Let Go Brother

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Peter sat in his tent alone, looking at the extra hammock across from his. It was empty, it was Edmund's. It had been at least two hours, and no sign of Edmund. What if Oreius had been too late? What if the Witch's forces had made short work of Oreius and Edmund? He feared the hammock would never be used. Peter sighed to himself; he was letting his anxiety get the best of him. If anyone could get through the White Witch's forces it was Oreius, he just had to be patient.

Why was he so eager to see Edmund anyways? Was he so excited to look upon the face of the betrayer? Was that all Edmund was to him now, a faceless being who deserved no real name, but a title of betrayer? Peter knew right away that it was not true, yet he couldn't stop himself from thinking it.

"I'm supposed to be the older mature one… yet I'm being so petty. Or is it petty to call your brother a betrayer? After all he did…"

Peter cut himself short. He feared that to think such things would be a sin. Edmund was his brother, his family, he loved him. No matter what Edmund did, he would always be family and he would always love him. Even if Edmund made it hard sometimes.

When Edmund returned, could he simply hug him and forget everything that had passed? Could he simply forget how the wolves destroyed the Beaver's home looking for them? Could he forget that Lucy almost drowned while they were escaping from the wolves on the frozen river? Could he simply forget all the lies Edmund told? He didn't know the answer, but he knew he'd figure it out soon enough.

"I can't take this anymore, I need to get out."

Peter grabbed his sword and lifted the fabric away from the opening of his tent. Even walking into the sunlight lifted his spirits, at least a little. Peter was about to walk off toward the river where Susan and Lucy had been playing earlier when he saw Oreius. It took a moment to register what this meant, and he followed Oreius' eye line. That's when he noticed something.

Or rather someone.

"…Edmund."

Up on the rocks sat Aslan, and there stood Edmund. His brother was sort of hunched over, with his hands in his pockets. Other than that, Peter could not yet see the damage done to his little brother. Peter just looked on as Aslan spoke to his younger sibling, until he heard a cry.

"Edmund!" Lucy shouted as she ran for him.

Peter's first reaction was to hold her back, and he caught her in his arms. Lucy merely looked up at him, not understanding why he had stopped her. Although Peter feared he was losing faith in Edmund, he did admire Lucy's unwavering faith in the ones she loved. Peter looked back toward Edmund who now noticed he had an audience. Peter looked back at Susan who simply looked past him, focussing on her other brother. When Peter turned he noticed Edmund and Aslan were half way toward them already.

Aslan approached the children with a stern look on his face.

"What's done is done. There is no need to speak to Edmund of what is past." And that was that.

Aslan walked away leaving the children to their awkward reunion. Peter knew instantly that Lucy and Susan would obey the Great Lion, but how could he? How could he just brush off everything that had occurred in the short time they'd been in Narnia? Peter didn't even notice Edmund had spoken until he saw Lucy leap into Edmund's arms. Peter should have been happy right now, watching his sisters rejoice at the sight of Edmund being safe and sound. But he wasn't, he couldn't.

"How are you feeling?" Susan asked casually.

That's when Peter noticed it. The look in Edmund's eyes, the emptiness he saw there. As Peter looked deeper he began to witness the truth of what Edmund had gone through. The bruises, the cuts, the burns, but that was just the beginning. Beneath the surface there was more, so much more. But Edmund did not acknowledge any of it, and Peter could not understand why.

"I'm a little tired." He responded, and that was all.

Peter began to realize he had been too quiet, and was now expected to have some sort of input of comfort.

"Get some sleep." Peter said in an eerie monotone voice.

Edmund's eyes shot up at Peter, as if he didn't notice him until now. His face looked shattered at the voice being addressed to him. A voice one would use when addressing a stranger, or perhaps even an adversary. Edmund's eyes shot back down the ground as he made his way for the nearest tent. Susan and Lucy looked at Peter, expecting something more from him. But for the moment that was all Peter had to give.

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Peter sat by the river until it grew dark. Peter barely noticed that the sun no longer hung in the sky, for his thoughts were clouded. He wanted to go to his brother, but he didn't know what he was going to say. The only thing Peter did know was that he could not see Edmund until he knew what his opinion was on the matter. Peter wanted to be the noble older brother everyone believed he was, or should be. But everything was so complicated. Peter also knew he could not avoid Edmund forever, they shared a tent together, and Aslan's camp was only so big. He could wait though, and linger here by the river a little while longer.

Little did Peter know Edmund was avoiding him as well. Back in their tent Edmund laid in the hammock that Peter thought might never be used. Edmund was pretending to be asleep in case Peter walked in and wanted to speak with him. Edmund could not bear to face his brother now, not after everything he'd done. Get some sleep. Edmund cringed at the memory. He knew at that very instant, that when those words were spoken, Peter had not forgiven him.

"Why should he? I'm a right awful git who is lucky to have two sisters that by the grace of Aslan have somehow found it in their hearts to forgive me. Peter always did say I was an idiot and I hated him for it. Turns out… he was right." Edmund thought to himself.

Edmund could not sleep with his unpleasant thoughts plaguing him, not to mention the amount of pain he was in. Edmund did not seek out any medical attention when he arrived at Aslan's camp. He did not believe he deserved it, and he also didn't believe anyone would waste their time on him. He could see his sisters forgiving him maybe, and Aslan as well, but not the rest of Narnia. All those Narnians out there, he betrayed them all, and now they may very well all die because of him.

Edmund's mind was plagued with thoughts no young boy should have. Why hadn't they just left him at the Witch's camp? At least then he would have release. He would be free, free of the pain he held within himself.

"If only… everyone would be better off without me. There is no hope. Jadis' army is far greater than Aslan's… and her magic. She will surely make short work of us here. I suppose it doesn't matter then that I was brought here. Instead of meeting my fate by her hands at her camp, I shall meet my end by her hands here." Edmund thought.

Edmund tensed as he felt the air shift in the small tent. He kept his eyes shut, keeping to his act of feigned sleep. Then he realized it wasn't Peter, he had shared a room with Peter back home long enough to recognize his presence. Edmund opened his eyes and couldn't help but smile at the sight of his older sister. Susan was placing things down on the table near his hammock, but he could not see what it was.

Susan turned back around and she gasped in shock, "Edmund, you startled me. I thought you were sleeping."

Edmund didn't bother replying, he was just happy it was Susan and not Peter. Ever so slowly Edmund attempted to sit up. As he moved his arms to support himself while he sat up they ached under the pressure, and his wrists burned from where the rope had been. Edmund winced, but slowly he manoeuvred to a sitting up position and was trying to move his legs over the side of the hammock. Just as he was getting his second leg over the edge, the hammock became unsteady and Edmund flew forward.

Edmund closed his eyes and braced himself for the contact with the ground, but it never came. Suddenly Edmund felt warm, safe even. He felt the release he had been longing for, because suddenly everything he had done just didn't matter right now.

"Edmund..."

Edmund opened his eyes and looked up to see Susan staring down at him. Susan was supporting herself with the table behind her, and was holding Edmund. Edmund noticed something distinctly different in Susan's eyes than what he had seen in Peter's. Susan looked upon him with tenderness, while Peter just looked down on him. Edmund slowly moved away from his sister, reluctant to abandon the comfort he had just felt. Edmund had not felt that way since as long as he could remember.

Edmund finally noticed Susan had put bandages and a basin of hot water on one of the tables. She was here to help him, to ease his physical wounds, and perhaps his mental ones. Edmund was lucky to have her for a sister.

"Ed, take off your socks and shirt, we'll clean you up." And that was all that was said, all that needed to be said.

As Susan placed a wash cloth into the hot water, Edmund removed his socks and shirt and sat down on a chair parallel to his sister. Susan started by carefully washing her brother's face, removing all the caked on dirt and blood. Edmund hissed when the hot water would sting the cuts on his face, and Susan smiled gently in apology. After that she attended to the rest of Edmund's wounds, from the rope burns on her brother's wrists, down to his scraped knees.

Edmund desperately wanted to ask Susan about Peter, but could not get the courage to speak. As much as Edmund dreaded the idea of coming face to face with Peter, what he dreaded more was not knowing. Not knowing what his brother thought of him, or if he thought of him at all.

Edmund noticed Susan was done and had placed the dirtied wash cloth back into the now lukewarm water. Susan stared at her younger brother, trying to come up with some words of comfort. She opened her mouth, but no words came out. She tried with all her heart to speak, but could not find the right words. She wanted to let him know everything would be alright.

Edmund grabbed Susan's hands in an attempt to reassure her, but of what he didn't know. The look on Susan's face made him instantly regret ever wanting harm to come to her, or his other siblings.

"But a King needs servants..."

It was now his turn to comfort Susan.

"Su– " Edmund began, but he was cut short by his sister's finger over his lips.

"Edmund, remember what Aslan said. There is no need to speak of what has past." Susan spoke softly.

Edmund managed a grin for his sister, and she removed her finger from his lips. Before Edmund could say anything he was interrupted again, but not by Susan. Peter stood at the entrance of the tent, and was staring at Susan. She stood quickly suddenly feeling awkward, as if she shouldn't be there.

"Peter I just need to finish cleaning Edmund up... I'll be out in a short while." Susan explained.

Edmund expected Peter to turn and walk back out, without as much as a word. Or rather this is what Edmund hoped Peter would do. He feared he did not yet have the courage for the inevitable confrontation, so putting it off would in turn put him at ease. Unfortunately Edmund would not be so lucky.

"I'll do it." said Peter casually.

Susan looked up at her older brother, the shock plainly etched across her face. She was unsure if she wanted to leave the two of them alone right now, but knew this needed to happen. They needed to talk. Susan looked back at Edmund, trying her best to put on a reassuring smile for him. She reached across the table and picked up a jar of ointment and placed it in Peter's hands.

"His wounds are clean now... this will help the healing process move along," Susan said. As she walked past Peter to leave the tent, she stopped suddenly and whispered, "Be gentle."

When Susan left the awkwardness set in, the tension steadily rising. Edmund looked up at Peter waiting for whatever it was that was going to be spat out at him, he was ready to take it, and he knew he deserved it. But as he braced himself for the impact of Peter's harsh words, they never came. Peter sat down across from him and opened the jar. Peter started with the cuts on Edmund's face, and was surprisingly gentle with him, just as Susan had requested,

So far all Peter could do was to help with Edmund's physical suffering; Edmund's inner anguish would take much more. Edmund closed his eyes as Peter gently smoothed the ointment onto his other cuts, burns, and various other wounds, and then carefully bound them with bandages and gauze.

Once Peter was done Edmund was still in a fair amount of pain, but he did feel significantly better. Although he was unsure if it was because he was finally clean and his wounds were now attended too, or that Peter was simply helping him. Edmund finally opened his eyes and noticed Peter was simply sitting there, staring at Edmund's wrists, which were the last wounds he attended to. Edmund shifted in his seat, growing more and more uneasy by the minute. Having Peter ignore him was better than this awkwardness.

"Pete-" Edmund began, when his brother cut him off.

"I… Ed…I can't do this." Peter stuttered as he stood, taking a pillow and blanket, and walked out of the tent.

Edmund quickly stood and followed Peter out of the tent, and watched as his brother walked away into the darkness of night. Edmund's face grew stern and cold as he kept his focus on where he had last seen Peter before he disappeared into the shadows. Edmund's eyes had lost their light once more, for he now remembered there was not much point in hoping. Edmund's faith was hanging from a thin thread that Peter now held in his hands. Edmund instantly knew he would never gain back that which he knew he did not deserve. His brother's trust.