AUTHOR'S NOTE: The feedback as always has been really amazing. Some of you have definitely clued into what is happening/did happen with Blair. As I said before nothing is black and white with Chuck and Blair. Both of them think they're 100% right and that is usually never the case. I intend to delve into that completely. Without further adieu…
You Were Mine
Chapter Four.
TIMELESS
"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are
the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings –
words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your
head to no more than living size when they are brought out."
- Stephen King
Chuck stared out his office window and watched as twilight descended. He glanced at his watch and frowned. He was usually home by now. Parker liked to eat dinner together and Chuck enjoyed it as well even if Parker did manage to spill most of his food on his clothes or worse on Chuck's clothes. It was their ritual and he was going to have to miss it tonight because of Blair and her pathetic attempts at taking him down.
"I'll get right on this, kid. Don't worry we'll take that bitch down." Jack lingered in the background drinking Chuck's liquor and babbling about Blair. He'd been doing that for the past hour and Chuck was reaching his tolerance level quickly. "Who does she think she is coming in here and going after you? We'll show her." Jack predicted and slung back more Scotch. He was clearly high.
"We won't do anything-" Chuck finally snapped but before he could build up to a scathing put down his office door swung open unannounced and Georgina came flying in. Her dark auburn hair swung behind her and she teetered over to him on ridiculous high heels that made him roll his eyes.
"Chuck!" She exclaimed like she hadn't seen him in weeks when it had only been a day. She grabbed his face and smashed her lips against his in what he assumed was supposed to be a seductive kiss but fell flat. He wasn't in the mood for any of her little games today. One crazy bitch was enough.
Chuck grabbed Georgina's wrists and forcefully pushed her back from him. She stared at him with that bull shit doe eyed gaze and he did his best not to roll his eyes. He enjoyed being with Georgina most of the time. She had a wicked wit and kept him entertained at all the boring functions he was supposed to attend. The sex was incredible as well. But these little displays of romantic affection she liked to put on for people really bothered him.
"We have company." He nodded towards Jack even though he was sure she knew that. Georgina hated Jack with a passion and every chance she got she threw her connection to Chuck in Jack's face. They had some sick war going between them and Chuck didn't like to think about it.
"We were working, Georgina." Jack glared at her. "Something I'm sure you're not at all familiar with. Why don't you run along and go make yourself pretty. God, knows you need help in that area," he added under his breath. Georgina opened her mouth to spew some choice expletive at him but Chuck stopped her.
"I don't have time for either of you today." The tone of his voice could not be mistaken. Georgina immediately backed down and Jack frowned displeased. He felt bested by the red head and Chuck knew he'd hear all his uncle's complaints later. He couldn't even count all the times Jack had tried to talk him out of marrying Georgina. Why he cared Chuck would never know. He acted like a jealous girlfriend at times.
"I'm sorry, Chuck." Georgina was all innocence as she sidled up to him and pressed her enticing body against his. When all else failed Georgina turned to sex. Unfortunately, for them both he wasn't in the mood. He had a different woman on his mind. "Let's go home. We can skip the gala tonight. I'll make sure you feel all better." She nuzzled his neck and ignored Jack completely.
"I'll leave you before my eyes roll out of my head." Jack finished off his Scotch and slammed the glass down before nodding at Chuck and exiting the office.
The minute Jack was gone Chuck set Georgina aside and moved back to his chair. He began rifling through the messages Madison had brought him earlier and did his best to ignore his pouting fiancé. Some days marrying Georgina seemed like a good idea and some days it seemed like a pure nightmare. Today was somewhere in the middle. He just wanted to be alone so he could think.
"Tell me what's wrong," she demanded. Her doting fiancé act was gone and in its place was the fierce woman he usually appreciated. "I heard a rumor and I'm seriously hoping you can dispel it for me." She climbed up on his desk displaying a healthy view of her legs.
Chuck smirked. Her tactics were at least amusing. "Blair is back," he told her simply. He counted down in his head until she would explode and he wasn't disappointed. Blair was enemy number two on Georgina's list of people to destroy.
"That conniving little bitch. I cannot believe she had the gall to just walk back in here like she owned the place. You must be furious. How could you not be furious? She ruined you once but she's not getting the chance to again. You need to send her and her Euro trash boyfriend right back over there – actually don't even bother. I have contacts and I will handle this. You just worry about yourself and I will-" Georgina wasn't even pausing for a breath.
"Fuck, Georgie, just stop." Chuck interrupted her as his frustration with the entire situation boiled over. He could not handle her going insane on top of everything else.
He knew what really worried her. It wasn't that Blair was screwing with him, it was that Blair might go after him. Georgina was confident that she could best everyone else at the Chuck Bass sweepstakes but she'd never had to face a fully functioning Blair Waldorf before. And everyone knew that theirs had been a love match. The man without a heart had found one with the society princess. It was the stuff of legends and later of nightmares.
"Fuck what, Chuck?" She snapped right back. There was fire in her eyes and he knew she wouldn't be dropping this anytime soon. "Please tell me you don't feel sorry for her. Because I have to tell you that would be the most pathetic thing I have ever heard. She royally screwed you, Bass. You can't be thinking of opening that door again."
Chuck wasn't but he was irritated with Georgina for assuming she could get involved in his business. He decided to screw with her a bit and put her back into her place. "She is the mother of my only child…" Chuck let that linger in Georgina's mind. "And there was a time when she was important to me."
"She abandoned you and your child, Chuck. Have you gone crazy as well? Should I call the doctors to come and give you a mental evaluation. You clearly need one." Georgina jumped up from the desk and began pacing in front of it. Her devious little mind was working overtime and Chuck just sat back and watched her. She was a sight to behold when she got like this.
"Georgina?" Chuck called her attention back to him.
She faced him again but she was nowhere near over her freak out. "You are nuts if you think I'm just going to hand you over to her without a fight. There is no way in Hell that I am going to let that happen. You and I have something good here. Maybe a bit unconventional but good all the same."
"I'm not your possession," he growled. Her little possessive act had been amusing at first but his patience was waning. She was with him because he wanted her with him but she could never forget how fast he could get rid of her if he wanted. "If I want Blair or anyone else I'll have them and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. Do you understand me, Georgina?"
Georgina faced off with him for a long moment. He could see the war inside her. She wanted to tell him to fuck off and walk out but she couldn't risk it. He didn't love her and she knew it. He could replace her if he was forced to.
"Perfectly." She responded through gritted teeth and reached for her purse. "Am I to assume I'll be attending the charity gala alone tonight?" He nodded and watched as she bit down hard to stop herself from snapping again. "Very well. I will see you tomorrow for our usual lunch date." She dutifully walked around his desk again, leaned down and gave him a tongue lashing he wouldn't soon forget. He knew that was the entire point.
Finally, she was gone and he could be alone again. He called Ms. Bainbridge to check on Parker, and was relieved to hear that the monkey visit had gone well. Parker was pleased and had passed out soon after they left. He wasn't missing their dinner. Chuck checked his business messages next and returned the calls that needed to be handled. Next he had to deal with Serena who had left him one curt message telling him to call her back when he could take time out of his busy lying schedule. Chuck laughed to himself. His sister did have a way with words.
"If you start screeching I'm going to hang up." Chuck warned her when she picked up the phone. He waited while she took in a long breath, clearly composing herself. "Better now?" He tried not to smile but he couldn't help it. She was so predictable.
"Not quite but I will be. Come over to our place. I need to speak with you and I don't think Parker should be around." She didn't sound as angry as he'd expected, but she was cold and stiff and that might have been worse. He couldn't believe she was going to make such a big deal over these homeless people. Eventually he would have found them a new shelter. It just hadn't been moved to the top of his agenda yet.
"I'm busy tonight. Why don't you stop by my office tomorrow." He hated being ordered around family or no family.
"Tonight, Chuck. Our apartment. Nate wants to see you too." Serena hung up before he could protest again.
Chuck arrived an hour later after he checked in at home with Parker. His son was so worn out from the day he was still passed out. Chuck had stayed a little longer than he'd planned just watching Parker sleep. It was calming to him. When Parker was a baby Chuck used to sit up with him all night sometimes, rocking him, playing with him, watching him breathe just to make sure he was okay. Some would call him a little crazy but Chuck was okay with that. Parker had him wrapped around his little finger.
"You took long enough." Serena answered the door and dragged Chuck in with her. Nate was lounging on their sofa watching ESPN and drinking a beer. He nodded at Chuck and when Serena wasn't looking made a face that suggested Chuck was in big trouble.
"Can I get a drink if I'm going to have to endure you freaking out on me?" He asked as he took his place beside Nate. Nate tried not to laugh but Chuck didn't hide his smile. It would just piss Serena off further but he didn't like being summoned.
"No, you cannot have a drink. I need you to think rationally for once." Serena sat down on the chair beside Chuck and turned the TV off. Nate made a face but said nothing. He was clearly being roped into this as well. "We need to discuss, Blair."
"I thought you were going to ease into that, babe." Nate jumped in quickly before Chuck could completely go off.
"I feel like being blunt, babe." Serena returned shooting a shut up look in Nate's direction. Her husband knew when he was beat and sat back on the couch just waiting for the fireworks to begin. "I spoke with her today."
Chuck's face went from amused to remote in two seconds flat. The transformation was amazing. If Serena wasn't absolutely sure she was doing the best thing she would have stopped herself right then. He looked like the scary imposing man everyone described him as but Serena knew him better. She knew that beneath all that anger lived a very lonely hurt man. His life would never get better until he and Blair put the past behind them and let go of all the bitterness they both carried. Hatred had ruled them for far too long.
"Just listen to her, Chuck." Nate tried to be the voice of reason and Chuck turned towards him surprised. "It can't hurt…" Nate pointed out.
"Fine," Chuck agreed. "Get this all out now because after tonight we're never talking about it again." Chuck realized he couldn't silence Serena forever but he could control the conversation.
Serena nodded, encouraged that he was willing to listen. He might tell her to go to Hell afterwards but this was a first step in getting him to be open to the idea of Blair coming back and being in Parker's life. Serena just wished Blair hadn't come at him with BE. That was going to be her biggest stumbling block. Chuck did not like being toyed with.
"She wants to be in Parker's life." Serena got this out quickly expecting the usual reaction from Chuck. Rage wasn't a strong enough term to describe his feelings about Blair being around Parker. He got apoplectic. "Chuck…" Serena was afraid he'd stroked out.
"Tell me something I don't know," Chuck returned coolly. He said nothing else and Serena took this as her signal to continue.
"She's better now, Chuck. She has her life together. She deserves another shot with her son." Serena laid it all out for him hoping he could hear her. Blair's name was enough to shut Chuck down completely but tonight he wasn't flipping out. That had to be a good sign. Serena glanced towards her husband but his expression wasn't encouraging. "Nate, help me out," she begged.
"You know how I feel." Nate sighed and looked away from her. "Chuck is Parker's father. This has to be his call."
"Blair is Parker's mother." Serena pointed out totally frustrated with the both of them. They acted like Blair had just willingly walked away from her son. That hadn't been the case at all. "She made a mistake, Chuck. She was sick. Can't you see that?"
"I listened to you, Serena. I don't agree. End of story." He stood up from the couch and nodded a thanks in Nate's direction.
Serena jumped up as well and followed him to the door. She wasn't willing to give this up. "Chuck, wait." She stopped him just outside and he reluctantly turned around to face her. "I know what all of that did to you, okay. I was there. I was the girl holding you up. I do understand why you're afraid to-"
"I'm not afraid, Serena," he snapped quickly. "I just don't care what Blair deserves. I care what my son deserves. Leave it alone," he demanded in a harsh whisper. "Don't let her pull you into her drama."
"Do you think I'm not aware of Blair Waldorf's manipulations?" Serena laughed and it was a sad sound. "She was like a sister to me. I know her through and through. I know that she is using me to get to you and Parker, but Chuck I believe she's right. Three and a half years ago she ripped your world apart. I get it. I really do," Serena promised. The compassion was oozing out of her and Chuck had to look away. "But she's Parker's mother. And whether you like it or not he loves her and he needs her. Don't deny him that because you hate her. You're a much better father than mine or yours, Chuck. Prove it. Talk to her." Serena leaned in and kissed his cheek before disappearing back inside leaving Chuck just standing there.
Talk to her.
He hadn't really talked to Blair since the day he'd found her nearly dead on their bedroom floor. She'd looked so much like a broken child that day. Her face had been so pale, and her body so limp… Parker had been screaming from his bassinet and Chuck had just started yelling for help. No one had come though. The servants had the day off and Blair had insisted she didn't need a nanny to take care of their child. Chuck had listened because he'd wanted so badly to believe that she was better. She hadn't been better though. She'd been worse than ever.
He shook the memories off like he always did when his mind wandered there. That time in his life was over. He'd picked himself and his son back up and made a life for them. That life didn't include Blair. It couldn't include Blair.
Blair stood by the window in her hotel suite and watched the storm brew outside. It had been looking gloomy for hours but it seemed as if the rain was finally going to start up now. Carter was out catching up with old contacts and Blair hadn't been interested in pretending tonight. Her emotions were all over the place. One minute she was burning with anger towards Chuck and Serena, and even Nate and the next all she felt was complete joy when thinking of Parker. She had to keep herself in check though. Any erratic behavior from her and people would be screaming crazy before she could stop them.
Her phone buzzed on the table and she walked over to check it. It was Carter. He was on some yacht and wanted her to know he wouldn't be back that night. Blair sighed. It would have been nice to have a little company but things with Carter had been strained lately. He'd been on board with taking Chuck down but recently he'd begun to realize that Parker came with this deal. Carter cared for her a lot, maybe he even loved her, but he didn't want to help her raise a child. He'd been more than clear on that. She wasn't sure where that left them and she didn't want to think about it just yet.
The hotel phone rang next and she grabbed for it immediately. She was waiting on a phone call from Jack to give her a status report on Chuck.
"Hello?" She answered and her tone was a bit frantic. She had all sorts of scenario's running through her head with a coked out Jack Bass confessing all to Chuck and sending the dogs after her. "Hello?" She said again when there was no answer. If that pervert was playing games with her she was going to kill him. He'd already tried hitting on her twice and last time Carter had nearly sliced his face with a broken bottle. The creepiest part was that Jack hadn't even seemed fazed.
"Meet me in the lobby… now."
He hung up before she could even respond but she'd know that voice anywhere. Her heart started hammering in her chest and she just sat there stunned for a moment. She had hoped his curiosity about her being here would get to him eventually but she never dreamed it would be this fast. She stood up slowly and looked around for her shoes. She grabbed them and did her best to get them on quickly. Her hands were shaking though so it was a feat by the time she was done. She checked her hair and make up next to make sure they were beyond reproach. She had to look like an upstanding citizen or she'd never have a chance with him. She knew he'd just be looking for something to pick apart on her.
She arrived down in the lobby exactly three minutes later and looked around for him. She didn't spot him at first and her stomach dropped. She feared he'd changed his mind and there was no way she could chase him home. His guards probably had pictures of her tattooed on them with the strict instruction to keep her far, far away. She was just about to give up when she spotted him sitting down at the bar. He looked tense and uncomfortable but he was there. She took that as a good sign and walked right over to him.
"Hello, Chuck." She greeted him as she took the empty seat beside him. It was late at night, nearly midnight and the rest of the bar was deserted. She wasn't surprised he'd chosen this place for their meeting: large quantities of liquor and passer bys to hold him back if he lost it and tried to strangle her.
"You took long enough," he grumbled. He motioned for the bar tender to refill his drink and the result was instantaneous. Since Blair had last seen him he'd grown into a very powerful man. He'd always been feared as Bart Bass's son, but now he was feared and respected simply for being Chuck Bass. This had always been their dream to sit on top of Manhattan's elite… she had to look away from him for a minute to collect herself.
"I apologize. You caught me unaware." She offered nothing else. He could make of that what he would. She couldn't admit that he'd gotten her so nervous she'd barely been able to remember to push the lobby button in the elevator. Seeing him was always a shock to her system. While she was away she forgot certain things about him, perhaps purposefully so. His hair always seemed much darker in person than in her memory and his eyes… his eyes told stories she wished she could forget.
"You play dirty, Blair." He was the first one to break the ice a few minutes later. She was sipping on a martini he'd ordered for her and he was downing his third glass of Scotch. It was a familiar scene and it made her feel vulnerable and young. Two things she could never feel with him again.
"I want my son back." She couldn't hide the yearning in her voice and he immediately jerked around to face her. His eyes took her in and she stared right back. "I love him." She whispered, and she hated how her voice caught and her eyes began to water. She turned away before he could see the lonely tears falling.
"I've heard that before." He took a few minutes to answer her, clearly uncomfortable with how emotional things had turned. Chuck hated messy emotions his own and everyone else's. She wondered if he was better with Parker. Did he tell their son he loved him? Did he hold him when he cried and kiss away his hurts and disappointments?
Blair took a moment to pull herself together again, and only spoke when she was sure her voice wouldn't wobble. "The past has no place here. What's done is done. I can't change it and neither can you." She sounded strong and she liked that. She waited for him to make a snippy comeback but he said nothing, just stared down into his drink and swirled it around with his pinky finger. "Aren't you done punishing me, yet?" She asked, her voice much lower and more urgent.
He laughed but it wasn't happy or soothing. It was a bitter, brittle sound that put chill bumps on her arms and made her feel hopeless all over again.
"Punishing you?" He said this like he was running it around in his own head and it made no sense. "It was never about that, Blair." He turned towards her finally and she had to force herself to hold his gaze. He looked like her husband. The man who had woke her up with breakfast in bed for the last three months of her pregnancy until she had to threaten him she'd murder him if he didn't stop with the pampering non sense. He looked like he did when she'd loved him and that wrecked her.
"What was it then?" She asked and she didn't care that fresh tears were building behind her eyes or that her hands were trembling in her lap. She didn't care that she was breaking all the rules and being real with him because she needed the answer. She needed to know how he went from loving her to hating her so quickly. She still hadn't fully mastered that no matter how hard she tried.
He hesitated for a minute and then opened his mouth like he was going to say something. Her breath caught and she waited impatiently. She'd been waiting nearly four years to have this conversation with him but she never really thought they would.
"This was a bad idea," he said at last. He stood up then, threw some money on the bar top, and walked away from her. She remained seated for a second, shock and anger crashing inside of her. She could not believe he was doing this to her again. Every time anything got too close Chuck ran. She was so sick of it. She was so sick of him sitting high atop his world and thinking he was so much better than her. She made a decision then. She would never hide from him again. She would never back down. She would never let him walk away without a fight.
She ran through the lobby past the curious bell man and the guests returning. They all stared and watched the crazy girl run but no one tried to stop her. It was storming outside when she walked out, and she was immediately drenched. Lightning and thunder cracked in the sky but she didn't stop. He was almost to his limo waiting at the corner and then this would really be over. She knew him well enough to know that this was her last chance.
"Chuck!" She called out to him. He had been hurrying down the street in the rain but he stopped short when he heard her. He very slowly turned to face her and shock was evident on his face. It had been so long since she'd done anything so Blair Waldorf like that neither one of them could actually believe this was happening. She closed the remaining distance between them and grabbed his arm to hold him in place. "You don't just get to run away from me again. I let you before and I won't let you now. I deserve answers." She had to yell to be heard over the rain but thankfully the street was mostly deserted.
Chuck tried to shake off her hold and finally managed to. She worried he'd turn his back again but the shock of the situation kept him rooted in place. "I don't know what you want from me." He screamed right back at her. She felt a small moment of vindication. She'd broken through his walls. The fear crept in next. She had no idea what she would find there.
"Talk to me," she begged. Her tears were mingling with the rain and he turned away from her face so he couldn't see them. "Chuck," she whispered his name feeling him slip away from her again.
The rain was pounding into them as they stood there. She moved in closer to him and the second she did he moved away. There was something close to fear in his eyes and that buoyed her spirits. If she could just get him to feel, to see her again, then maybe this stupid war could end. They could share Parker and find a way to be a family again.
"I'm sorry," she whispered helplessly. "I don't know what else to say to you. I was sick, Chuck. I couldn't help myself." She reached out for his chin and forced him to look at her. If she was going to beg he was going to look at her. "I loved you-"
He shook off her hold and anger seeped back into his gaze. "That wasn't love."
"Tell me what to do and I'll do it." She put it all on the line then. "I got help. I'm better now. I want my family back." She wasn't sure how else she could say it. All she wanted to do was let go of the anger and recrimination and just go back. It had worked for a while. It had been amazing actually. Maybe he couldn't love her anymore but she needed his forgiveness.
His voice sounded hoarse when he next spoke. "Do you think I don't?" He shook his head, and that same brittle tone came into his voice. He sounded too old, too weary, too far gone. "I spent months and months waiting for you, raising our child and telling myself it would get better. You left us and I still welcomed you back, Blair. I ignored EVERYBODY," he got right in her face and yelled and she flinched but didn't back away. "I listened to you and I believed you and I left you with MY SON. And you fucked it all up."
"I didn't mean to. I came back because I loved you and I wanted our life to work. And I tried so hard, Chuck…" She was sobbing and her words began to blur. She'd been holding it all inside for so long that when it finally came out she felt like she was going crazy all over again. "I…" She couldn't get it out and he began to walk away from her again.
He stopped at the last minute and stormed right back up to her. She was a broken woman and they both knew it. "I tried to. I tried." His eyes locked with hers for a long horrible moment before he walked away from her again. He didn't turn back then and she had no more energy left to chase him.
It wasn't until that moment that she realized just what she had before her. Chuck wasn't over what had happened. Blair was beginning to see that he would never be able to forget it. A chill ran down her spine but she didn't go back inside. She just watched his limo until it finally disappeared into the distance. There went her only chance at getting her life back.
