LOVE POTION
PART FOUR
Summary of previous episodes: main characters of Slayers' cast gathered at the Royal Palace of Saillune for a pleasant lunch, which was hopelessly compromised by Martina's diabolical plan to defeat Lina Inverse once and for all. Unfortunately the magic potion, that was supposed to drop the sorceress of the Dragon Slave at the foot of the Princess of Zoana, fails and the spell has turned against all women who participated in the "success" of the potion (Naga, Sylpheel and Martina). The Princess of Zoana was able to get rid of the curse, giving Lina a chance to discover the only cure. Will our heroine be able, or want, to put an end to this chaos?
Evening. Dinner time.
A huge table lit by few candles. The room itself is quite dark except for those few lights. Many noises of clinging forks and swallowing. Three seated figures.
AMELIA: Lina ... hush, please ...
LINA: what the hell do you want?! Don't you see I'm busy?! Those harpies have literally taken off my strenght ...
ZELLGADISS: uff, you're still the same, you never change ...
L: instread you have made a major change! That wig that looks good on you, you know?
Z: *noticing only at the time that he hadn't taken off the camouflage yet* Oh f- ..! *takes the wig off and throws it in the dark* Why do I have to endure all this, I'm still wondering ...
A: *whispering in the ear of the red-haired sorceress* I think he's still angry because they told him he's ugly ...
L: I would put my hand on fire about it... listen, where did you put the roast? In all this darkness I can't see it.
A: do not complain: darkness or the beasts.
L: Oh no no okay, I like darkness, I'll try to search for it on my own.
A: Lina, we now put the record straight: YOU KNOW how to help those poor girls ...
L: ... whereas the poor girl is me...
A: ... in the name of JUSTICE! *jumps on the table, dropping several dishes* YOU have to save them! YOU have to use that method!
L: shhhhhhhhhhhh in the name of LON, Amelia, don't do all this noise, they would find us!
A: For the peace of the whole world YOU are be the only one who will have to deal with this case! YOU are our only RESOURCE! *her eyes sparkle, she points at the sorceress with a foot stomping a precious crystal glass*
L: Ameliaaaaaaa! Please, have mercy ... don't make noise ... Gods, it was easier to fight against Rezo.
Z: uh? What's wrong with my grandpa?
A & L: grandpa?! What are you saying, Zell? Do you realize what you "granpa" did?!
Z: Well, you have to admit that everything has a certain fun...
A: actually...
L: Yeah, true ... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING?!
A: Lina, think about it: it would be the first time that we see you defeated on the field...
Z: ... and also the first time that you want to beat a retreat.
L: Someone stop me before I kill them. What have I done wrong?
Footsteps. A figure comes out of the shadows, because of the lack of illumination of the site they are unable to figure out who it might be, but he/she certainly has something shiny in his/her hands, large, covered with a lid and ... steaming.
L: my roast, finally!
A: oh great, so you'll be... wait, but I didn't call any waiter.
Z: *placing a hand on the shoulder of the princess, holding her back * All this sounds interesting... let's just watch.
The two retreat to the shadows with suspicion amusement, while the sorceress goes to the newcomer as if it were an angel sent from LON to rescue her (or her stomach).
L: finally! La la la!
MYSTERIOUS CHARACTER: *with a hint of fatigue in her voice* Lina-san, here's your plate...
L: *stops immediately* this voice... so sweet and gentle... and about to die...
M.C.: Well, yeah... my sweet Lina-san, this delicious roast sprinkled with spices and served with grilled peppers and a touch of pepper that you like so much, I made it with my delicate little hands.
L: A... ah... behold, yes yes yes, I really appreciate it, no, I mean for real, uhm ... Good, Sylpheel, really good ... Now, good goodie, drop it on the table and...
S: you are complimenting me! I... I... I'm not worthy ... oooowwww *faints, but Lina saves the big dish*
L: It 's so easy to get rid of her ... so fragile, physically and emotionally speaking ... *putting the huge dish on the table* But ... the girl has been strong, this flavoured roast weights a lot. Did she slaughter a horse just for me?! Nope, she would faint at the thought, indeed, to the pre-pre-thought of the thought ...
Suddenly the tray cover begins to stir. A slight moan.
L: aha! FRESH meat!
Lifted the lid and invaded by the vapors trapped inside, but as soon as the outline of the content becomes visible, the sorceress closes it immediately with a sharp gesture. Cold sweats pervade her face.
A few seconds later, an insistent knocking comes from inside the lid. The red-haired girl shakes her head several times, holding down her hands on the case. The knocking continued, at least until something or someone on the inside press to exit, at which a disconsolate Lina prefers to free the grip.
NAGA: * sprinkled with rosemary, oiled and spiced * Good evening, darling! I'm the house specialty, cooked to perfection to be enjoyed... immediately!
L: *reduced to tears of despair* I can not do more, please stop this foolishness
N: Do not do it anymore, honey? Then taste this good savored ham! *slapping her thigh*
L: Amelia ... Zellgadiss ... where are you, bastards...
N: no te gusta los ham? Want to try directly with the knuckle of New Year's Eve? *sensually caressesing herself from the ankle to the knee*
L: *she just doesn't know what to comment and where to turn* I want mommy...
N: Why do not we go directly to the fruit? Look at these two beautiful melons! They are mature! Touch them! *leans toward her, her arms under her breasts to... highlight*
L: I want a drug that makes me live beautiful illusions ... such as a field of flowers, yes, a field of flowers ... with snow-white clouds in the sky ... alone, totally alone...
N: but my sugar babe, I see you're a little pale, so take vitamin C! Look at this! Et voilà! *turns back, moving her ass in front of Lina's nose* Just shake and savor it!
L: ...I feel sick...
N: or not, you like fast food! *turns around again, this time placing the hands below* Here it is! I'm your canned food! Open and tast-
L: FIREBALL!
The woman is violently thrown out of the building, causing a huge hole in the ceiling. At the same instant in which Naga was momentarily removed, arrogant giggles could be heard from the darkness of the room.
L: Yooooooooouuuuuuuuuu will paaaaaaaayyyyy!
Z: forgive, forgive us... * holds his stomach from laughing* If you'll forgive us I will cook you a delicious meal...
A: Yeah, forgive us, and I promise ... pfff ... *hardly keeping from laughing* that I will serve the best roast in the area...
Z: Ah! Don't forget spices! They're essential to achieve a bold and eloquent dish!
*Both laugh as fools, tears in their eyes, also caused by a Dill Brand that hits them relentlessly*
L: What's so funny, I can't understand...
SY: Yeah, just can't understand their bad taste ... their doing is so despicable to you, Lina-sama...
L: you think? So I'm not the only one to think th- STAY AWAY FROM ME!
SY: B-but Lina-sama, I... don'tt be so mean to me ... I would just ... I just want to... oooooowww *pretends to faint, but Lina prefers to run away and leaves her banging her head on the floor* ARGH! So that's the way you repay my love! ME, I'm so devoted to you! ME, that I have never aspired to your body! ME, that... I'm quite stupid, I should aspire to it instead ... NO! Never! But... what the hell am I thinking ... I fear myself... ooooow *faints after having rediscovered her naughty side*
Meanwhile, the red-haired sorceress arrives on the other side of the building, thanks to her remarkable qualities of race. She had enough breath for returning back but it certainly was not her intent.
L: I will be safe here ... no, I surely won't... it is as if the curse approaches me like a magnet... Wait a minute, this is the area of restrooms... maybe I can find my stuff . Yes, there must be that old manual of witchcraft. I must find a ALTERNATIVE cure.
GOURRY: oi Lina!
L: DO NOT approache to m-ah ... it's you ... forgive me, I go scared by everyone and everything.
GO: I guess so. I didn't think you're a heartbreaker like that.
L: ... allow me to doubt the meaning of your sentence...
GO: Well, your ... lovers... are really fiery... I believe you when you say you're afraid … *giggles*
L: Gourry, let's analyze the situation: I have two of the three fools at my heels, I just ate but I think the food is returning to my throat due to the idiocies devised by those crazy women. And you, you're talking about "lovers" as if they were seriously my girlfriends... you have two possibility: I set fire to you now or I'll do in the next minute.
GO: errrr, I don't have much choice, admit it.
L: exactly.
GO: Well, please, forgive me but I didn't understand anything about what is happening.
L: I suspected.
GO: damn, I'm getting predictable.
L: … so, Martina has made a potion to submit me, but turned against her and all the others that have participated to the preparation of that damned infusion.
GO: ah ... Martina. Are you sure?
L: sure, why?
GO: Well, well, if you take a peek into this keyhole ...
L: I REFUSE. I get it. Really, do not insist, I understand.
GO: ok ok, if you insist ... But you could learn interesting things!
L: NO, THANK YOU.
GO: ok ok, I won't divulge to anyone what I saw and heard.
L: Y-you heard! Let's leave... or not, indeed!
GO: Oh, do you have a second through? So I will infuse you with my knowledge.
L: No, moron. I have in mind a diabolical plan to get rid of those two fools... or at least to remove them for a abundant period.
Not having time to reveal her strategy, that the two beasts arrive at a gallop, driving a wheelchair carrying Amelia and Zellgadiss.
L: Pony Express...
NA: Ok, it's 50 golds.
A: hey! We had spoken to reveal where Lina-san was hiding! No money!
L: Y-you did-
A: Also you should not ask for money to your sister! It is so UNFAIR.
NA: 35 coins and let's not talk about it anymore.
ZE: hey Sylpheel ... did you survive? *pokes the lifeless body of the woman who had pulled his wheelchair. Zellgadiss = stone, so...*
L: You... have... payed... these two crazies ... only to not miss the little show.
*the chimera and the princess whistle and look around*
L: satisfy my curiosity, even if I'll regret asking ... but how did you get so fast?
NA: remember I was sprinkled with oil?
L: that's enough.
SY: *opens her eyes, a suspicious twinkle, putting hands on the ground and rising* I've heard... the sweet voice... of Lina-san...
NA: exactly, sweety, but this time she won't escape from me.
SY: How can you be so mean! I remind you that I suffered a lot to conquer her!
NA: and I remind you that I slipped into the oven and I almost burned to death for her love!
L: ...
NA: What happens, Lina? You seem in a trance ...
L: ...
SY: * shiny eyes * Lina-san ... why don't you want to communicate?
L: ...
SY: ... WHY DON'T YOU OPEN YOUR TENDER LITTLE HEART AND COMMUNICATE WITH US.?!
L: *after a moment of pause, her brain totally gone, she sucks her thumb*
SY: Aaaargh!
NA: Oh c'mon, puppy, don't do that ... come to me ... *winking*
L: girls ... I ... I have kept a very important secret.
ALL: What's this?
L: here, you should know that...
ALL: soooo?
L: I...
ALL: sooooooooo?
L: ... Gourry and I got married and Zellgadiss is our secret son!
Sheaves of straw in the background.
Still sheaves.
The mouths of the onlookers have a remarkable facial paralysis.
Still sheaves.
A: n-n-n-no, it can't be...
Z: And how did that happen...
NA: I-I feel... defeat...
SY: d-don't say it... to me...
GO: Oh!
L: WHAT? *flushing*
GO: Lina, however, must have been very painful.
L: ...what?
GO: Well, you know, Zellgadiss is made of stone, I mean, STONE.
L: Yes, I know well...
GO: I wonder how painful it was to give birth to him!
L: Now, at this very moment, I will give birth to a Dragon Slave...
GO: but I still have a curiosity!
L: how to compile a testament, perhaps?
GO: let's reason (a difficult thing if it involves Gourry): if you and I are married, assuming I don't remember the exact moment when it happened, and Zell is our son ... but we all know that Rezo is his grandfather ... so... really, be honest ... *looks serious, puts his hands on her shoulders, staring into her eyes *
L: w-what?
GO: ... you're an adulterer.
L: It 's more obscure twilight, it is more of the same blood red.
A: Linaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Please, save the palace ç_ç
ZE: I ask for it too, I beg you... then you have to explain from where you came out of this idea.
L: ... it's buried under the tide of time.
A: Linaaaa-sannn please, before you kill us all, free these two! Even if you blow them, the effects of the curse will stay!
GO: oh? Then they can be saved? And how could she do that?
A: Well, she have to KISS them!
Morning.
Wind blowing over the ruins of the royal palace of Saillune.
Smoldering and charred figures all under rubbles, lifeless. A figure is bent on one of them, her gaze lowered, shadow covers her eyes, a trickle of tears on her left cheek.
L: I ... now ... I'm no longer pure... my immaculate lips, this sin-stained ... oh, what have I ever done wrong in life ... Well, several things, but nothing so serious to deserve all this ... now ... I lost my purity.
SY: Lin-Li ... na ... san ... What is ... happening...
L: * softly crying* Nothing Sylpheel, now take some rest... it was a hard day for all ... I...
SY: but ... Lina san ... ... why are you... crying...
L: I ... I made a choice ... it was a... very cruel choice... for me.
SY: But ... What is ... this flavor ... on … my lips... ?
L: sleep, Sylpheel, it's for your own good ... sleep, c'mon...
SY: not now ... this ... I can't remember...
L: I TOLD YOU TO SLEEP! *hits her in the head with a brick, blood covers everything* ...whoops!
The red-haired sorceress approaches to another figure in the rubble. Her divine beauty, however, was not affected by the dust and debris that had on her. Lina watched silent, wiped the tears away, swallowed her saliva and walked toward her. She stroked her long black hair, brushing her cheeks from the ashes, one hand under her head to rise her head, the other on the lips drawing them with a finger.
L: this scene is kinda kinky... ok ... I did it once (no, two, but better forgetting one at least) I can do it again... and then never again. Gods, I pray you, make sure that Naga wouldn't wake up just n-
NA: *blink blink* oooh Lina ... my sweet Lina ...
L: the author is a masochist or I'm very unlucky.
NA: Lina ... you ... you're so sweet ... sensitive ...
L: oh yeah, whatever...
NA: *slowly raises a hand to caress her cheek* You can't even understand what you represents for me.
L: your rival, the one who you will surely defeat, blah blah blah.
NA: exactl- cough, sorry, you know, dust in the throat...
L: You're believable as a flying pig ...
NA: *with a lot of conviction, looking straight in her eyes* ... and even though I know you wouldn't believe me, now or ever, you have always been my point of reference, the best among the companions you could wish for, but I saw your weak side, the most fragile side, and I'm here ready to give you all of me, I will give you my all! I'll love you forever!
L: *violently blushing* N-Naga...
Eyes narrowed, lips meet in a magical moment.
The moment lasts rather long.
What are they now, octopusses?
Applauses. Looks upon them.
L: *violently breaks away from Naga* AAARGH! You were awake! And you were LOOKING!
ZE: Well, it was a good drama, I must admit ...
GO: Yeah yeah ... *arms crossed, frowning nods* but isn't she again a adulteress?
ZANGLUSS & MARTINA: look at her, Lina Inverse, so tender and romantic ... but she carbonized our clothes.
A: Aaaaahhh ... *a handkerchief, tears* Love always triumphs...
L: what Love and Love! I did it simply for-
A: yeah, don't try to fool all of us, it was LOVE!
L: gh! N-no! You know very well why I did it! I had to free them from the curse!
NA: WHICH curse?
MA: So, it was-
L: SHUT UP, you've already said and done too much.
MA: iiih, okay...
ZE: Well, it seems everything is resolved for good, in the end.
L: my reputation aside.
A: *comes close to her friend, gives her a pat on the back* Come on Lina, anything is lost! You can always follow the glorious way of bisexuality.
L: ... mmmmmmmh...
A: See? It's a good idea, you're already thinking about it!
L: not exactly, I'm thinking which spell I could shot to you...
This little story of ordinary madness ends here.
Lina promised to the princess of Saillune that she would never accept an invitation to lunch at court anymore. Gourry tried to get an explanation from Martina about her diabolical as inconclusive plan, while she was trying to expel the remnants of potion rubbing against her husband, glad to get back his wife.
Zellgadiss spent much of his time leafing through the book of spells and curses of his grandfather Rezo, searching for few hints to a possible cure for his condition of chimera, in vain, but you already knew.
The courtiers were exhumed from the rubble of the building, all cured by their princess. Thanks to the intercession of her father (who was miraculously saved because he was away from home for a transfer), common people were more than happy to lend a hand in the reconstruction of the royal palace.
Ironic that the only part that still stood majestic was just the dining area with kitchen, fully functional. Lina was horrified by the invitation at the table, but after a lot of insistence she was dragged to lunch together with her friends once again, Martina was kept away from the kitchen.
After the meal, the red-haired sorceress walked away from the group to indulge in a little break to the porch. She put her hands on the ledge of the balcony, breathing a sigh of relief.
L: phew, finally it's all over. So much suffering but I've done it.
NA: Yeah, you were pretty good at resolving the matter.
L: ARGH! Ah, no, sorry. It's that I'm still a little shocked.
NA: I figured, I completely understand. On the other hand, anyone would be pervaded by a holy fear in front of my beauty.
L: a chill...
NA: not as many as the ones that you had few hours ago.
L: … Listen, I'm sorry for what happened but, in my detriment, I HAD to... then try to delete everything, okay? Really, I'm sorry.
NA: Okay, okay, but I want to make clear one more thing.
L: what?
NA: what I said previously, I really feel it.
L: ...eh?
END.
