Don't laugh at me
Chapter four
Rose was too late and Anthony made it out the door before she could grab him. Jewel went after him and I can see them siting on the bench across the street at the park where the kids and I like to go to play football. Currently I'm sitting with Emmet and the mystery man and the older couple who have just confirmed that they are in fact the people claiming to be Anthony's biological family. Personally I don't need the confirmation of the D.N.A. test. Mr. Cullen who claims to be Anthony's father has the same odd shade of green eyes that I've only seen on Anthony before, he also shares a very chiseled jaw and angular facial feature with Anthony. They both even pace and pull at their hair when they are uncomfortable.
Emmet is currently mediating this meeting and I'm really not paying as much attention as I should. My mind is stuck across the street with my kids. I want so bad to run to Anthony and hold him and comfort him. I can't imagine what he is going through right now but if I had to guess I'd say shock is probably the most dominant emotion for him. Not much surprises me but this meeting did. I figured these people would have stayed in the next town over seeing as we don't have any motels in our small town.
"Where are yall staying?" I blurt because I'm so out of it I forget my manners. They all look at me and Emmet gives me a dirty look probably because I interrupted him or maybe because I should know better than to ask that. It's really none of my business but I still want to know.
"We have rented a ranch house in the country until we can get all this figured out." The older woman answers. I think she said her name was Esme but I can't be sure. Oddly she has a southern accent and I wonder if she is from the states.
"I want you to know I'm going to apply for a stay of custody." I say with conviction and look right into the eyes of Mr. Cullen. He locks eyes with me and then turns away looking annoyed. I feel I've said all I need to say and get up to leave but then decide not to be a complete bitch and turn to shake their hands and be polite in my exit. Esme stands to shake my hand and I comply and say it was nice meeting her when really I want to tell her to leave me and my family alone forever.
"It was nice meeting you and I hope to see more of you as I get to know my son." Mr. Cullen says this to me with a calm and kind of sexy voice and I'm a little less pissed. If he is willing to get to know Anthony before stealing him from me then I will feel a bit better.
"I hope you mean to get to know him." it's all I can politely say to the man. I want what's best for Anthony and if he can prove to be that then it's my duty not only as a foster parent but as a mother figure for Anthony to allow him to have biological family.
As I walk across to the park I see that jewel and Anthony are now playing tag with the rest of the kids. I'm glad she was able to help him through this. I wonder how they are going to take this new development. I wonder how the family will come back from this.
3 3 3 3
This morning starts the same as every other Saturday. The only difference being that there is a shadow of uncertainty this morning. Last night when we got home we put on a movie and all pretended to watch. Everyone went up to bed without saying much. Now I'm walking into the kitchen and I'm frustrated that everyone is being so quiet. I don't have a quiet family. It's never quiet for more than a few minutes. Not even when everyone is sleeping is it quiet. There's always a fan on or someone's TV adding background sound. Now all I hear is the random clinking of spoons against bowls. I decide to rectify this situation immediately.
I glare at the kids and walk into the media room. I then crank the volume and push a few buttons on the touch screen control hooked up to the Bose sound system that's installed in every room in the house and even on the porch.
'Don't laugh at me, don't call me names, don't get your pleasure from my pain' screams through the house and jewels comes running into the media room that I'm exiting and immediately changes the song to 'if you can't hang' by sleeping with sirens. It plays for about a minute before Michael comes and changes it to 'jumper' by third eye blind. Paizge and Dom come in after a few moments and I leave to sit on the couch in what the kids call the 'meeting' room which is actually just a big rom with four couches pushed into a square shape. Jewel and Michael are already there with their eyes closed and heads back when Dominick's favorite sad song 'soundtrack to my life' by kid kudi comes on and he enters the square and lays his head back with his eyes closed. Next is Paizge with 'absolutely' by nine days. Once she sits so do I and we wait.
The purpose of the square and the music is to communicate with each other through our song that we choose. It makes it easier to try and feel what the others in the house are and to try and understand what they may be going through. It's not always the words of the song but sometimes just the tone of the song. The kids all know my sad song is 'don't laugh at me' by mark wills. They all know that when they hear that song it's time to go play theirs and sit in the square. Sometimes we sit for happy things and sometimes sad but we come together and hear each other and are connected and that's what the square is all about. I originally started doing this with ben. It was his thing. He told me he loved me with a song and proposed with a song. He wasn't very good at expressing his feelings clearly and he always said music speaks to your soul so the square begun when we first got jewel and Michael.
'If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Well, you got your reasons
And you got your lies
And you got your manipulations
They cut me down to size
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love but you won't
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Seems the road less traveled
Shows happiness unraveled
And you got to take a little dirt
To keep what you love...
That's what you gotta do
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love
You're stretching out your arms for something that's just not there
Sayin' you love where you stand
You give your heart when you can'
Im near tears at the song he chose when I feel the couch cushion next to me dip. Anthony leans into me and I lay my hand on top of his. The song comes to an end and nobody does anything for a few moments. I finally open my eyes and look around the children sitting in the square. Paizge looks simply sad. Jewels has a constant stream of tears rolling down her cheeks. Michael is playing with his lip ring which means he is trying to deflect this moment. Dominick is coloring on the floor in the middle of the square not really paying attention. Anthony still has his head laid back and is breathing deeply. Id almost think he was asleep if it wasn't for his knee bouncing at light speed.
It doesn't look like anyone is going to say a thing so I start it.
"Listen up buttercups, this shiz sucks. So what we are going to do is leave it all here in the square. I will start. I hate this situation.' I turn to Anthony. "I love you so much kid, but I want what's best for you. I'm conflicted with wanting to keep you here with me and protect you and letting you get to know this other side of your family that very well could be best. You have become such an amazing part of our family. My song was sad because that's what I am right now. I'm sad for you because I think this is a lot for you to deal with.' I look at jewel and address her.' I'm sad for you because I think you and Anthony have bonded the most and I worry that this will crush you." I look to the rest of the room" I'm sad for all of us because we all love Anthony and don't want him to go but, I know that god has a plan and I know whatever happens will be for the best. I don't know what's coming in the next few weeks but I do know that we will all face this and get through it stronger and better than we are now." I finish my so each and look to Dominick. He is still coloring but begins speaking while he colors.
"I'm sad too guys. I want to keep my brother. He is so fun. He is good at call of duty black ops and he lets me beat him sometimes. Michael doesn't let me beat him. Jewel will be sad if Anthony leaves and I don't like new people. I also want a new coloring book and that makes me sad. I like the song Anthony played but it's sad too." He finishes and turns his page to color a new one.
"I don't let you win Dom because how will you ever get better. Anthony doesn't let you win he just isn't as good as you at black ops." Michael says smiling at Anthony. "I love you bro, I hope this al works itself out."
"Thanks dude. I love you too." Anthony says to Michael and it warms my heart. " I'm freaked out about these new people, I'm mad at my mom for not telling me the whole story, I'm curious why she didn't tell me about them, I'm surprised at how much I look like this total stranger. I'm nervous that they won't like me and I'm nervous that if I like them and they like me that I will be abandoning all of you. I feel like this is my family and I don't want to desert you guys. Things are finally calming down and life is going back to normal and I'm pissed that this just popped up when things were chilling out." He looks at Dom," I love you to buddy and I am sad that you don't have a new coloring book."
Jewel and me laugh and Paizge finally opens her eyes" I want this all to be over. I want to skip to the end and see that it all works out. I'm excited to meet these new people and see what they are really like." Paizge has always been a to the point kind of girl. She has never liked uncertainty, I remember when her biological dad was threatening to take me to court to get custody of her she was so anxious. They don't even have a relationship now and I think it's partly because of those days.
Jewels gets up and sits down next to Anthony and takes his hand. "I want you to be happy, you are my best friend. I worry for you and am excited for you. I will miss you if you go but I know we will always be friends and stay in touch so I'm not too worried about that. I want to know what you think of these people as soon as you meet them." Anthony smiles at her and I worry that their relationship is becoming more that friendship but that for another time.
"Well I want to end this by saying I have already filled out the papers for a stay of custody so when we get the results and they are a positive match then I will submit the paper work. Also not to drop a bomb but I'm pretty sure these people are from England or something. Esme, the older woman whom I assume would be Anthony's grandma has a southern accent but he two men have British accents."
Everyone nods and I'm glad they are taking it well. Or maybe they haven't made the connection yet? "Alright, everybody got dressed we are going bowling and then having a slumber party with Emmet, rose, and Alice tonight. So no more moping!" they all hop up and run to change for bowling. I hug Anthony before he leaves and tell him how proud of him I am.
AUTHORS NOTE: there was more I wanted to write but I felt like it was going to be too long if I did so I will post the rest of the chapter later today. Thanks guys love you all! Oh, and because I haven't said it recently, I do not own anything that is twilight. Thank you so much to my lovely one review! You made my day and most of my week wonderful!
