AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm trying to roll with my inspiration right now and write this while I can. Thank you to everyone for the feedback I'm glad you're enjoying this. I know it's a bit dark but I promise there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel. ;) Oh and I wanted to comment quickly on the what Blair did thing. I don't like writing a story skewed to one perspective. Of course in Chuck's mind what Blair did (I'm not telling, lol) is quite awful, but that is just one perception. Blair's perception is quite different. It's somewhere in the middle like all things in life and CB are very imperfect. They have good qualities and bad qualities and I intend to delve into both sides in this story. I hope this puts people's minds at ease on that issue.

You Were Mine

Chapter Three.

FRACTURE

The act of breaking or snapping asunder; rupture; breach.

Chuck walked back to his office slowly keeping his back ramrod straight and his eyes shuttered from those still lingering around him. He felt pure hatred boiling in his blood in that moment. Seeing her again had been a jolt, seeing her with his son had felt like a thousand knives slicing into him, but seeing her with that smug son of a bitch she paraded around with now made him want to resort to murder. It took everything in him not to call his special security man and have him dispose of Carter Baizen in a more permanent way. Chuck's skin was crawling when he realized Carter had been within feet of Parker. That was unacceptable. He would hire guards to follow Parker day and night if he had to but that situation would never occur again.

His mind switched to business next. It was going to be a nuisance having Blair and her little lackey involved in his company but he was secure in the knowledge that he was better than them in every single way. Carter had had some small time business success and Blair had helped Eleanor run her company competently before Parker had been born but neither were a match for him. It made things uncomfortable that they had Lily's stock but Chuck was already coming up with ways to discredit the woman he thought of as a mother and make sure a judge agreed that her decision to hand Blair her stock was unsound to say the least. Insanity was a common trait in the women Chuck loved.

He ignored his secretary's gawking as he walked past her and went into his office. Serena and Parker were sitting on his couch and Serena was doing her very best to keep his son occupied. Parker jumped up the minute Chuck came in and latched onto his legs. Those deep brown eyes peered up at him in askance and Chuck drew a complete blank. He'd always been able to brush the Blair subject under the table with Parker. The child had vague memories of her from when he was younger, and Serena insisted on bringing her up from time to time but other than that there wasn't a gaping hole in Parker's life. At least Chuck hadn't thought there was. Parker's sprint towards her earlier was putting sickening doubts into his mind no matter how hard he tried to banish them.

"Where's mommy?" Parker asked immediately and Chuck had to grind his teeth together not to snap at his son. It wasn't Parker's fault that he came from such a selfish bitch. That was Chuck's fault and he took full responsibility. He also knew that he had to do everything in his power to make sure Blair didn't hurt his son when she went off the rails again which if her date was any indication was probably going to be soon.

"Parker," Serena jumped in before Chuck could answer. "Let's finish our book and give daddy a minute. He looks a little… under the weather." She settled on. Parker examined his father's face and seemed to find Serena's explanation valid because he released Chuck's leg and headed back over to her.

Chuck knew his reprieve would be short. Parker was nothing if not inquisitive and soon he'd be back over there badgering Chuck about his mommy and why she was there and when he could see her again. Chuck couldn't tell him the truth that mommy was there to ruin daddy and that he would never see her again if Chuck had any say in it and he most definitely did. Blair had planned her sneak attack beautifully but Chuck was going in eyes wide open now and the next victory would be his.

He reached for his phone and called his head of security. Graham Halston was an ex marine and one of the stealthiest men Chuck had ever met. He'd been handling Chuck's personal business for years and this case would be no exception. Chuck ordered him to dig up everything he could on Blair and Carter and their activities in the past year. Their little coup at BE would not go unpunished but Lily was clearly just a pawn and not the mastermind. Next, he called Ms. Bainbridge and told her she was needed immediately. A guard would be escorting her out and Chuck's personal driver would take care to get her and Parker home safely and within the penthouse so no more sneak attacks could occur. Chuck wouldn't put it past Blair to go after Parker and he was taking no chances. When he was finished setting everything up he called Parker back over to him. Serena gave him a warning glare that he ignored.

"Ms. Bainbridge will be here any minute and I've already called someone to bring you down some frozen hot chocolate for the trip home." Chuck smiled at Parker as he climbed onto Chuck's lap and hoped this concession would appease him.

Parker frowned. "We were going to the zoo. I wanted to see the monkeys. And then Grandma Lily said I could go with her to see the horses again. It's Tuesday, remember?" Parker was getting agitated and Chuck knew a tantrum was on its way.

"Unfortunately, we're going to have to reschedule. Grandma Lily is going to be quite busy and the zoo is out of the question this afternoon. You'll have to play at home. I'm sure Ms. Bainbridge will find something to entertain you." Chuck's words were stiff and he felt completely out of sorts being this strict. It was for Parker's own good though. He had to be protected.

Parker's lip began to wobble and tears collected behind his eyes. Chuck looked away from him and back at Serena. She didn't make a move to help him though.

"I wanna go to the zoo and see the monkeys." Parker began the waterworks special and Chuck watched him helplessly. He couldn't bend on this though. There was no telling what Blair had in store and Carter was just the kind of criminal who wouldn't think twice about stealing a child.

"Not today," Chuck snapped and immediately regretted it. Parker began crying harder and Chuck sighed in frustration. A day that started out with such promise was quickly going to hell.

"Chuck, he's a child and he doesn't understand." Serena was using her pissed off authoritarian voice that really annoyed Chuck but he knew he deserved it this time.

She was right. Parker was caught in the middle of a war he could never understand. Chuck had never told him much about the situation with Blair. He'd just said that his mommy couldn't be around but that of course she loved Parker. Perhaps he should have been more blunt and hard but no matter how much he hated his ex wife he couldn't do that to his son. Parker would learn the truth eventually and that would be soon enough.

"I'm sorry," Chuck whispered into Parker's ear and kissed the top of his head. He smelled like his special French children's shampoo that Cyrus and Eleanor continued to send in bulk. Chuck always grumbled when the packages arrived but he used the supplies anyway. Parker liked them.

"Can I see the monkeys?" Parker looked up at his father with a woe be gone expression and Chuck's heart lurched in it's cold grey spot. He wanted to say yes but he couldn't. Parker realized that without his father speaking and began crying again. This time loud sobs and Chuck just held him trying to think of something to make up for it.

Finally, he came up with the perfect solution. "But," he got Parkers attention again, "I can arrange for a private viewing at home. We'll have to convince Ms. Bainbridge not to quit but I'm sure you can handle that." He gave Parker a conspiratorial wink and his son brightened up immediately.

"Could they bring two? A big one and a little one?" Parker's sadness had dissipated so fast Chuck almost had whip lash. "And one with the funny butt?"

"The funny butt?" Chuck repeated like his son was speaking in a foreign language.

Serena finally got up and came over to them a smile back on her face. "Yeah, you know Chuck the funny butt monkeys." She was doing her best not to laugh and Chuck was doing his best to glare but neither one of them could hold it. The things that came out of Parker's mouth sometimes were truly astonishing.

"I'm sure I can round one of them up," he agreed. Parker threw his arms around Chuck's neck and peppered his father's face with kisses like Serena always peppered his. Chuck allowed this display for a minute before pulling Parker back down to eye level. "This means you'll have to follow everything Ms. Bainbridge says today and you'll have to agree to forego the horse visit. Deal?"

Parker wavered for a minute. He truly did love those horses. But he was a Bass and he recognized a losing situation when he was in one. He couldn't push his father much further today. "Deal." He shook Chuck's hand and then dived in for another hug.

Ms. Bainbridge popped in a minute later and Parker ran right to her telling her about all the funny monkeys that were coming over for a visit. She shot Chuck an alarmed look before pasting a smile on and agreeing that would make for a lovely afternoon.

"Give daddy a hug." Chuck called Parker back and Parker did as he was told hugging Chuck quickly and then doing the same to Serena before he practically hauled Ms. Bainbridge out of the office so they could get home and wait for the monkeys.

"I can't believe you agreed to do that." Serena rolled her eyes used to Chuck's over the top parenting style.

Chuck didn't respond. He picked up his phone and told Madison to get on the monkey situation. She seemed a little surprised at first but then as always she agreed to have it done and hung up. Chuck was relieved that Parker would soon be out of the same building and there was no way Blair could get to him at the penthouse. That was Chuck's fortress and no one got in there without his say so. Blair's name had been scratched off the guest list long ago.

Serena started in on him the minute he set down the phone. "You know you can't keep him locked up in your penthouse under armed guard."

"Why not?" Chuck shot right back. He could do whatever he needed to do to protect his child. He's already proved that. "Parker will only get confused with her around."

"She's his mother, Chuck." There was pity in Serena's voice and Chuck hated the sound. Once upon a time Blair and Serena had been like sisters but when everything had gone down Serena had ended up siding more with Chuck and Blair had never been able to forgive it. Chuck had never forgotten it either. It was why as much shit as he gave Serena he really did appreciate her and everything she'd done for him and his son.

"She gave up that right a long time ago." He brushed this off like he always did. Serena had tried many times over the last few years to have this conversation with him and he'd never allowed it. Serena had a bleeding heart but Chuck did not. He'd been a sucker before for Blair and it had cost him too much in the end.

"No, Chuck, you took it from her." Serena wasn't backing down and Chuck looked up from his paper work to glare at her. "I know that you love your son and you just want to protect him but this is not the way. Blair is better. She has her life together now-"

Chuck laughed. "Carter Baizen is having her life together? Sell her sob story somewhere else, Serena. I don't take chances with Parker." Chuck glanced at the clock and saw that the board meeting was just about to begin. He'd wanted to get in a call to Lily but that would have to wait. "I have a meeting to attend and so do you."

"I'm not going to drop it this time." Serena warned him as they exited his office and headed for the elevators again. Thankfully, Carter and Blair had long since deserted. "Chuck!" Serena grabbed his arm and pulled him around so they were facing. A few employees stopped to stare but Serena ignored them. "At least talk to her."

Chuck carefully removed Serena's hand from his arm and walked away from her without another word. There was nothing Blair had to say that Chuck was interested in hearing. She had burned her bridges by coming here with Carter Baizen and fucking with his company. She wasn't going to get a chance to do the same with his son.

Blair paced nervously around the board room and stared at the clock. People would be arriving soon and she had to pull it together. She glanced at Carter sitting down so casually. It was like he didn't have a care in the world. Blair loved and hated that about Carter. Sometimes she just wanted to throttle him and sometimes he was the only person who could get her to relax. There would be no relaxing today though. She'd seen Parker for the first time in nearly two years and he'd grown so much. She hadn't expected to run into him today but her heart had nearly jumped out of her chest when she'd spotted him. The best part was him recognizing her though. She had imagined that Chuck had erased all traces of her but her baby still remembered. It made all of this seem even more necessary. She might be dealing with one kind of devil to beat another but she would find a way to manage it all and all the men in her life. Carter was easy. He cared for her and was on her team. She trusted him for the most part. Chuck could never be described as easy but she knew him pretty well and could at least predict the way he would react to things. Jack Bass was the wild card.

"You need to sit down, Blair." Carter told her coolly and she just rolled her eyes at him. She wasn't in the mood to take orders. "He probably has cameras in here watching your every move," he added.

Blair scoffed at this at first but then realized this was her ex husband they were talking about and it was extremely likely that Carter was right. She took a moment to glance around the room before she decided to take her seat. She needed to look calm and reposed when Chuck walked in. He couldn't think he rattled her. If he did the game would be over before it even began.

The door to the conference room opened and some old stodgy white men came in with an older woman that Blair remembered from her time as Mrs. Bass. These were the principal stock holders. Only Chuck, Serena, Eric and Jack were missing. Jack Bass walked in next. His suit was too flashy, his smile too wide. Blair would never trust him but they needed each other right then. He glanced in her direction and winked and she looked away. How dumb could he be. Carter caught it as well and frowned.

"He's going to fuck this whole thing up," Carter predicted in a whisper. Blair said nothing.

This whole thing had started as Jack's idea. He'd found her and Carter in Monaco and proposed a deal: He would help her get her son back and she would help him steal what was 'rightfully' his from Chuck. Jack hated his nephew almost as much as Blair did and he had a serious desire to ruin Chuck's progress with BE so he could take the company himself. Blair thought he was quite deluded but she was willing to use that to her advantage. Chuck had gotten lax on the Jack situation since Bart's death earlier in the year. According to Jack and the contacts Carter had spoken too Chuck had let Jack advance up the company latter and the conniving asshole was considered Chuck's right hand man. This never would have happened if Bart were alive but Blair was going to do all she could to exploit it for now.

The stock had actually been a brilliant idea. Jack had procured the information on the stock holders and Carter and Blair had made their deals quietly. They all knew the quicker Chuck found out, the quicker he would go into attack mode. They needed as much time to plan as possible. Lily was the last piece of the puzzle. Jack wasn't willing to hand over any of his stock and everyone else on the board was so thrilled with Chuck's leadership that they wouldn't budge either. It was the mother card that worked with Lily. Blair had turned on the water works and split her soul open just a bit and Lily had been signing on the dotted line.

The door opened again and Eric walked in. He spotted Blair and gave her a little head nod. Clearly, he'd heard the news from his mother. He didn't seem angry but he didn't seem the most welcoming either. Blair had long since accepted that Eric was loyal to Chuck. In fact, it seemed like everyone from her old life was loyal to Chuck. Nate was clearly on Team Chuck and while Serena had never totally turned her back on Blair her loyalties were split in a 60/40 way and Blair had not been the winner in that contest. Thinking about it brought up some buried bitterness Blair was doing her best to forget. For any of this to work she would need Serena's support. It was just hard looking at the girl she'd once considered a sister and seeing a traitor in her place. To make it worse Serena was a traitor who got to spend all the time she wanted with Blair's child. That stung more than anything and fueled the anger churning inside of Blair.

A few more executives came into the room and soon everyone had taken their seats. They were only waiting on Chuck and Serena and Blair could just imagine what was keeping him. He was probably on the phone with his lawyers as they all sat there. A minute later he finally arrived with a peeved Serena right behind him. She smiled smally in Blair's direction before taking her seat beside Eric. Chuck headed to the front of the table and addressed his board with a confidence that suited him. Jack had been wrong. Chuck was brilliant at what he did. A knot formed in Blair's stomach. This was going to be a massacre.

Chuck began his spiel to the board and studiously avoided looking at both Blair and Carter. He went through his proposal and answered the few questions that popped up. Blair kept silent, biding her time. She could tell Carter was itching to make a scene and embarrass Chuck but they had both agreed they had to play this just right. The board couldn't see them as petty people out for revenge. They needed to be respected. Their opinions needed to matter. Jack had given them the perfect opening to sabotage this deal and Blair wasn't going to waste it by looking like a vengeful shrew just out to get her ex husband.

Chuck closed his argument and went right into voting. Blair knew this was her chance and she took it.

"I'm sorry but there's one thing I need for you to clarify," Blair interrupted. Everyone's eyes slid to her. They'd been trying not to stare the entire meeting but they finally had a valid reason to look at the disgraced ex wife of their CEO.

Chuck gritted his teeth and didn't speak until he'd reigned his anger in. Just hearing her voice made him sick. "Yes." He sounded cold and hard and he couldn't hide it. He got a few surreptitious glances from around the room but he ignored them.

"Well," Blair stood up for effect successfully commanding everyone's attention. "I've read through your proposal and everything sounds good except I'm confused… where are displaced homeless people supposed to go. Are you going to provide accommodations for them?"

Serena jumped in before Chuck could speak. "I was concerned about the same thing but Chuck assured me he had something set up." She turned to Chuck with a loyal smile. She wanted him to know she was behind him on this even if they didn't agree on everything. He'd put so much time and energy into this project. She knew Blair was just doing this because of Parker but Serena believed there were better ways. You didn't poke a sleeping lion with a stick, you slowly coaxed them awake. Serena intended to do that and hoped Blair didn't do too much damage in the meanwhile.

"Exactly." Chuck seemed to believe the issue was dropped and began to call for a vote again.

"Where are you placing them? I'd like more details on this." Blair watched him coolly. On the outside he was reposed but on the inside he was starting to sweat. He pinched the bridge of his nose and that was a clear giveaway. When they were married and everything was falling apart he used to do that a lot. He'd be all calm and quiet and soothing with his words but inside he was raging.

"I'm placing them, Blair. That's all you need to know." He snapped and slammed his hand down onto the table. The board members began to look nervous and Blair smiled in triumph. Chuck wasn't winning this round.

"Where are you placing them, Chuck." Their eyes locked and Blair's stomach dropped. Facing off with him was like jumping off of a cliff. She was terrified and exhilarated all at the same time.

Chuck looked like he wanted to jump across the table and strangle Blair but he stayed in place. He looked away for a minute, took a deep breath and then forced an answer out. "I haven't handled that side of it just yet. But I will." He assured everyone.

Murmurs started up and Chuck knew he'd lost the winning vote.

"Chuck…" Serena looked more than a little upset.

"I don't feel right about kicking out a bunch of homeless people with nowhere to go," Eric admitted with an apologetic shrug.

"The bad press would sink us," another board member chimed in.

"The New Yorker will do another sketch of you with devil horns. PR people had a hard enough time revamping your image last time. Doting single fathers don't trample the homeless, Mr. Bass." Another nameless, faceless man piped in.

"I propose that we table this vote until Chuck can get this all… handled." Blair smirked at Chuck across the table when everyone else began chiming in in agreement.

"Very well. Meeting adjourned." Chuck walked out of the room and everyone went silent again. It was clear he was beyond displeased. Some began to whisper about it being a mistake to anger him, while others said he still had a lot to learn. Blair had accomplished what she had set out to do. Doubts were creeping in.

Jack passed by Blair and whispered a quiet "well done" before chasing Chuck out of the office. He would be working that end and now Blair had to work hers. That meant getting Serena alone. It was time to play the tortured mommy card.

Serena was standing off to the side with Eric. She looked less than happy. Blair should have known Chuck would lie to her about his little project. From what Blair had gathered Serena had become quite a defender of the down trodden.

"I'll meet you at the limo." Blair whispered in Carter's ear and kissed his cheek. He nodded and exited quietly. "Serena?" Blair called out before her former best friend could leave the room.

The blonde turned around and surprise was apparent on her face. Blair and Serena rarely spoke at all. Blair had attended Serena's wedding but beyond that it had been random emails and half hearted birthday phone calls. Sometimes Blair regretted the way things had gone but then she remembered that Serena had turned her back first. Chuck had become more important to Serena and that wasn't forgivable in Blair's mind or heart.

"Hi, Blair. Welcome back." Serena gave her a weary smile.

"Care to grab some coffee. I hear they have a fabulous café in the building. As a new stock holder I'm curious to see what this company has to offer." Blair trained her features to look warm and inviting. Serena knew her well but she didn't seem to detect the coolness beneath Blair's façade and immediately agreed.

They headed to the top of the building from the board room. Blair secretly hoped she could run into Parker again. She had already missed so much of his life it seemed beyond unfair that she had to miss another second. Knowing Chuck though he had the National Guard protecting their son from her by now. That sinking bitter feeling filled her chest again and she had to force it back down before she looked at Serena. For all intents and purposes Serena was her sons pseudo mother. That cut like a jagged knife and if Blair wasn't careful Serena would see that she wanted nothing more than to stick that knife in Serena's back.

"I have to admit I was surprised when my mom called me, Blair. Last time we talked you and Carter were traveling in Italy. I didn't expect to see you back in New York… with BE stock." Serena raised her eye brows in question. Some things would never change and Serena van der Woodsen's "no bullshit" look was one of those things.

Blair felt 16 all over again, forced to confess that she'd lost her virginity to her best (worst) friend in the back of a limo. Chuck Bass had turned out to be the first everything for her. Her first kiss at ten when she'd forced him to enact her favorite scene from a movie. He'd bitched and moaned the entire time and Blair had run off immediately wiping at her lips. It had been awful and wonderful all at the same time because they'd beat Nate and Serena to it and had lorded it over their heads for years to come.

He was her first time as well. Sixteen, depressed and heartbroken over the dissolution of her family, Chuck had been the only person who got her. Serena always tried to cheer her up and Nate's answer was beer or pot but Chuck never tried to make her feel better. He just stayed with her, allowed her to shop for him at times, allowed her to scream at him at others. He didn't treat her like a broken doll. He thought she was strong and eventually she had been. That night in his limo had been special to her. He'd been THE Chuck Bass and she'd been Blair Waldorf Queen of Constance. But they'd lost their personas in his limo. He'd just been her best friend and she'd been his. He'd kissed her and it had felt good. Everything had felt good with him back then. Afterwards they had both brushed it aside. He was meant for whoring and she was meant for high society. She held that memory in for so long but every time it would begin to fade he'd come back around again… make her feel so many things she never wanted to feel. That was his power over her though. She could never be indifferent to him like she was to so much else in life.

"Blair?" Serena pulled her back to the present.

Blair blinked the memories away and shoved them back down where they belonged. That boy from so long ago was not the man she knew today. He'd changed and so had she. She had to remember that.

"I'm sorry it's been quite a long day for me." Blair ordered cappuccino and Serena did the same. "How have you been, Serena?" Blair asked solicitously. Serena was a newlywed with the guy she'd been in love with since she was five. Blair was sure life was just peachy for her.

"I'm good. Nate is good. Life is good." Serena's smile didn't quite reach her eyes but Blair ignored that. Whatever was going on in Princess Perfect's life couldn't be her concern. She had an agenda to keep up with. "What about you? Still with Carter I see." Serena said this with disapproval and Blair had to stop herself from rolling her eyes.

"Yes, imagine." Blair had to turn this conversation around quick or she'd be snapping at Serena in no time. "I'm sorry if I upset you in the meeting. I thought you and Chuck were so close he would have confided in you about this deal. I just can't live with the thought of kicking out all those poor helpless people. I'm sure Chuck just didn't think about it." Blair sipped at her drink and watched carefully for Serena's reaction.

"I'm sure." Serena didn't seem sure at all and Blair latched onto that.

"The truth is Serena I didn't come back for BE." Blair spoke earnestly because at least she could be truthful about this. Serena leaned in eager to hear more and Blair chose her moment carefully. She had to reel Serena in slowly or she'd lose her before the game even kicked into high gear. "I came back for Parker." Real tears welled in Blair's eyes when she said her son's name and Serena immediately reached out for her hand. It might have been a hollow comfort but Blair let it linger for a moment.

"I figured as much, Blair." Serena released Blair's hand and sat back in her seat. She gave Blair the same scrutiny that Blair had just given her. These two had been through wars together and knew way too much about each other. The time for bull shit had passed and Blair realized it. The only chance with Serena was being as brutally honest as possible without giving it all away.

"I'm not going to let Chuck keep him from me any longer. I know I messed up before but I was in a bad place… I was sick, Serena." Blair hated admitting that. It still felt like such a weakness but Blair couldn't change it. She could only move on from here. If Chuck was any kind of sane himself he would see that was the rational way of thinking. "Chuck is punishing me for something I can't control."

"I know," Serena agreed. "Chuck is… Chuck is Chuck." Serena shrugged helplessly. She still wasn't willing to throw him under a bus but she wasn't shutting Blair out either. That was key. "He thinks he's doing the best thing for Parker. You have to understand, Blair. Parker is his life. He would do anything for that little boy. He's not like Bart. He loves BE, sure, but he loves Parker so much more. Sunday is Parker's day." Serena smiled to herself. "Chuck turns off his phone and devotes all his time to his son. He really is a good dad." Serena promised passionately.

Blair felt like she was being kicked in the gut over and over again as Serena spoke. That should have been her life and it could have been.

"I'm sorry." Serena stopped herself when she saw the look on Blair's face. "I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear. I just thought you should know that Parker is a happy child. He wants for nothing."

"Except a mother," Blair reminded her coolly. Serena flinched and Blair took some satisfaction in that. "I'm sure you do your best and there's that awful Georgina Sparks as well-" Before Blair could finish Serena interrupted her.

"Georgina doesn't go anywhere near, Parker. They have a natural aversion to each other. Chuck would never leave her around his son," Serena assured her.

"My son," Blair snapped. Serena looked down repentantly and Blair had to get herself back on track. "Look, Serena, I didn't ask you up here to fight. I need your help. Chuck trusts you and Parker loves you. I need an ally in my corner if I'm going to have any hope of seeing my child grow up. I think I deserve that much, don't you?" Blair speared Serena with her eyes. She couldn't back down from this.

Serena fidgeted in her seat and finally looked away. "Of course you do, Blair," she whispered. Regret weighed heavy in her voice and for a minute Blair yearned for her best friend to just come back to her. She wanted to find a way to fix the mess they'd made of their lives. That was impossible though. A gulf existed between she and Serena and nothing was going to close it.

"Then help me." Blair let her reserve go for a minute and pleaded. "Chuck hates me and he can't see reason when I'm involved. If you talked to him and-"

Serena shook her head and cut Blair off. "You don't think I've tried? I've been talking to Chuck for the past four years, but Blair you have to understand that you didn't just break Chuck's heart. In his mind you broke Parker's. That's what he'll never forgive."

"I was sick, Serena. Do you think I wanted it to be like this? Do you think I really wanted to hurt my child? My husband? I loved them both and I wanted a life with them. I tried a million times to make it up to, Chuck. He refused to even give me a chance." Blair was raising her voice and people were starting to stare but she didn't care. This had been bottled up inside of her for years.

Serena leaned in and lowered her voice so no one could hear her. "You tried to kill yourself, Blair. That's not exactly a mistake." Serena had never used that tone of voice before and Blair felt sucker punched.

"It was an accident," Blair shot right back. The fight was going out of her though. She hated thinking back on that time of her life. Everything had been spinning out of control for so long, and then… then she'd just lost it. Sanity was a hard thing to hold onto and Blair knew that all too well.

"Blair…" Serena softened again. "I know that you were in a bad place. I think about that time in our lives all the time. I should have seen it. I should have done something to help you but I didn't. I don't know what to say…" Serena couldn't look Blair in the eyes anymore.

"Help me now," Blair nearly begged.

"I'll talk to him again but I can't make any promises. You're not a subject that he enjoys discussing." Serena sighed and turned back towards the window.

Blair had a feeling that was the understatement of the year. If Chuck's reaction to her earlier was any indication his hatred had not died down during her absence. If it was at all possible it had grown. Now he could barely look at her. Blair knew that had something to do with Carter but it had to be more than that.

"Thank you." Blair dropped some money on the table and quietly exited the café leaving Serena behind. She knew that Chuck wouldn't just invite her into his living room because Serena told him too but this was one step closer to getting her son back. This time next year she would have Parker. She had to believe that.

She climbed into the limo and found Carter lounging back with his usual drink.

"How did it go?" He asked the minute she settled in and the driver took off towards their hotel.

"As well as I expected. She'll work on, Chuck." Blair slid back against the cool leather seats and closed her eyes. She thought of Parker, his silky fine hair and dark brown eyes. Everything about him was perfect and he was hers. For a long time she hadn't known how to love him but now she didn't know how to stop.