Part 5: Who Wants to Live Forever?
There's no time for us
There's no place for us
What is this thing that builds our dreams
Yet slips away from us?
Who wants to live forever?
Kagome could hardly contain her excitement, even knowing that Kikyou's face at this moment was a study in exasperation and desperation and frustration and many other –ations. Her body had been flooded with such warmth ever since she had seen those eyes, her own vision sharpening, her entire body becoming hypersensitive. Was this a feeling all soulbound felt, or only bondmates? If this was what she had been waiting for, it was worth the pain and guilt and regret.
She regretted nothing now. How could she have thought to end her life before she had felt this…this…otherworldly sense of being so truly alive?
She was in the training compound still, for her own safety, though Sesshoumaru was no longer at her side, which was just as well: after she had felt her bondmate, she knew no other could hold her soul anyways. She was in the training compound still, but soon, so soon, she would be able to leave, to never have to step foot inside again. Freedom…
As they rounded the corner to the bonding rooms, she could feel him so strongly, she just followed the tendrils of his power to the room where he was waiting. For her. Where they would…She blushed.
She stopped in front of the third door on the left, turned to Kikyou, took a deep breath to steel herself, and slid open the door.
And promptly slid it shut.
Her body, so warm mere seconds ago, chilled. "Kikyou…"
"You found your bondmate, Kagome," she said sternly, "It's time to do your duty."
"But Kikyou, all this started because I didn't want to force—"
The look Kikyou fixed on her was enough that Kagome could only retreat meekly inside herself. "The compound is cleared out as much as possible to give you privacy, but if the deed is not done by the morning, this courtesy will be removed. Do I make myself clear, Kagome?"
"Yes, ma'am."
Kikyou sighed and brought gentle fingers to Kagome's chin. "Child, I'm not doing this to be cruel. If there were another way…"
"I know."
She watched Kikyou disappear down the hall, returning to her duties, her mate. And Kagome slid open the doors on hers.
She had never seen a bonding room before, but she was horrified by the utility of it. In the far corner was a small kitchenette, and across from that a door that likely led to a bathroom. The wall to the left was largely made up of a one-way mirror—she had heard that for some bondings, medical staff were required to be on standby—and against the right wall was her mate, naked and chained to a futon by four anchors on the floor, glaring at her with such anger…
"I'm sorry," she said, shutting the door behind her and trying to keep her eyes on his face, even with those angry eyes of his. He snorted. She approached slowly, trying to thing if there was any way for them to go forward, and knelt at his side. "I'm sorry for anything they might have done to you, I'm sorry that I'm obviously not what you want, but do you think…is there…is there any way you might be happy with me, that you might grow to love me?"
His answer was acerbic. "What do you think, onna?"
Immediately, any strength she had felt before was gone. It was like she had aged fifty years in a few seconds, and she knew there was only one thing to do.
The younger brother, Inuyasha, had been there when he'd woken up from whatever Sesshoumaru had done to him. That was the first thing he'd noticed. The second was his current state of undress and imprisonment. He glared silently at his captor, who just shrugged it off.
"You're angry at her for something neither one of you has any control of, you know." When Hiei showed no signs of ending the silent treatment, Inuyasha continued. "There are a lot of stories about the bond. A lot of people call it love at first sight, but it's not anything like that."
Hiei latched onto that. "A spell?" Were his suspicions confirmed?
Inuyasha smiled ruefully. "No, nothing like that, sorry. There's no such thing as love at first sight, though. Just lust. And, for miko and houshi and their mates, a soul-deep recognition of a soul that's kin to theirs, that fits like a missing puzzle piece. That's what you felt when you first saw her. It's what she felt too. Love, though, love takes time, and work." His expression turned fond now. "When Kikyou and I first met, and felt that pull, gods, it was so frustrating, both feeling that we needed the other, but we couldn't stand each other. But we had time, and now…I couldn't imagine my life without her." He paused, stood, put the chair he had been sitting on against the wall and walked to the door. With his hand ready to slide it open, he turned back to Hiei, whose glare had lightened somewhat in thought. "You could let Kagome die, let Kikyou, eventually the world, die with her. The world will probably decay slow enough it wouldn't matter to you. You could find another who suits you well enough. But you will never again have a chance at the peace, the strength you could feel with her. And in the end, when you're destroying yourself with what-ifs, you'll remember what I told you today, and regret."
Hiei barely registered the door shutting.
He laid there—not that he had any choice—for a long time after that, emotions warring within him as they never had before until he called for an end to it all and just decided to be angry at the situation he was in, trapped without any defenses or outlets for his anger.
And that's when she came in once, twice, shy, as if she didn't know this was going to happen. Apologizing, even though she was the one that had gotten him into this mess, going from content (relative) solitude to suddenly depending on another for his happiness. He felt like those ancient fools, who looked up at the sun and couldn't understand it, but felt such love and gratitude for it that it became a god. He felt like something—his heart, his soul, his youki—would jump from his body and embrace her at any moment, never leave her, forever entwine them. His soul wanted her. And, gods, so did his body.
He watched, listened to her, putting on a brave face, attempting to negotiate with him and he had to respect her for that. But she was his jailor. And he was nothing if not stubborn.
"What do you think, onna?"
It was like the lights of the world went out, and he felt her despair as if it were his own.
But she was his jailor. And he was nothing if not stubborn.
She stood—slowly, oh so slowly—and walked—gods, was she injured?—to the chest of drawers at the foot of the futon, and began searching the drawers until she found what she was looking for: a key. Eyes flat and dark, she looked at him, the key, his chains, and him again. Then she knelt again, this time by his feet. Her hands shook as she fitted the key in the lock, but she stopped before she turned it, looked back to him.
"Before I release you, I need you to promise me something."
Anything, he wanted to say, but he remained silent. Stubborn.
"I—I need you," she rasped out, "to take me to the garden. You can stay, or leave me there. I can take care of everything, they'll leave you alone, just…" her eyes filled with tears for the first time. "I don't think I can get there on my own."
Hiei looked at her through the pain he felt—gods, were there invisible minions on his chest, stabbing out his heart? Eventually he nodded.
Nothing else was said as she slowly made her way to each of the shackles. When she was done, she slumped over in exhaustion as he dressed in the clothes that had been folded on the chest in which she'd found the key. He knelt down, trying to ignore the tingle of pleasure that burst through him just from lifting her up, and followed her instructions to the training garden, while keeping an eye out for interruptions. She barely opened her eyes for the few minutes it took to reach the open center of the building, though she did mumble things that had no meaning to him a couple times.
"I'd hoped Goshinboku would help me with this, but there's no time to go all the way there. Do you think he'll be able to find me here?" He remained silent, focused on their destination.
Unsure what was best and receiving no instructions from the miko, he laid her down in the center of the garden—a small affair of a few flower beds, shrubs and saplings. Already he could feel his body betraying him. Hoping distance would ease the pain, he left quickly, barely hearing the whispered "Thank you," behind him.
He was barely a mile away when he collapsed and cried out—not from pain, no, this was so far beyond pain. It was an unearthly cold that froze him from the inside out, so strong and so relentless. Not even the ice caps of Makai, where no one and nothing could survive for long, could ever have felt like this in Hiei's wildest imaginings.
He knew this must be what it felt like when a soul's mate died.
His body disabled, his mind betrayed him next.
Yukina's withdrawal from life after being forcibly bonded.
Her contentedness and increasing self-confidence with Genkai and Kuwabara.
"If not for me…"
"Sesshoumaru was willing to put off his own mating…"
"…That perfect union of souls."
"…makes both stronger and fills them with such ecstasy, such happiness of being…"
"…for her…"
"I'm sorry."
"Is there any way you might be happy with me, that you might grow to love me?"
"…for the world…"
"You will never again have a chance at the peace, the strength you could feel with her. And in the end, when you're destroying yourself with what-ifs, remember what I told you today."
"…then for Yukina."
Yukina…Yukina…
Kagome!
He couldn't fee his body, wasn't aware of himself moving, so he was surprised to find himself back in the garden, a soft pink glow surrounding all of the greenery in the garden, originating from Kagome. Kagome, who he could barely feel anymore.
"NO!" he cried out, with his voice, with his body, heart, soul…with his youki. In less than a second, they were surrounded by nothing but ash, and he was on Kagome, feeling for signs of life. If he hadn't been so stubborn, hadn't told himself that he didn't want what he so obviously needed: her. It was true, there was no love there, but his soul knew, his body knew…his mind could catch up later. For now, he could just barely feel her, and in an act of desperation, relying on instinct alone, he kissed her.
For one, tortuous second, there was nothing.
Then, a sudden, deep inhale.
He drew back to see her. Her eyes were groggy, but they were open, and so blue, and alive.
He dropped his head to kiss her again, but she turned her head, stopping the action.
"What…you…?" Her eyebrows furrowed, obviously unable to explain to herself why he was here.
"Hiei."
"Huh?"
"My name."
"Oh." She blinked. "I'm…Kagome."
"I know." He couldn't stop smiling. The pain was dissipating, being replaced with pleasure, with a rightness of being. And she was alive.
Her brows were still furrowed, like she didn't know what to ask, what to believe, and, as she began to look around, where the garden had gone.
"Kagome," he said, calling her attention back to him. She met his gaze steadily, despite how much she should hate him right now. "I don't love you." Her eyes shuttered, and he gently put a hand to her face. "I don't love you, yet. But you feel so right to me, I can't explain it. I want to grow to…feel something for you, and if that means we need to bond first, then that's what I want. Will you be my mate, for better or worse?"
Her eyes shifted slightly, looking deeply into both of his, trying to determine his intentions. Tears flowed softly from her eyes as she nodded. "Yes. Yes, Hiei."
When he kissed her this time, there was no resistance.
There was a noise of protest when he incinerated her clothes, and a noise of encouragement when he did the same to his. Now that their minds were on the same page, their bodies were going into overdrive again until they were both creatures of sensation. This first mating was short—neither of them was capable of lasting long, Hiei feeling such strong sensations as he never had during a rut, and Kagome alive, but only at a fraction of her strength— just long enough to seal the mating.
She was already leaking fluid when Hiei entered her, after only a couple minutes of foreplay and her begging for more, and with just a few strokes, he could already feel her tightening around him further, her fingernails clawing into his back and her spine bent to bring her to him, and he knew that her climax was only seconds away, as was his.
The power wrapped around and entwining them both imploded, sending them both into climax. Kagome fainted right away, and Hiei wasn't far behind her, wrapping her in his arms and raising his body temperature against the cool night.
