Okay guys so i am so sorry that it took so long for me to update this chapter and that it's kinda short but it is full of events i promise! Thank you so much for everyone that is still reading everything i do is for all of you lovelies! 3 oh and sorry about the POV change about half way though it needed to happen to progress the story. chapter four should be up by this weekend at the latest and it may or may not be the last chapter we shall see :D Enjoy!
Jim stood there with a dumbfounded look on his face, his mouth gaping. I leaned back on the bed to relax, well guess the cat was out of the bag now, "Since you're not going by Ty anymore it seems," I giggled softly.
"Andie?" he questions. He already knew the answer so didn't wait for me to respond. "This can't be real," he began pacing back and forth in front of the bed. One, two three steps turn, on two three, turn back. He continued this for six complete laps before speaking again. "You're so, and then, but how?" before he could get one question out another would pop into his head. I giggled at his frustration and he finally stopped to look at me.
"I am more inclined to answer all your questions Jim but one at a time please," I smiled. He smiled back and all the memories came rushing back to me. Playing on the playground, staying out way past dark because he would beg me to, and then when we grew up skipping school, riding down the long high way on the back of Jim's bike. The final memory that I remember is receiving a note one night to meet Kirk at our favorite spot. It was a giant tree that we would always go when life got too rough for us to handle. I waited, and waited for him until night turned to day he still never showed so I waited longer until the sun sunk behind the trees and stars engulfed the sky. He never came. Finally I gave up and went home. The next day I found out that someone had seen him boarding a star fleet ship. He never said goodbye and I never heard from him after that.
Jim finally stopped pacing and sat down at the edge of the bed. He placed his hand over mine and squeezed it tightly, like he was making sure that this was real. This would make for one odd dream, I thought. His other hand reached up to cup my cheek as he looked deep into my eyes as if he could find all the answers beneath. "It's really you," he sighed, in relief, I believe.
"It's really me Jim. I'm really here," I said softly reaching my hand out of his grip to touch to one on my face.
"But how? Why are you dressed like a boy? What happened after I left? I'm so sorry I left, please forgive me," he babbled.
"Jim I told you I wanted to join Star Fleet. I felt this was the only way that I could be considered equal, that only my talents mattered. After you left thing became clear and forgive you for what?" I could feel the resentment that I had held back for so long bubbling up inside me again. "For standing me up? For leaving?" my true feelings roared up, "For letting me fall in love with you then tossing me aside as soon as your big break came? For showing me what a cold place the world really is? For breaking the promise you made to me when we were kids?" Jim's hand fell from my cheek onto his lap.
"For everything," he said softly. "I should have been there, should have taken you with me like I promised you I would. I had just gotten so lost and I couldn't find myself. I didn't want to hurt you, didn't want to make you feel pain as you watched me self-destruct." I stood up and walked over to the table. I could feel the tears beginning to build. I would NOT let him see me cry, not after all this time
"But I did hurt, you weren't there," I had raised my voice as I was using most of my control to keep the tears from falling. "Not only was I hurting from a broken heart but my body was hurting. Do you know what that bastard did to me for staying out for two days while I waited for you?" He knew exactly who I was talking about. My wicked step dad who had raised me since my mom died when I was five. "Oh and the people who you screwed over before you left? Yeah they came after me to. Asking where you were and that if they couldn't find you they would get what you owed them one way or another." I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. The rushed down my cheeks. I hadn't let myself cry when he didn't show, when I found out he had left, not even when I was in the hospital for a month with three broken ribs and a punctured lung, so why now?
It was clear to me the reason why I didn't recognize Jim when I saw him again. My mind had chosen to forget his face, forget all the hurtful things that happened when he left. I didn't want it to be him because it meant I had to face the thing I was running from.
"Get out!" I yelled. He stood but didn't head towards the door, instead he walked over to me and placed his hand on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry," was all he said. I grabbed his hand and spun around looking him dead in the eyes, not caring that they were probably all red from the tears. "Not yet you're not but you will be if you don't get out right now," I wasn't yelling now but my voice was stern and louder than normal. I released his wrist after jerking it so he would head in the right direction. Luckily he was smart enough to get the point and exited my quarters but not before he said, "I still love you Andie, and I will find a way to make up for what I have done." The door closed and I felt my knees give in as I crumpled to the floor, let the tears really fall now.
I heard a door open but it was not the main door, rather the door to the restroom. I looked up to see Spock leaning down in front of me. He lift my face to look at me and I lurched myself into his arms. He was safe, he was comfortable, and for once in my life I didn't feel afraid as long as his arms were holding me tightly. I leaned my head up to look at him and he looked at me with such endearment that I went from being cold all the way to my soul to exploding with warmth. Timidly I leaned forward and kissed him. Trying to show him just how much he meant to me in that moment because words simply wouldn't be enough.
The kiss was over before I was ready for it to end but Spock still did not release his hold on me. Instead he scooped me up into his arms and moved me over to the bed. He laid me down gently the slide in beside me, still cradling me. The tears had finally stopped and I felt my eyes beginning to become heavy. I felt Spock's fingers come up to my face on my psi points.
"May I?" he asked softly. I nodded softly. He wanted to know why he had found me crying, who he had heard me yelling at I assume. I opened my mind and before I knew it I could feel Spock inside. I project images of a younger version of myself and Jim then as we grew older up until after I was out of the hospital the next image I showed him was the scene that had just happened with Jim. When he pulled away I saw registration and understanding in his eyes but my mind was to tired and I slowly began fading into the blackness.
Andie had been through a lot tonight and I felt it best not to wake her by moving so I watched her sleep peacefully. I felt like after the meld I had a much better understanding of the girl that I was falling in love with. And as a Vulcan I do not use that term lightly. I had feeling for Nyota but they were nothing more than what humans would call a fling, a desperate need for comfort in a hard period of my life, I believe humans call in a rebound. But when I looked at the girl lying next to me all my defenses fall away. Everything about me that was Vulcan gone and I am human, and I am in love.
My father told me once that Vulcans feel more than any other creature but we control it with logic. I could feel the feelings he was talking about but there was not logic in this. It was pure emotion, in my many hours of meditation I reasoned that it was because of my mother who had raised me with such love and that I have been so numb since she died. While I've only ever admitted to myself once I regret not being more of a loving son, choosing my Vulcan half over my human. But none of that mattered anymore. Since the first time I had met the lieutenant I had begun to feel myself stirring. I had become dead and cold inside like winter. She is my spring. Thawing the ice and bringing life back into the flowers.
When I had first realized I felt this way it was before I knew she was a girl. I had even gone so far as to question my sexual orientation. But that seemed so illogical so I became frustrated with myself and couldn't concentrate for days. When the truth had come out, all those hours of long though and meditation had ended in one thing. I was in love with her, she was my everything and I would do everything to protect her.
I am not sure when I had fallen asleep but when I woke Andie had rolled over and was curled up into a ball next to me. I smiled at her and kissed the back of her head gently before getting out of bed. Not fully awake it never occurred to me to use the door that joined our rooms, so I exited out the main door and as I turned the corner to exit I ran right into the captain. Visions of what I had seen in Andie's head rushed to my mind. He looked at me stunned.
"I apologize Captain I was not watching where I was going," I said as I stepped out of his way.
"What are you doing coming out of the lieutenant's quarters at this hour Commander?"
"I'm sorry Captain but what I was doing in the lieutenant's quarters is between me and him. Unless you are going to order me to tell you," I said coldly. He mulled it over for a moment before answering.
"I am making it an order. So you will answer me right now Commander, What were you doing in Ander's quarters?"
"Perhaps this is a conversation to have in a more private setting," I said gesturing to the two crew members that rounded the corner.
"Yes I believe it is," he turned and walked back to his quarters and I followed him until we were both behind closed doors.
"Now are you going to answer my question or not Commander?"
"Of course Captain. After your fight with the Lieutenant last night, that I happened to hear part of through the door, I went over to make sure she was okay, I ended up falling asleep. It was a simple as that Captain."
"So you know about her then?"
"Of course Captain. And I feel it necessary to also inform you that I am in love with her and if you make her cry again I will be forced to act against you," I made sure to keep my calm composure. It wasn't hard really, the only person who had ever completely broken it was Andie.
"I forbid it," came the Captain's response.
"Excuse me?" I said, "And what makes you think you can forbid me from loving her?"
"Because I am Captain of this ship and if you choose not to listen to my orders I will have you discharged," Kirk's reaction was calm enough but I could hear his breath becoming ragged and his blood pumping in his veins.
"Well I am not going to stop so do what you have to do Captain."
