Neither said anything as they walked across the courtyard and out into the estate, but Ida Smith kept her eyes trained on her daughter's face as closely as Anna kept hers focussed on the trees. Neither of them knew where to start.
Anna wondered what John was doing right now.
"It's a lovely day," said her mother.
Anna looked at the blue sky for what seemed like the first time that day. "Oh yeah," she said.
"You hadn't noticed?"
Anna realised that she hadn't.
"Please talk to me, Anna. I don't want you to feel like you can't do that."
"It's not that, it's just…I really didn't know what to say. How can I explain something like that?"
"You told your sister."
"Only the good part. I shouldn't have done, if I'd been thinking straight I…"
"Why shouldn't you?"
"Because it's unfair to you, to all of you, to give you some information but not the whole. I've just left you worrying about it and I'm sorry."
"I disagree. Any information you are willing to give, we will willingly receive. And it did warm my heart to read it. You sounded really happy."
Anna sighed. "I just wanted to share that with someone. And I thought Elise wouldn't ask too many questions. But I shouldn't have sent it, really. Write it, fine, but not send it. When it was in the post, everything changed."
"But why all the secrecy? Mrs Hughes said she didn't know that you'd got married either!"
"No, we…it wasn't a problem, we were doing anything wrong, it was just that the house was in mourning at that time, for Mr Crawley's fiancée, and we didn't want to overshadow that. It just wasn't the right time to tell people."
"You couldn't wait until you could have a proper celebration with the people who love you?"
"No, we – we couldn't wait because…" Anna's voice began to break. "Because…"
"Because he was arrested three days later."
Anna nodded, and her mother looked surprised to have this knowledge confirmed. "You knew that it was going to happen?"
"Not exactly, just…well yes, I suppose – he thought so, anyway, and I believed him, because the police didn't have any other suspects, and…"
"But they would need some evidence."
"They have some evidence. But it's circumstantial and it's not true. Anyway, we knew this was coming, so I said to him, 'Look, marry me now, because…" Anna swallowed tears. "'Because I want to have a proper place in your life.' If we weren't married now, I wouldn't have visiting rights, they wouldn't keep me informed of what was happening, and I wouldn't have people's respect. I am his wife; this is real, this is what we've been fighting for, and we will go through this together."
"How long were you engaged before that?"
Anna shrugged. "It's hard to say. He could never promise himself to me because he wasn't free, but…the first time he said – he said something like, 'If I can ever get a divorce, I'll fall at your feet and beg you to marry me.' He said that in 1915."
"Four years ago?!"
"Four and a half. It feels longer than that. I've wanted to marry him since…not long after the Titanic sunk. I'm sorry, I hope you don't think that I wanted to keep that from you; it's not that, it's just that how do you tell your parents that you're in love with a married man? I couldn't do that!"
"Your father would have had a heart attack."
"Yes. Exactly. So I couldn't say. I did have a plan of when I was going to tell you, I was going to take him to meet you after the divorce came through, but…that didn't happen. It turned out that he was widowed instead, and then we had to be quick, we had to…seize the day."
"There's a bench, dear, shall we sit down?"
"Alright." The bench was at the edge of the trees near the temple. Anna sat down and began fidgeting with her jacket. Her mother looked out at the house.
"Marvellous building, isn't it?"
Anna looked up briefly. "Yeah."
"The thing I have to ask…and I don't want you to think I'm interrogating you or doubting you, or him, but what I don't understand is, why was he suspected in the first place?"
Anna sighed. "Well, for a few reasons, I suppose. One was that he was the last person to see her alive. Two was that the last time her saw her, he fought with her…and three was that while she was alive, she stole all his money and did everything she could to prevent the divorce, and they call that a motive because her death reversed all that… And sure, we benefited from her death in that it enabled us to get married, but it cast a huge shadow over the whole thing and we're definitely not benefiting now, so the whole idea of killing her just makes no sense."
"So you trust him absolutely."
"Of course I do! I trust him, I know him, and he wouldn't do that, but the other thing I know, and I told this to the police, I said I have evidence that he didn't do it because I saw him when he came back that night, and it took me about two hours just to calm him down! He was devastated, he was crying, he was angry, he was very upset because he thought that he had failed and that he'd never get a divorce and he'd never be free of her, and he wouldn't stop apologising to me for not being able to marry me, and it clearly broke his heart to say that, to acknowledge that the result of this big fight he'd just had with her was that he and I would never be able to get married. That's what he honestly thought. Meantime, down in London, she was dying or dead, but he didn't know. So why would he react like that if he knew that she was dead and that none of the things we were talking about were a problem any more? Of course he didn't know, because he didn't do it! And I said that to the police, and they said that my evidence was circumstantial. Well so is theirs." Anna slouched back on the bench, her arms folded.
Ida sighed a long sigh, and the pair were silent for a minute or two.
Anna wondered how long it would be before her mother told her not to slouch.
But she didn't. "So tell me about him, then. This son-in-law of mine."
Anna straightened up and looked at the sky. "What would you like to know?"
"I don't even know his first name."
"Oh. It's John."
"John. I see. Tell me about John."
"He's just…he's the most wonderful man I've ever met. He's kind, he's selfless, he's giving…he's interesting, he's intelligent, he's dignified, he…he understands me, he respects me. And when we're together, it just works. It's incredible. And I could never experience that with anyone else. He's the only man who ever turned my head."
"Here was I thinking no man would ever turn your head!"
"His lordship said we could live in a cottage on the estate."
"Lord Grantham approved the match?"
"Yes."
"So you told him?"
"No, he made that offer years ago, when we got engaged."
"I see. Well I hope you do, sweetheart."
"We will."
"Can I meet him?"
"You will. I'm sure of that."
"No, I mean now, soon. Will you introduce me?"
Anna looked at her mother, her eyes bulging somewhat, her mouth struggling to form a response. In the absence of words, she shook her head.
"Why not?"
"Because you don't want to go there."
"How bad is it?"
"I don't know, it's just depressing, you know, cells, fallen people…strict guards…"
"You can handle it alright?"
"Yes, of course, but -"
"Well so can I. Where do you think you get your spirit from, girl?"
Anna nodded, processing this. "It's not that."
"What is it, then?"
"Well…when John meets his mother-in-law for the first time ever…don't you think he should be given a chance to make a good impression?"
"Certainly."
"We he can't in there, he's…he's not at his best. They don't let them wash properly, the – the razors they give them are so blunt, he can't shave properly…and he's stuck in such a depressing environment, and it doesn't matter if you say it doesn't affect you, because it does, you can't stop it affecting you and it will have an impact both on how you each conduct yourselves at the time, and on your memory of it after."
Ida nodded, and there was silence for a few moments. She was looking over at the temple now, her eyes eagerly moving up and down its columns and over its arches. Suddenly, she looked back. "Am I judgemental, Anna?"
Anna looked surprised to be asked this question, but it was easy to answer. "No."
"I want to meet him, and I want to support you, both of you."
Anna couldn't speak, tears threatening to fall for the umpteenth time that day. Her mother pulled her to her breast, stroking her hair, and Anna let go.
...
"Here's the post for you, sir," said the secretary, stepping into the office and placing a small pile of letters on the desk, along with a letter opener.
"Thankyou," said Mr Murray, putting down his pen and leaning back, taking hold of the first letter. He opened it, and his eyes scanned the brief contents.
"Miss Kerr?" he called.
The secretary appeared in the doorway again. "Yes, Mr Murray."
"We will need to hire a barrister."
...
"Ah, look, another bench!" announced Mrs Smith as they arrived at the edge of the lake. "They do put them in the most beautiful places, don't they?"
"Shouldn't we head back now, Mum? You said you wanted to take the 4:30 train, and we've walked a bit of a way now."
"Oh yes, I suppose so. This is such a lovely place, I should visit more often!"
"It is lovely."
"And quite romantic."
"You think so?"
"I do. If I met a dashing man here, I'd certainly fall in love."
"That's not how love works, Mum."
Ida looked at her daughter, her eyes twinkling. "I know that, but it does help if you have somewhere romantic to go together. Like that lake, for example."
"Mmm." Anna looked back at the bench, and sighed.
"Did you and John take a few turns by the lake?"
It felt strange to hear Mr Bates referred to as "John". She'd always known that was his name, but it was so little-used. Never used, in fact, by any of the people she knew. She'd only used it once or twice herself. She decided that she should use it more, and perhaps her mother was the person she could do that with. Anna smiled.
"Yes, you did, didn't you!"
"What?"
"I know you're a hopeless romantic who loves beautiful scenery. Of course you'd bring your feller here!"
"I'm a what?"
"Any time we couldn't find you when you were a little girl, where would you be? Off over the fields, looking at the pretty meadows and the trees! The only question was, where? We knew exactly what you were doing, but could we find you? Not on my life."
"Most of the time I was by the river, wasn't I?"
"But what part of the river? Peter was easy to find, he was always on the rope swing, but you? Who knew!" Ida laughed at the memory.
"I always knew where I was."
"Oh yes. You had both feet firmly planted on the ground, make no mistake. It's just that sometimes it was the ground on the hill, and sometimes it was the rocks by the river, and sometimes it wasn't the ground at all, it was a tree branch! Now, listen dear, speaking of romance -"
"- Which we weren't -"
"- I have to ask you something. With the whole secrecy thing going on, did you manage to have a wedding night?"
Anna stopped walking.
Her mother looked around. "What's wrong, dear?"
"You're going to ask me about that? Really?"
"I'm your mother, it's my job to prepare you for your wedding night! As I didn't get to do that, all I can do is ask you how it went."
"Well, only two other people know it happened at all, so don't talk too loud about it."
"Was it all right for you?"
Colour rushed to Anna's cheeks. She couldn't believe she was hearing this. And they were almost back at the road.
"Anna?"
"It was the best night of my life, but I do not want to discuss it with my mother!"
"You don't have any questions you want answered?"
"No!"
"Alright, dear, I'm only giving you the option. It can be quite confusing and scary, and if the man loses control of himself -"
"Mum! Stop talking!"
"So it was fine, then."
"Yes!"
"Good! Elise didn't have the best time, dear, that's why I ask."
"She didn't?"
"No. But it was only because they didn't know what they were doing, so she asked me, and I explained some things."
"That's very good of you."
"And now I have two married daughters! I must be getting old."
"And two married sons. Did you have these chats with them as well?"
"I tried to, but they wouldn't listen."
"No wonder."
"You know I'm only trying to help, dear."
Anna turned towards her mother with a radiant smile. "I know." She began to laugh, for the first time in ages.
Ida smiled back. "Will you come and stay, sometime soon?" She instantly regretted saying it, as she watched the smile fall from Anna's face, and watched her sigh.
"I'd love to, but…"
"But what?"
"But I have a job."
"You must be due a couple of days soon."
"No I'm not, I've been using all my days to speak to the police and the lawyer and…and something should be done about the house, I just can't face it yet."
"What house?"
"John's mother's house, in London. He says he wants to transfer ownership to me, which seems odd, but I suppose it would enable me to organise things easier. I don't know. And every other possible spare minute I get, I go and see him, so I'm afraid I don't have any spare time."
"Have you asked?"
"What?"
"I'm sure Mrs Hughes wouldn't mind, she seems to care about you."
"It's not up to Mrs Hughes."
"It's up to Lord and Lady Grantham, I know, but they're kind people, aren't they?"
"Yes, and Lord Grantham is paying for John's lawyer, I can't really ask anything more of him."
"Well, he's a very good man, then. I'm sure he'd let you have a couple of days. Come to the farm, and then we could go and see John together."
"About that. I need to ask him first. Can we leave it up to him, please?"
"Alright."
"And also, just you. Not Dad. He would be so…formal about it, and there's a time and a place."
"No, no, of course. Let's not overwhelm him."
"Good, thankyou."
They arrived at the village and walked around for a while, and before long it was time for Mrs Smith to board her train. As they walked into the station, Anna felt lighter than she had since that horrible day Mr Bates was taken away. She realised that she had enjoyed her afternoon with her mother very much.
"Thanks for coming," she said with a smile. "I've had a nice time."
"Me too! We must do it again – please come and stay."
"You know I can't promise you that."
"Promise me that you'll ask Mrs Hughes."
"Alright, alright."
"And please write to me."
Anna nodded. "I'm sorry."
"That's alright, dear." Ida pulled her daughter into a crushing hug, and Anna held on tight. She began to wonder why she'd distanced herself from her parents so much through the years, thinking that they wouldn't understand about Mr Bates. Clearly, she had been wrong.
"Thankyou for your support. I really appreciate it."
"It's what I'm here for."
The whistle blew, and Ida climbed into the third class carriage. Anna watched the train until it was out of sight.
