NOTE: Wow okay so it seems fate didn't want me to update this week cause I got crazy swamped on Saturday and then we had a storm on Sunday that knocked out the internet. But I am determined to submit this so here you are after two whole years guys. Okay enjoy
Oh and also I know I said in the update that this chapter would be called "PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE" I changed my mind titled it "SECOND GUESSING" x
CHAPTER FOUR: Second Guessing
If I could I would take a sick day from my entire life.
I was huddled my comforter like a homeless woman, sitting cross legged on my bed as I listened to music from my iPod.
I wasn't really sick. What teenager was ever actually sick on a sick day. No, physically I was no worse than I usually was, emotionally on the other hand I felt fatal.
It had been two days since the incident of Trent approaching me and Butch coming to my house – both had left me traumatized. Well in Butch's case, confused.
I sighed heavily and bit down on my cracked lip.
I had replayed the whole awkward and strange event with Butch in my head multiple times but I still couldn't understand any of it and that only made me more terrified.
What was his deal?
I tried to compare Butch and Trent's effect on me and though both put me in a vulnerable and uncomfortable state, with Butch I had felt … okay.
I frowned at this thought and I gathered my comforter closer to my body before slumping down to lie on my bed. That was stupid. I didn't know what okay was anymore and there was no way I felt it with Butch.
'Nothing about me was okay anymore' I thought bitterly holding my scarred arms close to my chest 'And it never will be'
Nobody wanted someone who had become damaged. I was unwanted now and it would always stay that way now. No one could change that.
Trent. Butch. It didn't matter, there was no difference I decided – they were all the same in the end. They could see my weaknesses and would just take advantage of me.
There was no need to second guess that.
I was startled from my thoughts when I heard a buzzing noise coming from my nightstand. I sprang from my cocooned position to find the source was my phone going off.
Grabbing it I saw it was a text from Buttercup. I groaned slightly. It wasn't like I had expected it from anyone else. I didn't really have any friends and only had the phone for emergencies. My family was the only ones who even knew my number.
I had even been expecting this text. It hadn't been sitting well with Buttercup that I was staying home practically on my own since the Professor was pretty much oblivious when he was in his lab. She didn't trust me behind closed doors.
The reminder made me adjust my sleeves guiltily as I opened the text and scanned its contents:
Hey we're going to swing by during lunch – come downstairs cause I know you're hiding
-Buttercup
My skin ran cold when I read and re read the text. There was no question who the "we" she was referring to was.
I wanted to scream but instead I just yanked hard on my hair in frustration. My mind was now moving too fast with thoughts and emotions and it was giving me a headache.
I checked my phone and saw the time was 11:08 am, our lunch started three minutes ago and since they could fly here Buttercup and the boys would be here in seconds.
I stood up abruptly from my bed causing my headache to get worse and suddenly I felt nauseous. I dashed off to the bathroom and without even having to assist myself, threw up in the toilet.
When I was finished I slumped onto the tile floor, letting my head rest on the toilet seat.
I felt disgusting and the sickness in my stomach still hadn't passed even after vomiting. I groaned, pushing my hair out of my eyes . After a few more moments I stood and walked over to the sink to wash out my mouth.
I turned the water on but made no movement towards cleaning out my mouth. Instead I stared at my reflection I the mirror. Staying home for two days had taken its toll without a doubt.
My hair was greasy and tangled, my skin pale and bloated, and not to mention I was still dressed in a ratty pair of pajamas.
"I cant do this." I whispered, feeling the scratchiness in my voice. I felt stuck and I didn't know what to do.
I didn't want to see Butch. I didn't want to see anyone.
I turned the faucet off, forgetting about my stale mouth, and opened the bathroom door causing me to slam right into Buttercup who was on the other side.
Being smaller I bounced right off of Buttercup and landed flat on my butt from the surprise impact.
"There you are – I told you to come downstairs. Come on hurry up" she said helping me stand on my feet.
I swallowed, tasting the remains of my vomit go down my throat. 'No' I wanted to scream and run into my room.
But instead I just pulled hood over my head and followed behind Buttercup silently down the stairs where the boys were.
"Look who I found" Buttercup declared when we arrived in the living room. The boys looked up at us and gave me general greeting.
I croaked out "Hi" before scurrying to the far side of the room to the solitary arm chair which just happened to be the opposite from Butch.
"Man you really look sick Bubbles" Boomer observes as he a sip from a can of soda which grants him a slap on the back of the head by three different hands. "What?! She is sick isn't she – Christ!" he defends rubbing his head "Sorry Bubbles."
I nod in acceptance of his apology.
For the next twenty minutes I resume my normal role as a member of this lunch group, listening , nodding and speaking when spoken to. However I noticed today was a little different.
Every time I was forced back into the conversation it wasn't by Buttercup, it was by Butch. Every so often he would say my name to ask my opinion on something to bring attention to me or simply just mention it.
It reminded me of when we were on the roof, when he had suddenly become so chatty with me. Every time I heard my name my breath caught and I felt a chill of surprise when I realized the source.
It was weird.
But felt … okay.
I shook my head in annoyance with myself. I had already gone over this. This wasn't okay. It couldn't be because I wasn't okay. Nothing was.
I still didn't know what Butch's deal was and I wouldn't allow myself to find out. I couldn't. Not again.
And yet when they all stood up to leave for next period I caught myself watching Butch.
Wondering if there really was something to second guess.
Wow just wow I can't believe I'm doing this again but it feels great I'm not sure how I really feel about how I ended it, maybe it was rushed a bit idk I'm a bit rusty guys so please let me know what you think. See you next chapter x
