He likes to tell himself that he's strong, stronger than they give him credit for. He's still alive, is he not? But the truth is he hides his weakness under piles of sarcasm and layers of indifference. He learned long ago that love wasn't for him, that it didn't matter how much he yearned for it, it would not come to him; not willingly, at least. He doesn't mind much, he thinks, Jaime's acceptance and the smiles his whores gift him with when they see him coming are enough, he'd like to believe.
He thought it rather disgusting, in fact, when he saw it written in Lord Stark's eyes as he looked at his wife or when Lady Stark hugged her husband when she thought no one was looking. He thought it sickening, the way they had kissed in the dim light of the corridors of Winterfell, giggling like children at their mischief. He likes sweet things, of course (bread with honey or iced honey milk, cold wine on hot summer days, strawberries with cream and kissing a pretty girl between the thighs), but love looks too sweet; he remembers how it had been perfect (she had soft eyes and a sweet smile that said "I love you" every night), how it had felt wonderful, and how much it had hurt when they had taken her away from him. Love looks beautiful at the beginning, but it's very painful at the end.
He remains strong, even when the world tries to bring him down, and he gives up on love (he'll never love anyone as he loved her, he thinks, so there's no use in indulging himself —he pretends that sometimes he doesn't long for one of his whores, Jeyne, Cassia, Ryna, he doesn't care, saying the dreaded words). He goes on.
It's not until he returns to King's Landing to serve as Hand on his father's stead that he feels something breaking inside him. There's a crack in the imaginary armour he wears, something so little that shouldn't cause him worry, yet it is looking at Sansa Stark's blue eyes as she walks away, the Hound's cloak covering her, that he feels afraid.
It's been too long since the last time, he is not yet prepared to be broken again.
