Chapter Five
Cal doesn't stop even once along the way. Driving with single minded determination and well above any speed limit she comes across; she catches up with Dean just as he's loading up the Impala. The smell of barbecue wafts across the yard as she opens her car door and runs to him. It's instinct that has Dean opening his arms to her when she jumps on him, wrapping herself around him like some possessed blanket. Face buried in her neck and hair he takes a deep breath like he's coming up for air, like he hasn't been able to breathe in years.
"What the hell are you doing here?" "I was hoping show up." They spoke at the same time, neither all that sure whether the relief they were feeling ought to be there. There was a danger in the air still. Dean hadn't said anything about his plans for the near future and that left a lot of 'what if's' hanging in the balance. This reunion could go a lot of different ways.
"Bobby's got the barbecue going, won't let me leave until I eat something. There's lots." He left the offer open, partly hoping to get a little more time with her before he had to leave and partly hoping she'd just go so they could avoid the fireworks that would inevitably explode in his face when he told her what needed to be said.
"So you're playing this like you were expecting me to follow, eh? He'd set her down and she was steady on her feet again. Steady in her attitude too from the sound of it. "Alright. I missed breakfast and lunch on your account so I guess a little food might be a good idea before we hash this out."
Okay. She was being reasonable. So far so good. "Bobby! You mind if I put a pot of caffeine on? We've got company." If she'd skipped breakfast she'd probably skipped coffee too. Cal without coffee was far more dangerous and volatile than her usual pain in the ass self.
"Company? Ah hell." Clearly Bobby was thinking Cal might be the feds or something equally undesirable. From the amount of hunting paraphernalia that could be seen in the windows of his place it was no wonder he'd be a little uptight about company. Half of it had the potential to get him arrested too. "It's all good Bobby. It's just Cal." Surely that would make it all better, right? "You idjit, you haven't talked to her yet, have you? Just like a Winchester, procrastinating the uncomfortable stuff." Apparently it wasn't her presence that was bothering Bobby, it was something to do with Dean and something he hadn't told her yet. Oh boy did that ever get her attention. This was something she wasn't going to let go.
"Hm. So is there something you need to talk to me about, there, Winchester?" She already knew what was coming. Cal had hoped that the only reason he'd left so quickly had to do with avoiding the police and the feds but deep down she'd known all along that he'd just been trying to make a clean break. It was the reason she'd been driving all day. She had no intention of letting him go, not after all the effort he'd put into making her want to stick around. Dean was on some shaky ground. "Yeah. Uh, there are probably some things we should talk about, sure. It isn't anything that can't wait until after we eat." Wave that white flag Dean, like your life depends on it because let's face it, it probably does.
Cal was too edgy to take the truce. The sooner she knew where they stood, the better she'd feel. "No, no. Let's not waste time here. There's been enough of that already. I want to know, what's so incredibly important you had to cut and run and make me follow you on no sleep to hear it? I'll bet it's good." Good? Maybe not so much. This was turning out to be every bit as hard as he'd imagined it would be. Yeah. When had anything with that woman been easy?
"No, really Cal. You said it yourself that you haven't slept or eaten yet. Do yourself a favor and take a minute would ya? Have a bite and then I'll fill you in on what's going on." One little reprieve, just the one. Please God, Cal stick with being reasonable long enough to work this out peacefully. Please let her not have some kind of psycho fit when he tells her she's not coming with him and breaks off whatever 'it' is they have going on between them.
Electric mischief flashed bright in the clear blue depths of her eyes. If there were dark circles surrounding them, the contrast only served to make her look the more terrifying. She'd had a better idea than talking. "No, you know what? Forget eating. We can get something on the road right? I haven't laid eyes on you in days. Why don't we grab some take out, fool around in the backseat of your car and then hole up in some motel somewhere for a little while until the heat dies down some." That was her best case scenario, the one he would have suggested himself if there had been any possible way to take her with him.
Cal was telling him exactly what she wanted, leaving herself vulnerable in ways she never did. She was leaving herself open to his rejection. Now it was up to him to take her or leave her at the risk of stomping all over her fragile, unnaturally exposed heart. He didn't know what to say. Oh, he knew what he wanted to say, and it went somewhere along the lines of hell yeah, let's go. He also knew what had to be said and the bone jarring need not to left him tongue tied.
"What are you waiting for Dean? We've wasted enough time already, let's just get in your car and go." This was an impossible first. There was no angry outburst, just a calm request that he make this right and invite her to come with him.
I can't sweetheart. He wished there was some way to make Cal see that just the thought of losing her somehow because of all of this was something he didn't have the strength to face. Better to walk away. "No. Cal, I'm doing this alone." He didn't know how he managed to get the words out but there they were, necessary and creating a great wide crater between them. Now that they were finally out he braced himself for the fallout. Literally. There was the conscious slight spreading of the feet for better purchase just in case she tried something, the squaring of the shoulders the better to ward off a slap or something if it came at him.
"What do you mean no?" She was speaking just a little too quietly, asking the right questions in the wrong ways. "Alone eh?" There was a catch to her voice he wasn't used to hearing. He wasn't quite sure what to make of it and almost started to relax, ready to try and comfort her if it came down to it. Then she loose a loud 'are you kidding me?' that would have made him laugh if it weren't for the seriousness of what he was doing. This was the moment she realized he was breaking up with her, for lack of a better way to word it.
Crap, here we go. There was no mistaking the red glow to her cheeks. Here came the anger. Well that was okay, he could do angry too. It would probably help if they were pissed off at each other. Cal was really good at being angry. He was banking on that anger being her ticket to letting him go and moving on easier.
"I'm not arguing with you about this Cal. I'm leaving alone, you're not coming with me."
"And you've just taken it upon yourself to make that decision for me, have you?"
"Yeah. It's too dangerous."
"Oh that's rich! You're worried about the danger eh? I'm a hunter Dean. Do you not remember that crap with the Earl? You can't get much more dangerous than a psycho stalker vampire. Being chased by a couple of FBI agents is cake compared to that so don't you go peddling that 'I don't want to put you in danger' crap."
"Different levels of danger, Cal. Say whatever the hell you want but we both know that being chased down by the feds is a whole different ballgame than working a job. If the feds shoot to kill there isn't much room for the Hail Mary, get out of death free cards we usually get to work with. I don't want to put you in that position. Don't ask me to, I won't."
"Oh I'm not asking, I'm not letting you do this! You're not allowedto make this choice for me." Any composure she had managed to maintain had just left the building entirely, if the shrieking was any indication.
"I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for me. Listen, this FBI guy, you were there. You saw how he shot at Sam already. He was shooting to kill and thank God the guy was a crap shot and missed because a few inches further down his shoulder and Sam would be dead Cal. Hell, if it had been you we both know you would be dead! I am not taking you with me. I won't let you put your life on the line for me Cal. It's over. We're over."
This was it, his line drawn in the sand. She wouldn't let him go easy, he was going to call it all off. Somewhere in that conflicted, emotionally constipated head of his he'd made up his mind that Cal's life was in the balance and he wasn't going to let himself become the reason for her death. Now it was her turn to be left speechless. She turned away, unable to stand the sight of him and paced away restlessly. Her chest was heaving and her mind was whirring away as she tried to wrap her head around what was happening. Was the pigheaded jerk actually dumping her in a fit of over-protective machismo?
"Let me get this straight, just so we're on the same page here. My past catches up to me and you won't leave me alone until it's taken care of. Then, when it's over and I leave you in the middle of the night with every intention of moving on you track me down because you want to be with me…" Her voice trails off just like her thoughts and she's pacing, wearing a track at his feet. She wasn't going to bring the big 'L' word into this but the ghost of it was there and it would haunt them both for as long as it could.
Bobby had come closer, Dean could see him out of the corner of his eye and gestured to him discreetly to just stay back. Let this play out. There was still a chance she might just walk away instead of flipping out. Knowing Cal like he did, she was probably going to blow and it was better if Dean caught the brunt of it. So far Bobby was about the only person Dean hadn't hurt in this whole mess of a situation. He wanted to keep it that way.
"We're happy, right? I mean, until you made this pig headed choice to end things by yourself, we were happy right? There was staying power to what we had going. It wasn't just a bit of fun and games." He could hear her thoughts as if they were his own. Why else would he come find me and make me believe we were worth it regardless of how often I ran because I was afraid to commit and lose someone else all over again? I couldn't have read him that wrong, could I?
She was going off the reservation. Self assured, tough as nails Cal was doubting herself and it was killing him that he was the cause of this breakdown. Resolve began to wear around the edges as he fell into reassuring her. If there was ever anything that woman was going to doubt he was going to make damned sure that it wouldn't be their time together. "Yeah, definitely. We were happy sweetheart. We were great." Together they'd been better than he'd ever had it in his whole life, actually. Telling her that now wouldn't do either of them any good now though so he kept that part to himself.
"So we're good and then your shit hits the fan and you figure it's best to take off or break things off meaning it's okay for you to be there for me, but when you're life gets tossed around and turned upside down I'm not allowed to stick it out with you. Is that it?" Yep. Pretty much, except he didn't much like the way it sounded when she said it out loud like that.
"Uh, in a nutshell, yeah." When all else fails, pull out a wisecrack right? He was completely unapologetic. Had to be, or she'd lose the anger he needed her to hang onto. Then she might start to cry on him, hate herself for it, make him melt and feel guilty about causing it and then he'd just end up giving in and that wasn't an option. Better to fall back on being an ass.
Cal didn't go so much for the smart ass attitude and that was about when the arm waving and the French swearing started. Dean would regurgitate every last thing she said to him over and over again during the long, lonely nights ahead. Right then he couldn't process any of it. He just stood there, stone faced and serious. Dean was sticking to his resolve and no amount of anything Cal threw at him would make a difference in changing his mind.
Cal was a girl who knew how to walk away from things, sometimes with grace and dignity other times with a well placed body part swung out in anger. Sometimes that meant taking off in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping. Sometimes that meant distracting everyone and ducking out the back door. If Cal had cared less about Dean this would have been the moment she just turned on her heel and walked away, leaving him in her dust for the last time probably with a parting gift in the shape of a broken nose or some pretty sore family jewels. It was only because of the way she felt for him that she lost all her composure completely and lashed out.
She was a flailing, screeching, clawing mass of fury like suddenly that solid wall of self control that kept all her emotions at bay had just crumbled to dust and everything came pouring out so she didn't know what to feel first. This was the one too many in her long list of losses and she was broken. Who would've thought that Dean Winchester would be the one to break the great Cal O'Sulivan?
"Jesus kid, what in the hell did you say to her?" Bobby had to shout over her wailing just to be heard. "Would ya give me a hand here?" Dean had managed to maneuver her around so he could wrap his arms around hers, pin them to her sides and pick her up off the ground without getting kicked too many times. Her arms were secured but that didn't stop her from trying to bite him and squirm out of his death grip with everything she had. She had reached her limit and had jumped right over the edge both feet first. Hysterical was her default setting right then and would stay that way until she'd worked it out of her system.
Bobby came running, unsure what he could do to help but there all the same in case she got loose and started trying to kill Dean again. "What the hell d'you want me to do? And don't you get it into your head that I'm going to grab onto any part of that." He waved a vague hand in the direction of Cal, who was doing her best to physically tear a strip out of Dean.
"Oh great. Thanks Bobby." And if he grunted it out in a slightly more nasal tone than usual it was just because the woman had somehow managed to contort herself enough for her elbow to reach his nose.
"What, you haven't ever heard the one about the woman scorned? Cal's not your average woman. Only an idjit would… well, I don't have to finish that now, do I?"
Another grunt and suddenly Dean had her slung over his shoulder. Déja vu much? "Hey, not that I don't appreciate the pep talk here but you think you could get the front door before I drop her sorry behind and actually hurt her?" He'd had an epiphany. He'd toss her in the panic room, lock her in one of the bedrooms or maybe just the nearest closet. She could take her frustrations out on the locked door and he could make a quick clean getaway. Best case scenario she'd wear herself out and pass out, waking up calmer and easier for Bobby to deal with. Worst case she'd end up hurting herself trying to get out, in which case Bobby could fix her up.
"So, uh, what do you want to do about this?" He asked, gesturing tentatively at the writhing mass of female fury Dean was still holding up and off the ground.
"You got an empty closet somewhere?" It was delivered as a joke but he was dead serious. Anywhere they could put her so she could wear herself out without hurting herself or anyone around her would work.
"You're not serious? You want to lock the woman in a closet until she calms down. Seriously? You know that illegal right? Not to mention wrong on all kinds of different levels, even for us." Bobby was right to think he was crazy. He was feeling pretty unhinged himself at the moment. Cal wasn't the only with a little self doubt today.
"I'm not seeing a whole lot of options right now or haven't you noticed the screaming banshee action going on here?" Bobby's expression left nothing to the imagination. He didn't know what in the hell to do with Cal, though his first choice looked like it leaned toward heavy sedation a white coat and a padded room.
"Dean Winchester locking a girl up to keep her from beating on him, I never thought I'd see the day. Criminy, boy. Didn't you figure you had enough trouble chasin' after you? You had to go and piss off the one chick who will hunt you down just to kick your ass." That Bobby, he had a way with words. "I think she broke your nose, boy."
"Yeah, well, better me than you right?"
"You won't hear me argue with you there."
"Hey! She might be plenty pissed off right now but She is still right here and perfectly able to hear you talking about her. You better put me down Dean or your nose will be the least of your worries."
"Ha, right. I've heard that before. I put you down you're gonna go for the jewels and I happen to be in enough trouble. No way I'm putting my boys in danger too."
It was like she'd flipped a switch inside of herself. Care. Don't care. Dean had seen this kind of drastic mood change once before, and she'd been going into shock at the time.
"I put you down, you promise not to lay a hand on me or Bobby? Or any other body part or inanimate object either for that matter?" She had gone limp in his arms like the fight had gone out of her completely. Hard to say if she was faking him out, but if he could get away with not having to lock her up somewhere so he could run away he'd like to.
"I'm not pissed off at Bobby, he's got nothing to worry about." In other words Dean was probably still fair game.
"Not helping yourself any, SheRa." The look she shot at him said very clearly that he was not allowed to call her that. He didn't care.
"I promise I won't hurt you Dean. You want to end this and leave, just put me down and walk away if that's what you really want. I won't stop you." The look she gave Bobby said she was too exhausted and hungry to put any more energy into the fight anymore.
"Put her down Dean." And just like that, it was over. He put her down as gently as he could and she tried her damnedest not to touch him any more than she had to. Right, because suddenly he had the plague or something. The second he let her go she turned her back on him and walked toward the smell of the barbecue. "I'll go get the burgers off the grill Bobby. They smell like they're about to burn."
"If you're leaving you won't get a better window than this." A healthy warning from a man who probably knew what he was talking about. Dean was being dismissed. Without a word he hung his head and went the opposite way from where Cal had trotted off to. Bobby was right, there wouldn't be a better time to go. The Impala was all packed up and Cal was about as calm as she'd ever be. She'd been through worse, she'd be okay. She always was. Dean, on the other hand, was pretty sure he wouldn't be.
Minutes later Bobby and Cal were slathering ketchup and mustard on their charred hamburgers to the sound of the roar of an engine kicking up dirt as it tore out of the front lot. Cal's eyes widened just a touch, enough to give away her surprise that Dean had actually left her. It was final. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry when Bobby let out one word, a mixture of curse and term of endearment. "Idjit" Cal couldn't agree more.
Later, back at Fran's because she wasn't ready to walk back into the farmhouse just yet, Sam can't believe what he's hearing. If anyone stood a chance at getting into that car with Dean, it was 'don't back down or take no for an answer' Cal. "What do you mean he just left without you?" Like it was so impossible to believe that his bull headed brother could just walk away from a girl without looking back.
"You heard me Sam, he doesn't want my help. He doesn't want me anymore, okay? A girl's not just gonna hang around when her company's so obviously unwelcome." And boy, had Dean made that clear. Not that she was about to admit that it'd hurt or anything. Nah, Cal doesn't do emo heartbreak, remember?
Well, except that she totally does, according to the three empty Ben and Jerry's pints laying across the back seat of her Mustang that she'd worked her way through on the drive back home.
"So what now then?" Sam, always with the wanting to have a plan. Cal didn't want a plan, in fact Cal was voting for the `let the dude fend for himself' plan. Her scowl a was scary combination of part frown, part smirk with a note of finality to it that worried Sam more than he cared to admit.
"Now, I'm going to Disneyland." Wait! What?
"Nobody likes a smartass Caitlin." Gotta love Fran for calling it like it is.
"No, actually, I am going down to Disneyland. Bobby had a lead on a job. I'm leaving tomorrow morning. Apparently they've got a nasty poltergeist situation in Cinderella's castle." It's not like she could kick Dean's ass, right? He was long gone now and he'd sapped all the fun out of it by dumping her (the ass). She was going to hurt something, she might as well be productive about it.
"Huh. Is that right?" There was that patented Sam skepticism. "Well, I never figured you to be a quitter Cal. Never seen you run away from a fight before. Guess there's a first for everything, right?" Ah yes. She knew this trick. Psychology 101, give the girl a challenge and she doesn't have the choice but to prove a guy wrong. Not gonna happen. Not this time.
"You don't think a poltergeist is a good fight? Tsk, tsk Sammy." Her voice was flat. She wasn't getting any of the usual thrill that came from knowing there was a good fight on the horizon. This was the first time any of them had seen her flat out defeated.
"Oh, it's a fight alright but it sure as hell isn't the one you oughta be fighting right now." Sam just kept on pushing, like he thought Cal wouldn't have already done everything she could to convince Dean he'd been wrong to go it alone. For a genius, he wasn't always the sharpest tool in the shed.
"No, you're right there. I'll be taking care of that bit of business tonight." There was only one way a girl could deal with a bad break up, and with a best friend who runs a bar she had that all covered.
"But, Dean's a twelve hour drive away…at least." Again, Sam didn't quite get it. He still thought she was going to go back after him. Absolument pas, definitely not. Been there, done that and was nursing the angst to prove it.
"Oh honey, I'm not going after the guy. No no no no no… Y'see there's a poor little worm stuck at the bottom of a bottle somewhere and I intend to find the little sucker and…" Oh now, there you go. Sam was getting the picture loud and clear, she was sure of it. His eyebrows had shot clear off his forehead in surprise.
"Right. So you're giving up on Dean to 'rescue' the worm in a tequila bottle. Nice." Well 'nice' wasn't really what she was going for. Nasty was probably a more accurate way of describing the way she was planning to take things in the following few hours. She wasn't above correcting Sam about it either.
"Who said anything about a rescue mission? I intend to eat the little bugger, the better to be really, nasty sick in the morning so I can associate that painful, gross feeling to your brother and never suffer the urge to be with him ever again." How was that for psychology Sam? Cal was a sucker for punishment but there was no way in hell she was going to let Dean Winchester stomp all over her heart again. He had big freaking feet and steel toe boots, and it hurt like hell when he hit below the belt.
"Oh, great." Throwing his good hand up into the air in a fit of frustration, Sam pulled an impressive scowl and rolled his eyes so hard there was a good risk they'd never quite move the same way again. "Nice Cal. Real Nice." It should have felt better to have Sam understand she'd given up; that if he wanted to find and help his brother he was on his own. Unfortunately, knowing she was abandoning the guy when he'd never been anything but kind o her didn't sit all that well. Fantastic, just one more thing to add to the growing list of things to drive you to drink. Just slather on a little sass, girl, and get to the wallowing so you can move forward, eh?
"Thanks. I sure thought so. Now if you'll excuse me?" Ducking her head she brushed past all six feet forever of upset Winchester, making for the bar.
Fran shook her head as Cal jumped the counter and reached up for a clean shot glass from the shelf that hung under the back mirror. Then, after commandeering both the tequila bottles out on display she brushed right past him all over again like he wasn't even there. She didn't bother with silly things like salt or limes. Tonight was for serious alcohol consumption and any frills seemed like unnecessary fun. The pool tables, the jukebox, the local boys; none of these things held any interest for her whatsoever. In the most antisocial move Cal had ever made, she found herself a spot in a deserted booth at the very back of the bar and as far away from people as she could get. Uncapping the first bottle with her teeth she bent down to the business at hand. No time like the present to start trying to forget right?
"She's seriously doing this, isn't she?" Sam was shocked. The Cal he knew was all about taking charge and taking action. He hadn't known her long and had never known her any other way. Fran, on the other hand, had known her a far sight longer.
"You might want to call Bobby and let him know that she won't be leaving for Florida tomorrow." By Fran's count Cal was already on her sixth shot. Record timing even for that girl and at the rate she was drowning herself in booze she'd be living off the bathroom floor indefinitely.
Yeah. Fran was right, it was probably best Bobby find someone else for the job. Maybe in the morning she'd wake up hung over enough to be mad at Dean for driving her to drink in the first place. If he was lucky she might even get back on the 'help Dean get out of jail time free' bandwagon with him.
Then again, judging by the murderous muttering that was coming from her booth, he might be getting his hopes up a little too high.
Thank you for taking the time to read this fic. Please feel free to leave me a review. :)
