, I was nervous, afraid of rejection, but then a smile broke out on his face. "My name is Scorpius Malfoy, care to be my friend?"
Over the years he had become my best friend, even though we'd been sorted into two different houses, he still remained my first and truest friend. In that moment I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him about my dad, and my mum. I wanted to lift my sleeves and have him yell and scream. I wanted to cry on his shoulder. I wanted him to know, I wanted him to share this burden with me. I loved him too much though, to ever hurt him. He was too sweet for his own good, the brother I was never given, the best friend in the entire world. Which is why I turned back, plastered a smile on my face and lied to him.
"Sorry, just feeling a bit off today. Nothing happened, I promise."
No one said life would be fair, no one said life would be easy, but life shouldn't have to hurt this much. I knew that much, it was supposed to be this beautiful journey, with bumps along the way. I looked down at my bare arms, taking them in. Life shouldn't be this disappointing. I traced a partially nasty looking scar on my right arm. It had been done that summer, still fresh enough to look red and painful.
I sat on my gold and red bed, in my dormitory all alone. By choice. Everyone else was down at dinner, the perfect time. I'd told Rose I wasn't feeling well, and has asked if she'd tell Scorp for me. I smiled in spite of my heartache, anything to get them talking, he'd been in love with her since 3rd year, and she'd started to blush whenever he was mentioned just last term. I looked out the window at the night sky, lost in my thoughts.
I couldn't pretend to be this perfect person any longer, my performance was slipping, I was slipping. I was a silly broken girl, and I hated myself. I truly hated myself, I hated what I'd become. I hated the razor blade in my hand, and I hated that I had to use it to make myself feel. I hated the numbness that engulfed my mind and my soul.
A/N: Happy days! Hope you enjoyed!
