The birds singing woke Jim up early the next morning, a grin still on his face. He turned over to look at his lover (and because the sun was in his eyes) who was still fast asleep on his side, hair a mess and bruises on his neck. Jim's hand went to his neck, knowing he'd have bruises there, along with all down his body. Heavens knows how he's going to sit on the plastic chairs at school. Leaning over Spock, Jim pressed gentle kisses to his face, smiling as his brown eyes flickered open.
"Good morning sexy." Jim whispered, as Spock pulled him close. "How did you sleep?"
"Well, I was tired." Spock replied, still looking a little dazed. Jim kissed his forehead, before pressing theirs together. "You are so beautiful James, so beautiful." Spock ran his fingers through the blonde's hair, smiling up at him. "I love you so much."
"I love you too."
"How do you feel?"
"Amazing. A little sore but amazing" Spock pressed kisses to Jim's lips, letting Jim straddle him. "I wish we could do this all day. Let me kiss you, caress you all day, please?" Jim kissed behind Spock's ears; a spot which he had found was rather sensitive to the older man, making him moan. "Is that a yes?"
"It is an 'I would very much like to let you ride me all day long, but unfortunately we have a math test today'." Jim groaned, rolling back over to hide under the blanket. "Jim," No reply. "Jim?" the same again. "James, I will let you bounce in my lap to your heart's content when we return home. And I will make you breakfast now, whilst you shower." Jim rolled back to face him, his hair like a halo around his head. "You make it so hard to resist you."
"But you have a strong will power and that sucks. But," Jim jumped to his feet, with a little stretch. "I will allow you to watch me go." Jim walked to Spock's bathroom with a lot of sass, swaying his hips more than necessary, and Spock had to pull his eyes away before he dragged Jim back into bed.
The day was going great; he got a make-out session with Spock on the table, before ace-ing the math test, getting full marks on his history test from last week, and to top it off his biology teacher who hated him was off sick! This day couldn't have gotten any better.
But there was room for things to get worse.
Whilst in biology, Jim was playing footsies with Spock in the middle of their lecture, when a very solemn looking Chris walked in, calling Jim out. Nyota gave him the 'tell me everything' look as the blond walked out, standing in the corridor.
"Sam was in an accident coming home from work. I'm so sorry James, but I just got the call saying that he's dead." Chris whispered his eyes already blood shot from crying. He continued to talk, but Jim couldn't hear what he was saying. The shock had taken hold of his entire body, shacking all senses out of him. Images of he and Sam playing as children, Sam holding him close when he cried at night, laughing in the car, eating ice-cream and watching movies together flashed quickly through his mind, before the image of his big brother lying still and pale on a bed, never to smile or make a joke again. "Jimmy, me and Auntie Lisa have a room ready for you."
"He's not dead Uncle Chris, he's not I won't let him be dead." Jim muttered, wiping his eyes so the tears wouldn't fall. "He's not dead he's not he'd not dead! Please say he's not dead!"
"Jimmy, I'm sorry."
"No, he's not dead!" Jim fell to his knee's sobbing. "Please…" The bell rang and student's flooded out, but managed to give Jim a radius around him; looking at him with sympathy for something they did not understand. Spock came over and lifted him into his arms, cradling him like a child. Jim buried his face, praying to himself it was a nightmare, and he'd wake up soon.
The group were briefed on the news, and comforted each other; Nyota curled up against Scotty and Hikaru hushing Pavel's cries. They tried with Jim, but he ignored them, curled up by the window. From there, he could see they lake were he and Sam went fishing with Chris, or just sat with their toes dipped in to the cool water in the summer, and he tried his very hardest to keep the tears in.
"Jim." Amanda called, rushing over to him. "Oh Jim I'm so sorry." She took him in her arms, holding him close. For a few seconds, he wondered what she was doing here, but then realised he was going into a mental breakdown. And everyone knew it. "Just try to stay calm."
"That is the most stupid piece of advice you could possibly give at this moment in time." Jim snapped, pulling away. "My brother is dead! He is dead and you want me to 'stay calm'. He doesn't deserve to be dead, I was supposed to be the next Kirk to die, me not Sam! It's my fault, it's all my fault!"
"There is no way this could be your fault Jim, the man has pleaded guilty for dangerous driving."
"I never should have made him leave! I want my brother back, I want to be with my brother!"
"You don't mean that…"
"You've seen my file Doctor! You know how many suicide attempts Sam had stopped, driving me to Uncle Chris because he was shit scared and didn't know what to do. I want the pain to just stop…"
"Would that make Sam happy? Having you kill yourself after stopping you so many times?" Spock asked, standing up from the sofa. "Do you think that will ease our pain, having to bury both of you, two of our friends?"
"You don't know how it feels to lose the one member of your blood family you have left! You have a loving family!"
"I love you James, with all my heart and I am scared to lose you. And I don't think I could live without you, which is the closest I can relate to this situation. Look around us, everyone in this room knew and loved Sam, let us grief with you Jim, you're not alone. We are your family and we love you. Will it help us if you die?" Jim looked stunned, before racing into his arms. Jim held him tightly, whispering that he was sorry through sobs.
"Beautifully put Spock." Amanda whispered, smiling fondly at her son. "You'd make a fine therapist."
"I'll leave that to you mother."
The group left school early, going to Chris's house where they curled and cried together (minus Spock, he was the support of the group) before eating pizza and watching some films. Sarek and Amanda had collected them some sleep-ware and a set of spare clothes, bringing them over and being there as extra support. They suggested talking about fond memories of Sam, and before long the sobs turned to laughter.
Jim tried phoning Winona. No reply.
The funeral was held a week later, and the entire town arrived to pay their respects to such a loved member of Riverside, something Jim thankful for and stressed in his speech. Chris smiled through his tears in his speech, talking about Sam as a boy and how much he cared for Jim when Jim needed Sam, and Spock promised to carry on caring for Jim for as long as he lived. Pavel said a few words about how Sam had introduced him to his friends and taught him American slang, Nyota sang a beautiful hymn whilst Scotty played the bagpipes.
Jim, Spock, Chris, Scotty, Hikaru and not so much Pavel (due to his height) carried the coffin and Sam was buried on the hill next to his father, overlooking the lake. Jim was the last to leave, sat in between the graves, talking to them both.
Almost three weeks later, and in memory of Sam, Spock, Jim and Scotty started fixing up the bike, when Nyota and Pavel came racing up the porch, back from a shopping trip.
"Jim, you're mom is back!" Nyota cried, trying to catch her breath.
"Iz don't think she knowz." Pavel finished, sitting down. Jim wiped his hands on a rag before running down the street, ignoring the shouts from behind him. He'd kept a news clipping of the funeral in his pocket, ready for this day.
Winona Kirk, a pretty women with light brown hair, was outside her pretty suburban house with her husband, Frank Richardson, when Jim ran over, glaring at him as he marched up the driveway.
"You know Sammy's dead, right!?" Jim screamed, stopping a couple of feet away from them. "Car crash, a month ago. The ceremony was beautiful and we buried him next to Dad, so he could see the lake, here's the article, cos you were too busy on holiday to even answer your phone!" He threw the piece of paper at Winona who had gone into a state of shock. "Do you know you are the worst mother ever? You have never cared about us, you just wanted to keep your husband happy, the one who beat me when I came out to you guys, the one who told me I was wrong! And when I ran away, you didn't care, it was Chris who came and got me from New York, and when I cried for you, you didn't come! I screamed for you, I screamed 'Mommy' all night, and it was Sam who came!"
"Jimmy… I never."
"Don't, do not try and apologise to me, just because you've missed your chance with Sam! I am done with you, I am done!" He turned back and stomped down the street, into Spock's read arms. "Take me home."
"Of course."
"Can I have a piggy back?" Spock chuckled, lifting the smaller man onto his back, walking away from the scene.
Jim didn't go back to school. He stayed in his bedroom, tucked up in his blanket, hiding away from a world that only caused him pain. His friends came over, and he didn't say a word to them. Spock would sit by his bedside for hours, talking to him, or just holding his hand, promising to make it all better. Jim didn't reply.
On Valentine's Day, when Spock came over to spend the day with the love of his life, he found the man had slit his wrists. Jim looked over at him sheepishly, before Spock sprinted into action, pressing a towel on the blood.
"What were you thinking!?" Spock barked, applying more pressure to the wound.
"I-It was an accident… I.." Jim started, looking very guilty.
"Bullshit! Did you honestly believe this would make you feel any better!? Why must you act so illogical all the time!?"
"Stop yelling at me!"
"You need to be yelled at! Everyone else is too afraid of hurting you to tell you what we think, but we miss you and we want you back! You are acting as if you are the only one who was affected by Sam's death, we all knew and loved him very much, and you are being selfish and only causing more pain to yourself, your friends and family and to me! Do you think I enjoy seeing you like this? It kills me because every day I wake up fearing the worst! Stop being such a child James!" Spock stood up, walking away for a few moments, taking deep breaths. "I am sorry…"
"No… thank you."
"What?" Spock turned back to look at him, eyes wet from tears forming, which broke Jim's heart. "I'll get you a bandage." Spock snacked off, returning moments later with the first aid kit.
"Thank you for telling me straight." Jim whispered, as Spock wrapped up his arms. "I mean it, I promise to never do it again, and I'll go back to school and get my grades back up and we'll graduate together and go to New York and live in a sky high apartment." Spock smiled, wiping his eyes. "I hurts to see you cry." Jim pulled Spock close, lying down so Spock was curled next to him. "I am so, so sorry."
"Now you know how we feel."
"I love you so much Spock, so much."
"I know, I love you too."
