I'm sorry I've taken a while to update anything, but in between school and work and my Depression worsening again, I've really had no time nor motivation to do much writing. I need to go back to the doctor's and get my antidepressants re-evaluated and get sleeping pills, too, so I may be a bit slow with my updates for a while until I get myself back under control. Sorry for any inconvenience.

By the time Shunsui arrived at the Fourth, he was horrified to find that Unohana refused to allow him to see Ukitake.

"After the way you've treated him, is it any wonder he did this?" Unohana's usually soft voice was harsh, her eyes angry. It was no secret she was close to Jyuushiro, so it was only natural for her to be so upset over what had happened.

"...I..." Shunsui sighed. "...I just want to see him..."

"If I allow that, you may just make him want to finish the job. I'm afraid I won't be allowing you to visit him. You shouldn't have done this to him."

Shunsui ran his hand through his messy brown locks, his eyes tired. He didn't know what to say; he just wanted to see Jyuushiro. "...Captain Unohana..."

Unohana took a step towards her fellow Captain, her intimidating presence making him take a step back. "I would have let you be in there with him had you not acted like a complete ass to him, Captain Kyōraku. While he is in my care, you are not to come near him."

Why did these words hurt so much? Why did it make him feel like he was an utter failure? Why did it feel like he was the worst person alive?

"...I never..." Shunsui closed his eyes, knowing that nothing he could say would change the things he had done to the one who loved him most. "...I..."

"I will only ask you once, Captain Kyōraku; stay away from him." With that said, Unohana turned and left, heading towards one of her patients' rooms.

Shunsui sighed and leant against the wall, needing the support that his shaking legs couldn't give him. He wiped hastily at his eyes as a single tear dripped down his cheek. He was trying so hard to understand what was going on. One second, they were fighting against Aizen in the Winter War, the next second he believed Ukitake to have been killed in front of him, and then when it was discovered his lover had, in fact, survived, all he could think about was the crushing guilt over the fact that he could not save his best friend. He didn't mean to, but he soon found his guilt evolving into hatred and blaming the younger Captain for his failure, as if Jyuushiro had meant for this to happen.

The brunet hadn't been able to stop himself; not wanting to talk to the white-haired male about his feelings, he had instead sought out someone else to take away his pain. He knew he had been a coward, running from his emotions – not wanting to admit that he was weak – but look at what running had caused. He had provoked his beloved into attempted suicide. This couldn't go on any longer; he needed to face not only Jyuushiro, but himself, too.

Walking towards the exit of the hospital, Kyōraku wasn't sure how he could come about doing that, but he knew it would have to be outside of Fourth Division barracks; Unohana was dangerous when her orders had been disobeyed.

~~With Jyuushiro~~

Jyuushiro smiled weakly up at Mayuri, the bowl of soup he had been eating sitting on his lap, steadied by his two hands. He shook his head, giving his answer to his lover's question.

"Mayuri-kun, I promise I won't do it again," the white-haired male said softly. "I just... I was really upset by what... he had said... My judgement clouded... But after talking to... to Captain Hitsugaya..."

Mayuri nodded, trying to remember when his feelings towards the older male had grown into something more than just that of a scientist observing their latest experiment. He couldn't pinpoint the exact time, but he did remember waking up next to the frail Shinigami after their first time together and thinking that maybe, just maybe, there was potential to be more just researcher and participant.

"I'll kick his ass the next time I see him," Mayuri promised, reaching out to brush strands of white hair out of Jyuushiro's eyes.

Ukitake shook his head. "Please, don't... I... I just..."

"That primitive simpleton almost killed you," Mayuri hissed, beginning to get angry at Jyuushiro's reluctance. "Would you rather he continue to harass you?"

"No, I..." Jyuushiro sighed as he tried to explain his thoughts. "...I know that... he is in pain... I don't know what happened, but... he's hurting... I know it may seem impossible, but... I have faith that one day, he'll return to normal and we can go back to being best friends... I couldn't trust him in a romantic relationship again, but... it's okay, because I have you, now..."

Mayuri was speechless, surprised by how much trust his lover could still retain in the man who was bent on destroying him. It really should have been no surprise; Ukitake was known for only ever focusing on the good in people, never letting the bad qualities someone had to be what defined his opinion on them. Jyuushiro was honestly too kind and trusting for his own good.

The two were silent for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. Mayuri was thinking about Jyuushiro and how he had managed to snag this prize, about how strong the other was to still want to believe in the one who was killing him slowly. Jyuushiro himself was thinking about Shunsui, remembering all the good times they had had together.

The door opening to the white-haired male's hospital room was what had jolted them each out of their thoughts, the white head of hair belonging to the Tenth Squad Captain making an appearance.

"C-captain Hitsugaya..." Jyuushiro mumbled, not sure why the young boy would have bothered to visit him; didn't the younger hate him? But then again... Toshiro had gone after him because of a verbal lashing from the Eighth Captain...

Toshiro himself was beginning to become annoyed; at first, it had been a welcome change – and even a preferred one – to be called Captain, but now he found himself missing the gleeful way his fellow Captain would call him 'Shiro-chan'. It was actually kind of lonesome, having the one he secretly admired most treating him the same as everyone else.

With a sigh, Toshiro fixed green eyes on the older male, his voice as stern as the times he demanded the Substitute Soul Reaper to call him Captain Hitsugaya. "It's not 'Captain Hitsugaya' to you, Ukitake. ...It's 'Shiro-chan'..."

Jyuushiro blinked a few times, trying to register the boy's comment in his mind. Every other time he had addressed the boy as Shiro-chan, he got the cold shoulder. So why was now different...? Did this mean... Toshiro had finally gotten through to Shunsui...? Or should he only hope...?

"...I..." Jyuushiro bit his lip, not knowing how to convey his thoughts. Mayuri was silent next to him, listening to the conversation. "...I don't understand..."

"Just don't call me Captain Hitsugaya!" Toshiro snapped defensively, embarrassed at how this was playing out. He then changed the subject, wanting the attention off of himself. "...I mean... I spoke to Kyōraku... He wants to see you."

Jyuushiro's eyes lit up with faint hope, but Mayuri just scoffed, answering for his lover. "Tell him to take his bullshit to someone who gives a damn."

"No, Mayuri-kun..." Jyuushiro sounded weary, his long slender fingers reaching out to curl around the scientist's hand. He squeezed before he continued speaking. "...I want to hear what he has to say..."

Mayuri opened his mouth to argue, but the pained, exhausted look on the sickly male's face stopped him. He instead shrugged. "Do what you will."

Jyuushiro smiled weakly at his lover before he turned his attention back to Toshiro. "...Will you tell him to meet me at Ugendo tonight, Shiro-chan? Captain Unohana is releasing me later in the afternoon."

Toshiro nodded. He mumbled something before he turned to leave, his cheeks alight with embarrassment, "...Get well soon, Ukitake..."

"Thank you." Jyuushiro sent a bright smile towards the younger, his happy expression contrasting greatly with his deathly pale face.

Mayuri sighed, but he did not speak, knowing that nothing he said would change Ukitake's mind.

~~Later that afternoon~~

Shunsui had been sitting in his office, drinking his sake as he thought about Jyuushiro. He wanted to talk to him, apologise for everything and explain himself, but he didn't know how to. He didn't know where to find his best friend, what to say, what to do, how to act. Part of him was afraid of making things worse, but the other part was mortified at the way he had treated the slimmer male.

Before he could think too much on it, the door to his office had opened and Toshiro walked in, his arms folded across his chest. "Ukitake will be at Ugendo tonight and wishes to speak with you."

Shunsui blinked, not sure if he had heard right. He was almost sure after what had happened, Jyuushiro would have hated him – but then again, he knew the younger well enough to know that the sickly male did not hate anyone, regardless of their actions, and was the most forgiving person he knew.

The brunet nodded, feeling as if he was about to throw up. Tonight would be the night that decided his future with Ukitake. If he made one wrong move, it may just tear them apart for good.