Chapter 9: The Modest Shadow

I had crossed my arms in front of my chest, biting my lip, trying to hold back as many tears as I could. I was sixteen for Kingdom Hearts sake. No wonder Xemnas and Saix were calling me a child…

I felt weak. Reduced, and defeated. To think that I had any chance of being the heroine and solving the crisis of the day was a naïve assumption. The throbbing in my back didn't help to support the tall posture I was trying to give as I followed Zexion into the room. It was small room, white and simple.

"Sit on the bed." Zexion gestured.

I didn't nod, but simply followed his command. As I sat down upon the mattress, I didn't expect it to sink as comfortably as it did. I expected, to be quite frank, a prison. Cell bars, bread and water, the whole package. But I was pleasantly surprised by the custody provided for me in the small room.

However, the condition of my room had not won my immediate concern, as impressive as it was. I still looked down to my banged up knees, cuts, scrapes, bruises, all the battle wounds I had acquired that day. I probably looked like a mess. I was still crying, sniffing and trying to swallow back my pathetic sobs.

"There's no need to cry," Zexion walked towards me with a slow reasonable pace. I saw him knelt down, but I didn't look up at him. "We wouldn't want any tears to ruin that pretty face of yours." He knelt quietly for a moment, taking my hand tenderly in his own. I was surprised by that.

I sniffed again, and looked up, meeting his eyes- those eyes. Those eyes.

I widened my own, recognizing what I could of his face. It was him! The one that attacked me on the island!

"Don't touch me!" I yelled at him, jerking my hand away from him.

He seemed surprised at that, taken aback by my sudden reaction.

"Y-you… you're the one that attacked me on the island! You… chained me!" I shouted through new tears.

"The organization wants my heart! You told me so! GET ME OUT OF HERE! I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF YOU! LET ME OUT! GO AWAY! Go away…" I held my head in my hands, sobbing into them.

Zexion relaxed, calmly observing me. He kept silent for a few moments before he spoke.

"Yes, that's true. And yes, that was me." He stated with slight irritation. "And don't act like you didn't do anything- you gave me a good kick too." He said, pointing to his middle.

I lifted my head and stared at him, swallowing, sniffing in exasperation.

He shook his head, resting his hands on his thighs.

"I was under orders." He began to speak again, trying to explain himself. "We were sent to capture the keyblade weilders, and we did." He looked up at me, trying to make reason. "I apologize for your misery." He looked away, and downcast his gaze to the floor.

I relaxed a bit at his apologetic presence, letting my hand relax in my lap. This was a surprise, considering the other encounters from the other members. I still had to be careful though, not to let my guard down.

"But never mind that. We can move on." He spoke, turning back to me.

I was still irritated. I didn't know what would happen to me. I didn't know if I could trust him.

"Move on?" I questioned him in an irked tone, choking past some tears. "Hardly… I'm still trying to comprehend everything that happened today." I wiped my eyes of the back of my hands sniffing and shaking my head.

I immediately stopped.

"Where are Roxas and Xion?!" I demanded from Zexion, facing him with a desperate stare. "What's happened to them?! Are they okay?! I bet they're dead! Oh Kingdom Hearts I've got-" I was interrupted by a searing pain in my back as I got up from the bed. I sat back down, wincing.

"You're hurt. Please, try to take it easy… I can help you." Zexion calmly told me.

I looked up at him quickly. "But what about Roxas and Xion?!"

"Shhh…" he hushed me, placing his gloved hand on my knee. "They're fine. There's nothing you need to worry about." He raised his hand slightly to hover above the darkened cloud that surrounded my scraped knee. "I need you to relax. I have to follow my orders… " he focused on his healing task. "Which are to take care of you and make sure you have everything you need. And unfortunately," he sighed, looking up to me, "telling you about the status of Roxas and Xion is not part of them." He lowered his gaze back to my knee, revealing healed skin and placing his hands in his lap. "I'm sorry."

This was the different Zexion than the one that I had met on the island. Dark and… evil. Now he showed shame, and kindness.

I silently stared at my knee. The scrape was gone. It appeared as if nothing had happened to it. And yet, I hesitated to thank him. He started on the other knee.

"My name is Zexion by the way," I looked up as he began to speak again. "Organization XIII's number six. Known as The Cloaked Schemer. I hope you trust my acquaintanceship?"

I blinked, looking at his handiwork. I already knew who he was. I hesitated on answering that question."I guess." I looked back up. "You must already know who I am."

Zexion nodded, focusing on his task. "Kairi. The Princess of Hearts. The critical element behind the scheme. The girl who's heart is supposed to unlock ours."

Silence fell, as I looked down. I didn't lift my gaze.

At least my purpose in the Organization's plans was clear.

He lifted his hand to reveal both of my healed knees.

"Thank you." I said quietly.

He answered with a simple nod. He began to get up until I winced. He glanced back at me with a trace of concern. He knelt back down.

"Where do you hurt? I can help you."

I was appreciative of his concern. But at the same time distrusting. My back hurt, my legs were battered, my body felt like it had gone through a physical rush, and I felt emotionally strained. Not to mention the fact that I had no idea about my friends. It was all so stressful. And what if I was stuck here? Forced to call myself a member of Organization XIII? I was already ashamed of thinking of it. Already, shame from my disobedience to Namine's warning started to sink in.

But whatever you do, stay away from Organization XIII at all costs.

I sniffed, unable to speak clearly. Tears welled up again, threatening to fall. I trembled slightly before I could answer him honestly. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand again. The physical pain I had had no comparison to the one I was feeling within. I looked up and met his gaze again, lip quivering. I sniffed once more, placing my hand on my chest.

"My heart." I choked out.

I couldn't help it anymore. I was done trying to hold back the tears. The dam behind my eyes had burst. Rushing water and sobs came seeping out in a pathetic mess.

Zexion looked at me, kneeling silently. He looked upon me with pity, studying me carefully. He reached gently for my hand, clutched to my chest, turned it over with his gloved hand and kissed the back of it.

I stopped my sobbing as I felt his chivalrous act. I looked to my hand with curiosity, confused by what had happened. I looked back up to Zexion, as he placed my hand delicately back in my lap.

"Kairi," he stood up, and brushed a few strands of hair from out of my face. "You mustn't cry."

He paced away to the dresser that sat against the wall, and gathered a black robe that matched his own. I watched him turn back to me, displaying the robe.

"You will wear this now as your uniform. It will identify you as one of us." He held it out for me to take it.

But I didn't want to.

"You'll have to retire your own clothes. Now you will wear this. Otherwise, you'll have to face consequences from the superior." He resumed his colder presence, matter-of-factly explaining.

I stared at the robe, as he motioned it towards me. I knew that as soon as I touched it, I would begin to lose the Kairi I knew so well. I didn't want to be engulfed by the darkness, and become…someone else.

I didn't want to identify myself as a nobody.

But I had to. In order to survive.

"The superior wants you in the round room soon. I'll come and get you within the half hour." He nodded, setting the robe down on the bed.

He turned, raising his hand to summon a portal. But he hesitated, and turned back around.

"I bet your back still hurts… doesn't it?" he questioned.

I nodded slowly.

He paced back over, and embraced me in a hug. I wasn't quite sure if that was intentional, but the embrace left me with a healed back. I sighed in relief.

Zexion placed his hand on my shoulder, looking down at me.

"I know it must be hard- losing your freedom and your friends all in one day." He raised his leather thumb to wipe away one of my tears.

"But you have got to be strong." He lifted his hand, and turned back to summon the portal. He stepped through it, allowing the darkness to swallow him.

He allowed the darkness to swallow him. Allowed it. I feared that I would become that apathetic to the darkness… that it would swallow me and I wouldn't even question it.

I turned to the cloak, seeing that there were black pants, boots, and a shirt also supplied.

All black.

All shadow.

Covering up as much light as possible.

The robe scared the life out of me. It was like poison; one touch and it would infect my entire being. There was no known cure for darkness.

I turned to see there was a mirror on the dresser. I examined myself in it. The pink dress with way too many zippers, the purple converse, the bracelets, the satchel… Kairi.

I stared at my necklace, and noticed that the clasp was in front.

You know, when your clasp is showing, it means someone is thinking about you.

I could hear Sora's sweet voice as I stared at it. I raised my fingers to adjust it.

I can't do this alone! Sora… I miss you… why did you have to jump in front of that keyblade…this is all my fault! Please…

I couldn't help but crying again, clutching the necklace in my fist.

I sniffed, and looked up to stare at myself in the mirror.

I had to keep this on. It was the only thing left of me.

But it would all fade, like the sunset did that fateful night into the storm that changed my life. It would all fade to black, to darkness.

But perhaps I had hope.

I removed my clothes, unzipping, untying, taking off.

I stared at the black clothes.

I had to leave behind myself.

I had to survive.

I clutched my necklace closely, and reached for the clothes.

I finally forced myself to put on the underclothes, even put on the boots.

There was only one thing left.

I reached for the robe.

I would become the enemy.

I slowly unzipped the robe, and lifted it to put my arms through. I adjusted it, and zipped it up.

The tip of the pearl of my necklace was the only light that seemed to be present.

I put the hood on, and stared at myself in the mirror.

I was no longer Kairi, the girl from Destiny Islands.

The hood cast a shadow upon my face, hiding myself. Allowing the darkness to swallow part of my identity.

I kissed the tip of my necklace, looking at myself and what I had become.

You've got to be strong, Kairi.