A.N. Now no one be offended by this chapter. The priest isn't really the badguy here, he's just prejudice about a lot of things. Including rats, which is understandable for a priest. I have nothing against religion, only prejudism. It's really the prejudism I'm showing in a bad light. To balance things Alfredo and Colette's new friend is also prejudice, but in a different way. Meaning he's an atheist, and so prejudice about religion. Even prejudism against religion I hate. That's why I'm a Darwinist instead of an atheist. Big difference.
They didn't think of this problem until Alfredo and Colette went to Notre Dame to register. Remy came along in Alfredo's shirt pocket anyway, since the three of them hoped that they would be able convince the priest to make an exception. Unfortunately, when Alfredo mentioned Remy (posing him as his pet rat without actually showing him to the priest) it didn't go well.
"Allow a filthy diseased rat in my church?" The priest cried.
"Remy's neither of those things!" Alfredo snapped. "He's a great friend!"
"He's a rat!" The priest snapped back. "Rats can't amount to the value that other pets, especially cats, are worth!"
"I used to think that until I met Remy and now I know that it's not true!" Colette snapped. "Rats are smarter than most other pets!"
Unfortunately, none of them noticed the priest's cat eyeing Alfredo's shirt pocket.
"Rats caused the black plague and countless other problems!" The priest snapped. "I wouldn't call that smart!"
"Fleas caused the black plague, not rats!" A man studying the bible nearby snapped.
"Go back to your studying Jesus!" The Priest ordered. "And fleas obviously didn't cause the other problems."
"Most problems, like stealing food, wouldn't have been caused if we'd treated rats kinder." Jesus said sternly. "And I'm not the only one who needs to study!"
Colette, Alfredo, and Remy gasped at Jesus's boldness.
"You'll never become a good priest if you keep up this attitude." The priest said coldly. "Go back to your studying or I'll make you stay behind at the next sermon."
Jesus went back to his reading with a glare, though even Remy would've bet that he wasn't really reading.
Suddenly, the priest's cat lunged toward Alfredo!
"No!" Alfredo cried, protecting his pocket and Remy by putting his arm in the way.
"Did you bring that rat with you?" The priest cried angrily.
"His name is Remy!" Colette retorted angrily.
Alfredo, meanwhile, was trying to stop the cat from reaching Remy, but this caused his arm to be badly scratched and bitten. Colette tried to pry the cat away, but this only resulted in a scratch on her hand. No one noticed Jesus leaving….
"Stop mistreating Jacob and just let him kill that filthy rat." The priest ordered.
"Never!" Alfredo snapped.
Suddenly, a burst of water caused Jacob to let go of Alfredo with a screech. Everyone except for Remy, who was still hiding, turned and saw Jesus with a water gun.
"Jacob get out of here or I'll soak you again!" Jesus ordered.
Jacob surrendered with another screech.
"GET THAT RAT OUT OF MY CHURCH NOW!" The priest screamed. "JESUS STAY HERE OR I'LL CHAIN YOU TO YOUR BED AND EXTORT YOU!"
With a cold glare, Jesus followed Colette and Alfredo out of the church.
"You didn't have to do that." Colette said.
"Oh dad's always been that stupid." Jesus muttered.
"He's your father?" Alfredo said, surprised.
"Unfortunately." Jesus said. "Come on, my place is across the street, you can wash up there."
A.N. Yup, Jesus is the new friend - and even though he doesn't want to admit it he inherited his father's prejudism.
"Thank you." Colette said.
"Well I had pet rats of my own when I was a kid, but I had to keep them a secret." Jesus smiled as they crossed the street. "I always thought they were cool, after all you can teach them tricks. Also, it's easier to sneak them into places that don't allow pets, which you two obviously already…oh no."
Alfredo and Colette looked at Alfredo's shirt pocket, and saw it torn and stained with blood!
"No, Remy!" Alfredo said as Colette gasped.
"Come on!" Jesus said as he started to run to his place.
Fortunately, it ended up looking worse than it was. Most of the blood was actually Alfredo's. Luckily Remy was smart enough to cower in the far corner, so he only got a few light scratches on his back. He didn't even need a bandage, just some ointment, which I couldn't say the same for Alfredo. Alfredo's arm in fact had to be almost entirely covered in cloth bandages. As for his chest, well, it was better off but it still needed bandaging.
"Thanks, but…you didn't have to stick up for us back there you know." Alfredo said after his first-aid treatment.
"Oh I've been arguing with dad for decades." Jesus smiled. "We're complete opposites so we've never been able to agree on everything. For example I know that evolution is true and dad still believes that Adam and Eve nonsense. He even believes in the story of the ark despite the fact that it's a load of... Religion, what a waste of human intelligence."
Alfredo and Colette looked at each other awkwardly but decided not to say anything. Even though they weren't that religious they didn't consider religion dumb or anything, which it's not. It's just a part of history humans don't want to let go of, which isn't really a bad thing.
A.N. I'm like that with my childhood. I still watch things I loved as a kid, even little kids' shows, and I still have my toys. I think holding on to things you love from the past or that is part of you culture is a good source of comfort.
"But what about him going to extort you?" Colette asked.
"I'm used to that," Jesus smiled. "It's nothing more than getting chained to my bed, being surrounded by anti-devil items, getting a holy water bath twice a day, and stuff like that."
"Oh that kind of extorting." Alfredo said. "Mom was religious but not like your dad so we never did much of the traditions. Sometimes we went to church, but mostly we just prayed before dinner."
"Lucky." Jesus muttered before asking: "What about your dad?"
"I…never knew him." Alfredo said sadly. "I never even knew who he was until two years after his death."
"Say…I thought I recognized you, you're Gusteau's son!" Jesus marveled.
"Yeah." Alfredo smiled before sighing sadly.
"So how could you not…?" Jesus began to ask.
"Mom never told me about him…or him about me." Alfredo explained. "But that was only to protect his reputation. Actually, I found out later that they didn't 'overdo' anything, I was just a sign that they were supposed to end up together."
"Alfredo…thank you, you saved my life." Remy said before Jesus could ask how Alfredo found that out.
Jesus gasped as Colette and Alfredo paled.
"You taught him how to talk?" Jesus gasped.
"Er…actually we're friends of the Superwolves so…." Colette started to explain.
"Oh, no wonder." Jesus interrupted. "That's still really cool. That also explains how Alfredo found out about his parents, but…forgive me for asking but why didn't they end up together?"
"It's all right. Dad had previous bad girlfriends, you know, the type who go for guys for their fame or something, and he got worried about mom being the same way even though she never was." Alfredo explained. "Mom was hurt by the break-up, but she understood why he did."
"Oh. Truthfully, I don't blame him for getting scared, though it's too bad things didn't work out between your parents." Jesus said before noticing Remy's expression. "Hey Remy you okay?"
"Thanks to Alfredo." Remy said, looking emotional. "You actually allowed yourself to get hurt…."
"Well, you were my only friend at the time until I met Colette." Alfredo smiled. "You mean more to me than you'll ever know."
Everyone smiled.
"Still, it's too bad you never knew Gusteau, he's my hero." Jesus sighed sadly.
Alfredo and Colette decided not to tell him about the previous Reunion. He'd probably get a stroke or something upon finding out that heaven exists in other Worlds anyway.
"Mine too!" Remy gasped, surprised.
"No way!" Jesus gasped. "You like cooking too?"
"Well I certainly like gourmet food better than garbage."
"Don't blame you. Actually it's always been my dream to be a cook, but with dad's dream of me following in his footsteps it's been a difficult journey. I've had to take cooking classes in secret."
"You…don't think a rat cooking sounds strange?" Colette asked.
"Nah, I think it's a great skill for anyone to have. I believe in Gusteau's motto that well."
Colette, Remy, and Alfredo got the look one gets when they get an idea, until Alfredo started crying.
"Is your arm hurting you?" Remy asked.
"No, it's the fact that Colette and I can't have a perfect wedding without you in it." Alfredo sobbed.
Colette nodded sadly in agreement.
"We'll think of something." Jesus said determinedly.
