I fucking hate models. Three hours I spent waiting for two girls to turn up. Three fucking hours that I couldn't afford to lose! I'd planned to try and take a half day and do some work back at the flat instead of the studio, but with the disruption to my schedule I would have been lucky to be finished shooting before tea time. That was until one of the models, one that had been sitting around being pair for nothing for three hours, went and fell off the fucking stage so we had to cancel the shoot. I guess I should be careful what I wish for in the future. Except when I walk in to my flat, exhausted and grumpy, and find Naomi Campbell still sitting on my sofa, I wish as hard as I can that she'll just disappear.
I dump my bag and coat on the dining room table and go straight over to the fridge for a can of diet coke, completely ignoring her presence. I'm naively hoping that if I pretend she's not there she will actuallydisappear; which probably suggests I'm spending far too much time with Albert. My plan to ignore her fails when I take a seat beside her and she asks if I've had a good morning. As if she cares what kind of morning I've head. "I spent three hours waiting for two girls to turn up and then another one fell off the stage and chipped her tooth…Fucking models!" I pull out the pins keeping my hair up and run a hand through it to fluff it back up. I really can't be arsed to play nice with Naomi after the morning, especially when she starts sniggering like a fucking six year old.
I try my best to hold a scowl on my face but one look at Naomi's lips curled up in a smirk and the sound of her laughter and I can't help the small smile that creeps on to my face. I've got to admit, it does sound pretty funny, and I'd probably laugh too if it hadn't been such a stressful morning. "It's not funny!" I swat at her arm as she carries on laughing at me. "We were doing a fucking shoot for a toothpaste add!" Her bright blue eyes widen and her laughter turns to fits of giggles. It's practically infectious and I end up laughing along too.
We're still laughing when Effy walks in to the living room, her hair wet from being in the shower. She's wearing a conspiratorial smile as she sees the two of us laughing together on the sofa. I catch Naomi dipping her head; a blush spreading over her cheeks like Effy's just walked in on something. It makes me wonder what the two of them were talking about this morning while I was at work, babysitting life size Barbie dolls. "I should go." Naomi stands up to leave and for the second time in one morning I get my wish; once again it doesn't make me as happy as it should. She's trying to make a quick exit but Effy doesn't let her get away so easily.
"The guys are coming over for dinner tonight. Six o'clock sharp."Her tone leaves no room for the blonde to argue and she reluctantly agrees to come back tonight.
The second Effy comes back from seeing Naomi to the door she dives on to the sofa, jumping on me in the process. "Fuck sake Ef!" I try and push her away but despite being as skinny as a rake she's taller than me and digs her heels in to the side of the arm rest while her head finds my lap. Knowing I'm beat I give up and let her settle. "Soooo…" She starts with a smirk and I know I'm not going to like where this conversation is heading. "Your duvet's back on your bed. That was very hospitable of you Katie-kins!"
"Do one Elizabeth." I roll my eyes at her but she doesn't get the message and carries on pushing.
"So did you jump under the duvet with her for a quick one or-"
"Effy!" I pull the cushion I'm leaning on out from behind me and hit her with it; I'm probably a little more heavy handed than I mean to be, that's what happens when you spend your childhood whipping your little brother in to shape, but she gives as good as she gets when she snatches another pillow and starts hitting me back with it. We end up in a fit of laughter and by the time we've finished hitting one another I've almost forgotten why we started.
"She's looking good. I'd fuck her." Effy lays her head back down in my lap as I tuck my legs underneath me. I shake my head at her as she announces that little fact like she's telling me it's going to rain later. She's just trying to wind me up and it isn't going to work.
"You'd fuck anyone Ef."
"Even you." She agrees with a waggle of her eyebrows and I can't help but laugh. We've been down that road before, only once, and admittedly Effy is a good shag, but I have no intention of letting it happen again. She wasn't the first girl I'd been with, it's not like I shagged Effy and suddenly had an epiphany that I was gay or anything. I'd always kind of known, long before Emily was running around collecting her box of fannies and pining after Campbell. I'd always admired the older girls in school; always gravitated towards the popular beautiful girls like Effy. Emily and everyone else had presumed I was just trying to be cool and get in with a good crowd, no one had ever suspected the supposedly straight twin had fucked a girl before she was even sixteen. It was sort of an accident that first time. I was seeing this older guy and he wanted to have a threesome with a friend of his from uni. She was gorgeous and I was curious, so we did it; we even fucked a few times after I broke up with the bloke who was her friend.
So yes, I, Katie Fitch, am bi. Unlike my homo of a sister I don't feel the need to run around waving a fucking rainbow flag and telling everyone about it. It's my life and the people who need to know about it do. Naomi Campbell however is not one of those people, and that's how it's going to stay. Effy knows I've thought about fucking Naomi before, thanks to an unfortunate game of truth or dare that resulted in Effy pencilling in her shaved eyebrows for six months and me admitting I would fuck my twin's ex. We really need to stop drinking tequila.
"You knew she was coming back, didn't you?" I finally pull her since I never had time last night. From the impish smile I get in return I can guess the answer before she even opens her mouth.
"Cook might have mentioned it." I narrow my eyes at her as I push her away and get to my feet. I love the girl to bits but sometimes she can really piss me off.
"Thanks for telling me! Ems is coming home soon, what do you think she's going to say?"
"About what? You wanting to fuck Naomi?" She's only teasing me, I know she would never share that secret with anyone, but it riles me up and I'm already on a short fuse. I shout a string of obscenities at her as a I storm towards my room and slam the door behind me. She has the good sense not to try and come after me.
I lie on my bed and do some work on my laptop for a few hours before there's a gentle knock on my bedroom door. Effy sticks her head around the door, waving one of the white hand towels from the bathroom. I roll my eyes but close my laptop and scoot over, making space for her on the bed beside me. "Sorry munchkin." She presses her lips to my cheek and I accept her apology. In all honestly I stopped being mad at her hours ago. When you forgive someone for smashing your head in with a rock you can pretty much forgive them for anything. "So what are you wearing tonight?" I hadn't really thought about it. It's just another dinner party with the gang; with Naomi. Fuck. What I wear really shouldn't matter just because she's coming. Except it does, and I'm still fussing over what to wear an hour later when Cook and JJ turn up with Lara and Albert.
Lara sets up Albert's travel cot at the bottom of my bed as I fuss over two dresses. The shiny sequins on one of them catch Albert's attention and I decide to wear that one. Once I'm dressed I pick the little guy up and he gets his little hands on my necklace. Lara scorns him but I let him carry on playing as Lara continues struggling with the travel cot. It's supposed to just fold out and snap together but we always have trouble with it. "You ok?" She catches the vacant look on my face as I watch Albert playing with the bangles around my wrist. Despite not actually being related to the little boy he calls me Aunt Katie and I have him over so often that his travel cot is kept under my bed for when he stays.
I can't have kids of my own. Something to do with early menopause or some shit like that. I never really caught the science mumbo jumbo the day doctor told me I would never be a mother; I was too busy re-evaluating my entire life. I'd had it all planned since me and Emily were kids. We'd marry rich footballers, have loads of kids and live in big houses near each other. Then Emily had told the whole world she was a dyke and I couldn't have kids, so that was that. I more than make up for not being able to have kids of my own by spoiling Albert.
Surprisingly Lara and JJ seemed to work as a couple and she's slowly become part of the gang over the last two years. We grew quite close and along with Effy she's like a best friend to me now. Lara's ex, Albert's dad, died in an accident last year. I don't think the little guy even remembers him and JJ treats him like his own. We all do, especially his Aunt Katie who is always more than happy to take him for the night to give Lara and JJ some much needed alone time.
"Hmm? Fine." I lie and force a smile as she asks if I'm ok. I should probably tell her the truth, and admit I'm distracted because of Naomi being back in Bristol, but I just can't. Effy knowing is bad enough; though Lara only really met Naomi a handful of times, back when she and Emily had been at each other's throats over that dead girl, and she'll probably have a neutral opinion to offer me.
She gives me the same look she gives Albert when he tells her he hasn't had any sweets all day and I feel myself squirming under her gaze. I'm about to open my mouth and confide in her when the buzzer goes. No prizes for guessing who that will be. I leave Lara and Albert in my room and walk in to the hallway to press the button to open the downstairs security door. I stand at my front door waiting with my arms crossed for her to come up.
Fuck she looks good tonight. She's actually made an effort with her clothes and her hair is loose and curled. I've got to admit if she was a random in a club I'd go for her; but she's not. She's Naomi Campbell, the cheating ex-girlfriend of my twin sister and I remind myself of that fact as I scowl at her. "Late much?" I snap, because she really is looking stunning and if she notices I'm checking out her tits I will never live it down. Instead of rising to the bait and starting an argument she forces a smile on to her lips as she walks inside. "Aww, miss me?" She shoots back and I'm too distracted by her brushing past me to think of a quick comeback so I settle for calling her a bitch as I slam the door shut.
When I walk in to the living room she's busy saying hello to everyone and Lara is introducing her to Albert. The toddler takes one look at the stranger and his bottom lip begins to tremble. The toddle doesn't take kindly to new people. "Aww, is mean old Naomi scaring you?" I tease as I scoop him out of JJ's arms and rest him on my hip. He chirps straight up, his eyes lighting up.
"Gnome?" The toddler asks, looking between me and his mother. We just watched Gnomeo & Juliet yesterday and he instantly associates the blonde's name with the closest thing he can pronounce. Cook roars in laughter at what is surely going to be the blonde's new nickname.
Once I hand Albert back over to JJ I set about plating up dinner while Lara helps set the table. Before long the six of us are sat down at the dinner table, forcing small talk. Naomi stays quite quiet, like she's suddenly realised she's sitting at a table full of strangers and I guess in a way she is. Lara asks her twice what she's doing at uni before the blonde realises she's being spoken to.
"Oh, um, sorry. I'm doing a degree in Politics and a part time MA in Political Communications."
"So what is it you want to do when you finish?"
"I'm looking in to political journalism-" She tries to answer her but Albert starts crying. He's tired and cranky and most of his food has ended up smeared to his face or on the floor.
"Someone's tired." I pick Albert out of his high chair. He's still crying but he buries his face in to my shoulder and it smothers the noise a little. Lara offers to take him but I wave her off and let her carry on with her dinner. I've had enough of mine anyway and I don't mind an excuse to leave the table.
I take the toddler in to my room and wash the food from Albert's face before I change him in to his Bob the Builderpyjamas. As tired as he is he's fighting his sleep and starts crying again as I try to put him down in the cot. "Come on then trouble." I pick him up again, knowing exactly what he's crying for. I begin singing to him in French, my lips wrapping perfectly around the words of the lullaby Thomas taught me last year. Albert loves it. "Do do L'Enfant do, L'enfant dormira bien vite; Dodo, l'enfant do, L'enfant dormira bientôt..." I'm halfway through the song for a third time when he finally falls asleep. When I look up at the door I find Naomi watching me, wearing a curious expression. Ignoring her for the moment I finish the song as I place Albert down in his travel cot and wrap him up in the blankets.
"What was that?" She asks me in a whisper as she steps further in to my room. I tell her the name of the song that Thomas taught me and I'm surprised when she walks up to Albert's cot to stand beside me. "It's beautiful…you're really good with him." I find myself smiling as I brush a stray curl out of his sleeping face. He has the same curly hair as JJ, and despite not being his biological son he seems to look like him more and more every day. I'll never have that. I'll never have a child of my own.
I've had a few glasses of wine and it's been a hell of a long day. Everything's just getting on top of me as I feel tears pricking at my eyes. I don't really want to let Naomi see me cry but since she's standing right behind me I don't have much of a choice. I turn around, intending to snap at her simply for being there, but instead I see the look of pity in her eyes and it's all too much. Instead of berating her I wrap my arms around her and sob in to her stands there like a fucking robot for a moment before her arms wrap around me.
I eventually pull away from her and wipe at my eyes. My usual front slips back in to place and I play the role of mouthy bitch with ease. "You tell anyone about this and I'll fuck you up Campbell, yeah?" I hiss at her in a whisper so as not to wake up Albert. Once I'm satisfied she isn't going to tell anyone, and after one last check on Albert, I storm out of my room and head back to the living room. I take a seat beside Effy on the sofa and steal her wine from her. She takes in my smudged mascara and puffy eyes and doesn't say a word. When Naomi follows me back in a few moments later the only seat left is beside me on the sofa and I don't miss the smirk Effy sends her way. After a few more glasses of wine we're all pretty fucked and the more I drink the more I notice Naomi's thigh pressed up against mine on the sofa. It's sort of nice and I'm actually a little disappointed when Cook suggests going for a joint and the pressure against my thigh moves when she gets up. Fucking hell, get it together Fitch!
"Are you sure you're ok?" Lara asks me again after JJ calls it a night and goes to join Albert in my room. I'm bunking with Effy tonight so Lara and JJ can have my bed. I can think of someone else I'd rather be sharing a bed with tonight. Lara can read me pretty well, and though she doesn't know what Effy does she seems to be able to put all the pieces together. "Naomi is-"
"The lying bitch who cheated on mytwin." I snap the well-rehearsed line that's being running through my head all night. Lara lets it drop, but I can tell she's not fooled. I'm not even fooling myself.
She kisses my cheek and says goodnight before she joins JJ in my bed. I go in to Effy's room and change in to the bedclothes I put in there earlier. I'm not big on wearing stuff to bed, but I can put up with the shorts and vest for one night. After all if a stoned and drunk Effy wanders in to her room and finds me naked in her bed she'll think it's Christmas. I go back out in to the living room to check to see if Cook or Naomi are staying over, knowing Effy she's probably offered the blonde her bed just to annoy me. When the three of them come down from the roof where they've been smoking and chatting for the last half hour I don't miss the way Cook leers at my tits, or the way he winks at Naomi.
She tries to roll her eyes at him like he's being a pig, which he is, but I catch her looking me up and down and she doesn't catch a word when I ask her if she's staying over. I ask a second time, raising my voice and scowling, it seems to be the only way to get through to her.
"What?" She splutters and looks like she's just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She's stoned and her soft doe eyes still can't focus on my face, though they seem to have no trouble settling on other parts. "I uh…nothing. I wasn't doing anything-" "God you're fucking wasted." I shake my head at her and try to look down on her, though secretly I'm wondering whether I'd get away with crossing my arms and pushing my chest up without Effy realising what I was doing. Probably not to be honest.
"I said what are you doing? Staying or going?" I repeat the question she missed earlier and she still doesn't understand what I'm asking. God she's baked.
"Staying where?"
"Here you dozy cow. Are you staying over or going home?" I really hope she's going, because if she keeps looking at my chest I'm either going to slap her or put her fucking hand up my top just to get it out of the way. Of course that would be hard to explain away, not to mention Effy would never let it drop. Thankfully Naomi seems to get hold of her faculties and makes her excuses to leave. Effy follows her to the door and I'm left with just Cook ogling at my chest like a dirty old man.
"Fuck off Cook!" I cover my chest with my arms and send him a glare that would have any grown man quaking in his boots. Cook just laughs it off as he winks at me.
"Didn't mind Blondie looking, did ya?"
"Drop dead Cook." As come backs go it's not the wittiest, but I can't think of anything else to say. My brain is currently in my pants and I now know what it's like to be James Cook.
I go back in to Effy's room and climb in to her bed. Cook might be a tosser, but he's right. I didn't mind Naomi staring, and with the fucking ache between my legs right now I wouldn't mind her coming back to take a closer look either. Unfortunately when the bedroom door opens it's Effy that slips in to bed beside me. She shoots me that infuriating little smirk of hers and I know exactly what's coming. "Looks like you need to scratch an itch."
"Fat fucking chance." I huff at her, taking my frustration out on her. Don't get me wrong, Effy's a good shag, but that was a onetime thing, besides if Naomi is an itch then she's one I've learnt to ignore.
"You might have more of a chance than you think."
"Why, because if she squints her eyes she might think it's Emily she's fucking?" I growl out, in no mood for Effy's games. She's used to my sharp tongue though and laughs it off.
"Yeah, maybe if you can keep your mouth shut for five minutes."
"I don't want to fuck Naomi, ok? I don't even want to fucking see that bitch again!" I roll over to face away from her, in a shitty mood and sick of talking about Naomi. Effy scoots up behind me and presses her lips to my neck.
"Pity, because I think Naomi has an itch to scratch too…and it sure as fuck isn't Emily."
