I stood paralyzed in fear while Spock just stood there looking at me. I had to say something but I couldn't get my brain to function correctly. Thankfully it was Spock who spoke first, "Lieutenant permission to enter and speak with you," he said diverting his gaze to the floor. His face and ears were a faint shade of green almost like he was blushing.

"Permission granted commander please," I said gesturing towards the chair across from my own. Spock silently crossed the room and sat down. "Commander I'm sure you have a lot of questions. I'm willing to answer all of them if you so desire," I looked across the table at the man staring back at me. His eyes held so much confusion and something else that I was not familiar with seeing there.

"Thank you. So just so we are on the same level you are female correct? But you are masquerading as a male?"

"That is correct sir. My real name is Andrea Amell and I mean no harm to your or this ship sir. I simply want to learn and become Captain of a star fleet ship of my own one day," I reached across the table and touched his hand slightly. "Surely you must understand Spock. To get what I've always dreamed about I had to level the playing field. You know as well as I no female has ever held a rank higher than second in command. That's not good enough. I strive for higher goals."

"I suppose you do have a point there. And that would explain some of my earlier questions. I'm assuming you started this act when you first applied to the academy which is why there are hardly and records pertaining your existence before then but how?"

"How did I fool everyone at the academy?" I chuckled softly. "Bones asked me the same thing. Turns out your wits are far less superior to my hacking skills. It was easy to access Star Fleets data bases and alter records. But I only did it so I could continue without discovery. I pose no threat, I promise you that."

"Your intelligence is impressive as always. I take it McCoy knows the truth about you but does anyone else?"

"Only the doctor and yourself Spock. Please don't tell anyone though. I know that the Captain should be informed and I really do want to tell him but altering documents is a crime, I could be kicked off this ship Spock," I looked up at him with pleading eyes hoping to appeal to his human side. "You cannot argue that I am perfectly capable of my position on this ship and this in no way changes anything." Spock was quiet for a minute and I could see the wheels turning in his marvelous brain.

"Lieutenant Vulcans do not lie if the Captain were to ask me I would have no choice but to tell him. But I can assure you that I will not bring up the topic in any form. I'm sorry but that is simply the best I can offer you," he finally looked up at me and our eyes met again. The wall I had built to protect myself was completely broken at that moment. Spock seems to have let his barriers down as well for I felt like I was staring into his soul. Without even realizing it I spoke, not in my masculine voice but in my normal one.

"Thank you commander. It's not ideal but it is certainly better than the alternative. You are a man of dignity and logic . I respect you in the highest and now you have my gratitude as well." The look on Spock's face softened. He seemed more at ease now that I guess I had given up the act.

"Lieutenant my I ask for your real name? I figured that while in private it would only be fitting to address you as such," Spock said.

"My name is Andie commander," I said smiling. It looked to me like a smile smirk formed on Spock's face but it was gone as soon as it had arrived.

"Well Andie seeing as how my curiosity is now sated would you mind playing another game of chess with me? I find it helps me relax," he stated plainly. I chuckled softly and Spock looked at me in a most unusual way. Once I had set up my own chess board I began asking Spock questions about himself. I wanted to know so much about the Vulcan.

"So this one might be a little awkward so if I'm stepping over any line please let me know," I paused to let him acknowledge. "Well is there something going on between you and Uhura? I mean from what I have observed there is a thick wall of ice between the two of you that couldn't be cut with a chain saw."

"You are as observant as ever," he smiled. Spock actually smiled at me! I could die happy with that being the last thing I saw. "Nyota and I were in a relationship back in our academy years and following into our life here on the Enterprise. But I simply couldn't make her happy. My mission is to the ship first and everything else second. I tried to make her see that but she took it highly personal in the fact that I had no desire to live on and be with her." Spock stopped and looked up at me waiting for me to make my move. I had completely forgotten about the game and had been sucked into the world of Spock. Uhura was a damn fool. I concentrated on the board for a moment looking over Spock's last move and trying to anticipate his next. Once I moved my piece into place I looked back at Spock.

"If I may be permitted to say Uhura is a fool. Anyone can die in this line of work. It is defiantly not the safest job available. But we all signed up and we are all here. The needs of the many, out way the needs of the few,"

"Or the one," Spock finished. He looked up at me, curiosity filling his eyes. "An old Vulcan proverb. How is it you come to know of it?"

"Star Fleet as an amazing library and some pretty interesting files on Vulcan, those however are not common reading," I sheepishly grinned. "I found the Vulcan way of life to be peaceful. Not like humans. We are truly a superior race compared to Vulcans. We let ourselves be overwhelmed by emotions that cloud our judgment. I've always envied your people, wishing I had been born one myself."

"You just keep getting more and more interesting by the minute don't you Andie?" I looked over at Spock who had not yet made his move but his attention was no longer on the game, it was focused solely on me. "Being a Vulcan is not as easy as you'd expect. There are major disadvantages to humans. For instance Vulcans usually tend not to fall in love. They only take wives for mating purposes. But humans love so tenderly," he stopped. I felt a huge wave of courage wash over me as I asked,

"And what about you Spock? Do you love like a human or a Vulcan?" he seemed taken aback by my question, like even he did not know the answer.

"I have believed that my actions were Vulcan to the core but now," he paused to look at his hands which were fidgeting in his laps.

"Now what?" I said reaching my arm across to rest on his shoulder.

"Now I'm not certain," he said plainly.

"What has you uncertain?" I asked.

"I did have feeling for Nyota. She was my rock when Vulcan was destroyed and now," he was cut off by a page coming through my communications system.

"Lieutenant Anders, this is the Captain," the voice rang. I pushed the button to respond,

"This is Anders Captain what can I do for you?" I kept my gaze locked on Spock.

"Lieutenant if it is no inconvenience I would like to have a word with you in my quarters."

"I'll be right there Captain," I flicked of communication. "It looks like duty calls. We shall have to continue this conversation another time?" I questioned. Spock nodded and stood up.

"Pleasant night Andie," he said as he departed. I sighed as I followed him out and to the captain's cabin. I knocked lightly before a voice beaconed me in. the Captain was sitting at his desk looking over some paper work.

"I didn't think you'd be here so quickly Anders," he said putting the paperwork down.

"Captain my room is only two doors down from yours." He looked at me with surprise.

"I didn't know that. If that were the case I would have just come to you," he smiled and offered me a seat. I relaxed in the chair looking over at my Captain. He was highly attractive by human standards and if I didn't have my sights set on a certain Vulcan commander I might actually attempt something with the captain. But then I remember why that would not be a possibility. "I was just looking over your file here and had a few questions for you if you don't mind."

"Of course not Jim," I said remembering that we were friends now. "What is it you want to ask?"

"Well you file is exceptional in every means my first question is why did you pick such a lower ranking position? You could be first officer somewhere by now and Captain in less than a year I'm betting." I smiled.

"Well Captain you are well known to all and as much as I would like to be Captain one day I feel I still have a lot to learn and felt you would be the perfect example. Plus how often does a five year journey into space some along. I simply couldn't pass up an opportunity like this, even if it meant I had to drop a few ranks," I smiled as I saw the captain's eyes light up.

"I guess I can understand that. My next question is it looks like the only fitness activity you took was combat fighting. No other physical classes. You can fight correct?"

"Of course Captain."

"Excellent. I request that you join me in the training room tomorrow after shift so that I can see how well you fight, and defend yourself. It is an essential part of this job and I want to make sure you'll be safe," with that he smiled at me very warmly.

"Of course Captain."

"I told you to call me Jim when we weren't on shift didn't I?"

"I apologize Jim," I said offering him a warm smile of my own. He looked at me odd again. "Jim you keep giving me this odd look is everything okay?" He looked startled for a moment.

"Nothing it's nothing. Just my imagination running wide I guess. You remind me of someone I use to know as a child. Her name was Andie I think," he gave a fond smile like he was thinking of a pleasant memory. I froze. James T. Kirk. I don't know why I hadn't made the connection before. We grew up together, went to the same school, and even dated for a while in high school before he had gone off to join the academy. He had changed so much since then that I didn't even know it was him.

"This Andie of yours based on the look on your face I'm guessing she was pretty special to you?" I couldn't help but wonder what he had thought of me back then.

"She was and always will be my one true love I guess. I tried looking her up a few times while I was in the academy but she seems to have disappeared completely," his features saddened. While I had been in love with Jim back than when he left it had left me bitter towards him. But knowing that he had tried contacting me made the resentment fade. He was my first love and he always would be but I simply was not the same naïve girl anymore. As much as I wished I could tell him that I was here I figured even if I did he would not believe me.

"If you don't mind my asking Jim, what would you even say to her if you were to meet her again?" he smiled and without even having to think he said,

"That I was a fool for leaving the way I did and that no woman would ever fill the emptiness inside me like she did. My world was covered in darkness and she was my light. I owe everything I am to today to her. I just want her to know that. I'm sure she is still mad about the way I left but I still love her with all my heart. And that yes I have been with other woman since that none of them meant anything to me not like when I was with her," he looked down at the table, which was good for me because I was beginning to feel tears wetting my eye lashes.

"Jim I'm sure she knows that you left for a reason and that she isn't mad about it. I think she is one lucky lady to have a man like you to love her," I said. I know that normally a guy wouldn't say something like that but I still felt the need to comfort Jim even now.

"You really are a great guy Anders," Kirk said, "That sounds exactly like something she would have said. And it's what I needed to hear I think." In order to not compromise myself anymore I decided to change the subject.

"Jim is there anything else I can do for you?" he shook his head.

"No you've done more than enough. Thank you." I smiled and got up and headed towards the door.

"Pleasant dreams Jim," I commented before the door closed behind me. I smiled to myself as I passed Spock's room. I half considered knocking so that we could finish our earlier conversation but I figured he would most likely be asleep by now so I headed to my own cabin ready to turn in after a long day.

It had been a full week since the Enterprise had left earth and the days seemed to pass by so quickly. I would wake up, report to my post, normal go visit McCoy before dinner then indulge in reading before bed. I hadn't gotten a chance to talk to Spock since that night. He had not returned and I didn't dare ask him. Finally on day eight while I was sitting in my room reading I heard a knock at the door.

"Enter," I said placing my bookmark, which was a picture of Jim and myself back in high school that I had dug out, into the book and closing it.

"Lieutenant I was wondering if we could finish our conversation from the other night?" Spock asked point blank. "I have had time to think about it and I am sure of my answer now." I sat up and looked up at him.

"And what answer have you come to?"

"I have come to the conclusion that I love like my human mother and that love is direct solely to you," his gaze fixed on me as he began walking towards me. Before I could even think Spock's lips were on mine. It was gentle yet passionate, calming yet exciting, yearning yet content. It was like no kiss I had ever had in my life and before I knew it my body was responding as my hands wrapped around his neck, pulling him down on top of me and my fingers slithered into his perfectly kept black hair.

When we finally broke for air Spock pulled away and placed his forehead on mine. "I love you Andie," he said plainly. "Since the first time I met you I found you occupied my every thought, and even more so a week ago when I found out the truth about you."

"I love you to Spock since the beginning." He ran his fingers through my messy bed head.

"What did you look like before? I bet you had long hair," he commented. I sat up and picked up the book once more pulling out the picture inside, making sure to cover kirk's face with my thumb. The girl in the picture was pretty in her own way with tan skin that shined in the summer sun. long blonde hair cascading around her face.

"You're beautiful," he said.

"I was beautiful you mean," I said. He moved his hand up to stroke my cheek.

"No even now, dressed like a man I can still see the beauty inside you," he kissed me softly again, just a light brushing of the lips to get his point across.

"Spock you know this won't be easy. If people see us together they might begin to talk behind your back. I'm used to it but I couldn't ask you to suffer that burden with me."

"We will just keep It between us. Go on like nothing has changed then. And if someone does start to say something let them. All that matters is that with you here, now this is all I need. You are everything to me." I smiled and nuzzled my head onto his shoulder.

I don't remember when I fell asleep but when I awoke Spock was gone. The bed seemed so empty without him. I had slept all night and had to report for shift in less than an hour. I crawled out of the warm bed and began my day.

After shift was over I decided to skip my normal meeting with McCoy because the night crew was almost an hour late in reliving me. I headed to the rec hall and began reading once more. Before I knew it I was joined by the captain.

"What you got there?" he asked. I quickly put the picture into the book so that he wouldn't see it.

"Romeo and Juliet. I've read it so many times I could probably recite the whole thing but it's still a favorite of mine," I placed the book down on the table beside me and completely forgot about it as the night progressed. We were joined by the rest of our friends shortly after and began talking about old literature. When the night was finally coming to an end I excused myself from the table and began heading back to my room, leaving the book so carelessly behind. Spock stayed and continued talking with the captain, I had hoped he would come with me but I guess that would look very odd.

As I lie in bed staring at the ceiling waiting for Spock I hear footsteps coming down the hallway but they sound too heavy and frantic to be Spock. I close my eyes briefly but than my door buzzes. I reached over and pressed the open button, sitting up in the process. Jim stood in the doorway with my discarded book in one hand and a picture in the other.

"Where did you get this?" he demanded as he stomped over to the bed and flashed the picture in front of me. How could I have been so careless as to leave it behind?

"Captain please calm down," I said.

"Calm? You want me to be calm? I want to know where you got this picture and I want to know now. That's an order," he stated firmly.

"James are you really that naïve?" I said. I said it in my normal voice, something that was so familiar to him. He looked at me like I had slapped him across the face.

"Andie is that really you?"